They hadn't spoken in six months. Or even really looked at each other, for that matter- no eyes meeting in the halls, no smiling when they got to Glee rehearsals. Both of them had become experts at avoiding eye contact, him out of anger and her out of guilt, and as their Junior year began, she was early to Glee, sitting at the piano bench picking out a melody, and her back was turned to him, her hair in loose curls down her back. It was longer, he noticed, and he could see the strands that normally would have fallen in front of her face pinned neatly with a clip. Everything about her was as perfect as he had always remembered- everything in its place, because on the inside, she was falling apart.
"Hey."
Her fingers froze and he could see her shoulders tense as she turned around slowly.
"Hi."
He walked farther into the room, setting his backpack down next to a plastic chair and sitting down. She shifted to face him, her eyes downcast.
"How was your summer?" she asked, her voice quiet and nervous, the voice she'd used when he picked her up for their first date.
"Pretty good." He answered, scratching an imaginary itch on his forearm. "Played video games, some basketball. Worked. We finished moving in with the Hummels, so…I've got my own room now."
"Oh. That's good. So is your mom…"
"Getting married? Yeah." They'd always been able to talk without words, and she was taken aback that he could still finish her sentences.
"That's cool, tell her congratulations. I mean, are you okay with it?"
"Yeah. It took a while, but Kurt's dad is pretty cool, and I don't have to share a room with Kurt anymore, so…it's good. I don't have to listen to his music. Patti Lusomething."
She smirked, looking at him for the first time.
"How was yours?" he asked, and she sighed.
"Fine. Moved back in with my mom, and…my parents finalized their divorce, so…"
"'I'm sorry."
"I'm…not."
She skimmed her fingers over the keys of the piano silently, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"You play piano now?"
"Sort of. I don't take lessons or anything, I was just bored a lot this summer and figured out some songs. It's stupid that we even had a piano, now that I think about it. I didn't play, my sister doesn't play, it just looked good in the corner of our living room." She laughed dryly, "That's just like my mom, to use an instrument as a decoration."
"Would you…teach me something?"
Her eyes met his for the first time, her mouth open as if she was going to question him, then she nodded slowly. "Okay."
She sat up straighter and he pulled his chair up closer to the piano, watching as she laid her fingers over the keys.
"Playing a scale is easy," she said, "Here."
She pressed her fingers to the keys, eight notes in a row, and he tried to copy her, fumbling as he tried to cross his thumb under. A giggle escaped her lips, noticing that his clumsiness in almost everything else applied here, too.
"Here, your thumb goes under once you get here." she reached out, moving his hand.
They froze, her hand lingering over his, and he looked down at her, her eyes as wide as his.
"Finn, I-"
The door swung open, letting in the cacophony of voices talking in the hallway, and Mercedes' laugh rang out as she and Kurt entered the room. She ripped her hand from his, staring straight down at the keys as he became extremely involved with his already tied shoelace.
The laughing stopped, and he turned to see the looks of confusion on Mercedes' and Kurt's faces.
"Hi guys."
Finn managed a smile as Quinn stayed silent, focused on looking down, and none of them said anything else as the rest of the club filing in, their excited conversations filling the silence and awkwardness that had enveloped them.
XXX
He saw her at the door to the school before the first Cheerios practice of the year, tightening her ponytail and straightening her skirt, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves as she pushed the handle, opening the door to the practice field.
"Quinn," he called, smiling when she whipped around to face him, "You look good."
She smiled, nodded, and jogged towards the field, all sense of nervousness seeming to fall away.
XXX
By October, they had crossed the line of awkward acquaintances back into being friends, and Quinn had finally relaxed around him, not letting her guilt control the way she acted. They were standing at his locker as he gathered his books, getting ready to study for tomorrow's Spanish test at her house that afternoon.
"Are you sure this is okay?" she asked, leaning against the locker door beside his.
"I told you, Rachel's fine with it. We're just studying, there's no reason for her to worry."
A pause.
"Right?"
A startled look came into her eyes as she wondered how to respond, and when she couldn't confirm or deny, his eyes widened.
"Oh…Quinn-"
"No, no, you're right. There's nothing to worry about."
She wouldn't look at him, and he suddenly felt absolutely awful looking at the eyes that told him he'd just broken her heart, as hard as she was trying to hide it. He shouldn't feel this way, he told himself, there's no reason he should be concerned about her feelings after what she did to him. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he regretted it. In all honesty, he couldn't hate her even with his hardest efforts, and he'd stopped being angry at her long ago.
"Look, Quinn…look at me."
She lifted her head, looking absolutely mortified. He lowered his voice as much as he could.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you."
A glimmer of hope flashed across her face before she could control it.
"But you know as well as I do that we can't just jump back into this. There's so much…so much between us, and it's going to take awhile. I have Rachel and I don't really know what's going on with her, but I can't give up on that yet. And I want to be friends with you, because I still care about you even if I tried not to for a long time. So…we can't. You know we can't."
"I…I understand."
He shut his locker and they walked out the door, headed towards the parking lot. As she opened the passenger side door, he looked at her over the car's roof.
"Just…don't give up yet, okay?"
She opened her mouth, then closed it, then nodded. "Okay."
XXX
Glee club was boarding the bus for sectionals, the sun barely up as they sat in the empty school parking lot. Rachel's dads had driven her the night before, because she insisted on scoping out the performance space and the competition, and updating them all on it via text continuously throughout the evening. He turned off the volume on his phone around one, deciding that the text about one of the other teams using a red and black color scheme for their costumes was the last straw. He had gotten there at the last minute, sleeping until the latest point possible. As he stepped on the bus, he noticed the pairs of his friends sitting together, and then Quinn sitting alone towards the front, talking to Mercedes and Kurt across the aisle. It was either with her or by himself, and although things had been slightly off between them since that day in the hall, he didn't want to spend three hours sitting across the aisle from Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury.
"Hey, can I sit here?" he asked, and her eyes lit up.
"Of course!"
He joined into their conversation and everything was seemingly back to normal- or as normal as it could be with Kurt's rant on the opposing team's use of stirrup pants in their costumes- until an hour into the ride, when the adrenaline had started to wear out and the effect of a relatively sleepless night for all of them kicked in. The bus was quiet, most of the team listening to ipods or closing their eyes, and Finn was doing the same until he felt something fall onto his arm. He opened his eyes to see that Quinn had fallen awkwardly into him, leaning at an uncomfortable angle with one of her earbuds hanging, fallen out.
He should ignore it, he kept telling himself, but he could see how uncomfortable her position was, and it wouldn't be a good start to sectionals for her to be stiff all day. At least, that was the excuse he gave himself when he delicately pulled the other earbud out and put the ipod in her bag that sat on the floor. He snaked the arm she had fallen on around her shoulders, pulling her closer. She shifted in her sleep, snuggling herself into his side and resting her head in the crook of his arm. He tensed and his eyes searched the rest of the bus, only to see that no one was even slightly looking at them.
He gave in and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, resting his cheek on it as he closed his own eyes.
"Finn. Finn, wake up." He felt a strong hand shaking the shoulder towards the aisle, and he shifted, opening his eyes.
"What…" he said groggily, turning to see Mr. Schue squatting next to his seat.
"We're here. Everyone else is off the bus, let's go."
"Oh…oh!" he exclaimed, realizing what he was saying.
"Quinn, wake up, we're here." He shook her gently, feeling awkward with Mr. Schuester standing in the aisle, waiting for them.
"Hmm?" she wiped at her eyes with her head still laying on his chest, blinking them open to see Finn looking at her.
"Hi." She smiled, voice tired with sleep.
"We're…um, here." He said, shifting uncomfortably. She looked around, the smile leaving her face when her eyes reached Mr. Schuster.
"Oh. Um, okay, let's go." She pulled herself away from him slowly, her embarrassment clear as she gathered her things. As they walked off the bus and followed their team inside the building, she turned to him.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."
"It's okay, it was…nice." He kicked himself inside because he wasn't supposed to say things like that to her, and they both looked away, smiling to themselves.
Will walked behind them, smiling and shaking his head before taking Emma's hand, because he had been there not too long ago, and he wished he could tell them that it would all work out.
XXX
Rachel and Finn broke up in March, because she needed to focus on her career and next year's college auditions, and she didn't want it to drag down their relationship. What she didn't say was that things hadn't been right for awhile, but he let her excuse slide off his tongue when people asked what happened.
He was sitting with Quinn in his living room one Friday night, the rest of his family out doing whatever it was they did on weekends- he never asked- and they were watching a movie, her choice. After all this time, he still couldn't say no to whatever she asked him.
A moment of silence came as the credits started, and both of them attempted to talk at the same time.
"Can you pass the popcorn?"
"I love you."
He turned to her, eyes wide, and she looked absolutely mortified.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I blurted that out, I just-"
"Did you mean it?"
"What?"
He looked into her eyes, asking again, "Did you mean it?"
She took a deep breath before answering, "Yes."
They paused, the credits ending and leaving them in silence.
"Well… I love you too."
He didn't let give her time to respond before pressing his lips onto hers, and suddenly he felt better, realizing that he'd never stopped loving her, even after a year and everything that had come with it.
When they walked into school on Monday, he could feel her nervousness as she took his hand in hers.
"Stop worrying," He said, smirking, "Who cares what anyone says?"
She took a deep breath and nodded, allowing herself to smile, because for the first time since she'd entered high school, she honestly didn't.
You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first, I loved you first…