Summary: Edward cheers Bella up for the holidays. Santa Claus does roleplay? Smut warning. OOC/AH.
Author's Note: If you don't do well with a sarcastic, cursing Bella, this story is not for you. I did say this was OOC.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Except the plot, and god how I hope Jacksper.
Is it a bad idea not to show up at work on the 23rd of December?
I bet it is. Especially for a person who has to hand out cards and candy to all the children they see. Oh, Edward was in some deep shit.
It definitely is a bad idea to leave me, Bella Swan, alone with at least 30 other toddlers who probably believe in Santa. Hell, it's a case of suicide and homicide put together. But intentional murder fit the bill, since it wasn't my decision altogether.
That Edward Masen was going to pay. Big time. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with gazillions of little fucktarded kids? My job sucks. Big ball'd cocks, and not in the good way. Being a librarian, trying to do some good for the hell-bent destitute, bastardly community I lived in sucks.
And it doesn't help that your coworker is a damn man who is oblivious to the damn fact that he is a millimeter away from being the object of fucking perfection. No pun intended.
I was going to kill Masen after my little personal Reign of Terror with these mini French citizens running around, screaming for Santa. And Charlie wonders why I hated 'Elf'?
The decision was final – I was going to be a lost soul and haunt Edward Masen until the day he dies. Maybe some teenage girls would sit in the middle of their cul-de-sac and perform a séance for me to do exactly that.
The devils all sat in the ground, talking to each other, throwing Doritos and having fun while I gawked at them, trying to imagine myself sitting in utter isolation. Children scared the crap out of me. Having living, breathing anemic lumps of flesh pop out of my vajayjay just petrified me. It seemed like a good enough reason not to have sex. All children do is eat, sleep, cry and poop. That's all they are capable of. Damn living dolls. I'm not antisocial; don't get me wrong – I have friends. I just hate kids and Masen at the moment.
The room's phone rang and I jerked out of my trance. I stood up, trying to find my way across the room towards the beige piece of crap.
"Hello?" I muttered into it.
"Well hey!" Monica chirped up. She was the student volunteer librarian. She was a cool kid, a bit on the psychotic side, but hey isn't everybody?
"Bella, I'm sending help. Santa's coming to the rescue," she said, and I could vividly picture her smiling.
"I'm in love. When we go to college, remind me of today, and I'll throw you an orgy fest with all hot guys!" I told her. My voice was entwined with the vines of sarcasm. I hoped she got the memo.
"Oops, Josh just left for lunch break. I've gotta go take over. Have fun with Santa!" she exclaimed on the phone. Apparently she didn't.
Little kids and Santa? Oh hell no. This was great. Like the Tony the Tiger great. With the hyperbolic exaggeration on grrrrr.
"Ho ho ho! Merry early Christmas!" a supposed jolly man walked into the room. I looked at the fat guy in fear. He wouldn't leave me alone after just looking at the menacing little buggers, would he?
Hey, wait a minute… I've seen that fat guy before, oh wait hold on… he isn't really fat.
"Edward?" I squinted my eyes to meet his. It was hard to do so with the mob of kids jumping up and some; some hyperventilating.
"No stupid, that's Santa!" a boy with red hair and blue eyes looked at me. I tried my best to give him a death glare, but I don't think it looked like one.
"No shitting Santa has those orgasmic qualities," I muttered under my breath, turning around. Santa seemed to catch that and he looked at me strangely.
"What? Are you on pot again?" I asked, my voice a few octaves higher with sarcasm, "Don't worry darling. Mrs. Santa can arrange for rehab."
Okay, so I was physically attracted to the man. Who the hell wasn't? I was pretty damn sure he'd make any straight man fly under the rainbow with those eyes of his.
"Why don't you find Santa a seat?" he walked over to me, completely ignoring the herd of children attached to his legs. I wanted to end this conversation as fast as I could, so I turned the way, giving him the only seat available. My key to isolation had finally arrived.
"Why, thank you, now who want to be Santa's little helper?" he asked the rush of children whose heads were screaming me!
More like Santa's little whore… I thought. Edward once again shot me a curious glare. What, was he able to read my mind now?
"Let's go with you," he pointed to the same kid who called me stupid. I let out an outward groan, and slumped back against the fucking wall.
"What's your name?" Edward asked the kid.
"My name's Michael! And I'm going tell my mom I met Santa even before she took me to meet him! This is sooo cool!" Michael squealed like a pig on crack. I snorted, how unladylike of me.
A line of colorful heads began to form in order to meet with Edward, while I leaned against the wall.
A little girl who looked to be around five came up to Edward and whispered something in his ear which I couldn't catch. Yeah, thanks monster spawns. How I couldn't eavesdrop on the victim of physical attraction dismayed me ohso much.
Edward pointed towards me and the girl began walking to me.
"Hey lady, Santa told me to ask you if Santa was real or not. My brother said that Santa's a role play kinda guy," she asked me. My mind instantly splashed into the filthy gutters surrounding my brain. Santa Roleplay? Wow, I never would've guessed. I looked at her, and then glared towards Edward.
So I hated children, it didn't mean that I was heartless and going to break that girl's heart.
"Um… Santa's real if you want him to be real," I said, trying to avoid lying yet not telling her the wholesome truth either.
"What if I don't care," she piqued back up with that nasally soprano voice of hers which was annoying me so much. Could she not be like the other children and just jump on his lap and be content? I know that if I had a chance to sit on that Santa's lap, I wouldn't be questioning his existence. Damn this girl's curiosity.
"Then why do you care if Santa's real or not?" I was peeved. And at the moment, she was my biggest pet peeve.
"I don't. Santa told me to ask you that," she said with a hmph and walked away, her blond curls bouncing. Did he enjoy my misery? It sure as hell seemed like it. I slumped against the wall and covered my pained face with my palms. Through the space between my fingers, I stared at Edward.
He looked so…perfect, handing out candy to children. His face was smiling and it warmed my heart up. Maybe he was my eye candy. Hell, I had a sweet eye for him then!
He must've caught me staring because he turned to me, and I felt my face turn crimson. Yet again. Why couldn't I be a frog? Stupid warm blooded humans.
He stood up and walked over to me. "Bella? You're always so pessimistic," he said. It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes, I am. I'm glad to see you put your mind to some good use after all," I hugged my knees with my open arms. I eyed his hat, with the fuzzy white tail hanging down, around his neck. I had the sudden urge to just play with it.
"Let's try to cheer you up for the holidays then," he suggested, as if he was really going to accomplish that task. Don't get me wrong, to Santa – every task seemed mundane.
He told the kids that Santa had to go and took last minute requests for their wish lists and left. He came back within a few minutes in a red button down shirt and faded denim jeans.
I looked at him, and then looked at myself, in my simple clothing. The children didn't even seem to notice his arrival. It wasn't the case with me – the moment his scent –it was a collaboration of peppermints and pine trees— seemed to accompany the room, my heart weighed a thousand times heavier.
Earlier this evening, when I entered the library, Monica was sitting at the children's desk, nibbling at her Twix bar. She eyed me curiously when she heard me groan.
"What's the matter?" she asked me.
"I can't smell him!" I whined, frustrated with my obsessive qualities.
"Of course you can't! He hasn't been entered!" she placed the half eaten Twix bar neatly on the napkin, and then turned to look at me.
"I know. I feel so pathetic. I mean, really? His smell turns me on! Could I get more humiliated?" I sat down the computer seat, moving the mouse so the computer screen showed up.
"Yes, you can. What if he heard this? His smell turns you on Bella? Really, silly Bella," she giggled, and then came around to hug me, "I have to go to the checkout counter, they need a sub for Josh. Take care; don't go sniffing around the library for his smell!"
Monica stood up, and walked out of the children's section. I stole her Twix bar, and snapped it in half. I needed to get hyper if I was dealing with fucking toddlers tonight.
***
Edward broke me out of my pensive thoughts. I glanced up at Edward, in his polished clothes and looked at myself again. I was wearing gray jeans with a green henley that someone told me I looked good in. I think it was Charlie. Well, Charlie makes subtle comments like that in vain hope to try to evoke some conversation. Neither of us were really loquacious.
Edward walked over and sat down next to me. Oh god, his scent was over powering my senses. I noticed he still had his Santa hat on. Damn, the white fur ball hanging from the end was enticing. That was one fine hat.
"So how are you going to cheer me up?" I asked him. He turned to look at me; but then looked away, so that the puff ball at the end of his hat hit my cheek. I instantly blushed again. For nearly the hundredth time that night. The feather from the cotton ball stuck at my lips. Great, what the fuck just happened?
"Oh, sorry, let me get them," Edward turned around and his cold sexy fingers touched my lips barely touching the feathers. He traced my lips with that finger. I was to bite it so bad. I was really having control issues.
He seemed to regain his composure and the tracing of my jaw began. His unoccupied hand moved around to my waist and pulled me in. He moved my face against his and our lips touched. I think the feather magically disappeared from my lips. He froze when I did nothing. I think I must have been in some kind of shock stage, because why the fuck wasn't I kissing Edward back?
My hands went from being limb to around his shoulder and pulling him in, towards me. Our lips collided once again and I felt more heat this time. God, he tasted just good as he smelled. Except he did taste like peppermints. Oh, hot damn, that was a huge turn on.
His bottom lip slightly nibbled at my bottom one, as if asking for entrance. Who was to I deny what was his? If this sex god wanted my lip, he could fucking own it!
We both stayed like that, our lips locked, for some time, and I felt his tongue snake in my mouth. I was having second thoughts about this, but I didn't want to stop kissing this excuse of a man. By now, I was positive he was god. I pulled back faintly and pecked his cheek. He sat motionless, like a statue.
I had an epiphany. So I wasn't to have tongue-on-tongue action, but the next best thing. Edward stayed next to me, and took his Santa hat off, which caused me to pout. That was a damn sexy hat. I didn't want that sexy hat off that sexy man.
"Keep it on. It looks sexy," I whined. As if that was going to do anything.
"Why?" he asked, annoyed. How could he go from kissing me to being annoyed be in less than one minute?
Maybe it was the tongue. Yes, blame it on the tongue, Bella.
Maybe I had bad breath. Oh yes, I forgot my tictacs. Oh shit, they were the cherry ones! Damn, I miss my fucking exotic cherry tictacs.
He took the hat from his lap and placed it on the other side of himself.
I wanted that hat on Edward and I was going to do whatever it took to keep that hat on him.
I shifted my body across his and picked up the hat by the fur ball. I smiled and I put the hat on him. I stayed on his lap, and I leaned in very slowly, holding his chest. No hair, that's a good thing. My legs were both at one side, and my torso was shifted uncomfortably to face his.
I felt my face flare up, and I looked at him. His face stayed the same, except for those damn orgasmic eyes. They were fucking smiling. I leaned my head in for another kiss, but his hands found their way to my hips. He lifted up one leg and placed it across his body so that I was straddling him. My forehead leaned against his and our noses collided.
My feet locked across his back, and damn it, this was the last time I was going to try any new moves. One wrong move and he would be able to tell how much I was fucking turned on by this inhumane creature I was sitting on.
I tiled my head to the side and our lips locked again for the third time that night. All my worries about tongue, bad breath went away and I was only capable of thinking about one thing, and that I was sitting on Edward fucking Masen's lap. And hell, he had a damn boner. From me, Bella fucking Swan!
I shifted my bottom a little, and Edward let out a small grunt. Oh that sounded so amazing. And I was the cause of that! I moved my bottom, grinding it a bit to appease him. Every movement that I did was a catalyst that evoked a moan from him. All the time, I was mentally hurraying and partying.
Edward's hands around me waist tightened a bit, while I reciprocated the gesture. We were still lip locked, in a room full of toddlers watching some Christmas movie.
His tongue snuck out again, and traced my bottom lip. I wasn't going to stop him. I opened my mouth just a bit, and his tongue instantly collided with mine. Our tongues danced together, and soon enough I was tired. Apparently, Edward was too, because his hands were inching up my henley. They stopped around the top of my jeans, as if asking for my permission. I nodded my head, still lip locked with Edward.
His fingers were amazing as they looked. They rubbed circles around my hip, and slid around my back once again. In no time, his fingers reached the back of my bra strap. I was more than surprised when he snapped the bra open in less than three fucking seconds.
There I was, sitting on him with my bra open, but I was still in my shirt. I finally tore my mouth away from his, and leaned my mouth against his ear and whispered, "How about we take this to the Foreign Poetry section?"
Edward's hands froze and I suddenly became aware of how cold they were against my burning skin. He merely nodded his head. I stood up, flustered as ever, and patted down my mess of hair. Edward soon followed my lead, and I lead us out of the toddler crib onto the fiction, and then down left. We soon reached the poetry section, and we spied an old lady there, looking through some poems. Deciding the foreign poetry was best, Edward slammed me against the shelf, and I could definitely feel my soaking panties. They were intensely wet due to the god who was ravaging my mouth this evening.
His mouth attacked mine for what seemed the tenth time this evening, and I was more than happy to return the passion. Our tongues met up with each other, and he grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling it off the top of my head, breaking out kiss.
His hands went back to the bra, which remained unsnapped. He antagonizingly slipped off the strips, and then took a step back, breaking our heated kiss once again. It didn't take me more than a few seconds to realize that he was staring at me. Well, my breasts, specifically, then by instinct, my hands went over to cover myself. My whole upper body was in a permanent fixation of red.
"Don't." he simply stated, and I felt my hands go limp to the sides. He cupped my left breast with one hand, teasing the nipple with his pointer finger. I bit my lip, trying to be as quiet as possible. We were in the poetry section, after all. His other hand soon followed suit and they both were kneading my breast, treating it special. I could feel my nipple harden, with Edward's cold hand, and the air, it really wasn't that hard to accomplish.
"Jesus Bella. Your fucking tit is perfect," he whispered in my ear. The hot breath around my ear turned me on even more. I imagined that hot breath around several other places of my body, and I wanted it there. Jesus, was there anything about this man that didn't manage to turn me on?
I managed out a simple moan under the circumstances, and pushed my torso out. He switched one hand to the right breast, and soon, he was playing with both my nipples. He went down on his knees, so that his hair was right around my shoulders, and took the left nipple into his mouth. I nearly screamed out in pure ecstasy. His mouth was just so perfect. My hands found their way around to his hair, and I tried to push him into my boob, but he just licked and nipped at the nipple. After a while, he pulled his head back and stared at his masterpiece, my nipple adorned with his saliva. Soon after, the second one followed suit.
His hands went down to my jeans, and opened the button, he tugged at the belt loop, causing it fall slightly. I shimmied my way out my jeans, only to find myself almost naked while Edward was still fully clothed. I pushed my hips out to him, and he stood up. I tugged at the button at the very top of his shirt and soon after all of the buttons were undone. I slid the shirt down his torso, only to find myself completely transfixed by his fucking amazing chest.
"Like what you see?" he chuckled, I blushed at that and nodded. I decided to be bolder and kissed his neck, and then his collar bone, and so on. My fingers soon found their way to the hem of his jeans, and I slid the jeans off with his boxers as well in one swift motion, wanting to get straight to the point. I openly stared at his massive cock with no restraints.
"I think I like this even more though," I managed to whisper out. I saw that my own hand reached out to touch the tip of it, and Edward suck in a breath. I ran circles at the tip, and held the shaft with my open hand. Soon after, my hand was running up and down Edward's cock and he was breathing heavily.
Edward held my hand at the wrist, and pulled it away from his enormous dick. He shook his head, and then took his fingers to the hem of my panties. It was then that I heard a chuckle.
"What?" I glared up at him, trying to figure out what was so amusing. I looked down and I instantly regretted it. I was wearing the girl panties. I really hadn't planned on freaking screwing Masen six different ways from Sunday tonight, so I just threw on whatever was clean. The cotton panties were green with blue flowers printed over it. I looked away from both the embarrassing barrier from him and me.
Edward pulled the panties down in a second, and he knelt in front of my crotch. I felt a blast of cold air against my nether regions and I took a breath. Edward looked at my sex, and his face began inching closer and closer to it. He licked the outer lips, and then with his tongue, he probed inside, and I could feel his tongue examining my insides with such a passion. His hand instantly went to my clit, and he started flicking it insanely. With his tongue inside me and his finger playing me, I was on the verge of coming. He then took his tongue out and licked my pussy clean, savoring the taste apparently.
"Liked what you ate?" I smirked against him, yet I was completely worn out, and leaning against the shelf. Edward shot me a playful glare, and then he stood up, positioning myself with him.
Before coming up, he grabbed his jeans, and took out a wallet with a condom in it. He took the rubber material out of its foil packet, and quickly sheathed his dick with it. He placed his dick near my pussy, and I was mesmerized by his face. It already had beads of sweat trickling down his face, yet it was almost ten degrees outside. I was probably in the same condition.
He looked at me, and I just nodded. Swiftly, he placed the whole length of himself in me, and I took a gasp. It was like he was meant for me.
Edward let out a groan and I looked at him. "Bella! You are so fucking tight!" he almost spoke too loudly.
He just stayed like that, with his head placed at my shoulder, both of us were breathing heavily. I grinded my hips against his, trying to signal him to move. Apparently, he caught on pretty quickly and shoved himself in my again and again and again. Soon after, his hand went down to my clit again and flicked it intensely. I bit his ear to stifle my moans, mainly because it was the closest thing to me.
A few moments later, I stared out into space, and my head burst into space. I felt my insides tighten and he paused his shoving for a second. I could feel him pulsing inside of me, and that was the final straw. The knots were unleashed, and all of my bodily fluids came down, and leaned back against the shelf.
Edward wasn't finished; he kept ramming himself into me, with one of his hand constantly on my clit, and the other on my hip.
With one final push, I felt myself surrounding him, and he released his cum into me. By the end, we were both panting like crazy, and my legs were fucking coated in our juices.
Edward shot his head up, and looked behind the shelf. Chuckling, he pointed towards something, but I couldn't turn to see, because he was still inside me.
"What?" I asked, hoping that it wouldn't be something too funny because then I was going to choke.
"The old lady? Back in the English poetry? She's been staring at us from behind three shelves the entire time," he whispered into my ear. My eyes darkened, and I soon realized what happened. *
"Well, let's entertain her even more," I smiled at him. Because he was still inside me, I felt his dick twitch and instantly go hard. So he liked to play dirty? This Bella ain't all pure.
"I take it you're into voyeurism?" he asked huskily, his hands on my hips. He slided himself out of me, and I whimpered at the loss. When I looked down, he was hard once again, but this time, he was covered in both our juices. Knowing that lady was watching, he knelt down and licked my legs wherever the juices had flown out of me. All this time, my pussy ached just to be touched, and his mouth inched up my thigh.
"Jesus, Edward. Just fucking do it," I muttered, quiet enough so only he could hear.
He laughed, and his laugh sent vibrations throughout my body. I moaned, and wrapped my thighs around his neck, forcing him to lick me where I wanted him the most.
His breath tickled my outsides, and his nose moved against my clit casing more friction. His tongue finally licked the outer lips and then kissed them. The process was repeated a couple of times, and I was granted more pleasure each time. I felt the familiar knots rise up again in the pits, and I slowly gyrated my hips to his face. The shelf that I was leaning on began to shuffle, and then I realized that Edward's knees were supporting both of us. I felt selfish; only consumed by my pleasures when I noted that his massively hard cock began to leak some pre cum out.
It wasn't long before I came, but when I came, I let out a somewhat loud scream. If that didn't get the lady's attention, I would wonder if she was deaf.
I slowly lifted myself off of Edward's shoulders, and laid him down. I took his cock in my hands, and ran a finger down the slit. I lifted myself so that my hole was placed over his, and I instantly rammed down on him. He let out a breathless grunt and one hand reached up towards my boob. This time, the pleasure was emanating from me to him; I was the giver and he was the receiver.
Each time I slid down, he seemed to reach an unknown that sent me to a plethora of pleasure, but I'm sure he felt the same. My eyes remained closed for some time, but when I did open them, I saw his never ending emerald eyes gazing into mine. I smiled a bit, and then slid down again, except this time, I forced my insides to clench around him, Jesus this man was so hard to please!
Edward let out a small grunt and finally released his cum into me, for the second time that night. He laid frozen against the ground, and my body was sprayed across, a top of his. He smiled and looked down on me, but our bodies were still adjoined.
"Well hey. We cheered the old lady up too. We're just spreading cheer to everyone!" he laughed against my cheek. Guess we were.
A/N: * I was going to end the story there. But I decided smut was quintessential. Oh, right Happy Birthday Monica. Jacksper in a birthday suit to people who get the Shakespeare reference. Here's a hint, Capulet calls Juliet this. (in Romeo and Juliet)