Author's Note: So I had this idea for a one shot and I couldn't get it out of my head. I mean it, I couldn't write a chapter for my other story or go to bed. So I decided that it would be best to get the story out of my head and onto paper. It ended up being around 10,000 words and I couldn't find any place I thought was decent enough to make different chapters. This does follow the events of the war (although the don't matter) but not the 19 years later. Characters might seem OOC but it is all a part of the story. People go through traumatic events and they change, they struggle to remain or re-find themselves. This is my story about Hermione attempting to heal herself after she is left broken by war and her own decisions.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters. I am not JK Rowling, if I was Sirius would be alive and Draco would have played a much bigger role. I am making no money of this story it's really just for fun.
Warnings: Some sexual content. (The story is rated M just as a precaution, I personally don't consider any of the content too detailed.) There is also minor cussing through the story.
Hermione groaned as she sat up in bed. Her body was clammy from the heat making her push the large white comforter off her naked body. She wiped her fingers under her eyes and could see a large amount of black residue from her makeup the night before. She wasn't sure if her body or her head hurt worse as she swung her feet onto the floor of the bedroom.
With another groan she pushed herself off the bed, swaying as she tried to find her footing. On the ground beside her feet was her button up blouse from the night before. Without thinking she picked it up and pushed her arms through the sleeves. She didn't both buttoning it was she stumbled through the room. She walked over to the door, lying on the ground were her jeans and purse.
Hermione stared at the jeans pondering what to do next. For the life of her she couldn't remember if she had even worn underwear the night before, let alone where she might have thrown them in the room. With a quick glance around she could see her bra hanging from one of the posters of the bed. She pulled her jeans up, almost falling from her attempt at balancing on one foot, and quickly grabbed her bra shoving it into her purse.
She buttoned her blouse as she looked at the man in the bed. The night before had been quite a blur and she couldn't remember what he looked like. From what she could see the man was tan with dark hair. The image of dark blue eyes jumped into her mind with a small glimmer of remembrance.
With all the buttons done on her shirt Hermione ran a hand through her wild hair and opened the bedroom door. Her hand got stuck between the knots and curls but she pushed on. With the bedroom door closed firmly behind her she tried to steady herself.
"Fuck."
At the age of twenty nine her alcohol tolerance had two levels, feeling nothing and completely blacked out. She could only assume the man was a muggle, as the last thing she remembered was being at a new club in muggle London. Looking through her purse she found her wand and was satisfied that if she had left anything behind it was nothing more than a pair of underwear that she certainly wouldn't miss.
With a small pop she was gone, the muggle man's flat a vague memory. Her own flat's living room felt much more comforting to her. The morning sun was blocked, not allowing anything to get through the windows, for the first time that morning she was able to fully open her eyes.
"Hermione."
With a scream she jumped back, her own sounds making her head pound. She turned to see Ginny sitting quietly on the living room couch. The red head was still in her pajamas, as if she had been waiting up all morning for the brunette's return.
"What do you need Ginny?" Hermione asked, desperately wanting to call her 'Red' but controlling herself to prevent a fight.
"Mum wants to know if you're coming to the Burrow tonight. Harry would like you to be there, everyone would really, but Harry wants you to see the kids."
Hermione thought about the request. She had been invited to the Burrow at least once a week since she was young. Though since her and Ron's split she avoided the large family functions as much as possible. Harry knew just how to get her though, she hadn't seen the kids in ages and he knew she would feel guilty.
"Why tonight?" her voice was raspy as it tried to recover from the night before.
"We have Friday night dinner every week, Hermione. You would know that if you paid any attention."
Ginny was stern, but her face was even worse. Hermione wanted to laugh, thinking that if the younger girl had wanted she could kill with her stare. Younger… it was odd to think of Ginny as younger. She had kids and responsibilities, a husband and family who depended on her.
"Tell me a time. Don't see why you had to rush over here in the morning to ask, couldn't even be bothered with real clothes."
"You're trying to condemn me for my clothes? Have you even looked in a mirror lately, Hermione you look like you've been living in a trashcan. Clean yourself up before you come over tonight." Ginny turned towards the fireplace as if she was going to leave but at the last second she turned around, "Just so you know, if you aren't sober you will not see a single child."
Hermione had thought about making a joke that she would be sure to show up drunk then, but thought better of it. Ginny seemed truly angry with her and it was better to not push the fiery red head. She watched Ginny step into the fireplace without so much as a goodbye. Hermione had barely heard her yell out 'six' as she disappeared into the flames.
The only thing Hermione found herself wanting to do was crawl into her own bed to go back to sleep, but with a look at the clock she realized just how late it was. Almost one and she had barely been awake for twenty minutes. With the dinner only hours away she thought it would be best to clean herself up, after all as much as she wanted to joke she did care about seeing the kids.
Hermione's bathroom was small but she had a nice claw foot tub, which she took advantage of often. The mirror in the bathroom spoke the same truth Ginny had bellowed at her just minutes before, she looked like an absolute mess. Despite wiping a large amount of liner off when she woke, she still had large black rings of eye liner around her eyes. Mascara seemed to be smeared down her cheeks and the bright red lipstick she had donned the night before had smudged around her lips.
Her outfit no longer looked as put together. When she had left her flat the night before she looked nice, maybe even too stuffy for the club she was going to. In the morning light the blouse seemed see through, giving Hermione a nice look at her braless boobs. Her jeans still looked fine, although she could smell the stink of spilled alcohol on them. It was only then, as she was slowly getting undressed that she realized she had never grabbed her shoes from the man's room. Her brown leather boots were most likely gone for good.
Hermione finally peeled the last piece of clothing from her body and started to fill the tub with water. She grabbed a makeup remover from her cabinet and scrubbed at her face. The water wasn't close to full so she also brushed her teeth and did her best to brush out her hair.
When it was finally full she emerged herself in the hot water, wincing at the extreme temperature of the water. Even just being in the water made her feel more clean than she had been in a week. Ginny certainly had a point, Hermione would have been in no shape to see the kids. She was growing far too old for her lifestyle, but it was like an addiction she had trouble quitting. Every night it seemed easier to go out than it did to face the nightmares that were sure to come. Taking a random man's company seemed like a better idea than facing the night alone. Hermione couldn't help but think what an awful role model she would be to baby Lily one day.
She had certainly fallen from grace, although very few people in the wizarding world knew anything about it. She was careful about how often she was seen out, mostly choosing muggle clubs to attend. She did her best to appear happy and healthy when she made day trips to Diagon Alley. And despite their disapproval she tried to make it look as if nothing was wrong with Harry or the Weasleys'.
Though Ron would be a different story if he was around. The paper's had thrown a fit when he disappeared. To everyone in the wizarding England Ronald Weasley had abandoned her, and she was holding up just fine. But she was hardly holding up fine, though Ron moving to America had little to do with it.
She hadn't seen Ron since she was nineteen, and barely nineteen at that. He had moved to America, where she assumed he was very happy doing whatever it was he did. When Harry and Ginny had been married Hermione had been trying to find her parents and couldn't attend. When James had been born Hermione waited to see them till after Ron had left the country again. When Albus was born she had skillfully avoided Ron through the halls of St. Mungos. Baby Lily had been much easier, Hermione had simply not gone to see her allowing Ron as much time as he wanted.
Her skin was pruning by the time she realized she had been in the bath far too long. Her mind had been racing allowing her to think for an hour without even realizing any time had gone by. Thankful she had at least managed to get herself cleaned up before she pruned any further Hermione drained the water from the tub and stepped out wrapping a towel around her body.
Hermione brushed through her wet hair, and with a wave of her wand it fell in dry beach waves. She had long ago given up on the idea of taming her frizz, instead she embraced the look allowing her frizzy waves to fall down past her shoulder blades.
She went with a softer look, knowing she wouldn't be up for going out after the dinner. Rather than her norm she went with a softer black with less smearing for liner and kept her lips a more natural color. She could hardly recognize herself in the mirror. If her hair had still been a dark brown rather than caramel colored she might have thought she was twenty again.
"Granger!" a voice called from the hall.
She knew the deep tone immediately, but was in no mood to deal with the man that belonged to the voice. If her assumptions were correct it was nearing four by the time she had her makeup and hair done, and that was no amount of time to argue with him.
"What do you want?" she shouted back, her tone clearly indicating she wished he would go away.
"Why have you locked yourself in there for hours? Some of us may need to use the toilet you know."
"Piss off the balcony for all I care you ass, I have a dinner to get ready for."
Even as the words came out of her mouth she knew they weren't true. If he so much as thought about peeing off the balcony she would murder him. But she thought he was intelligent enough to know better.
"A dinner? I thought you didn't do repeats with muggles." He said thinking her dinner was with whoever she stayed with the night before.
"With the Weasleys' you idiot. And how do you know I was with a muggle?"
"You bloody woke me up last night with your calls. Seems sleeping with other guys isn't enough, you have to inform me of when you do."
Hermione opened the door to the bathroom staring at her roommate as if he was insane. Never since they had moved in together had she called him while with someone else s she found the story to be unbelievable. Though she had been concerned lately with his lake of other women, if anything she may have been trying to get him to realize how casual things were.
"Even if I did call you there's no reason to be touchy with me. You're not my boyfriend, you're not even my friend so I can do as I please."
"When are you going to admit you like me? You and I have been friends for a bloody year, if you don't want to put titles on whatever else we are fine, but at least admit we're friends."
Hermione huffed, pushing him as she left the bathroom towards the bedroom. Both of their things were thrown about in the room. His clothes took over most of the floor while hers took over a majority of the bed. The thought of needing to clean ran through her mind as she searched for an outfit.
She knew he had followed her but she didn't realize he hadn't given up on the conversation. He just stood in the doorway folding his pale arms across his bare chest and staring at her as if he was waiting for an answer.
"Why would you even want to admit we're friends. You hate me, I hate you. It was the deal when you moved in here that nothing would change. Were you here the whole time Ginny was?"
Hermione asked the question with worry. If the new Potter had seen him roaming about the flat there would be more than hell to pay when she arrived at the Burrow that evening.
"I kept myself concealed. I hardly think they would approve of me roaming about your home. I'm sure your drinking has them on edge they don't need another bombshell."
"Just because you're my roommate doesn't mean you're some kind of bomb to drop on them."
"We sleep together."
"Slept."
"Don't say slept like we're not continuing it. It's not such a bad thing to seek comfort in other people, so don't be a bitch." He was interrupted by her for a moment but he paid no attention to her displeasure. "You and I are what we are, despite what your friends would think."
He pushed the pieces of caramel hair out of her face as he moved closer to her, holding her in his arms. A piece of him wished she would dye her hair back, there were morning he would wake up and not realize it was her next to him. Her infamous Granger hair was no longer, and as much as he teased her for it, he missed his hands getting caught in the mess of dark brown curls.
"What are we?" she asked innocently not looking him in the eye.
"We're two messed up people. We're children of war who aren't ready to grow up and aren't ready to look at what has happened to us in the past. Maybe one day we will be, then who knows what we'll be."
Hermione rested her head on his bare chest, breathing in his scent. It had taken them years to find comfort, and it was just a coincidence that they found it in each other. Hermione had sworn to never speak to him and he had sworn to hate her forever, but something changed. Hermione couldn't help but think he was right, they were just severely messed up people.
"I know it was hard, losing-"
He stopped her, pressing his hand against her mouth forcefully. She looked up at him, her chocolate eyes shining.
"Don't talk about it. We don't talk about any of them, we leave it there in the past."
He knew it wasn't healthy, it probably wasn't helping them get any closer to healing but it felt too hard to bring up the past. In the last months he had seen less and less girls besides Hermione. He knew she still viewed it as a casual thing, still viewed them as enemies but he couldn't bring himself to connect with another woman the way he did with her.
He lowered his head, having to almost hunch down from the height difference. He didn't move his hand from her mouth until his lips were close enough to capture hers. It only took her a moment to respond to his body. He did his best to push away the thoughts of what she had been doing the night before, he just want her with him.
Hermione could feel him leading her to the bed, pushing her back and slowly leaning over her body. They had fallen into a comfortable routine when it came to sex. She didn't need to be drunk or arguing with him, instead she could let her emotions take over. He often joked with her that it was the closest thing either of them would have to love making until they managed to be less broken. She could still remember their first time, on the same bed but fueled by anger and hate, this was softer and gentler, something she enjoyed only when with him.
"Draco." She let his name slip from her mouth moaning as if she couldn't contain it anymore.
The rational part of her brain told her to stop, that having sex with Draco Malfoy before going over to the Weasley's house was somehow a horrible idea, but that didn't stop her. The Weasleys' had many parts of her life they could condemn her for, having sex with an ex Death Eater could just add to the list.
"Fuck." He said as he nipped at her exposed body.
Hermione smiled at the feeling of the small bites. She wanted him to remove her towel and fuck her senseless, but that wasn't how things worked with Draco. She knew he would take his time, tease her, make sure that every time was more than great. In the year they had been sleeping together she had never had an unpleasant sexual experience with him.
His hands roamed under the bottom of her towel as his fingers found their way to her core. She gasped at the coldness of his hands against the warmth she was feeling. In an instant her mind went blank and all thoughts of her dinner plans flew from her mind. The only thing she found herself concerned with was making sure Draco Malfoy fucked her within an inch of her life.
She didn't know how long they had actually been at it when he rolled his body off of hers and pulled a cigarette from his bedside table.
"Don't light that now, I can't smell like smoke at dinner."
"But you can smell like sex?" he laughed.
"That hadn't been the plan."
She was sweaty but with a quick look in the mirror she remembered she had done minimal makeup which remained in its place through her quick bed adventure. Her hair was messy, but with a quick spell she had it tamed. Another spell took care of how sweaty she felt.
Her closet seemed to hold an infinite amount of possibilities for her wardrobe that night. In the end Draco had nodded to a simple pair of jeans and a blue v-neck. Had she been going out to party he would have refused to give his opinion or insisted she be in something less fitted. Hermione had laughed when he agreed to the low cut shirt and even kissed him as she walked out of the room with a pair of boots in hand.
When she got to the living room she quickly grabbed her purse and shoved her boots on. It was only a minute till six, and while she was sure being a minute late would be fine she had no desire to test the theory. Stepping into the fireplace with a hand full of powder she yelled out for the Burrow. Her cries loud enough to signal a goodbye to the blonde still lying in bed.
The Burrow seemed to be in full swing the moment she arrived. Ginny hadn't made it clear that it was an entire family dinner. Hermione silently prayed that Ron was still in America as she pushed her way through the small children looking for any adult she could greet.
Ginny was the first to see Hermione. For a moment the look had been one of apprehension, but it seemed that after having a good once over she became truly happy to see Hermione. The red head walked over pulling her into a hug as if they had never had a disagreement earlier in the day.
"Thank you for being sober, Hermione. We've all been worried about you." She whispered in Hermione's ear.
"Believe it or not I don't walk around pissed all the time. I drink when I go out, I feel no need to be drunk to come to a family dinner."
It was a small fib. Hermione felt uncomfortable, which made her wish to drink. But Ginny didn't need to know that her drinking went beyond a social need. For all she knew Ginny just thought she was a hard partier, not some type of pathetic fool who used sex and alcohol to forget the past.
Ginny seemed embarrassed by Hermione's statement, her cheeks growing darker with each passing moment.
"Hermione!" Harry yelled cheerfully.
If there was one person Hermione could count on to truly be happy to see her it was Harry. They still managed to get lunch every other week. He had seen her in her good sober moments, the times when she knew she had Draco at home waiting for her, or had just left him. Though Harry would never know her happiness around him was connected to the Slytherin that resided in her bed.
"What's that?" he asked pointing to her shoulder.
She nearly cursed herself, and made a mental note to yell at Draco when she returned to her flat. The slimy bastard hadn't reminded her that the shirt she was wearing showed the top and bottom of her tattoo. She had always been careful before about hiding her shoulder and arm to avoid the awkwardness of talking about it.
"Had it for years. It's a snake for Belinda."
The moment the words left her mouth an awkward silence fell over them just as she predicted. The past was something they all tried to forget, but family was hard to ignore.
"Hermione, why would you…" harry didn't seem to know how to finish the sentence.
"The name means beautiful serpent, it seemed a fitting tattoo."
"But Hermione why would you name-" whatever Ginny was going to ask Hermione would never know.
Mrs. Weasley had all but squished her in a hug. It didn't take much for Hermione to see she had been missed at the Burrow. Even if they didn't approve of a majority of how she spent her time the Weasleys' were still her family.
"Come along dear, come along." Mrs. Weasley said as she led Hermione outside towards two tables.
One table seemed to be set up for children and the other for adults. For a second Hermione wanted to make a joke about her belonging at a children's table but she wasn't sure how it would be received. Every Weasley but Ron was sitting at the table. Bill and Fleur, Charlie, Percy and his wife (whose name Hermione couldn't remember to save her life,) George and Angelina, Ginny and Harry but Hermione recognized more than just the Weasleys' sitting around the adult table. Luna and her husband and Neville and Hannah were also sitting down the table, farther away from Molly and Arthur.
Hermione took her seat at the end of the table and looked at the empty spot across from her. She wanted to question why there would be an extra place set up when the answer came walking through the door.
"No one told me we'd be outside."
Ron was smiling and walking towards the table looking as happy with his life as ever. Hermione could feel her stomach drop to her toes when he sat across from her without so much as a word. Everyone at the table seemed to feel the awkwardness she was giving off. It took Ron a minute before he looked across the table at her.
She could see him slowly recognizing her. Not that she looked much different, but at a glance she could understand. She was skinnier now, almost too skinny, and her hair had changed a great deal. But Ron's eyes darkened as he realized what young woman was sitting across from him at the table.
Small talk seemed to be all anyone could manage. People asking Ron how America was or joking with Charlie about finding a wife.
"Hermione, you have any plans of settling down?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
She had been waiting for the question all night, though she had anticipated a different approach. She looked up from her plate finding Molly's eyes in the sea of people. Her smile was forced and fake but still present on her face.
"I don't think so."
"But you'll be thirty in just a few months. Can't go around being the wild child forever, now can you?"
"I'll just be a wild adult then." Hermione joked, knowing the group didn't appreciate it.
"It's just that," Arthur said stopping his wife from speaking again, "we'd like to see you happy with someone. You haven't quite been the same since…"
Hermione didn't need him to finish. She knew exactly what they were all trying to get at. Ron was avoiding her glance but every other Weasley seemed to be looking through her and into her soul.
"You're right I haven't been. But I've been happy," she added a mostly in her head, "and that's all I care about. I know you all think I don't come around enough, or see the kids enough, or take care of myself enough but I'm living. After everything that happened I think it's a miracle I'm doing that well."
She had said it with a definite tone that made them all aware she didn't want to talk about it anymore. The past was hard enough to live through once and she hardly wanted to be reminded of it constantly when she was with them.
Molly had moved on from the subject although her curiosity was hardly settled. Hermione Granger had been the Golden Girl, and despite what happened to her Molly couldn't see where it all went wrong. To take such a bright girl and throw her into the worst situations Molly had only hoped her smarts would have helped the girl survive it all.
The night was long and Hermione hardly wanted to talk as the evening passed. Ginny asked her over to spend time with the kids the day after next. Hermione had considered saying no, as it meant she would not be able to go out tomorrow but she ultimately agreed. Mrs. Weasley invited her to the next Friday dinner, promising it would feel more comfortable if she just came by more regularly. Hermione knew she was hardly in the position to turn her only family away so she reluctantly agreed.
Draco was waiting up for her when she got back to her flat. Had the night gone better she might have yelled at him for doing something so domesticated. But she could only fall into his arms crying. Seeing Ron, talking about the past, had taken too much out of her for the night.
Draco led her to the bedroom, pushing the remaining clothes to the floor before setting her on the bed. He slowly undressed her, finding a loose tee shirt that she often wore to bed for her to put on. She watched as he turned to walk away the moment she had been dressed.
"Stay." The word barely escaped but he had heard it.
Most nights if they weren't going to have sex Draco would sleep in the guest room. He could think of only one time in the year he had been there that she had begged him to stay with her just to sleep next to one another. He would never object to being close however, and slid comfortably into the bed he considered theirs rather than just hers.
"It shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't hurt so much after ten years."
"Some people take longer to heal and some people heal in different ways. Saint Potter got married and started a family. The Weasel ran away to America. Blaise does every drug you can think of. You and I… we're just trying to get by."
"What if it never gets better?" the question was fragile as if she was afraid to speak it.
"Granger, you promise me you'll never give up. Even if we have to live broken forever, I need you to promise you'll live. I can't… you can't…"
She knew what he wanted to say. And she knew why it was so important for him to make her promise. She nodded her head gently curling her body into his.
"I don't even know what I'll do when I'm not broken anymore."
"You'll do something great. You'll become a mom, a wife, you'll get some important job that holds a lot of responsibility. You'll move on from all of this."
"All of it?"
"Granger, I have no delusion that you will stay with me. You're happy here for now, but one day you'll want more. And when that day comes you just have to tell me. I'm your guy Granger, as long as you'll have me."
She could hear the sadness in his voice. Like it killed him to even think of her leaving him.
Before he even knew it she was asleep. It was the only time he could truly appreciate her how he wanted. He could stare and caress her without a complaint. He knew her reconnecting with the Weasleys' meant she would move on soon. He could see her stay with him maybe another few months if he was lucky. While she slept he was able to pretend what they had was more, that she didn't go off with other men when she had the chance, and that she didn't need to be drunk to tolerate him.
Asleep everything seemed prefect if only for the night.
After the night at the Weasley's Hermione found herself far more busy than she liked. It seemed like every day or night someone needed her to do something with them. Ginny wanted her to spend the dad, George begged for help in the store, Charlie had even asked her to take a weekend trip to Romania to help him with some research.
Hermione wasn't an imbecile, with the exclusion of Ron every Weasley seemed to be purposefully taking up her time. They were not so discreetly trying to give her no time to go out. Though if they were thoroughly exhausting her during the day she would be able to manage going out even after they dropped her at home.
Spending her nights at home she had learned more about her blonde roommate. When Hermione had gone out every night she always imagined that Draco did the same. But instead she found him every night in front of the fire reading. It seemed almost odd to her that the Slytherin Prince would have a book in his hand, but then she would remember he was also sleeping with her and realize crazier things had happened.
The evening she was home for dinner he would cook them food. She would start a fight about being too domesticated and they would argue. The fighting would led to sex which always seemed to last just long enough to cool their tempers and ruin whatever was cooking.
Hermione didn't want to admit to herself that she was enjoying her time despite not partying. The scene had been a part of her life for nearly a decade and it seemed ridiculous to give it all up so quickly. She also questioned how it was that the Weasley had never tried this method of distraction before. She assumed they must have tried and she just wasn't willing to be at their beck and call. But Ginny threatening to never let her see the kids again had been a kick in the ass Hermione needed.
"Going out tonight?" Draco asked on the only free night the Weasleys' had given her in two weeks.
Hermione thought about it for a long time. The idea of going out was appealing, but she didn't have a deep desire to. She was just as satisfied staying home and reading, something she hadn't been able to say since her school days.
"I think I'll just finish my book tonight. Maybe I'll go out next Saturday."
Draco had almost wanted to laugh. Not only had she avoided partying for two weeks but she had willingly said she would wait at least another week instead of going out during the weekdays. It made him happy for a moment, knowing she preferred to stay home with him. But the realization quickly dawned that soon she would want to move on from her past completely to find a new life, which wouldn't include him.
"Draco?" her voice was soft.
"Yes, Mia?" he said using the nickname she rarely let him get away with.
"Why did you first come to me?"
Draco had to admit he had never been expecting the question. When Hermione had become a part of his life he never thought she would question why. He assumed that one day she would move on and never look back.
"After…" he paused, Hermione wasn't even sure if he was going to continue but eventually he found his voice again. "When Pansy died in the war I swore I'd never care about someone again. But falling for Astoria was easy. She was just like Pansy in every way, Pureblooded, snobby, high class… everything I had been raised to look for in a girl they both possessed.
"When Astoria found out she was pregnant I couldn't believe I had almost refused to be with her. She made me feel just as happy as I had been with Pansy. The idea that I had never wanted to feel like that again almost astounded me. I never considered that she wasn't as happy as I was.
"When I found that note I broke. I couldn't believe what I was reading and I just kept thinking she might still be fine. But the manor was too large to find someone quickly. I even had the house elves searching but because we hadn't married yet they couldn't just appear by her side. By the time I found her it was too late."
Hermione could hear his breath hitch. She didn't want to interrupt his story but she still didn't understand. She knew everything that had happened, the whole of England had read Rota Skeeter's article about Astoria Greengrass's suicide, though most didn't know she had been pregnant at the time. None of it explained why he had stayed with her all this time.
"Granger, you are everything different from what I thought I wanted. When I first saw you at that club the only reason I approached you was because I thought there was no way it would turn into anything. You and I were both drunk enough to accept each other for the night and wake up in the morning never wanting to repeat it."
Hermione didn't know if she should laugh. She could remember the first morning they had together. Draco had been more confused than she had ever seen him, going on about it not making sense to feel so good to be with her. She supposed it made sense now that she understood. He had only expected to want to be with her once, to get rid of some pain.
"I don't really know why I decided to darken your doorstep permanently." He said with a smile that assured her he was joking, "When I went home on the anniversary last year I just kept running through it all in my mind. I knew I needed to get away and this was the only place I had been that I thought of going. When I needed someone to accept me you were the only person that came to mind."
"I guess that makes sense given I'm the only person who was kind to you during our seventh year."
He remembered all too well how sad and withdrawn Hermione had been during the additional year after the war. She had stopped others from treating him poorly, even going as far as to speak a few kind words to him when it wasn't necessary. So in his mind she was suspicious and he kept a close eye on her. Yet, he found no bad intentions. She didn't seem to talk to any of her friends, though the Weaselette had done a particularly good job of avoiding her the whole year.
"And I was grateful for it."
"I know."
Hermione closed her book slowly. She hadn't been reading it most of the night anyway. She had spent most of the night just reading the same sentence over and over again as she tried to focus. She felt uncomfortable every way she sat and the nagging in her mind wouldn't leave her alone.
She didn't like that the back of her mind kept telling her she was late for her period. By her calculations she should have gotten her monthly gift just after her first dinner with the Weasleys' but weeks later and nothing. Draco was being kind enough to her, but she felt incapable of doing anything while her mind was plagued with other thoughts.
She knew if she didn't go out during one of her free nights soon Draco would get suspicious of her. She had spent the last year going out if she had a free hour, yet in the last two weeks she had been with the Weasleys' or at home all the time.
Truth be told she was enjoying spending time with the kids, and Ginny was being more kind than she had been in years. It was as if she had completely forgotten the past and was just letting Hermione get to know the small little children that the Potter's were so proud of.
James was talking, Albus was speaking in broken sentences, and Lily was walking around. Hermione had to admit that she found more pleasure in watching the children than she did from a night out. It was a difficult thing for her to acknowledge. She had been so adamant for so long that she would never like children, never want them, and especially never have them; yet as she spent more time with Harry's little ones she found herself wondering what a child of hers would look like. She felt a pang of guilt every time she thought about it.
Draco was staring at her from across the sitting area. She had closed her book nearly ten minutes before but remained sitting in the chair staring off into space. He wanted to ask her what was going through her mind but she seemed too deep in thought to be broken.
He had to admit how attractive she was by the firelight. Not that he wouldn't admit it at any time of day, but Hermione would hardly let him tell her what he thought of her. The moment he opened his mouth she would head for the hills quicker than a cheetah. And he didn't want to scare her off for anything.
"Mia," he started slowly grabbing her attention, "you look beautiful."
Hermione could feel tears swelling in her eyes. Draco looked worried, as if he had said the wrong thing. But Hermione just walked to him and reached her hands out for his. It all seemed slow, he took her hands and she pulled him from his seat.
They kissed, it felt different than any other kiss they had shared. Draco could feel the walls surrounding her breaking down with every moment. He knew they didn't have much longer together. Her success meant he would soon be history but he was hardly about to stop her from using him in the moment.
He allowed her to have her way with him, allowed her to lead him back to the bedroom with no complaint. They were slow and kind. It was a different slow than normal. There was no biting, no nipping, no underlying roughness at all. As much as he often joked about them coming close to making love, that night there was no other way to describe it.
In the weeks that followed Hermione did her best to avoid Draco at all costs. She spent three long weekends in Romania assisting Charlie with research on dragon mating, during the weekdays she often crashed at Harry's after spending long evenings playing with the children and talking with her former best friend.
Harry seemed to be more cheerful with Hermione back in his life. With Ron away in America he felt a disconnect from his friends that Hermione was able to heal. Harry was always more than happy to allow Hermione to sleep in the guest room. Ginny just kept an eye over the chocolate eyed girl, happy that she had finally stopped her wild girl life.
Hermione had been there for James's birthday as July came to a close, something she had yet to do for any of the Weasley children. She had anticipated the party to be hard emotionally, but she didn't even think of the past as she sang to the smiling boy over birthday cake.
It was the first Friday in September when Hermione saw Draco again. For weeks she had skillfully avoided him but she needed to get ready for the Friday night dinner. Knowing that this would be the second time in years she would see him she wanted to look proper.
Draco merely stared at her when she walked into their bedroom in only a towel. Neither of them had spoken since the last time they had slept together. Hermione didn't know what to say to him. He had always been kind and patient with her, he had helped her more than she could even imagine. But she knew that was all about to change. The moment she told him her assumptions about what was going on inside her he would leave, and, though she wasn't sure why, she was not happy with the thought of him being gone.
"Hi."
"You've been gone."
"I suppose that gave you time to have people over here for a change." She hinted at the idea of him bringing women home.
"You know I haven't brought any girls here." He seemed insulted.
"I just had to get ready for dinner. I've been busy with the Weasleys' you know." She said not wanting him to think she had run off with some other man.
"I didn't know. You just snuck out in the morning without a word."
She felt guilty and she hated that feeling. They weren't a couple, she knew that full well. She had been the one that was dead set on getting that clear. But she felt badly for just walking out as if he was some random guy. They had shared something special that night more so than ever before. She had panicked, the concern of being pregnant, the thought of losing him, the worry of the Weasleys' down her neck everything had been too much. If she knew she wasn't pregnant she would have gone drinking.
A part of her thought that was why she hadn't checked yet. The idea that there might be a child within her was keeping her sober. If she found out it wasn't true she didn't trust herself to be strong enough to stay sober.
"Draco," it was one of the few times she said his name outside of the bedroom, "I'm sorry… I'm still broken. I… I'm sorry."
She picked up the clothes she had set on the bed before her shower and disappeared. Draco didn't even have the chance to stop her before she was gone. He wanted to tell her he didn't mind, that he wasn't whole either but she had slipped through his fingers. He was just worried that it might be forever.
Hermione was sure Molly wouldn't mind her sneaking into Ron's old room. It wasn't as if anyone was using it and she needed a place to get ready. She wished she would have thought her plan through better. As she looked around she had a hard time keeping herself composed.
It only took her a few minutes to get her clothes on, and she had done her hair and makeup before she left the bathroom of her flat. With a wave of her wand her bathroom towel returned to its home in her own flat.
Hermione made her way down the stairs carefully. She hoped no one would be in the living room so she could pretend to have come through the fire a few minutes early. It was just her luck that Ginny was pacing the living room as she tried to walk down the stairs.
The red head seemed to light up seeing Hermione. Not even questioning why she had been upstairs Ginny pulled Hermione toward the open bathroom in the Burrow. Ginny looked panicked and Hermione wasn't certain what was going on.
"Hermione I need your help." Ginny pleased.
"Of course, Gin." Hermione said.
"I need you to perform the pregnancy charm. I'm rubbish at it and if I don't find out now I'll feel sick all through dinner."
"Why did we have to go to the bathroom to do the charm?" Hermione questioned feeling like a fool for not knowing anything about the charm other than how to cast it.
"Well Percy's wife is pregnant again and it'll confuse the charm. It only goes towards one person, so having another pregnant woman in the room makes it practically useless."
Hermione felt her breath stop. Doing this favor for Ginny could also result in ending her own curiosity. She pondered for a moment the idea of telling Ginny she might be pregnant before casting the charm but thought better of it. There was still the chance the harm would go to Ginny and all would be fine.
As she cast the charm she watched as the tip of her wand shot out a small blue jet. Ginny's eyes widened in what Hermione took for fear as the blue jet became more solid and flowed away from the wand.
The blue light seemed to float around the bathroom for a moment as if it was searching the air. Hermione bit her lip as she watched the light begin to move. Slowly it inched its way from the ceiling making its way to encircle Hermione in a brilliant blue glow.
"Oh Hermione." Ginny whispered as she stared at the charms effect.
"Can we just not talk about this tonight, please. Later I promise."
"Of course, but Hermione… is this from partying, do you even know who…?"
"I think so. Please, another day. I just want to get through this dinner with my sanity."
Hermione seemed distant through the meal. None of the Weasleys' pushed, knowing she couldn't have been partying beforehand. Hermione was just caught up in her own thoughts.
She was pregnant, without a doubt she was with child. And a very likely candidate for the father was Draco Malfoy. The boy who had verbally abused her for years, who had stood by as she had been tortured, the boy who lost two woman and a baby already in his life.
Di she even want to have a child. She had always told herself she would never have a baby. That it would be horrible of her to even consider it. But as she had gotten closer with Harry's kids she realized she would like a little girl or boy to call her own. A child to give her another reason to be alive. The whole thing seemed absurd and unreal to her.
Ron had been staring at her through the whole dinner. Her silence had intrigued him. When the meal was over he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. No one stopped him, everyone thought they were having a long overdue conversation. Harry hoped they would be able to be friends again, Ginny hoped Hermione wouldn't break down, and the rest of the Weasleys' just hoped it wouldn't send Hermione over the edge again.
Hermione had barely realized that Ron had pulled her all the way up to his bedroom. She snatched her arm away from his hand and turned towards the door to leave. She couldn't believe he would even dare bring her up here with him again.
"Wait, Hermione please."
It was the please that caught her attention. Ron hadn't spoken to her since their break up, he hadn't even tried really.
"What Ronald? What is there that could possibly be left to say?"
"How about, I'm sorry."
"You're damn right you're sorry." She yelled rushing to his side in anger. "After all these years that's all you have to say! That's so typical of you, I needed you to be by my side and you weren't."
"I told you I didn't want to-"
"I know you didn't want to do it. But Ron it was my choice. I was eighteen, I wanted to go back to school, to live my life. It was also your choice t tell your whole family the moment I told you! Do you know how hard you made it all on me?"
"I thought seeing how my family supported us would make you change your mind."
A silence fell over them as Hermione tried to restrain herself. Ronald had always cared about what he wanted over her own desires, that much she was sure would never have changed.
"What did you want us to do Ron? Get married, have a family, I would stay home with our daughter and you would go to some desk job that barely put food on the table. We'd have lived with your parents for years and barely gotten by. In the end we would have gotten pregnant again and I would have hated you for it. That wasn't the life I wanted, the war had just ended I didn't want responsibility. I wanted to live my life!"
"I didn't want responsibility either, but I was willing to do that right thing."
"Maybe I don't want someone who does the right thing! Maybe I want someone who-" she cut herself off realizing what she was about to say. She wanted someone who wanted to be there for her, who wanted to be her man as long as she would have them for.
"It was your choice in the end, Hermione."
"And my choice about what I did for my life damn well ruined everything."
Hermione could feel tears building up inside herself. She tried to push them back down but she wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to hold on.
"Why don't you ever acknowledge that it was my life too? You didn't make that little girl all by yourself you know. When that damn charm turned pink I was scared half to death, but you were the one who made the decision for my life."
"I was eighteen! I wanted to have a chance at living my life. We had been on the run for a year, I didn't know if my parents were still out there. I wanted to finish school, you damn well knew I didn't want to start a family and settle down right away."
Ron got quiet as he sat on the foot of his old bed. Hermione felt odd sitting next to him. This bed was where they had conceived their little girl, where their family could have started if it had been the right time. But Hermione had known in her heart that she didn't want a child, not then.
"I refused to have a child I knew I would grow to resent Ron. If you can't understand that I'm sorry. I was scared, I regretted it right away, I hated myself for year because of it all. I'm only starting to get better, I'm only starting to move on."
"You wouldn't have resented our kid!"
"I would have resented you! I would have resented the whole situation because I wanted more for myself. And you couldn't even do me the decency of driving me to the damn appointment. You fucking promised and yet I sat there like an idiot until it was so late I had to use magically means, which wasn't safe for my health. You fucking promised but all you did was run away to America!"
"I couldn't watch you go through with it!"
"And I could stand to hear your name for months afterwards!" Hermione yelled causing a silence to grow between them.
"I've got a girlfriend." Ron blurted out.
Hermione wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't certain where he meant for the conversation to go.
"I care about her a lot. I want to be with her, forever, well for as long as she'll have me. But Hermione I couldn't move on from this. We were best friends, and everything went so wrong. I can't commit to Ashley how she wants me to. I'm too afraid I'm leaving you all broken behind me. Mum and Ginny keep telling me how bad you've been doing until recently and they think it's my fault. Ginny says after the abor… after it happened you went off the deep end. Mum still thinks we just lost it and that I'm some monster for not sticking by you."
"Ron after I got the abortion I hated you for so long for leaving me alone. And then I hated myself because if I hadn't had the abortion I would at least have a child even if I didn't have you. I literally loathed myself during my seventh year. Ginny didn't talk to me and I didn't talk to… well basically anyone. I started to hate myself so much. I named her and had this little funeral for just me. I thought it would help. I was twenty and thought saying a proper goodbye would be good. I got a tattoo for her , and I sat by the little headstone for hours. Something in my snapped."
"I shouldn't have left you alone like that."
"But Ron, I'm doing okay. I'm healing. And I now I actually want to. I'm ready for my life to begin. I'm ready to have children and get married. And I don't hate myself for saying it. I went so long where I told myself it wasn't fair to her for me to be happy. But Ron, there comes a time when we have to move on. Now, now is the time to move on."
Ron sat on his bed staring at Hermione. He hadn't seen her this strong since the war. They had been through so much, and it all went sour in the end but he had always loved her strength. He couldn't help but smile as he saw it peaking out again. He hoped she was alright that he had moved on with Ashley, he wanted to be able to be happy and open about his life with her. He wanted them to be able to talk at all again.
"Ron, I've got my life now. And it may all go away soon but I know I have someone to keep me going." She said not wanting to tell him she was pregnant s soon after their conversation about Belinda. "I'm happy for you and Ashley. Tell everyone goodbye for me, I should really go."
Hermione left him there on the bed knowing he would spend a great deal of time processing it all. She just wanted to go to the floo and get home. She had hoped that she would have no problem, but once again she ran into Ginny in the living room.
"Hermione."
Hermione couldn't help but hug the girl who had once been a close friend. They were getting better as the weeks passed but Hermione could still feel a little bitterness linger behind.
"Are you going to keep it?" Ginny asked quietly as if the question was forbidden.
"My life is different now, I'm ready. This time is different."
She was waiting for Ginny to make remarks about her life being less capable now than ten years ago but the comment never came. She could tell from Ginny's face that the comment was on the tip of her tongue but she never spoke it.
Ginny just hugged her tighter and let her walk by. She reminded the older girl that she was there for her and waved goodbye to the fireplace. As the flames went up she looked over at her husband who was standing in the doorway holding their youngest.
"Is she really?"
"Don't tell anyone. I had her do the test for me, but the charm connected to her. Harry you have to keep it a secret. For all we know she'll change her mind later and in nine months she'll give it up for adoption."
Harry just nodded knowing that he could keep the secret as long as he needed to.
Hermione appeared in her fireplace with little grace. She tumbled her way out covering herself in soot in the process. She could see Draco standing in the living room, he was leaning with his hands against the bookshelf. It was as if he was deep in thought.
She knew she was risking everything but she wasn't sure she could keep avoiding her roommate and friend for almost nine months. She walked slowly over to Draco, sure that he was aware of her presence already. Carefully she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling his back closer to her to press against her stomach.
"I'm ready now." She whispered her breath warm on his back despite his tee shirt.
"Ready for what?" he asked almost scared of the answer.
"I'm done being broken. I want to be happy. Are you still my guy?" she questioned not even sure if he would remember what he had said.
Draco turned slowly not sure he was understanding what she wanted. He took her in his arms holding her still as he looked down into her eyes.
"I'm your guy for as long as you want me."
"What if it's not just me?"
"Mia, I already told you I don't have other girls, I haven't in ages. And if you want to be serious about this I can't handle there being other guys I could barely handle it to begin with."
"No, I mean… what if even right now I'm more than just me?"
Draco looked at her puzzled. She had never been good at just saying what she wanted to tell him, but she certainly hadn't been this quizzical. It was like she was dreading his answer so much she didn't want to tell him at all.
"Mia, I want you. You and me. That's what I want."
"What if you and me makes three?"
Draco rolled his eyes. He was sick of her damn quiz show responses. He was trying to tell her he wanted to be with her and she was going on about a third. It didn't…
"Hermione, do you mean?"
"From the strength of the light it was probably that night you told me I was beautiful. Draco if this isn't okay, we'll go. I don't want to make you feel-"
Draco didn't even let her finish. He picked her up kissing her fully on the mouth. This girl had been his for a year, he had wanted her to be his exclusively for five months, and it seemed like something was finally going his way. He didn't want anything else than to hold her in his arms.
"You better realize this means I'm never letting you go."
"You'll have to face the Weasleys' now that they're back in my life."
"I can handle them."
"You'll have to deal with me when I'm a hormonal mess and get fat."
"I can't wait."
Hermione gave him a look and he just sheepishly smiled down at her picking her up in his arms again. He kissed her mouth fully and with as much passion as he could muster.
"It's a boy." Hermione whispered in his ear.
She knew he was supposed to have a boy the first time around. That Astoria had taken his son with her when she died. Hermione didn't know how he would react to the news.
"Astoria was supposed to have a boy. His name was supposed to be Scorpius." He said with a sad smile as he thought of the son he was denied.
Hermione carefully moved one of her hands. She knew Draco was strong enough to hold her but she didn't want to unbalance him and make them both fall to the ground. She stroked his cheek gently as she looked into his grey eyes. She couldn't help but smile at the prospect of their future together.
"It's different this time. It's us, and that makes all the difference."
Author's Note: So there it is! It was just a small plot bunny that plagued my mind this evening and I knew that I wasn't going to get any work done on my other story. I figured it would be better to follow through with this plot than force myself to write on my other story and create something that didn't flow with how I've been writing it. It was just meant to be a quick one shot so I hope you enjoy it as such :)
I also had a little future planned out for them, because I contemplated expanding this into a two-shot or short story but there just isn't enough plot there. But in case anyone would like to know Hermione and Draco do not get married. They lived together as if they are married, Draco buys her a ring with a green stone on either side of the diamond just because he knows it will irk her. He is slowly accepted into the Weasley family, but it takes many years for them to trust or accept him fully. They have two children Leo Scorpius and Perdita Lyra. Scorpius is sorted into Ravenclaw and Perdita is a Slytherin. Scorpius never seemed very interested in dating through school but became a rather famous playboy during his years as a seeker for England. Perdita dated around quite a bit through school, always boys in her year or even younger but she ended up marrying Fred Weasley when she started working with him after graduation. Neither Hermione or Draco got jobs, instead living off the large sums of money both had from their family and the war. Hermione and Draco were very happy.