Hi everybody! This is my first blue exorcist fanfic! It's heavily based off off a fanfic called "The Baal Bunch" by ProbableImpossibilities. It's basically a high school AU about the 8 demon kings of Gehenna. There really aren't enough of those! Since the author doesn't look like she/he's gonna update again, I thought I might vent by making my own highschool AU, instead. Told from the point of view of my "OC", their sister Jezebel (who is supposed to be the representation of the Morrigan, an Irish War Goddess aka Queen of Phantoms)

Blue Exorcist Belongs to Kazue Kato. I own nothing but Jezebel.

There are those who could tell you that living in a house with eight brothers would be a fun and whimsical time, in which you would never know the meaning of boredom and every day would be a delight!

Those people are full of a substance than is produced after digesting food.

Or in the very least they never grew up with MY brothers. And before you roll your eyes and gloss on a condescending smirk as the fleeting thought in the form of "that's what they all say" sprints across your pretentious, assuming mind, I implore you to not judge my misfortune as overdramatisized until you have read all the supporting evidence enabling my thesis.

On that note I shall commence your education of my family tree.

Let's start with the Inner Sailor Senshii (This is what I call the first four of my brothers)

I suppose that we shall first start with my oldest brother, Lucifer, the head of my little clan. Of all my siblings, he is the only one who I can actually go out in public with without even the slightest risk of humiliation trauma. He is currently a sophomore at Yale. He moved out a few years ago and I must admit that it was a smart move on his part to get away from his family as fast as he could. Unfortunately, for little old me, his absence was a huge drawback. He was the normalcy regulator in my house, somehow singlehandedly balancing out everybody else's abnormalcys. Now that he is gone, I am sad to say there is nobody left to balance out the insanity from the ordinary and I fear the day I lose my grasp on reality is advancing at a disturbingly alarming rate. The fact that I'm not in a straitjacket in a mental ward right at this minute shows just how powerful the human will can be when tested to it's full potential (in my case, to maintain my sanity) Of course the rest of my family probably wouldn't have the sense to send me off to an insane asylum. They'd probably just think I was embracing my heritage or something under those lines. But I digress.

And now we move on to Samael.

The second oldest in my family, the chain of weirdness begins with him. Tall and purple haired, it is not easy for him to brush past your memory without leaving a mark. he is a senior in my highschool. That means that he'll be graduating next year, and I won't have to worry about his antics no further. God? What did I ever do to you to give me a brother who comes to school everyday dressed like a clown at the circus? What kind of monstrous deity would give a fifteen year old sophomore a brother who talks in German phrases and marches around the hallways like he's in a marching band? His wierdess was the first one that clued me in on the backwardness of our family. When you are six years old and your little brother is watching girl's cartoons and quoting Shakespeare...oh god, I think I need a minute

ok. ok. I can do this

Allow me to start from the beginning. The only way for me to get to the end of my brother's antics is to just list them off the bat. Should I dwell tooo much on them, I'll be reduced to a quivering lump of embarrassed, ashamed, goo.

Samael decided that he would refuse to go by his name in the tenth grade. He now tells everybody to call him...Mephisto Pheles. I think that's the name of the devil in some Greek novel or something. I don't know why, and it would be impossible for me to try and comprehend it. He calls himself an "illusionist" and I call him a birthday party magician who can't do a card trick to save his life. He has disturbingly green eyes and a smirk that almost never leaves his face. The only emotions he is capable of expressing are contempt, sarcasm, cynicism, and pretentiousness. He dresses only in white and wears tights to school. He also considers himself a "Thespian" and has starred in every school play since he was in fifth grade. He is the most insufferable actor ever, constantly pounding the drama teacher to do the most ridiculous plays ever...I'm sure she'll be more than relieved when he's gone. (Now really, what kind of high school play is "Ivanhoe" or "Oedipus"?) He always gets the lead role, even if the lead isn't a boy, much to my (and the Senior who played Romeo in last year's production of Romeo and Juliet's) chagrin. He is responsible for the drastic reduction of people willing to sign the audition sheets every time a play comes around. Should he stay another year, he'll be doing one man shows. In conclusion, he is the definition of a weeaboo and in seventh grade I invited my friends to sleepover, and they thought Samael's room was mine because of all the My Little Pony and Sailor Moon memorabilia festooning it.

Ok. Samael's over. Hard part's over. I can do this.

Now we move on to Astaroth. Also a senior (keep in mind most of my brothers are not that far apart in ages. I will explain later) The second oldest of my brothers, he is the definition of a creep. He looks like something your'd find on the cover of a dark fantasy teenlit novel. His hair is an ashy blond (it's really brown, but he bleaches it to "match his soul") and if there is a single article of clothing that isn't black in his closet, he is yet to wear it. He has an obsession with death that is so extreme that he spends more time on the subject than with life itself. He wears bright red contacts all the time (I can't even remember his natural color) and he can drain the positive energy in a room like a battery. A perfect example would be when he came to pick me up from my friend's house (father was mad at me for lying about my grade on a test) and when my friend asked him if he wanted to hear a joke he said "life is a joke. It is nothing but a vast desert of materialism and illusions that we must cross before our descent into death. We fill it up with lies and ignorance, desperately trying to convince ourselves that there is more to this journey than it really is. But it's nothing more than our final rest stop before entering oblivion. We will all become nothingness. We will all go...and the journey will be useless...just like everybody else's" my friends don't invite me over anymore. Astaroth's fascination with death has lead to him reading his depressing poetry in my school talent show, bringing roadkill into his room, stringing it up by it's feet and draining it's blood into buckets (I made the mistake of entering it once to call him over for dinner), and practicing voodoo on my barbie dolls. Last year, he blackmailed me into wearing his mom's* dress and tried to use me as a vessel to summon her spirit from limbo.

Now we move onto the twins, Juniors Egyn and Iblis. Their DNA may be carbon copies of each other, but they couldn't be more different if they had been born separate species. Iblis is the younger twin* and he has a temper that is frankly dangerous. He can get incredibly worked up over the smallest things. His hair is a bright, carrot red to symbolize his temper and the same goes for his freckles. His skin is disturbingly pale, as though all the colors were leached from it. But this does provide a nice canvas for all the interesting shades his face turns when he gets angry.

Taming an angry Iblis is a but similar to swimming in Shark Alley during your menstrual cycle. It is highly unlikely you will survive. Bloody noses, black eyes, and split lips are practically unavoidable. His vocabulary also taking a turn for the crude is also to be expected. When I was six, I called him a stinkyhead for taking my candy and he pulled out half the hair on my head. Fortunately, Lucifer was kind enough to help style my hair in a manner that wouldn't get me mercilessly teased by my classmates (once again, Lucifer helped me keep my sanity) To make matters worse for the dealer, Iblis can take hours to show much as an indication that he might cool down. I have lost track of the times his teacher's had to call Father after he went beserk in a desperate attempt to stop him from demolishing the classroom (not that it helped) After the sixth time he "sparked up" in third grade, his teacher forced father to send him to a psychiatrist who prescribed a large variety of drugs to help maintain his temper. In the span of eight years, Iblis's meds have been steadily upgraded to the point where I think he's now on horse tranquilizers.

*The only siblings of mine who share a mother are the twins. The rest of our mothers have never seemed to survive marriage for more than two years (most literally). Keep in mind that our dad took out huge life insurance policies on them before their tragic demises or have them paying tons of child support. Lucifer's mother was in a car crash, Samael's died in childbirth, Astaroth's comitted suicide via hanging, Egyn and Iblis's mother was a victim of a building fire in her office, my own, Azazel's and Beelzbub's mothers divorced after finding out about the number of casualities Father's wives had suffered, and Amaimon's loving mother split after the kid was born because she (and I quote) "didn't want to get stuck raising a dum dum" The number of consorts my father has blown through is something of a hot topic in school and another reason why nobody really wants to be associated with the King Family.

*If you are wondering why I went straight to Iblis instead of Egyn, the older twin (I'd which I'd be going in the order of oldest to youngest, it's because I associate Iblis's fiery temper to the fire powers of Sailor Mars, one of Sailor Moon's inner Sailor Senshii)