A/N - hello and welcome back! I'm not gonna talk much - just ... here we go. we have time to cover, damnit. Welcome to volume 25!
Chapter 1: Get Off My Lawn
Peter wasn't sure exactly how safe it was to head up to Westchester for this particular gathering. It was his experience that this date was best not trifled with. On more than one occasion, Logan had gotten him to join him in a random bar — though the first time it happened, Logan hadn't told him what the deal was until after his birthday was over. It had been such a quietly sad thing to hear that Peter made a point to remember the date just in case Logan asked for him again. And on the few times that Peter had been around Logan when it wasn't a lonely, seedy bar, it was an all out brawl with the nastiest, most obnoxious baddie that Peter could dream up. But here he was, taking Sara to a small gathering at the X-Mansion … on Logan's birthday.
"It'll be fine," Peter said for what he didn't realize had to be the fifth or sixth time. "I mean. Most of them will be there. And kids.… So. Many. kids."
"So you've said," Sara laughed. "You're not scared of being mobbed, are you?"
"By the — um. No? The kids are great. They're easy to play with."
"And it's a house full of superheroes, right? Avengers and X-Men are coming? Come on, Peter. I've never seen you this nervous."
"Well, it's not going to be a full-on party," Peter said, wincing almost. "He doesn't like that big of a crowd most of the time, but Kate has been sure to make a thing out of the birthdays."
"Well, I just assumed… you said Captain America was coming…"
"Yeah, just Logan's closer friends," Peter said, nodding. "So, Cap will be there. And maybe Nick Fury."
"Yeah, if that happens, we're just…. I still can't wrap my head around our boss's boss's boss…" She shook her head and squeezed his arm. "You run in some crazy circles, Peter Parker."
"I can't even begin to explain it," Peter said as they pulled into the driveway. "Carol Danvers said she was going to come and get her poker money back."
"And isn't the Black Widow coming too? I thought I heard you saying her two kids were coming with."
"Yeah, she isn't going to miss a party for her 'little uncle'." Peter let out a breath. "There really are a lot of superheroes, aren't there?"
"Oh, only way too many to keep track of," Sara teased, then squeezed his arm. "Only one that matters to me, though."
Peter was grinning as he led Sara into the house — where, as he'd said, there were plenty of heroes celebrating Logan's birthday and plenty of kids playing with bamfs and each other. Jess had brought Gerry along, and the little boy was totally fascinated with Charlie's newfound power ("What about now?" "You're still excited.") And the Wagners and the Lees were leaving tracks on the ceiling as the littlest wallcrawlers played on the walls and ceilings where no one else could reach.
"Hi Spidey!" Kaleb called out from the ceiling, waving enthusiastically. "Hi, Spidey's pretty friend!"
Sara laughed at his greeting and waved back with a grin. "He's so sweet."
"No idea where he gets it from," Peter said, waving back up at the little boy before Kaleb got distracted playing with Celeste and Melody again.
"C'mon in, Spiderman!" Tommy called out from further in the party before, in a flash, he was by the two of them and grinning. "Long time no see. Hi! I'm Speed!" he said, flashing an even wider smile at Sara.
Peter laughed. "Wasn't expecting the Young Avengers at the Old Man's party…."
Tommy quickly shook his head. "Oh, no; everybody else is doing their thing. I just live here. Y'know. Looking out for Erik." He thumbed over his shoulder in the general direction of where an elderly Magneto was playing with a few of the youngest kids, letting them fly around on little metal discs a few inches above the ground. "He's so high-maintenance," Tommy teased.
"Right, well, we're just headed in to say hi to the birthday geezer…" Peter said.
"Ooh, yeah. Call him that and see what happens," Tommy laughed before he zipped back over to pick up both Nikolas Barton and Chloe Summers on his way over and spin them around with him, getting giggles out of both of them.
Across the room, Logan and K were tag-teaming Cap, both of them talking him into "one more shot," one after the other as they flanked him at the table. "Come on — couple more and it'll work," Logan promised with a little smirk. And to the shock of most of those in attendance, Cap was going right along with it and was even starting to look a little intoxicated.
"How long has this been going on?" Peter asked cautiously as he approached.
"About an hour or so," K laughed, clearly keeping pace with the boys.
"This happens every time," Leslie Ann chimed in from the other side of K, shaking her head with one hand on her hip. "My uncle gets so mad."
"C'mon, Petey, jump in," Logan said. "Don't gotta catch up, just grab one."
"I don't—" Peter said a second before K tossed him a beer bottle and he caught it reflexively.
"Yeah, Parker, hop in," Cap said with a grin.
Peter let out a theatrical sigh. "What, or miss out on getting drunk with Captain America and Wolverine?"
"Who are you to say no?" Leslie Ann chimed in from where she was sitting with a obviously non-alcoholic drink and watching the show with her chin propped in one hand.
"No one, apparently," Peter said before he got into his drink. "Anyone drag Cyclops kicking and screaming into this yet?"
"That's on you, Cap," Logan pointed out, as he clapped his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Next time he comes by, nail him. Can't send the Elf in this state."
"I'm sure Kate will bring him by," Kurt said, lazily leaning back and clearly already more than tipsy. "She plans for everything."
"So I've heard," Sara said as she took a seat next to K on the other side of Leslie Ann, clearly entertained by the whole thing.
"Ooooh, Sara," K said, pushing a shot her way. "Just one. Don't leave me as the only girl here drinking."
"I'm chopped liver because I'm too young and have a cop dad," Leslie Ann explained with a crooked grin, her legs pulled up underneath her in a criss-cross fashion as she sat on the counter.
"Leslie Ann is keeping track for everyone," K told them. "Mostly to be sure that Cap and Logan stay on track."
"This is also true," Leslie Ann giggled. "Logan, you're down one to Cap's twenty-two," she added Logan's way as Sara laughed and took the shot in one hand.
Logan let out a noise of disbelief and grabbed the bottle to pour himself two. "Not for long."
"Twenty-two?" Sara repeated, leaning over to K with wide eyes.
K was nodding as Logan downed the second shot. "Slim made us slow down."
"Because the party hadn't even started and you were already that far in," Scott said as Kate half-dragged him over by the crook of his arm, beaming at the group.
K jumped up to make space and helped Kate push Scott down into her vacated chair as Cap pushed a glass in front of Scott and poured him a shot and K took up her new seat on Logan's lap.
"Join us, boss man," Kate said as she followed K's lead with Kurt, who nuzzled into her hair as soon as she was within reach.
As soon as Scott caved and took the shot, the whole table erupted in cheers for him and Cap reached over to pour up another one.
"Is this how all his birthday parties go?" Sara asked Peter as Leslie Ann moved over a seat so he could slip around to sit next to her.
"Just the good ones," Peter had to laugh.
She laughed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I see. Get all the adults cozy and leave the Young Avenger and Magneto to play with the kids," she teased.
"Erik is a sad drunk," K told her. "We don't want to go there."
"And Tommy burns through alcohol in, like, a second flat," Kate said.
"And there are three of us so far with healing abilities to beat back with a bottle," Logan added.
"So far," Sara repeated.
"And the rest aren't going to need quite as much," Natasha added as three more players joined the drinking circle — though they were sure to keep Cap next to Scott so they could make him play.
Jess and Carol both sat close to Logan and K with little grins on and a shot glass apiece. "Started without us," Jess teased.
"Had to," Logan told her. "Kind of on a mission here."
Carol laughed and put back a shot before she held out her glass for more. "Yeah, but it's more fun with us."
"Which is why you got asked to come," he agreed, reaching over to top her off.
"Yes, we only invite the best of the best to watch Cap sucker the boss man," Kate said in a not-very-quiet whisper as she tipped her head at Cap, who was keeping Scott in good supply — and it was obvious Scott had no idea how to say 'no' to Cap when he kept pouring him more with one arm around his shoulders and a troublemaking grin.
"Captain Rogers, before you leave, I think I owe you a dance," K called out with a grin.
"Well, I can't forget my manners," Steve laughed, pouring one more drink for Scott before he offered K his arm.
She gave Logan a lingering kiss and got up to take a twirl with a widely grinning Steve, while Natasha took over Steve's spot and started chatting with Scott, mostly picking at Logan and getting him to laugh to himself. The little group was clearly pleased with themselves and their teamwork, and Sara had to laugh too as she scooted a little closer to Peter to more comfortably lean her head on his shoulder.
"They do this often?" she asked. "This ganging up thing?"
"Not really?" Peter replied quietly. "If they did, I doubt it'd work that well."
She nodded at that with a little smile, more than content to watch all the big names and superheroes around her teasing and picking on each other.
"Is it … I mean, it's not like this isn't fun, but is it really smart for all the heavy hitters to get wasted today?" Peter asked, leaning toward Kurt. "I know Logan usually does this for his birthday … but usually, the backup is sober."
Kurt looked up at Peter in surprise for a moment before he laughed and shook his head. "No, no — we have a very sophisticated alarm system," he explained, gesturing with his tail toward where Noh and Jubilee were playing with the kids, with Noh on the ceiling, since he was one of the few adults who could keep up with all the wallcrawlers. "Noh and Iron Man set it up after that business with the Board," he added, then got a bit distracted when a drunk and affectionate Kate pulled a face at the memory and he seemed to decide that meant she needed distracting — and kissing.
"Oooookay then," Peter said, looking up toward Noh. The Kree warrior looked pretty distracted, so he turned to Logan instead. "And that should be enough to keep that giant creep off your back?"
"He's not allowed on the grounds," Logan drawled out, then tossed back another shot and looked out across the dancefloor to where Steve and K were dancing and laughing. "Steve's gonna have some serious catchin' up to do when he gets done twirlin' my girl."
Peter shook his head at that, somewhere between amused and in pure disbelief at how cavalierly everyone was treating this whole thing. He was pretty sure it had been a bigger deal before — hadn't it been a bigger deal? This was definitely a bigger deal.
"Would you like to see the security we set up?" Noh asked as he made his way over, upside-down, with Sying still halfway attached to him from whatever game they'd been playing. "I'll bet Sying can explain some of it; it's really a brilliant set-up."
"Are you saying I need an elementary schooler to explain it to me?" Peter asked, tipping his head back to look at Noh properly.
Noh laughed and dropped down to stand beside him. "No, but I am saying that Sying loves to have someone to speak with on technology that isn't myself or Forge," he said as Sying nodded, wide-eyed.
"Do you like to tinker too?" Sying asked Peter.
"I … do my fair share," Peter replied. "But maybe we should get out of here before the dancers get back with more alcohol."
"Okay!" Sying agreed happily, leading the way as Noh gave Peter a brief overview on the way out the door on the psionic holographic technology that he and Tony had put together to keep the kids safe from prying eyes.
"...It's nearly foolproof, except of course when people walk through the front gates," Noh said with a little smirk. "Hard to miss someone materializing out of thin air — so we try to let the system down when people leave that way to avoid suspicion."
"And you have enough people here to handle that even with everyone all … dopey?" His question was accented by Steve positively belly laughing across the way.
Noh shrugged. "I'm sober, as are you, not to mention Annie, who is vigilant about this kind of thing if she decides to be," he said. "And with our friends in the state they are, I think we'll know when they leave."
By that time, Steve and K returned from their dance, and K was sure to give both Peter and Scott a kiss on the cheek before reclaiming her spot on Logan's lap. Logan was already pushing an overly full rocks glass Steve's way with everything he'd 'missed'. "You still in this, Petey?" Logan asked.
"I'll be right back," Peter promised, holding one hand up as Sying pulled on the other one. "Apparently, I need to learn about tinkering from a seven-year-old."
"Try to keep up, Dr. Parker," K sang out.
Peter shook his head at the group of them as he let the two resident aliens take him out to the fenceline so that he could see just what it was they were up to.
Victor Creed had been sitting across from the Xavier Institute for most of the day. He was sure he'd seen a few of those do-gooders coming and going earlier, but there was no sign at all of any of them now, and all was incredibly quiet across the lawn.
Victor growled to himself. They had to be using the same whatever the hell it was here that they were using in Chicago. He just couldn't figure out what it was they were doing or how they did it. But when he suddenly saw Peter Parker and Noh-Varr with his little brat in tow, Victor started to pay a little closer attention.
There it was. The alien cockroach and the tinkering pain in the backside. And that was all Victor really wanted to know. He tossed his cigarette to the ground and hopped down from his perch to go give the pair of 'em a little bit of a calling card.
He went charging for them, but before he did more than breach the wall, everything seemed to go positively white. He couldn't move or roar or anything else that would have indicated any fraction of his displeasure … but he could hear what was going on. And he wasn't pleased in the least when it was Noh that got there first.
"Well, speak of the devil…" Noh said with a grin before he turned toward the kid. "Sying, would you go inside, please? Spiderman and I can take it from here." As soon as the kid scampered, Noh waved Peter over. "See? Total psionic paralysis… and he is not allowed on this lawn," he said, bending down to simply sling Creed over one shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
Peter shuddered. "And you're sure you want to be … touching him? I know the X-Men have an amazing locker room and everything, but still. Do I need to tell … I guess Annie or someone responsible to get the cell ready?"
"Oh no," Noh said, shaking his head. "He's not allowed on the lawn, let alone inside our home." He shrugged, bouncing Creed slightly. "We'll just take him out with the rest of the trash," he added, already turning toward the road, with Peter shaking his head the whole time in sheer disbelief and growing amusement.
They went a little way down the road before Noh dropped Creed on the side of it and dusted his hands off. "Now then. I have a cell wash in my ship that will remove this stench…" He looked around himself as if he could still see traces of Creed on his uniform and sighed. "If you like, you can call SHIELD and tell him where to find him, though I have little confidence in their ability to hold him — no offense intended to you, of course."
"Of course not," Peter said with a little shrug, looking one last time to where Creed had been unceremoniously dropped. "I mean. Dr. McCoy had a cell made specifically for him here and he still managed to get out, so I don't blame you not wanting him around."
"Thus, he is not allowed inside," Noh said, gesturing widely with one arm. "Now, do you feel any better? Shall we rejoin the party?"
"Well. That was certainly impressive," Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Might need a few tweaks to it, though …"
Noh looked genuinely thrilled to hear it. "What would you suggest?" he asked as he steered Peter back toward the mansion.
Meanwhile, Sying had run back inside to where the party was really getting rolling to go right to K and tug on her sleeve insistently, distracting her from her conversation with Sara. "Grammy Ka-a-a-ay!"
"Yes, sparkling little maple leaf of sunshine?" K said, turning his way and scooping him up. "You're almost as tall as me. Not. Fair. Stay tiny."
Sying grinned delightedly. "I'm a fast grower," he explained and gave her a kiss on the cheek before he remembered what he had run over to tell her. "Grammy K, my dad's security system knocked out the little bitch!"
K burst out laughing and leaned over onto Logan's shoulder for support. "That's fantastic, sweetheart," she said through tears in her eyes.
"Mmhmm. It was scary for a second, but then he fell over — splat!" Sying illustrated by slamming his hand into the palm of the other hand and laughed. "It was really funny; you should have seen it."
"Where'd that happen, kiddo?" Logan asked.
"By the front gate," he said. "Dad was showing Spidey how the psionic holograms work."
"And he's gone now?" Logan asked, clearly looking like he was considering going down to be sure.
"Mmhmm. Dad picked him up and said he wasn't allowed."
Logan shifted in his chair, and K turned even as she was on his lap to push him back. "No," she said. "We can start bringing it to him as soon as we get that last set of coordinates, but not. Today."
"Today's your birthday, silly," Sying said, shaking his head at Logan.
"Cap hasn't gotten you drunk enough for my liking yet," K added. "So sit back and try relaxing, unless you'd really rather spend the night with Victor rather than me."
"Yeah, Logan, sounds to me like it's all handled," Carol laughed as she pushed a drink into his hand.
"Even the boss man's relaxed," Kate called out, gesturing with her foot to where Scott was laughing hysterically at the whole conversation, since her hands were occupied holding onto Kurt to stay upright where she was sitting.
"It's not even a contest on where I'd rather be," Logan said as K leaned in to steal another long and involved kiss. Logan ended up with one arm around K as he leaned back in his seat and kept up with Cap until, a little while later, Peter and Noh came back, clearly grinning and chatting with each other about the possibilities to improve the system.
"Hey, we took out the trash," Peter called out with a grin once they were closer to the group. "You guys need a maid."
"You doin' my heavy liftin', Petey?" Logan asked with a smirk.
Peter brushed off his hand on his puffed-out chest with a grin. "Oh, you know. It's a dirty job…"
"Delousing station's thataway," Kate sang out, again pointing with her foot.
"Belt sander and rubbing alcohol with Henry … or you can kill it with whiskey…." K suggested.
"Second option sounds less terrifying," Peter said.
"And more fun," Sara said, waving him over. "You've been missing out."
"Yes," K said, nodding her head. "You're behind, Pete. Take a shot; get a kiss. Right, boys?"
"Best game yet," Kurt agreed, nuzzling into Kate with a crooked smile.
"Who's kissing Cap?" Peter asked with his nose wrinkled up and both hands raised. "Because I'm telling you now…"
"He's getting cheek kisses from Natasha and Jessica," Logan said. "Since his girl couldn't make it out tonight."
"I didn't even know you were dating someone," Sara said after she'd kissed Peter — before he'd even taken the shot.
"It's supposed to be on the Q.T.," Steve said as the two girls attacked him on either side.
"It's adorable," Kate giggled. "He's such an old romantic."
"At least you don't have to deal with him when she's gone on missions," Leslie Ann said, smirking at Carol and Jess, who were nodding their fervent agreement.
"Getting serious," Natasha said in a teasing whisper that both Logan and Steve could hear.
"Uh-oh," Logan drawled out. "Is that why you keep starin' at the little ones like that?"
"Oh, he does more than stare," Jess said. "I can't get him to stop playing with Gerry half the time."
"Did you see the look on his face when he got to hold Sadie the first time?" K asked. "His baby face is almost as good as Scott's."
"Hey, leave me out of it; I'm a grandfather now," Scott pointed out.
"So's Logan. Doesn't change anything," K chuckled.
"Not for you two," Scott said, leaning back and shaking his head at her.
"Don't tell me you're actually agreeing with him, Mr. Summers," K challenged.
"On what?" Scott shrugged easily. "The fact that you never age? Yeah, we agree on things that are provable fact."
"So then … you agree with him on just about everything. Okay. Good to know," K replied easily.
"Is that you agreeing with him too?" Scott shot back, grinning.
"You wish, baby face." K was grinning right back at him. "Unlike you, I don't need facts on my side."
"Well, that makes you confidently wrong."
"And gorgeous while I'm doin' it too," she laughed. "So … right."
"That is just not how that works," he said, shaking his head.
"Kind of is," Logan agreed, laughing. "At least for some things, it is."
Scott glanced Logan's way for a second before he burst out laughing, and it wasn't until he got his breath back that he told K, "See? We disagree."
She leaned closer to Scott to drop her voice low. "Only when he's trying to get what he wants."
He was still laughing as he shook his head at her. "If you say so."
By that point, the young kids in the mansion had been shepherded to bed, so it wasn't long before the rest of the mansion residents joined the group. Jubilee and Noh were already teasing Kate and Kurt over something or other — and Annie made her way over to Scott with a grin to steal a kiss. "Well, it looks like everyone had a good time."
"Yeah, got him all warmed up for you, Annie," K said, though the whiskey was no longer flowing quite so freely.
"Which I very much appreciate," Annie said with a little laugh.
"We live to serve the boss lady," Kate called her way, clearly enjoying her own buzz and her own buzzed husband.
"One last round, Slim," Logan said, pouring both of them a shot.
Annie grinned his way and saluted Logan with her glass. "Happy birthday, Logan," she said before she threw hers back and a widely grinning Scott followed her — looking at her and not Logan.
"And I think the numbers on this thing prove I'm getting too old for this," Logan said with a grin, finally pulling K along with him too.
"Don't break a hip!" Kate called after him.
"Incredibly hard to do," he called back. "You'll have to tell me what you do for caution."
"Too young for that to be a concern, dinosaur!"
"If you say so, big sis!" K called her way with a laugh.
"She's never gonna let that go," Kate grumbled to Kurt, who chuckled at her.
"Not until they start calling you her mother," Kurt laughed.
"Don't even start or she'll get it in her head to start early," Kate said, sticking her finger in his face with her sternest look — though that quickly evaporated when he responded by taking that hand, turning it over, and kissing her palm.
As the X-Men all started to take their leave of the party, Sara took Peter by the arm, shaking her head and grinning at him. "If this is what they do for every party, I'm starting to see why you have that little army of troublemakers to play with," she teased as they headed out as well.
"Well … it's not always like this, but it depends on all the stars lining up right."
"Well, it was fun," she said, resting her head on his shoulder as they walked. "I haven't laughed that much in a while!"
"Yeah, you were getting along pretty well with K again, weren't you?" Peter asked. "What do you girls … talk … about?"
"Oh, she just wanted to know more about what I did with SHIELD," Sara said easily. "HR paperwork isn't quite as exciting as what she does, but she seemed interested, anyway. I told her that's how we met when you came to get the department transfer… You know, the usual 'get to know you' things, I suppose."
"Uh-huh," Peter said, not at all buying the angle. "Did she happen to tell you anything about herself in the process?"
Sara thought about it for a moment and then shook her head. "Not really. But there's a whole book about her, isn't there? I mean, I'm sure she doesn't like to retell her story."
"She really doesn't," Peter had to agree. "So … I guess it wouldn't be horrible if we went back one of these Sundays when Annie goes all out?"
"That actually sounds wonderful," Sara agreed quickly, smiling widely at him.
Peter nodded a few times. "Alright then. I'll … ask Annie when her next turn is."
"I can't wait," she said before she had to give him a playful sort of look and added, "I have it from a reliable source she's the second-best cook in the world, next to your aunt, of course."
Peter had no idea how to respond to that but to blush and smile, shaking his head. "Well … you know."
She stood up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thanks for inviting me, Peter."
"Oh, hey. Thanks for going with me. Logan and his group can be a little rowdy, and this was … kinda tame, really."
"I run an HR department for SHIELD, Peter. I can handle rowdy," she assured him.
"Does that mean you've been on board when Fury's had his poker games, because those are … not nice."
"No, but I've been on board when a Skrull prisoner decided to break out and go nuts, and let me tell you, seeing yourself breaking out of a window is weird."
"Oh, yeah, tell me about it," Peter laughed.
"And I take calls from General Ross and others when they're mad at SHIELD for something or other. I can handle rowdy."
He cringed dramatically. "Okay, okay, message delivered. Do not doubt the HR lady."
She laughed and squeezed his arm. "I mean, I'm not Spiderman…"
"Well, there's only two of me," he teased.
She laughed at that and stood on her toes to steal another kiss, grinning before Peter opened the door for her to the car. "There's only one Peter Parker," she pointed out, and he grinned and blushed again, falling silent and trying not to look too much like a grinning idiot.
He definitely still looked like a grinning idiot, though. There was no stopping that.