A/N: ME HIGH ON ROOT BEER! UH-OH...JUST READ MAH FIC "HP AND THE NORMAL YEAR" AND YOU'LL KNOW. IT'S UNDER MY sexy_fleur ACCOUNT.
This really should'nt offend anybody...and I'm not at all trying to offend Pearl Harbor. It's just...For Idiots!!! Lol....
I'm skipping several scenes..like the physical examination scene, etc. I just want to focus on certain stuff. For idiots. Lol again...
Disclaimer: Bay....Bruckheimer...Wallace....you know the drill.
***
Pearl Harbor...For Idiots!
***
SCENE 1:
In Tennessee. Nostalgic music plays in background.
Little Rafe: Hey, Danny! Let's go sit in a hole of wood and pretend we're fighting the Krauts in the war!
Little Danny: Ok! 'Cuz that is quality entertainment, I think!! Plus there's nothing better to do on this Hollywood-embellished farm!
Little Rafe: No kidding.
The kids pretend to fly around for a bit. Until...uh-oh! It's Mr. Walker! *scary music* *DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!!!*
[I forget his first name] Walker: I thought I told you to quit playing with this kid!
Danny: Sorry.
Mr. Walker: [gets mad]
Rafe: [hits him with a wood beam] Go away German!
Mr. Walker: [to put it shortly] I fought the Germans. [he and Danny walk away] [readers are baffled]
SCENE 2:
Rafe and Danny are all growed up. They are flying around in ittle planes.
Rafe: Go right.
Danny: Go left?
Rafe: Go right.
Danny: Ok.
They do the Outside Loop.
Plane Commander Guy: That was reckless and irresponsible!
Rafe: I know. *starts to cry* I'm sorry.
Plane Commander Guy: It's ok. But I wanna ask ya something.
Rafe: *wipes tears* What is it?
Plane Commander Guy: Here's the plan: go to England, get in a plane, and try to fight the Germans.
Rafe: In other words...self-inflicted suicide?
Plane Commander Guy: You got it!
Rafe: Okie doke.
SCENE 3
In the train. Evelyn and da nurses are sitting around.
Sandra: So, Ev, I hear ya got youself a man!
Evelyn: Yup.
Barbara: Is he good?
Evelyn: Yup.
Betty: Is he hella hot?
Evelyn: Damn yes.
Martha: Cool!
Evelyn: Yeah. *they get off the plane. Ev greets Rafe* Hey there.
Rafe: Hey there. *gives her flowers* Let's go dancing.
Evelyn: Ok.
SCENE 4
They dance.
Evelyn: I don't want to be around people tonight, Rafe.
Rafe: Me neither. Let's go get on a tugboat and illegally row out to a grand cruise ship where I almost fall off.
Evelyn: That sounds like fun! *they do that*
SCENE 5
Outside the hotel.
Rafe: I have to go to the war.
Evelyn: Do you have to?
Rafe: Uh yeah.
Evelyn: Ok then. Just don't get yourself killed.
Rafe: But that's the point of going.
Evelyn: Ok. [enticingly] Let's go inside, baby.
Rafe:
To himself: YESSSS!!!!!!! GOODY GOODY GOODY!!!!
To Evelyn: Ok, baby.
They walk in, but walk out.
Rafe: Umm...I changed my mind.
Evelyn: DANGIT! NOW I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!!!!!
Sandra: I'm gonna have the SAME problem, dearie.
SCENE 6
At the train station.
Rafe: Guess I gotta go to da war, Danny.
Danny: Yep.
Rafe: Bye. *He gets on train. Sitting there, he sees Evelyn looking for him* She loves me!
SCENE 7:
After weeks and weeks and months in Pearl Harbor, Oahu, Hawaii with Danny doing plane crap and Evelyn doing nurse crap, word comes that Rafe is dead.
Danny: Rafe is dead.
Evelyn: Rafe is dead?
Danny: Yup.
Evelyn: Oh. WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! *cries on his shoulder*
Danny: Ooh, I like her!
SCENE 8:
Danny: Evelyn...I have a crush on you.
Evelyn: What a coinky-dink! I have a crush on you, too!
Danny: Let's go in a plane, watch the sunset, do a couple barrel rolls, then have sex in the hangars!!!
Evelyn: Okay! *they do that*
Danny: That was fun!
Evelyn: If you say so.
SCENE 9:
Rafe is alive and goes to Pearl Harbor
Rafe: I'm alive.
Evelyn: Oops.
Rafe: Whaddya mean, 'oops?'
Evelyn: Me and Danny had sex.
Rafe: DAMN!!! *storms off in a fury*
Danny: Oops.
Evelyn: Not your fault. *they make out*
SCENE 10
At the bar. Rafe and Danny are in a brawl.
Danny: YOU *[CENSORED]* HOLE!!!!
Rafe: YOU MOTHER *[CENSORED]* !!!!!
Danny: Let's go drive off in a car before the cops come.
Rafe: Ok. *they do that*
SCENE 11
The Japanese guyz are wading around in a ridiculous bathtub of ships.
Yammamoto: And here is where we bomb them from -
Japanese Guy: WHERE'S MAH RUBBER DUCKY?????
Genda: Why in the hell did we hire these guys??????
Yammamoto: No idea, my fellow evil-guy. *takes two Excedrin migraine pills*
Genda: Give me some of those! *takes them all* Oops...me not feel so good....*is stoned*
That is why we were bombed. Genda was stoned. Anyhoo....
SCENE 12:
The Japanese start bombing. Show Rafe and Danny, having their famous almost-slashy moment in the car.
Danny: We're being bombed!
Rafe: Shut up. *falls back asleep* *then awakens* WE ARE?!?!? *they drive off*
SCENE 13:
Back at Pearl. Ships are flooding. Men are dying. It is a true Hollywood scene. Cuz it is.
Dorie Miller: I AM MACHO MAN!!!! *shoots that big ol' gun thingie* YEAHHH!!!!!!!
SCENE 14:
Evelyn: I never knew what to do about Rafe and Danny...and now they're bombing us!!! And even I could die! *to herself* Well...no matter...at least I won't be dying a virgin.
Sandra: That is ALWAYS my biggest fear.
Barbara: Come on! These guyz are dying! *they help the guys, and many die*
SCENE 15
Rafe: *running out there into the bombing ships* Get me in a plane!
Danny: Ok. *they go in planes and shoot 7 planes. Jap planes. Not American planes. I think....*
Rafe: Woo-hoo!!!.
SCENE 16:
Then the bomb is over.
Doolittle: I need you for a Top Secret Mission. You with me?
Rafe: Ok.
Danny: Ditto.
Doolittle: Perfect!!!!
SCENE 17:
Evelyn: Rafe, I'm pregnant!!
Rafe: Omg...wtf...
Evelyn: Sorry.
Rafe: I...I...*gets nostalgic* I hope you and Danny are happy together! *to himself* And I've seen this movie before...he'll die, and I'll get the gurl!!!
SCENE 18:
After the Top Secret Mission. Their planes have been shot down, and Danny lies in the wreckage.
Danny: Not...gonna...make it....
Rafe: But you're gonna be a father.
Danny: Then you do it. *dies*
Rafe: WAAAAHHH!!!!
Gooz: What are you crying about?
Red: He's sad 'cuz Danny is dead, idiot!!
Rafe: NOOO!!! *SOBS* I...DON'T...*SOB*...WANNA...BE....*WIPES TEARS*....A...FATHER!!!!!
Anthony: [even though he's supposed to be dead right now] I feel ya, man. *pats Rafe's shoulder*
SCENE 19:
Evelyn: Wanna go get a farm and raise little Danny in some desolate country field?
Rafe: Do I have a choice?
Evelyn: Nope. This is Hollywood. We do what Michael tells us.
Rafe: Ok.
THE END
I cannot believe I just wrote that...blame the Root Beer!!!
This really should'nt offend anybody...and I'm not at all trying to offend Pearl Harbor. It's just...For Idiots!!! Lol....
I'm skipping several scenes..like the physical examination scene, etc. I just want to focus on certain stuff. For idiots. Lol again...
Disclaimer: Bay....Bruckheimer...Wallace....you know the drill.
***
Pearl Harbor...For Idiots!
***
SCENE 1:
In Tennessee. Nostalgic music plays in background.
Little Rafe: Hey, Danny! Let's go sit in a hole of wood and pretend we're fighting the Krauts in the war!
Little Danny: Ok! 'Cuz that is quality entertainment, I think!! Plus there's nothing better to do on this Hollywood-embellished farm!
Little Rafe: No kidding.
The kids pretend to fly around for a bit. Until...uh-oh! It's Mr. Walker! *scary music* *DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!!!*
[I forget his first name] Walker: I thought I told you to quit playing with this kid!
Danny: Sorry.
Mr. Walker: [gets mad]
Rafe: [hits him with a wood beam] Go away German!
Mr. Walker: [to put it shortly] I fought the Germans. [he and Danny walk away] [readers are baffled]
SCENE 2:
Rafe and Danny are all growed up. They are flying around in ittle planes.
Rafe: Go right.
Danny: Go left?
Rafe: Go right.
Danny: Ok.
They do the Outside Loop.
Plane Commander Guy: That was reckless and irresponsible!
Rafe: I know. *starts to cry* I'm sorry.
Plane Commander Guy: It's ok. But I wanna ask ya something.
Rafe: *wipes tears* What is it?
Plane Commander Guy: Here's the plan: go to England, get in a plane, and try to fight the Germans.
Rafe: In other words...self-inflicted suicide?
Plane Commander Guy: You got it!
Rafe: Okie doke.
SCENE 3
In the train. Evelyn and da nurses are sitting around.
Sandra: So, Ev, I hear ya got youself a man!
Evelyn: Yup.
Barbara: Is he good?
Evelyn: Yup.
Betty: Is he hella hot?
Evelyn: Damn yes.
Martha: Cool!
Evelyn: Yeah. *they get off the plane. Ev greets Rafe* Hey there.
Rafe: Hey there. *gives her flowers* Let's go dancing.
Evelyn: Ok.
SCENE 4
They dance.
Evelyn: I don't want to be around people tonight, Rafe.
Rafe: Me neither. Let's go get on a tugboat and illegally row out to a grand cruise ship where I almost fall off.
Evelyn: That sounds like fun! *they do that*
SCENE 5
Outside the hotel.
Rafe: I have to go to the war.
Evelyn: Do you have to?
Rafe: Uh yeah.
Evelyn: Ok then. Just don't get yourself killed.
Rafe: But that's the point of going.
Evelyn: Ok. [enticingly] Let's go inside, baby.
Rafe:
To himself: YESSSS!!!!!!! GOODY GOODY GOODY!!!!
To Evelyn: Ok, baby.
They walk in, but walk out.
Rafe: Umm...I changed my mind.
Evelyn: DANGIT! NOW I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!!!!!
Sandra: I'm gonna have the SAME problem, dearie.
SCENE 6
At the train station.
Rafe: Guess I gotta go to da war, Danny.
Danny: Yep.
Rafe: Bye. *He gets on train. Sitting there, he sees Evelyn looking for him* She loves me!
SCENE 7:
After weeks and weeks and months in Pearl Harbor, Oahu, Hawaii with Danny doing plane crap and Evelyn doing nurse crap, word comes that Rafe is dead.
Danny: Rafe is dead.
Evelyn: Rafe is dead?
Danny: Yup.
Evelyn: Oh. WAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!! *cries on his shoulder*
Danny: Ooh, I like her!
SCENE 8:
Danny: Evelyn...I have a crush on you.
Evelyn: What a coinky-dink! I have a crush on you, too!
Danny: Let's go in a plane, watch the sunset, do a couple barrel rolls, then have sex in the hangars!!!
Evelyn: Okay! *they do that*
Danny: That was fun!
Evelyn: If you say so.
SCENE 9:
Rafe is alive and goes to Pearl Harbor
Rafe: I'm alive.
Evelyn: Oops.
Rafe: Whaddya mean, 'oops?'
Evelyn: Me and Danny had sex.
Rafe: DAMN!!! *storms off in a fury*
Danny: Oops.
Evelyn: Not your fault. *they make out*
SCENE 10
At the bar. Rafe and Danny are in a brawl.
Danny: YOU *[CENSORED]* HOLE!!!!
Rafe: YOU MOTHER *[CENSORED]* !!!!!
Danny: Let's go drive off in a car before the cops come.
Rafe: Ok. *they do that*
SCENE 11
The Japanese guyz are wading around in a ridiculous bathtub of ships.
Yammamoto: And here is where we bomb them from -
Japanese Guy: WHERE'S MAH RUBBER DUCKY?????
Genda: Why in the hell did we hire these guys??????
Yammamoto: No idea, my fellow evil-guy. *takes two Excedrin migraine pills*
Genda: Give me some of those! *takes them all* Oops...me not feel so good....*is stoned*
That is why we were bombed. Genda was stoned. Anyhoo....
SCENE 12:
The Japanese start bombing. Show Rafe and Danny, having their famous almost-slashy moment in the car.
Danny: We're being bombed!
Rafe: Shut up. *falls back asleep* *then awakens* WE ARE?!?!? *they drive off*
SCENE 13:
Back at Pearl. Ships are flooding. Men are dying. It is a true Hollywood scene. Cuz it is.
Dorie Miller: I AM MACHO MAN!!!! *shoots that big ol' gun thingie* YEAHHH!!!!!!!
SCENE 14:
Evelyn: I never knew what to do about Rafe and Danny...and now they're bombing us!!! And even I could die! *to herself* Well...no matter...at least I won't be dying a virgin.
Sandra: That is ALWAYS my biggest fear.
Barbara: Come on! These guyz are dying! *they help the guys, and many die*
SCENE 15
Rafe: *running out there into the bombing ships* Get me in a plane!
Danny: Ok. *they go in planes and shoot 7 planes. Jap planes. Not American planes. I think....*
Rafe: Woo-hoo!!!.
SCENE 16:
Then the bomb is over.
Doolittle: I need you for a Top Secret Mission. You with me?
Rafe: Ok.
Danny: Ditto.
Doolittle: Perfect!!!!
SCENE 17:
Evelyn: Rafe, I'm pregnant!!
Rafe: Omg...wtf...
Evelyn: Sorry.
Rafe: I...I...*gets nostalgic* I hope you and Danny are happy together! *to himself* And I've seen this movie before...he'll die, and I'll get the gurl!!!
SCENE 18:
After the Top Secret Mission. Their planes have been shot down, and Danny lies in the wreckage.
Danny: Not...gonna...make it....
Rafe: But you're gonna be a father.
Danny: Then you do it. *dies*
Rafe: WAAAAHHH!!!!
Gooz: What are you crying about?
Red: He's sad 'cuz Danny is dead, idiot!!
Rafe: NOOO!!! *SOBS* I...DON'T...*SOB*...WANNA...BE....*WIPES TEARS*....A...FATHER!!!!!
Anthony: [even though he's supposed to be dead right now] I feel ya, man. *pats Rafe's shoulder*
SCENE 19:
Evelyn: Wanna go get a farm and raise little Danny in some desolate country field?
Rafe: Do I have a choice?
Evelyn: Nope. This is Hollywood. We do what Michael tells us.
Rafe: Ok.
THE END
I cannot believe I just wrote that...blame the Root Beer!!!