Originally posted on AO3.
Last installment of the Snapshots of Passing Time series.
Nobody really came to the Kunugigaoka Library.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. A more accurate statement would be, "Nobody really came to the Kunugigaoka Library except on Sunday."
On Sundays, the most beautiful young woman with long, silky black hair and the face of a kindly angel would descend upon the steps to the library at exactly 1:30 PM with two books - almost always different, never the same twice - under her arm and a glorious smile that would brighten even the saddest of days. Among the frequent visitors of the library, she had been given the honorary title of "The Literary Goddess". She was so kind, gentle, and polite to everyone who spoke to her, even with the librarian with whom she chatted often.
Ah, yes, the librarian.
The reason why nobody would come on any day other than Sunday.
Nobody was sure of what the librarian's face looked like. It was always well hidden behind a curtain of curly, coarse hair and a thick book often titled along the lines of "The Curse of the Century" or "Twenty Spells of Revenge" or even "Summoning the Devil: A Tale of Deception." Behind the book, sometimes soft and chilling laughter would float through the air, causing passerby to turn pale and scurry away from the main desk as fast as they could. Sometimes the echos of the laughter would chase them down through the bookcase hallways and right out the door.
So great was her infamy that she was given the name "The Librarian from Hell."
The Literary Goddess was Kanzaki Yukiko.
The Librarian from Hell was Hazama Kirara.
At the tender age of 25, the two of them were parts of an unusual cliche love story.
...
...
"Kirara-san, you have dust in your hair," Kanzaki reaches over to pluck out said dust with her delicate fingertips. "What are you reading this time?"
Hazama tilts the book cover upwards to reveal the title written in sloping kanji. "'The Promising Writer's Guide to Fiction'," her voice gives away her curiosity. "This is a bit different from usual, isn't it Kirara-san?"
Hazama sweeps her bangs aside to reveal her rarely seen oval face. Despite the suspicious rumors circulating about her, she did have surprisingly handsome features. At the moment, her pale cheeks are tainted the faintest shade of pink. "I thought that I would try to contribute to the printed world," her voice is stiff and uncharacteristically shy. "There's a short fiction contest in Wordsworth magazine next year on Valentine's Day. I thought of submitting a small piece."
"Oh, yes, I remember seeing that article. Tomohito-san asked if I would compete," a small smile spreads on her face at the thought of her high school sweetheart.
Hazama smiles at the fact that it took until high school for Kanzaki to even consider Sugino her sweetheart. "Are you going to?"
"No, I don't think so. I have my hands tied at the retirement home," Kanzaki gestures with the books in her hands. "Lately my reading circle has gotten much bigger. Now they're asking for two stories to be read per day."
"Are the members of your reading circle all men by any chance?"
"Yes. Why?"
Hazama wishes Sugino luck from the bottom of her dark heart.
"But Kirara-san, isn't the contest for love stories?" Hazama cringes at the word 'love' as if it had physically stabbed her. "Do you have any experience?"
"No, but I've watched pairs in our old class form one after another. Using that experience should be enough," Hazama's tone is dismissive. "Besides, any writer worth her salt can write about anything and make it sound believable."
Kanzaki smiles her soft smile and for a moment Hazama is blinded. Sometimes it was hard to determine who had a more refreshing smile, Kanzaki or Isogai. Kurahashi definitely won on brightness though. "I see. Good luck."
"Thanks," Hazama checks out her books and goes back to reading her guide, fingers tracing over each word with loving detail.
...
...
It's the first Sunday of July when an unexpected face shows up. Hazama glances up momentarily at the sound of the door opening, expecting to see Kanzaki. It's not Kanzaki.
"Oh? Do I know you?" Hazama remains silent in the face of the question. What's-his-name had grown out his hair to actually over the rest of his head, but in a good way. Her eyes drift over her his well-tailored suit and Rolex watch with little interest. "Ah, yes, didn't we go to the same middle school. You were in Class E, weren't you?"
"I'm surprised that you remember us lowly peasants of Class E," Hazama remembers his face but not his name. What was his name? All she remembered was that he was in Class A with Asano Gakushuu.
"I never forget the face of a lady," ah, now she remembers. The playboy who outclassed even Maehara. The only one who could possibly flirt with her without vomiting on his own words.
Sakakibara Ren. Class A's prized poet.
"Is there anything in particular that you are looking for?" Hazama decides to play the polite salesperson. Maybe it would get him out faster.
"Yes, there is," Sakakibara's eyes scan the shelves. "Though it seems that it isn't here yet."
"If you want to make a reservation for a newly arrived book then please write down her your name and phone number here - "
"You misunderstand," Sakakibara leans on the desk in a way that would be attractive to any other girl. To Hazama it looked like he was losing his balance. "What I want is a priceless object of the utmost beauty, one that has constantly evaded my grasp since our middle school days."
Hazama must have looked nonplussed because Sakakibara tried to clarify. "Kanzaki Yukiko."
"Oh," Hazama glances at the small wooden carriage clock she keeps on her desk. The time read 12:30 PM. "She comes here every Sunday at 1:30 PM. Classics section."
"Thank you for the information," Sakakibara's eyes glimmer with anticipation. "Do you have a chair to lend to me while I wait for my princess?"
"No."
"Oh."
He leaves for the Classics section and Hazama is surprised to find herself pitying him. Kanzaki was the loyal type. No matter how handsome a man appeared before her asking for her hand, her heart was devoted to Sugino first and foremost.
Well, it wasn't any of her business. If anything, this might make good fodder for her love story. She had hit a wall in the very beginning of writing, so any materiel would be good.
I'm better at writing tragedies anyway, her lips curl into a wicked smile. Who says a love story can't be sad?
At exactly 1:30 PM, Kanzaki comes through the door with all of her goddess-ness trailing behind her like a wedding veil of glory and her face seems to glow even more than normal. Hazama guessed that it was because Sugino, who had been overseas so long for an international baseball tournament, had finally come home. Kanzaki drops off her old books in the return bin, nods to Hazama, and drifts into the Classics section like she did every Sunday.
A few seconds later, Hazama hears Sakakibara's voice booming a little too loudly for a library voice. "Ah! Kanzaki-san! What a coincidence!"
On that day, several unfortunate passerby reported hearing a loud cackle coming from the main desk. "Like a witch!" they whispered among themselves. "You'll be cursed if you hear it!"
Unfortunately for them, the fun was just beginning.
...
...
It became routine for Sakakibara to drop in every Sunday as well, coming a least half an hour earlier than Kanzaki did only to ambush her from behind and exclaim of coincidences and fate and destiny. Hazama wrote down every cheesy word she heard coming from his mouth in hopes of writer's inspiration. While she still had no good ideas for her story, she did manage to snatch interesting bits of information that Sakakibara accidentally let slip every once in a while. Like that he had a white pet cat named "Yukihime" (even his cat was a princess to him) who he read to every day ("She's unable to sleep without the sound of my voice!"). Or that his favorite Japanese author was Dazai Osamu whose words intrigued his mind ("Ah, look! His work is right here! You should try them!"). Hazama had to admire his tenacity despite the obvious fact that he wasn't making any progress.
One Sunday had Kanzaki coming up to the desk with Sakakibara immediately behind her, carrying her books. Hazama raised an eyebrow. "He offered to carry them for me," Kanzaki explains with a flustered smile. "I couldn't refuse."
Hazama understood the girl code to mean, "He didn't let me refuse."
As she checks each book out - Kanzaki had two books by Dazai Osamu, both of which had probably been forced upon her - she eavesdrops on their one-sided conversation.
"My father has bought a new cruise ship with her maiden voyage next Friday towards Okinawa. Three days. Would you like to come?" his tone is flattering but his words are crafty. "Of course, Sugino-kun is free to come as well. It would be nice to see him again."
Kanzaki visibly hesitates. Hazama knew from their occasional conversations that she and Sugino rarely had times to go on trips together, what with Sugino's uprising baseball career and her own duties (popularity) at the retirement home. A cruise to Okinawa was too tempting for a busy couple. "I'll talk to him about it," she finally says with an uncertain smile. "I'm sure that Tomohito-san will love the idea."
"Wonderful! Here's my phone number," Sakakibara pulls out a business card from somewhere inside his suit and hands it to her between two fingers. "Please, give me a call when you've decided."
He leaves in high spirits and Hazama turns to Kanzaki who is staring at the card with a conflicted look on her face. "You aren't actually thinking of going, are you?" Hazama balances her chin on her palm. "I'm pretty sure that Sugino would throw a fit if he knew that Sakakibara Ren invited you."
"I'm sure Tomohito-san wouldn't do that," Kanzaki smiles at her. "Kirara-san, what about you? Would you like to come along as well? I'm sure that Sakakibara-kun wouldn't mind one extra person."
"Nah, I'll pass on summer and sunshine," Hazama waves her hands to the books surrounding her. "I'm fine with staying in my dimly-lit, air-conditioned sanctuary. You could invite Nagisa-kun and Kayano though. Isn't their anniversary on Saturday? I'm pretty sure they'd love a trip on a cruise as an anniversary gift."
"Oh, what a wonderful idea!" Kanzaki's eyes light up and it's at times like these when Hazama is uncomfortably reminded of Kurahashi. "You're right, they would love it! Oh, thank you, thank you so much, Kirara-san!" Kanzaki scoops up her books and dashes out the door in a highly unladylike fashion. It was endearing.
Hazama stretches out her limbs comfortably, pondering how many disappointed Kanzaki fans would walk out the doors next Sunday. The thought amuses her.
...
...
Kanzaki comes in two weeks later on Sunday at 11:00 AM with fading tan lines and an apology on her perfect lips. "I'm sorry, Kirara-san. I meant to return the books on Thursday before we left for the trip, but I ended up forgetting."
"Don't worry about it," Hazama takes the books from her and glances at the computer's cataloging system. "You're only a day late, so I won't charge you. Consider it a friendship thing. Or something. How was the cruise?"
"It was heavenly," her voice turns dreamy. "Tomohito-san and I were watching Nagisa-kun and Kaede-san and he said to me, "In the future, that'll be us."..." her sweet laughter rings through the library like soft bells. Her fans hidden behind every corner pop their heads out and watch her hungrily.
"Yukiko-san, I think it'd be better if you left early today," Hazama sends her witchiest glare at them and they scatter like scared rabbits. "If there are any books you need, just tell me and I'll fetch them for you."
"Oh, no, that's okay. The retirement home is putting a bit of a break on the reading circle for a while," Kanzaki's frown is puzzled. "For some reason, the women there are demanding for it to be disbanded, I wonder why..."
Hazama smirks and it sends the rest of Kanzaki's lingering fans running. "Don't change, Yukiko-san. Never change."
"Okay?"
...
...
Sakakibara comes in at 1:00 PM, looking frazzled. "Oh, Miss Librarian," he calls Hazama by a nickname to make up for not remembering her actual name. "Has Kanzaki-san come in?"
"She did. You missed her," Hazama watches his face and realizes that it looks tired and drawn. "What happened to you?"
"What?" he asks distractedly. "Oh, sorry. I've been a bit on edge since coming back from the cruise. You know, getting back into the rhythm of work and whatnot," he tries to laugh and it ends in a lame cough. "Since she isn't here, I'll come back next Sunday as well. Well then, please excuse me."
He bows and leaves and Hazama watches him go with the smallest bit of sympathy going through her heart. 'Smallest' being the key word.
What the hell happened on that cruise?
...
...
Wednesday brings a second surprise visitor to her library in the form of a redheaded devil in a semi-formal suit without a tie. "Karma," she greets him with his name. "What are you here for?"
"I was in the area and I remembered that this was your workplace. Why not, right?" Akabane Karma a.k.a. Youngest Deputy Prime Minister in Japan's History gives her a devilish smile. "Also, do you happen to have the final comic of the Sonic Ninja series? I've been looking for it everywhere."
Some things never changed. Hazama rolls her eyes and types it into her computer's search bar. "Whoa, that thing is old," Karma taps on the beige box of a computer. "Want a raise in funding? I can probably pull some strings for you. Even Gakushuu-kun would be willing to shell out some extra cash for his hometown library," he spoke of Asano Gakushuu a.k.a. Youngest Prime Minister in Japan's History with casual arrogance.
"Being Vice President suits you," Hazama comments. "You have more room to stretch out under the facade of doing nothing."
Karma gives a charming shark-tooth smile made for the cameras (or intimidation). "Somebody needs to do the dirty work. Without Gakushuu-kun knowing anything, of course."
Her computer pings a hit on her search and she stands up from her chair. "It's in the Graphic Novel section. I'll walk you," they sojourn together through the rows of shelves. Hazama hears soft giggling from teenage girls following in their footsteps. "You too?" Hazama groans. "Fanboys are bad enough. But now fangirls?"
"Fanboys? You've been holding out on me, Hazama-san," Karma says in his snarky way.
"Not me. Yukiko-san. She drops by every so often," they reach the Graphic Novels and she bends down to root through a shelf of American comics. "Sonic Ninja final issue... what's the number?"
"Fifty-four," Karma's eyes scan over various manga. "Anyway, sorry about them. They follow Gakushuu-kun and me around a lot. I think they're waiting for us to kiss or something. You know how fujoshis are."
Hazama tries to erase the image from her mind's eye. "Do they know that you both have someone?"
"I thought it would be better not to make that public. For Manami's safety. And Rio's," Karma adds the blonde's name as an afterthought. "Though both she and Gakushuu-kun have been thinking about announcing their relationship."
"Hm," Hazama finds the comic wedged between two other unrelated comics. "How is she feeling? Okuda, I mean."
"She's still throwing up in the morning," Karma accepts the comic and flicks through it. "Keep the date for my wedding open, will you?"
"You'll be the third pair to be married from Class E," Nagisa and Kayano had been first, then Chiba and Hayami second. Hazama thinks for a moment. "Or maybe the fourth. It seems that Yukiko-san and Sugino are finally getting serious."
"Finally indeed," Karma checks his watch. "I've got to go. There's some huge meeting and I need to show my face."
They head back to the main desk and Hazama checks out the comic. "Comics need to come back in one week, not two," Hazama says.
"I'll keep that in mind," Karma takes the book and waves goodbye, taking his fangirls with him.
The moment he leaves she curses herself for not asking him more about his romance. Her tragic love story was tragic, but empty without genuine lovey-dovey details. She wonders if she could call Yoshida and ask how his relationship with Hara was going.
Thoughts awhirl, she goes back to her story with a will, describing a pathetic one-sided love which was sure to end in nothing but misery.
...
...
He's getting desperate, Hazama observes as Sakakibara bursts through the doors with a bouquet of red roses in hand. He's dressed in a fashionable Armani suit with his hair combed back from his face. For the first time she notices women who had followed him to the library trail behind him like an ant line. It's 12:00 PM and a cloudy day. It would probably rain soon.
"Miss Librarian," Sakakibara greets her out of breath. "Good afternoon."
Hazama nods to him and discreetly writes down 'red roses' on her notepad that she kept in her keyboard drawer. He looks haggard and near miserable. Hazama thinks that it suits him better than his usual bravado.
As he staggers off to the Classics section, Hazama remembers what Kanzaki had said about the reading circle at the retirement home being put on hold...
Against her better judgement, Hazama stands and walks to the Classics section where she finds Sakakibara sitting on a footstool with the bouquet of roses on his lap and a The Tale of Genji in his hands. His hands wobble oh-so-slightly from what was probably exhaustion.
"She's not coming today," Hazama watches as his head jerks upwards towards her, eyes wide. "She doesn't need books for a few weeks, at least that's what I heard."
Sakakibara visibly slumps and looks back down at his book. "Oh," he said in a small voice. "Then I'll be on my way," he makes to rise and is about to put the book back on the shelf before he rethinks it. "I'll be checking this book out, please."
"Sure," she takes the book from his surprisingly limp hand and turns to walk back to her desk. She hears heavy footsteps fading behind her, one for two of hers. She looks at the book in her hands and wonders at his choosing. "He's a little like you," she says out loud without thinking about it. The footsteps behind her stop altogether.
"What?" Sakakibara's voice is strangled. Hazama feels lucky that she can't see his face. She hadn't meant to say it out.
"Genji," Hazama sits down at her chair and taps the book's spine against the desk's edge. "The perfect golden boy whom everyone loves and admires, and he can do no wrong in everybody's eyes," her eyes drift to the accumulating fangirls behind him. They send her evil glares and she sends one back tinted with the old bloodlust. They drop their gazes first and Hazama smirks.
"Don't laugh at me."
Hazama's lips purse as she realized the misunderstanding. "I'm not," she scans the book's bar-code and hands it to him. He doesn't lift a hand to take it and she instead places it in front of him on the desk. "I just think that you're similar, being golden boys and all."
"But he also pursues an impossible love for a woman whom he could not possibly touch, and when he can't have her he finds a surrogate for her," Sakakibara wears an ugly look on his face, unbecoming of his fine features. "Are you saying that I should find someone else?"
"That wasn't my intention. But yes, you should," Hazama speaks candidly. "I don't see why you pursue Yukiko-san when she's clearly in love with someone else. Or do you think she'll be like Lady Fujitsubo and love you and have an affair with you?" the book sits between them smugly as they reference it. "Moving on isn't terrible. Unless you think that it'll ruin your record with women."
Sakakibara's arm suddenly shoots up with the bouquet in hand and for one irrational moment, Hazama thinks that he'll strike her with it. Instead he throws the roses onto her desk where they burst into an explosion of petals. "What would you know?" every syllable is angry and forced. "An ugly girl like you wouldn't know anything about love!"
"That's true," Hazama plucks petals out of her hair and massages them between her fingers. They're soft and silky to touch. Her indifference seemed to shock Sakakibara more than his own words. "Well, if you want to keep trying, I won't stop you. If she ever comes by again, I'll give you a call."
"Oh," it was interesting that he looked so guilty. "Um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean - "
"One way or another, it came out of your mouth," Hazama deflects his apology with a careless wave of her hand. "Take your Genji and go before I change my mind."
Sakakibara hesitantly picks up the book and gives her another bow.
"One more thing," she calls after him the moment he's about to walk out the door. "I like clematis flowers better than roses."
He flushes and she sniggers to herself at the redness in his cheeks. In high spirits she pulls out her notepad and starts writing down notes for the story.
...
...
It surprises her when the next day, Sakakibara comes in with a shy bouquet of purple clematis blossoms in his hand. He hands them to her and gives her a deep bow.
"I acted shamefully yesterday. Calling a woman ugly... I've never done that before, and I never want to again," his eyes implore forgiveness. "I so sorry."
She touches the apologetic flowers gently and cannot help but smile a little at the gesture. "Thank you," she says. She wonders if she has a vase that she could keep them in until she went home. "For the record, Yukiko-san isn't here."
"I know that. I came in for you," Sakakibara laughs nervously and rubs the back of his head. Hazama feels little pricks of bloodlust stabbing at her and she looks over his shoulder to see his fangirls, once again, glaring at her.
"Ugly indeed," one of them mutters darkly. Hazama responds by not responding at all, only ignoring her. She turns her attention back to Sakakibara, who clearly looks like he wants to say something but holds his tongue.
"Thank you for the flowers then. I'll see you later," she gives a clear dismissal and he takes it gracefully.
"Good-bye then, Miss Librarian," he turns to leave, but pauses at the threshold to the open world. "Why clematis flowers?"
"Look it up," is the only hint that Hazama gives before shooing him away.
...
...
Wednesday of the same week had Karma and amazingly enough Terasaka dropping by. Apparently they were meeting for a political campaign which Karma had devised and Terasaka was carrying out.
Again, some things never changed.
Karma drops the comic book into the return bin and waves hello to her. Terasaka actually comes up to talk to her. "How've you been?" he asks. His facial expression had become more mature. Terasaka was oddly popular with the younger crowd, specifically delinquents who looked up to him for once being 'one of them'. Karma had revealed it as part of a ploy to attract more youth to politics. Hazama wondered what kind of reception Karma would receive if his sordid past came out.
"Fine," Hazama glances at Karma who is scanning the new releases. "What about you?"
"Alright. Things are starting to heat up for the next election," Terasaka sits down on the desk with his arms folded over his chest. "Keep in contact with anybody?"
"Mostly Yukiko-san and Sugino since they live around here. You?"
"This bastard obviously," Terasaka jabs a finger at Karma who gives them an innocent 'Who, me?' kind of face. "And Nakamura and Asano for work purposes. Muramatsu's restaurant is becoming hard to get in without reservations too, so you should go visit him sometime. Oh, and Yoshida is doing some kind of racing gig. Wanna go?"
"No," it's still summer and too irritating to stay outside in her all-black outfits. "How's your love life?"
Terasaka pulls up short and even Karma glances up in surprise. They speak in turn, one after the other.
"Did you just ask me about my love life?"
"Did you actually expect for this guy to have a love life?"
"Shut the hell up, Karma."
"Pseudo Takaoka."
"ASSHOLE. BITE ME."
Terasaka's voice unconsciously gets louder and Hazama smacks him in the face with a nearby book to silence him. Fuming, he massages his sore cheek and ego as Karma approached them. "So what's the sudden interest in love, Hazama-san?"
"I'm writing a story for it for a literary contest," Hazama leans forward, chin resting on her entwined fingers. "So I'm just researching, I guess. Tell me all the details."
"You sure that it won't dry you up of your darkness-aura-thing?"
"Only Kurahashi can do that."
Karma looks a bit thoughtful as his eyes travel behind her. "Where did the flowers come from?"
The clematis flowers stood on a shelf behind her in a glass vase she had dug up from somewhere in the storage room. "One of the more frequent visitors gave them to me," she decided not to mention his name. They'd never let her hear the end of it.
Karma lifted a fine eyebrow. "Sounds like you've already got someone who you can 'research' with," his voice is playful but his words are serious. "Why not give it a shot, Hazama-san?"
"I'm not interested in him like that," Hazama shrugs and gives the vase a tap with her fingernails. It made a chime-like sound. "Besides, he likes someone else to the point of a weird obsession. That kind of guy isn't my type regardless."
Terasaka and Karma look at each other and Hazama feels just a smidgen of resentment for it. It was a 'what are we going to do with this girl?' kind of look. She had gotten enough of those from her parents, she didn't need them from her ex-classmates and friends.
Terasaka actually pats her on the arm with a look of poorly-disguised mirth. "Well, do your best then."
She whacks him again, this time with an encyclopedia. Karma's laughter rings through the empty library and echos up to the rafters.
...
...
It's mid-September and Friday 3:00 PM when Sakakibara comes in again. Was it just Hazama's imagination or did his harem of stalking fangirls get even bigger? At least he didn't look so depressed anymore. He looked healthier. Happy, even.
"She's not here," Hazama says before he even opens his mouth.
"It's not that!" Sakakibara rubs the back of his neck nervously. "It's... well, it's this," he pulls the Genji book our from some pocket in his coat and hands it to her. "I forgot all about it because I threw it to the back of my closet. I was cleaning it out and found it," he tries to laugh and it comes out a high-pitched giggle. It sounded oddly like Sugino around his and Kanzaki's first month of dating. "Sorry, but I didn't bring a bouquet with me this time."
"You'll have to pay the overdue fine," Hazama had actually forgotten about it too but she couldn't say that she cared. They had multiple copies of Genji anyway. "It's been about two months since then, so that'll be 2000 yen."
He hands her the bills and she tucks them away in a drawer. "Do you want to check anything else out while you're here?"
"I'll look around," Sakakibara wanders off towards the poetry section. Before Hazama can move for her notepad, however, a girl from the harem approached her. Hazama recognized her as the one who had called her ugly.
"I don't see why he keeps coming here," she says acidly with words meant to burn. "I don't see anything worth coming here for."
"We have a good collection of literature here," Hazama shrugs easily. "If you actually looked around you instead of just at that guy, maybe you'd notice."
Two more girls march up to the desk to defend their friend. "Don't be so harsh on her, Hashimoto-san," one of them simpers and only succeeds at looking stupid. "She's too ugly to see what an honor it is for Sakakibara-sama to show any interest."
Wow, Hazama thinks with a blank look on her face. This is actually happening. Maybe I can use this in my story... eh, too cliche. And what does being ugly have to do with not being able to notice things? Does she mean stupid? Why didn't she just say that?
Apparently her blank look annoyed them too because one of them slams her hands down on the desk and yells at her angrily. "Hey! Are you deaf as well as ugly?!"
"Hazama-san!"
Oh, wow, the cliches are never-ending, Hazama watches as Sakakibara suddenly runs in and throws an arm out as if to shield her.
"What on earth are you doing?" he snaps at them. "Don't you have any self-respect? Only those who call others ugly have an ugly heart themselves!" his words are so overused that Hazama wanted to laugh. "Get out of my sight! I never want to see you again!"
It wasn't until the fangirls actually left the building that Hazama burst into laughter. She was aware of Sakakibara watching her, nonplussed, but even so she banged her fist on her desk until tears ran down her face. When she finally spoke, her words hiccuped with each breath.
"T-That was great! 'Only those who call others ugly have an ugly heart themselves!' Was that the only thing you could come up with? I felt like I was reading a cheesy romance novel!" she wiped a tear away and smiled at him. "I can't believe that guys like you exist. You're amazing. I didn't think that you'd yell at them for me. Thanks."
Sakakibara was staring at her.
"What?"
"... How can you just laugh it off?"
"What?"
Sakakibara ran a hand through his hair, clearly confused. "When a girl is called 'ugly', doesn't she start to feel unhappy and insecure about herself? I've seen many women, strong and proud ones, who break down at the mention of the 'u' word and start to try changing themselves for what they think is the better but is actually the worst," his eyes drift to hers and stare. "That's why I've never tried to call a girl 'ugly', no matter what she looks like on the outside. But when I called you that, you didn't even care. And just now, you laughed it off. I've never met someone like you who can just laugh it off with a smile and not a shred of insecurity. How do you do it?"
"Easy," Hazama shrugs. "I don't care."
"But how?"
"..." Hazama glances at the empty vase behind her. The clematis flowers had wilted and been thrown away a long time ago. "Did you look up the meaning of a clematis flower?"
"I did. A while ago," she could see the wheels of his memory turning in his brain. "It meant... art. Mental beauty."
"Exactly," Hazama tucks her wavy hair behind her ear and leans back in her chair as she speaks. "As far as I'm concerned, physical beauty is something that I've never had. But I never found shame in it. If anything, I gloried in it. By already knowing that I was ugly, I didn't find a point in fussing over my appearance at all. It was something that separated me from the frivolous, airheaded girls who only cared about make-up and weight loss. I accepted the ugly part of myself, and instead began to develop my mind. That's why I like books so much," Hazama caresses a book at she speaks, something akin to love in her voice. "As long as my mind was beautiful, no matter the form, I could be happy with myself. Even if I liked things that were 'strange' - the occult, curses, superstitions - it doesn't change of how beautifully it could be described with words," she glances at him. "You're a poet. You should be able to understand."
Sakakibara observes her for a moment before opening his mouth again. "I don't think you're ugly."
She snorts. "That's what you pulled out of my little speech there? Jeez. My turn to ask you a personal question then," she wonders how subtly she could write on her notepad without him noticing. "What's with you and Yukiko-san?"
Sakakibara stiffens and then sighs heavily. He touches the surface of the desk. "May I?"
Hazama grants him permission and he sits on the desk with his legs folded and hands resting on his knee. Hazama wonders how he and Terasaka could look so different despite sitting on the same 'chair'.
"I'm the opposite of you, I've always been invested in 'beauty'," Sakakibara starts. Hazama's fingers are already itching to hold her pen. "To me, all girls are beautiful. They all have a unique characteristic which made them stand out as individuals. As surprising as you may find it, I've always been something of a playboy, even in middle school," he misses Hazama's eyeroll. "But because I found all girls beautiful, I never found one that was truly special to me. And because of that, I started to feel lonely even when I wasn't alone.
"My parents started to talk about arranging a marriage for me, and I think that's when I realized that I would be married to a girl - a beautiful girl nonetheless - that I wouldn't know, but would have no choice to get along with. I started to panic. What of her personality? Would I find it attractive? Even if her outside was beautiful, her personality might have been hideous.
"I wanted to find a girl that I could love unconditionally, one with a beautiful mind and appearance. That was what I thought to be my type, so only one person came to mind."
"Yukiko-san," Hazama nods in understanding. While she couldn't agree with his naive outlook on life, she could agree with Kanzaki being beautiful in both looks and heart.
"Exactly. I... I wanted her to be my wife, or so I thought. I never even imagined that she would reject me," his laughter at his ignorance isn't forced. "But seeing her on that cruise with Sugino-kun made me both regretful and bitter. Regretful for trying to break them up, and bitter for them having what I didn't," Sakakibara pressed his lips together. "You're right. I am exactly like Genji."
"At least you're more modest than him," Hazama stores all the information away in her brain for the sake of her story. She pats him on the arm, going against her character completely and being encouraging. "I'm sure you'll find someone who is beautiful throughout. And you'll be happy together."
"... I hope that we'll be happy together too," his voice becomes soft. "But I'm not sure if I want to be so focused on outer beauty anymore..."
"Don't worry about it," Hazama shrugs. "From what I hear from my friends, guys and girls alike, once you're in love you overlook another person's flaws easily. You'll see them for who they are, but if you really love them, they'll still look 'beautiful' to you. Even a girl with no make-up, pimple cream all over her face, and wearing a sweatshirt would look beautiful to you because it's her. Well, that's what I hear, anyway."
"... Right," Sakakibara is staring at her again and Hazama can't help but feel uncomfortable.
"Well, if you still want to try with Yukiko-san, I can still give you a - "
"That's not necessary anymore," Sakakibara interrupts her. "I think I'll give up on Kanzaki-san for good. She and Sugino-kun make a lovely couple anyway," he scratches his cheek. Hazama notices that he had been doing that quite often since the beginning of their conversation. Unfortunately she wasn't as good as Nagisa or Karma in body language. Maybe there was a book on that.
"Oh. Well then, come back any time you want something to read," Hazama says the only thing she can think of to say. "Maybe you'll meet someone here."
"Maybe I will," Sakakibara smiles at her. Maybe it was the setting sun (whoa, had it really been that long?), but he looked even more radiant than Isogai.
He turns to leave, but Hazama calls to him when his hand is on the door. "You remembered."
"What?"
"My name. You remembered it."
For some reason, Sakakibara turns pink.
"I looked through our middle school yearbook. You weren't hard to find. In fact, you've barely changed," he pauses. "In a good way, of course."
Hazama snickers at him and shakes her head. "I didn't think you would bother," she says, "but thanks anyway."
"Of course I would!" Sakakibara looks almost indignant. "Ever since the incident with the roses, I couldn't get you out of my head..."
For some reason his face flushes red and he quickly opens the door. "I'llcomeagainlaterokaybye," spills out of his mouth in a barely discernible sentence. The door slams shut behind him and Hazama's mind flashes to how Kanzaki had rushed out the door in a similar manner months ago. It had been endearing.
It was still kind of endearing.
She pulls out her notepad to record everything before she forgot, but somehow her heart wasn't into it. If anything, somehow, she had completely lost interest in writing somebody else's love story.
Oh well, she thinks as she tosses the notepad away. There will always be other contests.
The sun's golden rays shines through the window, bathing her beloved library in an autumn glow. It was Hazama's most disliked time of the day, being a creature of darkness and all.
Somehow she was a little less annoyed than usual.