Hey, my first Recess fanfic, (I write HA! Ones as kimba821) and I haven't seen all too many episodes. I've seen more Hey Arnold! so hopefully its not way too OoC.
Just something that came to my mind. I read a couple of Recess fics and I didn't really like how they made Spinelli's and T.J.'s relationship, so I created a twisted version of my own.
Hate if you must, like if you dare...
Of Sweat and Winger Dingers
I sighed, slumping back down into the front seat of the convertible. This was going to be hard. It really was. I couldn't help but to think back, to think of my friends, of everyone, but especially one person in particular.
I knew T.J. through practically my entire life so far. He's been one of my best friends. And I'll admit that there were so many times than I wished we were more than that. But I was too chicken to ever let him be more than a friend. To tell you the truth I really wasn't up for that mushy crap. Crushes...love letters...holding hands...all that gave me the shivers, not from excitement of the possibility, nor from disgust, just because it was typical mush for girls to adore. And I hate the idea of ever being a typical girl.
I guess probably the biggest thing that I was afraid of was losing my friend ship with that freckled face goof-ball. When you starting getting to that kind of affection it really puts a damper on everything. It really wasn't the rumors that would have come, the snickers, or insults, that I minded. I still had two fists to put up if the case would come up and despite growth and maturity that has come with my age, I still use them. I may be an Ashey, but a girl's gotta still have her fists raised.
What I would have minded was how we wouldn't be friends anymore, the time we'd have spent hanging out in a clubhouse, or playing kickball with the gang, or just fooling around would be gone. It would have been spent making out behind closed closet doors of the janitor's office, or going to the movies, where we would be so indulged in hand holding and kissing, that we wouldn't appreciate the story line, and when the good guy finally kicked the bad guy's sorry behind.
It's not like I hate that kind of display affection, I've done all that crap myself with guys, but as little as possible with T.J. I really could never bring myself to do that with him....not since that experiment way back when we attended Third Street. I'll admit that I loved the feeling of his lips on mine, but there were parts I couldn't stand. The smell of the cheap cologne, and his minty fresh breath, the appearance of his gelled back hair, although ravishing were awful and these things (in addition to that fact that we were being watched by the whole school) made me gag in disgust.
Okay, so maybe those lips were T.J.'s, but that cheap cologne wasn't. I liked the smell of his sweat after winning another kickball game, and I preferred his breath to be full of freshly eaten Winger Dingers. I'd rather his hair be loose and ragged under that dirty, old red cap than clean and fresh. I really did. But I realized that day, way back in 4th grade, that if T.J. and I ever became anything more, I'd have to get use to cheap cologne, minty breath, suave outfits, and the whole nine yards. I don't like getting used to things. Plus I'd be one those phony giggly girls wearing a tight little outfit, with way too much makeup, and changing my hairstyle every other week. Gag me now.
Over the past years, I've felt his eyes on me, watching me with a growing desire, that he wasn't very good at hiding. I knew he was waiting for a go ahead signal from me, for him to move in, but I didn't give it to him. Wordlessly, I pushed him away, shaking my head at the very idea, and above all curbing my own passions.
Those kind of relationships ruin friendships. Trust me, I've seen it happen and I didn't want it to happen to me and Teej. I tried to explain it to him, but he wasn't able to understand. I knew he probably thought we were so perfect for one another, and I've a feeling, deep down that he knew that inside he'd already won me over.
For a while it was torture, absolute torture. He'd flirt with me, casually, but surely. Giving me these looks, that back in my elementary years I'd been able to shake off, and would hardly mean anything. But now these looks, I grew to despise cause they showed his awful desires to be another phony teenage couple with the make-up, sweet aromas, and crap.
One day, I just lost it. I mean I really lost it. We were sitting in a tree house, alone. Everyone else had already left to go eat dinner. I remember Vince, the last one to leave, exchanging this weird look with T.J. Vince had already fallen to the valley of death. He was a pro at charming girls with his coolness and athletic expertise. At the time he was going up with some stuck-up brat, named Charlene who always wore these really tight pants and a spaghetti strap top even in the dead of winter.
Vince and I were still friends though. I guess he liked being able to relax around a girl and not be too embarrassed by letting out certain noises, which I didn't seem to mind. He knew I didn't care, and that I was still there to go hang out and play baseball with, or shot some hoops with in addition to T.J.
Anyway, Vince had just left, leaving me alone with T.J. For a while we didn't say anything. I was studying this cat that was making its way across the street. It was large and orange, with this long tail that it held up high. T.J. was concentrating on something, but I didn't bother to look to see any expression on his face, not until I felt his arm snake its way around my waist.
I turned to him quickly, shocked. He'd never tried that before. He looked at me with those blue eyes of his, and I watched in horror as that freckled face drew closer to mine. I wouldn't have minded him kissing me until I smelled the cologne, the minty breath, and I realized that on the way back home from the game he'd quickly stopped by his house to clean himself up for this. I kicked myself for not seeing this sooner.
"T.J., stop!" I finally snapped when his lips were less than an inch away from mine. He pulled back immediately. He may have wanted me, but he still respected me and was a descent guy, stopping at my request. "What are you trying to do?" I asked, confusion on my face. He looked away, embarrassed and hurt. "T.J.," I began again, finding my voice to be a little softer. "Don't be offended, it's just that we can't be like that, ya know, what I mean?"
"No, I don't," he replied coldly, gazing out the treehouse's window like I'd been previously doing. "God, Spenelli, I dream about you. We've known each other for forever and a half. We're so close, haven't you wanted to be closer? Tell me the truth now, haven't you ever wanted to be more than a friend to me, to become a couple? Just like Vince and Charlene."
I looked up at those pleading eyes. I did the only thing I could. The only thing I could think of. I punched him. Not once, but twice. He fell back in pain, one hand covering his eye, while the other, clasped over his mouth where the blood dripped down. I'd never hit him before, but the idea of him touching me in that way he wished about... He looked back up at me, hurt and lost. I felt bad, but I couldn't apologize because....I just couldn't forgive him.
"Just like Vince and Charlene, huh?" I sneered. "The last thing I want is for you and me to become a phony couple, can you get that through your thick head, Teej? Can you?" I was screaming at him and he began to cower in the corner like a little puppy dog. "I don't care if you dream about me, or anything! If you ever try anything like that again, try wearing cologne to impress me, just try to dress up, just try it! I'll give you a beating so hard..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I was out of breath and my face was red, dripping with sweat.
"But why?" he squeaked. "Why can't we be more than friends?" He was brave to speak. I'll acknowledge that.
"Cause. I don't wanna lose you as a friend, I don't want to become Vince and Charlene as much as you envy them." He started to protest, but I continued. "That's what we'd become, wouldn't we? Another dumb couple with a stupid relationship that would destroy everything, all those years together."
"It wouldn't destroy our friendship, Spinelli," he spoke softly, sitting up and moving towards me. "We'd still be friends, just closer ones." I kept shaking my head as he spoke, but he continued anyway. "Going to dances, the movies together, it'd be fun. It really would, to be a couple." He was next to me now, but I closed my eyes, wishing I could just disappear.
"No, it wouldn't, it'd be horrible. Please, just leave," I begged.
"But, Spinelli," he protested.
"Leave!!" I screamed. He wouldn't go, so the only other alternative I had was to flee. I couldn't bring myself to pound him again. "If you ever dare..." I shouted on the way down. I saw his face, and I knew he wouldn't ever dare. As I reached the ground, I ran all the way home, past the elementary school where that good old playground was, with the swings blowing in the soft breeze, reminding me of yesteryears, and the simplicity of childhood.
He didn't follow me, cause he knew he couldn't catch me. He never tried anything on me again. After a few weeks of the silent treatment, we became friends again and nothing more was said about the incident in the treehouse because.....there was really nothing more to say.
After that, he followed Vince. He was cute enough to have a girlfriend and he got what he wanted: a giggly girl that was completely crazy about him. He'd give me a sideways glance though when they'd leave to go to the movies after I'd hung out with him. Those big eyes still begging, but I'd just shrug and look away. None of his girlfriends ever became jealous of T.J.'s and mine close friendship. They knew I'd never try to steal him from them.
Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe T.J. didn't get what he wanted: a giggly girl that was completely crazy about him. Okay, so I know I'm wrong, but the minute T.J. succumbed to the hormonal instincts as a result of puberty, I guess things weren't the same. He had desires, and passions, and not just ones about becoming an astronaut. For a long time I debated whether or not I should just give in, let T.J. and me become something more (that is if he still wanted to). But then the smell of cologne drifted back into my mind and I'd shudder. Of course I could convince him not to wear it, but he'd still be different. Not the Teej I knew, not the one I admired so much.
So here I am. I leaned back against the seat of the convertible. I told him to meet me here, ten minutes ago. Why was he late? I needed to go soon, everyone was waiting for me. I wasn't exactly supposed to be here. I was just about to start her up and head on back, deciding that he had stood me up, when I heard approaching footsteps.
I turned my head and there he was. I felt like slapping myself for doubting him. Then I looked at him closer and my eyes widened. The red cap, those jeans, that jacket....he was wearing the same outfit I was so accustomed to seeing him wear way back when the old gang was so tight and everything was, (I hate to quote the Ashleys, but,) 'scandolous!' I really couldn't remember the last time he's worn that since elementary days.
He walked up to the car and with this big grin on his freckled-face. "Hey, Spinelli." I looked up at him, he was so tall and strong looking, damn, when did these muscles appear? Overnight? I knew he'd become strong, and lost the stockiness of boyhood long ago, but not until now had I really noticed it.
"Hey," I forced myself to speak and managed a crooked smile. I motioned for him to sit next to me. He went around the convertible and sat down in the shotgun. I watched as he propped his feet up on the dashboard, knowing I didn't care about his muddy sneakers. He leaned back the seat, closing his eyes and inhaling the cool air. "Nice evening, huh?" I mumbled. I sounded like a complete dork, but I was falling apart and didn't know what to tell the person that I'd always felt like I could tell almost anything to.
He turned his head towards me. "Is that what you dragged me out here for, to talk about the weather?" He was enjoying this, wasn't he? Paying me back for the pain I'd cause him. I felt like punching him, right in the mouth. But I didn't. I'd promised myself earlier that I wouldn't even try.
"Like the outfit," I mumbled, not answering his question. He looked down and observed the ensemble for a while before looking back up at me.
"I knew you would." I turned away from him then. Was I crying, were those tears? No, something must've gotten in my eye. "Spinelli, why'd you ask me to come here?" I felt his hand on my shoulder, touching me in friendship, in a way I'd told him was all that he'd get outta me. Nothing more. Nothing less.
"I dunno," I mumbled, feeling lost. "I just did." What was I doing? I was wasting precious time. I had to tell him. It had come so suddenly and I had to let him know, now. I turned to face him, his eyes worried and confused. He parted his lips, but didn't say anything. He just waited for me to speak, which I finally did.
"Oh, Teej, I'm leaving. My parents got transferred overseas to Europe, and I've got to be with on the plane, that's flying out tomorrow morning," I said, suddenly angry. For a while his face was blank, like my presence hardly even mattered to him. Then he closed his eyes and slumped back down on the seat.
"Spinelli...why couldn't you tell me sooner?" he managed. I shrugged, mumbling something how it came up so suddenly and urgently for reasons my parents wouldn't even explain to me and that I learned the news less than a week ago. He kept shaking his head and hiding his face from me.
I studied him from my seat. Oh, sure we'd grown apart. He'd discovered girls and we'd both fallen to parties and alcohol. Him more to the parties and me more to the beer. But we couldn't deny all those years of friendship, our 4th grade kiss, and our entire past together. But abruptly there seemed like there was no future for us, hardly even a today, and a dim light shining on the past.
He looked so strong to so many people, except to me. I knew that he and me were both a hell of whole lot weaker than we wanted anyone else to believe. He seemed at that very moment weaker than I'd ever seen him, even when he'd been cowering in the treehouse while I screamed at him for making a move on me.
"Teej, look I just wanted to apologize for what I did," I gazed the other way and to my surprise saw this creepy orange cat. "Ya know, what I'm talking about. I didn't mean to reject you like that, you've got to understand." Yikes it was all coming out, more than I'd intended. "I've more respect for than to be like that.... I just didn't want to hurt us. The gang fell apart, but we didn't. We were friends, we're still friends."
I heard him sigh from behind me. "Don't apologize. I didn't understand then, but I understand now, it's not very easy though. You're not a very typical gal." I flinched at his words, wondering about the connotation. "But I wouldn't want you to be typical. Spinelli, I was so wrong, I thought I knew who I wanted to be, like Vince and all the guys, with girls and all that. But all I really wanted and still want is not a girlfriend, or a car, or even to be astronaut." I turned to him; his words were surprising me. "All I ever wanted was to be with you. Playing ball, hangin' out, and maybe, even sharing a kiss or two underneath a streetlight," he added with a slight grin.
I chewed on my lip. He finally understood what I wanted from him since the beginning: he knew himself, and me too. And now I understood myself too, why I hadn't let him touch me, although I wanted him too, why I didn't care who he was going out with, or what they'd do alone in the dark together. I'd never been a typical girl. T.J. wasn't a very typical guy if you stopped and thought about it for a while.
I turned to him and he leaned towards me. I allowed his right hand to touch my chin and draw it to him. I felt his left arm make its way around my back and my own hands wrapped around his neck. His lips closed in now, and I felt them touch mine. I felt girlish and goofy, but I couldn't scold myself for it because before I knew what was happening his tongue was in my mouth.
I'm not sure how long we stayed there. It got dark and we were still at it, making up for all those lost years. The moon rose above us, lighting the little convertible. People probably saw us, but I didn't care.
I never wanted to be a mushy romantic. I'm not like Mikey. I never wanted to be a player. I'm not like Vince. I just wanted friendship and love without the palms, slow dancing at Homecoming, Tommy Hilfinger perfume...because that wasn't real. I wanted the real deal. And of course as soon as I had it, I was going to lose it.
I drove home late that night feeling dizzy and light-headed. My parents were going to give me a piece of their mind as soon as I walked in that door (even though I'd just turned 16 and was a sophomore). I was still supposed to be home hours ago. I parked the car in the driveway and for a while just sat there, taking a deep breath. That evening was what I needed. It was the closure I'd been looking for.
Tomorrow I'd be gone and I didn't know when I'd see this old town again, or this street, or the elementary school with the playground I'd left behind already. The friends I'd made and lost, the enemies, the dreams, and the hope...would it vanish when I returned... if I ever did find a way back?
I wondered what would happen, and that when I'd come back if he'd still be there for me, hand beckoning for me to return to him. I hoped he would, I even dreamed he would.
I closed my eyes and let the tears fall for the first time that evening. Damn, I was such a wuss, crying like a little baby, or more like a little girl hopelessly in love with some boy. I'd wanted it different, wanted our relationship to not be one of those teeny-bopper ones. And it had not been, up to the last moment we spent together. I touched my lips that T.J. had been kissing minutes ago. Then I put the roof of the convertible up in case of rain and gazed down the street where his house was, and the playground.
I could hear the recess bell ringing in my ears. I could hear a king commanding an order, punishing a traitor. I could see everyone, just how I remembered them: so innocent, and naïve, unaware about how so many things would change and how we'd all move on and leave the swing sets and kickball fields behind. To move on to bigger things.
I saw T.J. and me kissing back by the dumpster, while everyone watched. It wasn't real back then, but as I stood on my doorstep looking out, with one finger touching my lips, savoring the last trace of his taste, it was finally real. I decided that as I opened the door to my house and went in. You see, it was real this time because I could still smell his sweat from winning a game of dodgeball, and the taste of his breath when my lips touched his. Winger Dingers, my favorite.
~La Fin
Okay, maybe that was a little out there, but I wrote it real quickly the other day. I forgot the name of that candy...I think it's Winger Dingers, but I really don't know...
I'll understand your point of view, if you take the time to review! Hehe that rhymes...
Just something that came to my mind. I read a couple of Recess fics and I didn't really like how they made Spinelli's and T.J.'s relationship, so I created a twisted version of my own.
Hate if you must, like if you dare...
Of Sweat and Winger Dingers
I sighed, slumping back down into the front seat of the convertible. This was going to be hard. It really was. I couldn't help but to think back, to think of my friends, of everyone, but especially one person in particular.
I knew T.J. through practically my entire life so far. He's been one of my best friends. And I'll admit that there were so many times than I wished we were more than that. But I was too chicken to ever let him be more than a friend. To tell you the truth I really wasn't up for that mushy crap. Crushes...love letters...holding hands...all that gave me the shivers, not from excitement of the possibility, nor from disgust, just because it was typical mush for girls to adore. And I hate the idea of ever being a typical girl.
I guess probably the biggest thing that I was afraid of was losing my friend ship with that freckled face goof-ball. When you starting getting to that kind of affection it really puts a damper on everything. It really wasn't the rumors that would have come, the snickers, or insults, that I minded. I still had two fists to put up if the case would come up and despite growth and maturity that has come with my age, I still use them. I may be an Ashey, but a girl's gotta still have her fists raised.
What I would have minded was how we wouldn't be friends anymore, the time we'd have spent hanging out in a clubhouse, or playing kickball with the gang, or just fooling around would be gone. It would have been spent making out behind closed closet doors of the janitor's office, or going to the movies, where we would be so indulged in hand holding and kissing, that we wouldn't appreciate the story line, and when the good guy finally kicked the bad guy's sorry behind.
It's not like I hate that kind of display affection, I've done all that crap myself with guys, but as little as possible with T.J. I really could never bring myself to do that with him....not since that experiment way back when we attended Third Street. I'll admit that I loved the feeling of his lips on mine, but there were parts I couldn't stand. The smell of the cheap cologne, and his minty fresh breath, the appearance of his gelled back hair, although ravishing were awful and these things (in addition to that fact that we were being watched by the whole school) made me gag in disgust.
Okay, so maybe those lips were T.J.'s, but that cheap cologne wasn't. I liked the smell of his sweat after winning another kickball game, and I preferred his breath to be full of freshly eaten Winger Dingers. I'd rather his hair be loose and ragged under that dirty, old red cap than clean and fresh. I really did. But I realized that day, way back in 4th grade, that if T.J. and I ever became anything more, I'd have to get use to cheap cologne, minty breath, suave outfits, and the whole nine yards. I don't like getting used to things. Plus I'd be one those phony giggly girls wearing a tight little outfit, with way too much makeup, and changing my hairstyle every other week. Gag me now.
Over the past years, I've felt his eyes on me, watching me with a growing desire, that he wasn't very good at hiding. I knew he was waiting for a go ahead signal from me, for him to move in, but I didn't give it to him. Wordlessly, I pushed him away, shaking my head at the very idea, and above all curbing my own passions.
Those kind of relationships ruin friendships. Trust me, I've seen it happen and I didn't want it to happen to me and Teej. I tried to explain it to him, but he wasn't able to understand. I knew he probably thought we were so perfect for one another, and I've a feeling, deep down that he knew that inside he'd already won me over.
For a while it was torture, absolute torture. He'd flirt with me, casually, but surely. Giving me these looks, that back in my elementary years I'd been able to shake off, and would hardly mean anything. But now these looks, I grew to despise cause they showed his awful desires to be another phony teenage couple with the make-up, sweet aromas, and crap.
One day, I just lost it. I mean I really lost it. We were sitting in a tree house, alone. Everyone else had already left to go eat dinner. I remember Vince, the last one to leave, exchanging this weird look with T.J. Vince had already fallen to the valley of death. He was a pro at charming girls with his coolness and athletic expertise. At the time he was going up with some stuck-up brat, named Charlene who always wore these really tight pants and a spaghetti strap top even in the dead of winter.
Vince and I were still friends though. I guess he liked being able to relax around a girl and not be too embarrassed by letting out certain noises, which I didn't seem to mind. He knew I didn't care, and that I was still there to go hang out and play baseball with, or shot some hoops with in addition to T.J.
Anyway, Vince had just left, leaving me alone with T.J. For a while we didn't say anything. I was studying this cat that was making its way across the street. It was large and orange, with this long tail that it held up high. T.J. was concentrating on something, but I didn't bother to look to see any expression on his face, not until I felt his arm snake its way around my waist.
I turned to him quickly, shocked. He'd never tried that before. He looked at me with those blue eyes of his, and I watched in horror as that freckled face drew closer to mine. I wouldn't have minded him kissing me until I smelled the cologne, the minty breath, and I realized that on the way back home from the game he'd quickly stopped by his house to clean himself up for this. I kicked myself for not seeing this sooner.
"T.J., stop!" I finally snapped when his lips were less than an inch away from mine. He pulled back immediately. He may have wanted me, but he still respected me and was a descent guy, stopping at my request. "What are you trying to do?" I asked, confusion on my face. He looked away, embarrassed and hurt. "T.J.," I began again, finding my voice to be a little softer. "Don't be offended, it's just that we can't be like that, ya know, what I mean?"
"No, I don't," he replied coldly, gazing out the treehouse's window like I'd been previously doing. "God, Spenelli, I dream about you. We've known each other for forever and a half. We're so close, haven't you wanted to be closer? Tell me the truth now, haven't you ever wanted to be more than a friend to me, to become a couple? Just like Vince and Charlene."
I looked up at those pleading eyes. I did the only thing I could. The only thing I could think of. I punched him. Not once, but twice. He fell back in pain, one hand covering his eye, while the other, clasped over his mouth where the blood dripped down. I'd never hit him before, but the idea of him touching me in that way he wished about... He looked back up at me, hurt and lost. I felt bad, but I couldn't apologize because....I just couldn't forgive him.
"Just like Vince and Charlene, huh?" I sneered. "The last thing I want is for you and me to become a phony couple, can you get that through your thick head, Teej? Can you?" I was screaming at him and he began to cower in the corner like a little puppy dog. "I don't care if you dream about me, or anything! If you ever try anything like that again, try wearing cologne to impress me, just try to dress up, just try it! I'll give you a beating so hard..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I was out of breath and my face was red, dripping with sweat.
"But why?" he squeaked. "Why can't we be more than friends?" He was brave to speak. I'll acknowledge that.
"Cause. I don't wanna lose you as a friend, I don't want to become Vince and Charlene as much as you envy them." He started to protest, but I continued. "That's what we'd become, wouldn't we? Another dumb couple with a stupid relationship that would destroy everything, all those years together."
"It wouldn't destroy our friendship, Spinelli," he spoke softly, sitting up and moving towards me. "We'd still be friends, just closer ones." I kept shaking my head as he spoke, but he continued anyway. "Going to dances, the movies together, it'd be fun. It really would, to be a couple." He was next to me now, but I closed my eyes, wishing I could just disappear.
"No, it wouldn't, it'd be horrible. Please, just leave," I begged.
"But, Spinelli," he protested.
"Leave!!" I screamed. He wouldn't go, so the only other alternative I had was to flee. I couldn't bring myself to pound him again. "If you ever dare..." I shouted on the way down. I saw his face, and I knew he wouldn't ever dare. As I reached the ground, I ran all the way home, past the elementary school where that good old playground was, with the swings blowing in the soft breeze, reminding me of yesteryears, and the simplicity of childhood.
He didn't follow me, cause he knew he couldn't catch me. He never tried anything on me again. After a few weeks of the silent treatment, we became friends again and nothing more was said about the incident in the treehouse because.....there was really nothing more to say.
After that, he followed Vince. He was cute enough to have a girlfriend and he got what he wanted: a giggly girl that was completely crazy about him. He'd give me a sideways glance though when they'd leave to go to the movies after I'd hung out with him. Those big eyes still begging, but I'd just shrug and look away. None of his girlfriends ever became jealous of T.J.'s and mine close friendship. They knew I'd never try to steal him from them.
Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe T.J. didn't get what he wanted: a giggly girl that was completely crazy about him. Okay, so I know I'm wrong, but the minute T.J. succumbed to the hormonal instincts as a result of puberty, I guess things weren't the same. He had desires, and passions, and not just ones about becoming an astronaut. For a long time I debated whether or not I should just give in, let T.J. and me become something more (that is if he still wanted to). But then the smell of cologne drifted back into my mind and I'd shudder. Of course I could convince him not to wear it, but he'd still be different. Not the Teej I knew, not the one I admired so much.
So here I am. I leaned back against the seat of the convertible. I told him to meet me here, ten minutes ago. Why was he late? I needed to go soon, everyone was waiting for me. I wasn't exactly supposed to be here. I was just about to start her up and head on back, deciding that he had stood me up, when I heard approaching footsteps.
I turned my head and there he was. I felt like slapping myself for doubting him. Then I looked at him closer and my eyes widened. The red cap, those jeans, that jacket....he was wearing the same outfit I was so accustomed to seeing him wear way back when the old gang was so tight and everything was, (I hate to quote the Ashleys, but,) 'scandolous!' I really couldn't remember the last time he's worn that since elementary days.
He walked up to the car and with this big grin on his freckled-face. "Hey, Spinelli." I looked up at him, he was so tall and strong looking, damn, when did these muscles appear? Overnight? I knew he'd become strong, and lost the stockiness of boyhood long ago, but not until now had I really noticed it.
"Hey," I forced myself to speak and managed a crooked smile. I motioned for him to sit next to me. He went around the convertible and sat down in the shotgun. I watched as he propped his feet up on the dashboard, knowing I didn't care about his muddy sneakers. He leaned back the seat, closing his eyes and inhaling the cool air. "Nice evening, huh?" I mumbled. I sounded like a complete dork, but I was falling apart and didn't know what to tell the person that I'd always felt like I could tell almost anything to.
He turned his head towards me. "Is that what you dragged me out here for, to talk about the weather?" He was enjoying this, wasn't he? Paying me back for the pain I'd cause him. I felt like punching him, right in the mouth. But I didn't. I'd promised myself earlier that I wouldn't even try.
"Like the outfit," I mumbled, not answering his question. He looked down and observed the ensemble for a while before looking back up at me.
"I knew you would." I turned away from him then. Was I crying, were those tears? No, something must've gotten in my eye. "Spinelli, why'd you ask me to come here?" I felt his hand on my shoulder, touching me in friendship, in a way I'd told him was all that he'd get outta me. Nothing more. Nothing less.
"I dunno," I mumbled, feeling lost. "I just did." What was I doing? I was wasting precious time. I had to tell him. It had come so suddenly and I had to let him know, now. I turned to face him, his eyes worried and confused. He parted his lips, but didn't say anything. He just waited for me to speak, which I finally did.
"Oh, Teej, I'm leaving. My parents got transferred overseas to Europe, and I've got to be with on the plane, that's flying out tomorrow morning," I said, suddenly angry. For a while his face was blank, like my presence hardly even mattered to him. Then he closed his eyes and slumped back down on the seat.
"Spinelli...why couldn't you tell me sooner?" he managed. I shrugged, mumbling something how it came up so suddenly and urgently for reasons my parents wouldn't even explain to me and that I learned the news less than a week ago. He kept shaking his head and hiding his face from me.
I studied him from my seat. Oh, sure we'd grown apart. He'd discovered girls and we'd both fallen to parties and alcohol. Him more to the parties and me more to the beer. But we couldn't deny all those years of friendship, our 4th grade kiss, and our entire past together. But abruptly there seemed like there was no future for us, hardly even a today, and a dim light shining on the past.
He looked so strong to so many people, except to me. I knew that he and me were both a hell of whole lot weaker than we wanted anyone else to believe. He seemed at that very moment weaker than I'd ever seen him, even when he'd been cowering in the treehouse while I screamed at him for making a move on me.
"Teej, look I just wanted to apologize for what I did," I gazed the other way and to my surprise saw this creepy orange cat. "Ya know, what I'm talking about. I didn't mean to reject you like that, you've got to understand." Yikes it was all coming out, more than I'd intended. "I've more respect for than to be like that.... I just didn't want to hurt us. The gang fell apart, but we didn't. We were friends, we're still friends."
I heard him sigh from behind me. "Don't apologize. I didn't understand then, but I understand now, it's not very easy though. You're not a very typical gal." I flinched at his words, wondering about the connotation. "But I wouldn't want you to be typical. Spinelli, I was so wrong, I thought I knew who I wanted to be, like Vince and all the guys, with girls and all that. But all I really wanted and still want is not a girlfriend, or a car, or even to be astronaut." I turned to him; his words were surprising me. "All I ever wanted was to be with you. Playing ball, hangin' out, and maybe, even sharing a kiss or two underneath a streetlight," he added with a slight grin.
I chewed on my lip. He finally understood what I wanted from him since the beginning: he knew himself, and me too. And now I understood myself too, why I hadn't let him touch me, although I wanted him too, why I didn't care who he was going out with, or what they'd do alone in the dark together. I'd never been a typical girl. T.J. wasn't a very typical guy if you stopped and thought about it for a while.
I turned to him and he leaned towards me. I allowed his right hand to touch my chin and draw it to him. I felt his left arm make its way around my back and my own hands wrapped around his neck. His lips closed in now, and I felt them touch mine. I felt girlish and goofy, but I couldn't scold myself for it because before I knew what was happening his tongue was in my mouth.
I'm not sure how long we stayed there. It got dark and we were still at it, making up for all those lost years. The moon rose above us, lighting the little convertible. People probably saw us, but I didn't care.
I never wanted to be a mushy romantic. I'm not like Mikey. I never wanted to be a player. I'm not like Vince. I just wanted friendship and love without the palms, slow dancing at Homecoming, Tommy Hilfinger perfume...because that wasn't real. I wanted the real deal. And of course as soon as I had it, I was going to lose it.
I drove home late that night feeling dizzy and light-headed. My parents were going to give me a piece of their mind as soon as I walked in that door (even though I'd just turned 16 and was a sophomore). I was still supposed to be home hours ago. I parked the car in the driveway and for a while just sat there, taking a deep breath. That evening was what I needed. It was the closure I'd been looking for.
Tomorrow I'd be gone and I didn't know when I'd see this old town again, or this street, or the elementary school with the playground I'd left behind already. The friends I'd made and lost, the enemies, the dreams, and the hope...would it vanish when I returned... if I ever did find a way back?
I wondered what would happen, and that when I'd come back if he'd still be there for me, hand beckoning for me to return to him. I hoped he would, I even dreamed he would.
I closed my eyes and let the tears fall for the first time that evening. Damn, I was such a wuss, crying like a little baby, or more like a little girl hopelessly in love with some boy. I'd wanted it different, wanted our relationship to not be one of those teeny-bopper ones. And it had not been, up to the last moment we spent together. I touched my lips that T.J. had been kissing minutes ago. Then I put the roof of the convertible up in case of rain and gazed down the street where his house was, and the playground.
I could hear the recess bell ringing in my ears. I could hear a king commanding an order, punishing a traitor. I could see everyone, just how I remembered them: so innocent, and naïve, unaware about how so many things would change and how we'd all move on and leave the swing sets and kickball fields behind. To move on to bigger things.
I saw T.J. and me kissing back by the dumpster, while everyone watched. It wasn't real back then, but as I stood on my doorstep looking out, with one finger touching my lips, savoring the last trace of his taste, it was finally real. I decided that as I opened the door to my house and went in. You see, it was real this time because I could still smell his sweat from winning a game of dodgeball, and the taste of his breath when my lips touched his. Winger Dingers, my favorite.
~La Fin
Okay, maybe that was a little out there, but I wrote it real quickly the other day. I forgot the name of that candy...I think it's Winger Dingers, but I really don't know...
I'll understand your point of view, if you take the time to review! Hehe that rhymes...