This story sets place in season 5, but can be read without any further knowledge of the fifth season since it's not really connected to anything that happened on-screen before. It might be OOC (which I did not intend though!), because I haven't been following NCIS Los Angeles right from the start and I'm not a big fan of Deeks/Kensi aka "Densi".
Summary: After Kensi's back from Afghanistan, it's Callen who helps her through the darkest time right after her return.
Disclaimer: Not mine. All rights go to its respectful owners.
Enjoy! And please bear with me, for this is my first story ever.
Make the darkness go away
The feeling that was crawling up inside her, gnawing at her sanity, just wouldn't go away. She sat in her dark apartment, although everyone else would call it bright as day, since she has switched on every lamp possible, but still it seemed like the perfect darkness to her.
She didn't want to see no one, all she wanted to do was take a shower and crawl under the sheets, but it was to no avail. It felt like the ceiling was collapsing on her head and there was nothing in her power to change this fact.
She buried her face in her hands, but there were no tears left to spill. She felt numb, empty, like her old self was left behind somewhere in the deserts and deserted mountains of Afghanistan, miles and miles out of reach.
Downing the third beer in less than an hour's time probably wasn't the brightest idea she ever had, but it felt like the perfect thing to do to her right now. It was soothing to her nerves, numbing her senses at least for the acute time being.
Her misery was interrupted when her doorbell rang. Not moving in inch, she stayed right where she was. She wasn't in any mood for company at all tonight.
It rang a second time, but she still didn't move an inch, stayed exactly in the same spot she had been for too long already. Her head was spinning. She didn't want to be alone, but she didn't want to see anyone either. She wanted the darkness to go away; she wanted to get her old self back – but her mind told her she probably won't ever be able to go back to before.
Her bell rang for the third time now, but this time accompanied by an annoying knocking. She tried to shut it out, pressing her palms to her ears, but there was nothing she could do to shield herself from the knocks, for they went right through her.
Reluctantly, she got up from her couch ever so slowly. When she pulled the curtains on her front door away, she saw Callen standing there, looking desperate and worried. Reluctantly again, she opened the door.
"Hey, Kens. Can I… can I come in?" he offered, seeming unsure what to say. She stepped aside, letting him in and immediately settled on her couch again in the almost exact same position she'd just freed herself from.
The first thing Callen noticed, and it filled him with an indescribable desperation, was the utter exhaustion in her eyes. He couldn't see a single trace of the light and lightness that used to always be there, making Kensi who she was. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come by, he thought secretly, for he was an emotional wreck and probably couldn't offer the help she obviously needed so much right now. But leaving again, of course, wasn't an option either. Instead, he opted for the couch too, approaching her slowly and, even more slowly, sitting down next to her.
He has never been good with the emotional stuff, and he had the depressing feeling this particular skill won't come to him tonight either. Unfortunately, he had to rely on his more than poorly developed skills, which probably couldn't even be referred to as skills, and seeing Kensi this desperate, weak and broken made it even worse.
He had to admit, he had never been in a situation like this, for he always played the strong agent, shot multiple times himself, always pretending not to need anyone and the training they received at HQs hadn't prepared him for this. Probably no training in the world at all could have been of any use now anyway, he thought, for this was about Kensi, the toughest female agent he's ever met, essential to the team and – although he would never admit it to anyone – essential to him.
"Kens", and then again, after clearing his throat, for he wasn't a man of big words, "Kens, I…I want to let you know that I'm here for you. If there is anything I can do, if there is anything you need, just let me know, yes?" Shifting uncomfortably, for she remained silent, he continued his speech. "We missed you dearly, Kensi, all the time, and what happened to you in Afghanistan…you are not alone. We are all there for you, Kens, anytime. We don't want to lose you, Kens, and ", pausing in his speech, clearing his throat again, finding the courage to continue, "I don't want to lose you, Kensi, for you are an amazing agent and a hell of a woman."
The words sounded cheesy, even to his own ears, although they were true for they came from the depth of his heart. When his words registered in her mind, they caught her off-guard, making her snap out of her trance like state she had maneuvered herself into.
She blinked twice, than twice again, making Callen shift uncomfortably. He switched into defense mode, afraid he might have scared her. "Uuh, I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean to."
"Say it again", she said, sounding somehow like an order if her voice hadn't been so thin. He was trapped here, and he couldn't anticipate her reaction – which could have been for the better or the worse, he wasn't sure yet. Saying the words again would make them real, for they have never admitted anything even slightly comparable to this to each other, and he clearly didn't want to ruin whatever relationship they had.
He turned around a little, not sure if he could look her straight into the eye. "I can't lose you, Kensi. I don't want to lose you, for you are an amazing agent. And above all, you are a hell of a woman."
E voilà, the words were out again and it gave him a strange feeling of relief. Now it was her turn to say something, to show any kind of reaction.
Kensi had to collect her thoughts for they were running amok right now. To Callen, it all felt like an eternity although in reality only a few seconds passed. He adjusted his position, now turning directly into Kensi' view and was met by a pair of huge brown eyes. Usually people told him his eyes gave them the chills, but here the roles were reserved.
He stretched out his hand a little, letting it rest on her knee, while he brought his other hand to her face, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen lose from her ponytail behind her ear. "You are a hell of a woman, Kensi" he said again, this time without prompting, for his own sake – and a bit for hers, of course.
Kensi flinched a bit when his hand made contact with her knee and cheek, it was unexpected though not at all unpleasant and it sent a thrilling sensation through her system. She could always blame this on the current state she was in, she thought.
"Thank you, Callen. Thank you, G." Swallowing, she continued: "Thank you for coming by tonight. And thank you for what you've just said. I wish I could believe you." Tears started running down her cheeks. "Look at me, Callen. What happened to me? Tell me, please, for I need to know. Will it ever be okay again? Will I ever be normal again?"
Callen wiped away the tears from her face, trying to sooth her. "You are normal, Kensi. Don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise. Whatever you need, and whenever you need it, let me know. It will be okay again, one day, it will only be a faint memory, water under the bridge. 'Though it'll take time, but if there is one person in the world who'll be able to survive such martyrdom, it is you Kensi. Special Agent Kensi Blye, the toughest and most beautiful cop."
Kensi snapped up at his last words and it even made her crack a small smile, although it didn't reach her eyes. She wasn't used to Callen giving such long speeches, but he certainly got through to her and it even made her feel a tiny bit better, although tears were still running down her cheeks.
Callen felt the urgent need to pull her into an embrace, for he could barely stand to see her this broken and vulnerable, but simultaneously this feeling scared the crap out of him, although he'd never admit it to anyone, of course. He told himself over and over again that it would just be a hug, shared between two co-workers. It's not that they haven't hugged before, on the job during undercover missions they have been very close to each other physically. In the end, he decided to give it a try, for he could always pull away, if Kensi showed any sign of discomfort.
When he pulled her close, she flinched slightly, making Callen almost stop then and there immediately, but right after he felt her shift closer to him, closing the last inches that had still separated them. Although her hands were still buried in her lap, she showed no sign of discomfort any longer, quite the contrary. When he began to let his one hand run up and down her spine soothingly, while the other was resting on her neck, the tears finally faded and she calmed down.
This was about her, about her needing some comfort tonight, but hugging her did strange things to him and he could have slapped himself for that. He realized the smell of her hair, cinnamon if he wasn't mistaken, mixed with something unique that was just her. He buried his nose in her hair a little, soothing her but at the same time inhaling her scent. What a piece of man was he? he he thought, slightly disgusted by himself. She was a very beautiful woman and he was a man, he had noticed her gorgeous brown hair and big brown eyes before, her slim body – but here and now? He felt like a dirty idiot, but then something strange altogether happened.
Kensi bent her neck and exposed the smooth skin on her neck and shoulder to him. He couldn't help himself, he just had to take her up on the offer and he brought his lips down to her neck. He let his lips linger there for a while, waiting for a reaction. Kensi gave a little moan, almost inaudible, but Callen was sure he had heard right. It made him bold, moving his lips up to her cheek. Before he reached her lips, he lifted her head to look Kensi straight in the eye. For a moment, he felt like he was using her, taking advantage of her in this state, but she didn't seem to mind. When he looked her in the eyes, he noticed a very small spark of the light that used to be there and which he had missed so dearly already this evening. And he saw something else, something he didn't dare to put in words. He saw lust. If it's what she wants, or probably needs right now, he would be the last one to deny her. In a way, he was happy she chose him and not a random guy.
Looking her deep in the eyes again, he closed the last few inches and brought his lips into contact with hers. And the world around them seemed to stop, neither of them thought about the million regulations they were breaking right now, nor about the consequences they inevitably had to face the morning after.
After a few seconds, he pulled away, to see if she was okay. When his lips left hers, she made a little bereft sound of disappointment. Questioning him with her eyes was all he needed to see, her pupils slightly dilated and it gave him the courage to kiss her again, this time more passionately. When she opened her mouth, giving access to his probing tongue, Kensi smiled against his lips, at least Callen thought he felt something like a smile, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. His senses were already clouded by their kiss.
It was Kensi who broke the kiss, pulling away, trying hard to keep her breathing under control again. That's it, Callen thought. Great move, G. Now you've probably scared her away for good. When he stood up from the couch, giving her some space back, Kensi was right behind him. He'd probably misjudged the situation completely, because when Kensi took his hands, she let them upstairs to her bedroom.
Stopping in front of the door, Kensi was shaking. "Kens," he said "we don't have to do this."
She was still shaking, hesitating: "It's not that, G. It's just, it's so dark here." Only now Callen realized that her first floor had been bright as day while this one was covered almost in perfect darkness, only shadows visible. "Please, Callen," she almost begged, pleading with her eyes "make the darkness go away."
He didn't need to be asked twice. He pulled her in a tight embrace and started kissing her again while he let her to her bed.
Kensi was still shaking slightly, but she wasn't sure herself anymore what caused it. Callen's mouth felt perfect against hers and his hands were tugging gently at the hem of her t-shirt. It fueled her
senses.
She moved her hands up his sides, wandering around to his back and letting them rest on his neck, pulling his mouth closer – if that was even possible.
Callen felt the blood pool in his groin, making him semi-hard in an instant. He has never allowed himself to think about anything even slightly comparable to this, not with Kensi. Maybe he sometimes has dreamed about it during the darkest hours of the night, but that is one of the things he would ever admit to anyone either.
He slipped his hands under her shirt, feeling out the smooth skin on her stomach. When Kensi gave a little moan, he even dared to bring his hands up to her breasts, massaging them lightly through the soft fabric of her bra. He moved his mouth up her head, starting to whisper sweet nothing into her ear. "You are so beautiful, Kensi. So beautiful."
He wanted to rip her off her shirt, devour her soft body with wet kisses, but when he tried to pull her t-shirt up she stopped him with a firm grip.
His eyes snapped open in surprise and he pulled away immediately. "Kensi, I'm sorry. Do you… do you want me to stop?" He thought he couldn't handle it to stop now, for he was much too aroused by now. He definitely would have great trouble getting rid of the bulge in his pants again. But he reminded himself: This wasn't about him in the first place, although he couldn't deny he wasn't enjoying himself.
Kensi lowered her gaze, not able to look him in the eyes. "Tell me anything Callen, but don't lie to me, ever. You've seen the marks on my face, there are more, in other places. Don't lie to me, please. Don't tell me I'm beautiful."
Her words reached the very core of his soul and it stung. Needing a moment to find the right words, he explained: "You are beautiful, Kensi. The most beautiful woman I've ever come across. The marks are not you. They are temporary. And Kensi, just so you know, there are many things I wish to do to you right now, and lying is definitely none of them."
He desperately hoped he made his point clear. How could she even think that he might be lying?
Callen put a hand under her chin, lifting her face so she was forced to look him in the eye: "Kensi, you are beautiful. Don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise."
He lowered his hands again, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt and obviously he had done a good job. She lifted her arms, slowly at first, allowing him to pull the shirt over her head.
For a short moment, Kensi was distracted by the cold air that hit her skin now, but she didn't have time to linger on that thought much longer. Callen brought his mouth in contact with her pulse point, accelerating her breathing, and moved down her torso, giving extra care to the bruises. Muttering against her skin, he tried to reassure her: "You are so beautiful, so beautiful." Slowly, she actually started to believe him.
When he returned to her mouth, Kensi pulled them both down, which caught Callen quite by surprise. He was lying on top of her now, while her legs fell apart on their own account. He immediately noticed the heat that was reaching him from her very private parts and he wasn't able to stop a little moan in time that escaped his mouth. Kensi smiled against his mouth, for she had never expected to hear anything like this from him. He was a control freak guy and it gave her a great amount of satisfaction that it was her who caused this moan. It was music to her ears.
When the friction between her legs that was caused by the bulge in his pants registered in Kensi's mind, her feral instincts awoke. With one swift motion he freed Callen of his shirt, finally bringing her hands in contact with his bare skin. It felt like heaven!
Just like she's done with his shirt only seconds ago, she made short process with his belt and his fly, slipping her hands inside his pants and boxers and taking him inside her hands.
Callen gasped, for he didn't see the change in Kensi's behavior coming. "Kens, o God", not being able to utter any more.
Kensi felt him out, trying to circle him with her hands, while he grew even harder under the skillful torture of her hands. She couldn't resist the delicate feel, she wanted him for good now. With the skill of her training, she flipped them both over, landing on top of Callen.
Kensi started kissing her way down his upper body, resting at the hem of his jeans. His hips lifted of their own accord, and she took the chance to pull his pants and boxers down.
The cold air that now reached his overly sensitive and hot skin helped him to control himself at least a bit, for he felt close already, but it was limited to a very short moment only. The second she kissed the tip of his manhood, tasting the now free flowing pre-cum, all rational thoughts left his brain instantly and it became worse when she took him into her mouth completely, playing and sucking him like he was the most delicious of all candies.
His hands started to move of their own account, settling in her beautiful brown hair, forcing her to take him harder. Kensi only gagged for a second before she took him in deeper actively.
He felt he was close, the feelings she created in him with her skillful tongue was more than he could handle and way more than he had bargained for.
For a short moment consciousness kicked in: "Kensi, please…you need to stop." He spit out through clenched teeth. Of course she refused to listen, instead she sped up and only seconds later he came like made, gasping her name again and again, while he came in voluminous spurts.
The sucking sounds and movements of her throat milked him dry and he felt spent, unable to move an inch. When his brain started to process again, it all kicked in and he felt embarrassed to his bones: His hand was still stuck in her hair, holding her tight.
"Kensi, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…" he said, untangling his hand from her soft hair.
"Shh", she muttered, "don't be sorry", kissing her way back up his body to bring her lips into contact with his – and he tasted himself in their kiss, something he hasn't done before often. He barely ever allowed himself – or the women for this matter – the pleasure of taking it that far. It needed a certain amount of trust and that didn't come naturally, especially not for him, but with Kensi, it felt just right.
Just like Kensi a few moments before, it was Callen who made a move now and flipped them over, provoking a surprised but content sigh from the woman beneath him. He didn't give her much time to adjust, and instead stripped her off her bra and jazz pants, leaving her only in her black panties.
Callen sought her eyes, asking for permission to continue, which Kensi granted willingly with a slight nod of her head. It was all the encouragement he needed. He started to rub circles on her inner tights, moving up her slim and muscular legs, resting just under the hem of her panties, he earned himself an angry look from Kensi, begging him to go and finally touch the place she so desperately wanted to be touched. A smug smile played at the corners of his lips, and without any further warning, Callen had two fingers at her folds, playing around her entrance, getting wetness and hotness as a reward from a mewling Kensi. The sight and the feeling made him hard again after he had been well spent only moments ago.
All patience and intension of taking it slow vanished from his thought when he stripped Kensi of her panties and positioned himself at her entrance, but not sliding in yet, because he wanted to look her in the eyes the moment he entered her. His hesitation provoked a strange sound and a questioning look from Kensi, but the moment their eyes met, she understood immediately: He's asking for permission – again. She lifted her head up a little, bringing her lips in contact with his, and it was all the answer he needed.
When he finally settled himself inside of her, it felt like heaven, the intensity of the feeling almost bringing tears to her eyes.
He had all intensions of taking it slow, making her forget all the dark memories and worshipping her body in a sinful way, but the moment her tight heat registered in his mind, his wild side won the upper hand.
He started thrusting, carefully but determined, not yet to the hilt, but deep enough to see the first sweat pearls forming on Kensi's forehead.
Kensi tried to meet him thrust for thrust, moving her hips in union with his, but soon gave up when he accelerated the speed. "O God…Callen" she moaned, starting to become a quivering mess underneath him. "Please, harder…"
Callen never expected to hear her beg for more, but he took her up on the offer without further asking and with one strong thrust buried himself deep inside her, driving up to hilt. He repeated his movements a few times, feeling sweat pearls forming on his forehead now as well. He was close and judging from the beginning contractions of her inner muscles around his dick she wasn't far behind him. He wanted to come simultaneously with her, two bodies melting together and becoming one.
He kept up the fast rhythm he's created and started circling her clit with two of his fingers, bringing her to the edge in no time. "G…G, I'm coming. Please…make me come." she begged.
He put some more pressure in his thrusts, and her muscles contracted around his manhood immediately, triggering his own orgasm. The both moaned in union while riding out this pleasurable wave of ecstasy.
The need for oxygen was strong when they both came down from their experienced high again, making it impossible for Callen to compliment her on her beauty, the way she made him feel, although he had all intension of doing just that. Sex with Kensi did strange things to him, he thought.
He carefully slipped out of her tight canal and released some of their combined juices landing on the mattress with a slurping sound, leaving proof of their night together.
"Thank you, G." Kensi said, sleep starting to win the upper hand. "You are welcome" he answered, pulling a blanket over their cooling bodies. "Try to get some sleep now, beautiful agent", pressing a soft kiss in her disheveled hair.
Callen was a pro when it comes to sleepless nights and slight slumbers from utter exhaustion filled with unbearable nightmares, and right now he wanted to shield Kensi from all the evils in this world. The nightmares will come, soon enough, of that he was sure. What she experienced in Afghanistan was more than one person shall ever live through, but she would be fine in the end. And should she ever ask him again to make the darkness go away, he would be the last one deny her. With that last thought, he fell in light slumber, tightly wrapped around his favorite agent in a very protective gesture.
Thank you very much for reading. Please let me know what you think and leave a review. :)