A/N: This is a little late and by now most of us know what's coming up in the next episode of Lost. But let's just ignore that and revisit the moments immediately after the events of "I Do", as they may possibly have transpired. Oh, and I don't own Lost. If I did, would I be writing this?

The Wait

Dr. Jack Shepard had been in some strange operating rooms before. One of the perks of being a doctor, he would have noted sarcastically if you had asked him about it. But Jack, even with his excellent memory, would have been hard put to remember a more bizarre setting than the one he was in now.

Wearily he looked over to where Ben was lying, bleeding away. Jack had never euthanized anyone till he had arrived on the island, and now he was having the novel experience of standing aside and letting a patient die. Well, he deserves it; and, it might save Kate and Sawyer, his conscience prompted. Mollified, Jack looked across at Juliet, who was looking terrified and upset at the same time, unlike Tom who slowly simmering with rage. Ah, another first, knocking out a fellow doctor, Jack thought as he looked at the prone body of his 'assistant'. Add to that the fact that the operating room had probably been some gosh-awful experimentation room earlier and that they were on a god-forsaken island that no-one knew about, and the strangeness intensified. But the strangest of all, was the object he held in his hand, a walkie-talkie.

It all seemed surreal to Jack. Of course it could be said that to a person who had spent months on an island after a plane crash, who had survived cave-ins and been pursued by cloud-like monsters, nothing would be surprising anymore. But ever since he had seen Kate and Sawyer on that monitor, had told Ben that he'd do the operation with a daring plan forming in his mind, Jack had felt that things were different now. The only connection that he had, the one thing that was keeping him sane was that object clenched in his hand.

How had his life ended up this way? This wasn't how it was supposed to be? He was destined for greatness, the fastest to graduate from his college, the best doctor in the hospital he worked at. Had worked at, Jack tiredly reminded himself. Yet here he was stuck with some people he had never seen, on some island that had never figured in his plans. Was this fate? Jack had always considered himself a cynic when it came to believing in things that he could not see. But that had been in the real world, the different world. Now he wasn't so sure.

Through the walkie, he could hear Kate strained breaths and Sawyer's grunts, and the rain, the all pervasive rain. They were getting away, just as he had planned for them to do. Part of Jack was crushed that they didn't come back for him. But then again he had asked them to, commanded them to escape. He couldn't grudge them the freedom that he himself was unlikely to have.

Minutes ticked by in the eerie silence of the room. Things had gone very quiet on the other end of the walkie. Seconds seemed like hours as Jack waited uneasily, knowing Danny Pickett was still out there.

"Jack…" a voice spoke suddenly, and Jack leapt in surprise before realizing that it hadn't come from the walkie-talkie.

"I thought I told all of you to shut up," he growled towards them.

"Jack," Juliet continued doggedly, "Noble as your plan to free them is, it's not going to work. We're…"

"Look, whatever you have to tell me, I don't want to hear it so save it," Jack snapped.

"But…" Juliet tried again.

"Shut up!" Jack yelled in anger and frustration, and Juliet obeyed this time.

Jack went back to looking at the clock up on the wall, watching the slow second hand circle around. They'd had thirty minutes now. Slowly Jack leaned against a wall and thought back to all that had happened.

Plane crashes! You never expect it to happen to you. But then again, you don't expect a lot of things, and yet when you least expect it, you're dealt a knockout blow. All Jack had wanted was to return home to bury his father. Instead he had ended up here. On an island; surrounded by strangers, who over the course of time had almost become family. He had so desperately wanted to look after them. After all, he was the brilliant doctor, their saviour. But he wasn't anything like that. He was just an ordinary man stuck in an extraordinary situation, and trying to do the best he could to help those around. And yet he had failed, and that had hurt. He hadn't been able to save the marshal, or Boone, or Ana-Lucia and Libby or that woman – what was her name – oh yes, Joanna.

He had contributed to Claire's kidnapping by not believing she was in danger. He hadn't believed that Michael had been compromised. He hadn't… Jack put his hands up to his head as his old nature returned, his inability to let go. Memories pounded his mind, thoughts of his father who had repeatedly told him that he didn't have what it took to be great.

Mutely, the Others watched the struggle going on the doctor's head. Involuntarily Juliet looked up at the clock and then she let out a gasp.

"Jack!" she called urgently.

Slowly, Jack lifted his haggard countenance to her. She motioned silently to the clock. As the second hand completed another revolution, Jack realized that it had now been fifty five minutes since he had told Kate to run. Five minutes before Ben reached the point of no return.

"Jack, you have to listen," Juliet pleaded, "They can't reach safety in the next five minutes."

Jack glumly looked at the prone body of Benjamin Linus, a choice that he had made and another that awaited him. Slowly he shook his head.

"Jack, I promise that no one will harm them till they reach safety," Tom cut in, "But you have to save Ben. They won't be able to radio you in the next five minutes."

Four minutes, Jack said to himself. His eyes alternately flicked between the clock and the walkie-talkie in his hand. Silently he willed it to come to life, to hear Kate say that they were safe. Not because he cared about Ben's life, oh no. All he wanted to know was that they were ok, that she was ok.

Two minutes and thirty seconds, and both Juliet and Tom began to talk at the same time. Begging, pleading, threatening, anything to get Jack return to the procedure. There was a general hubbub as they yelled at Jack and he yelled back at them. And all the while the seconds ticked by.

"Jack…" a voice piped up.

"What?" Jack yelled at Juliet before realizing that this time it was from the walkie-talkie.

"Kate!" he exclaimed into the walkie-talkie, unable to keep the relief out of his voice.

"Jack, are you ok?" her voice crackled back.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Kate…" Jack said before she cut him off.

"Jack, we're…" Kate said before it was Jack's turn to cut her off.

"Kate, the story. You have to tell me the story," Jack almost shouted into the walkie-talkie.

"Jack, please…" Kate pleaded, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.

"Tell me the story, Kate," Jack demanded again.

Kate gulped hard, and then she began. "It was about your first solo procedure during your residency. A girl, sixteen years old. After thirteen hours you were almost done when you accidentally ripped her... her… dural sac," Kate remembered in time.

"Go on," Jack urged quietly.

"Her nerves spilled out like angel hair pasta…" Jack's mind drifted off to that day, oh so many years ago. A different life.

"And there was spinal fluid everywhere," Kate continued, her voice breaking, "The… fear was intense so you decided to let the fear in but only for five seconds. You counted down…1.2.3.4.5. And it was gone. You sewed her up and she was fine."

Long moments passed after Kate finished her story and for a moment she feared that Jack had turned off his walkie. A few more seconds and she could take it no more.

"Jack. Are you still there?" she asked.

"Yes," Jack swallowed hard to clear what seemed to be a large prickly object obstructing his throat, "I'm here. That's good, Kate. Now promise me something."

She knew, even before he said it, she knew what he would ask of her. She knew because it was what she would expect of him. "Jack, don't even think about it. I…" she yelled into the walkie.

"Just this once, Kate. You're safe now and that's all that matters. Promise me…" Jack paused again, to gather his thoughts.

The tears ran down her face and mingled with the rain. "Jack, don't…" she pleaded sobbing, willing him not to say it.

"Promise me… that you won't come back for me," Jack finished and turned off his walkie-talkie, and then flung it against the wall, shattering it into small fragments.

Among the small group huddled together on the beach, there was silence except for Kate screaming, uselessly, into the walkie-talkie. Without saying a word, they all knew that that might conceivably be the last time they would hear from Jack Shepard. The Others had been conned and their leader's life threatened, and it was unlikely that they would take kindly to it. In all likelihood, Jack would be killed before they could get back to rescue him.

Back in the makeshift OR, Jack took a few deep breaths. So this is what it felt like to wait for death. Jack gave himself a little shake as he pulled on his mask again. But the thoughts wouldn't go away. Whether Ben died or lived, the Others were going to exact revenge for what he had done. No chance of pleading to their finer qualities; they didn't have any. Steadily, Jack headed back to the table. His 'assistant' was sitting up groggily but Jack ignored him. He looked straight into Juliet's eyes and asked for the next implement.

He wasn't a hero, he never had been, and had never wanted to be. But that didn't matter to Jack Shepard. The only thing that mattered now, as his sure hands prepared to save Ben's life, was that if he had to die; he would die a doctor, a good man… and definitely not an Other.

The End