So I wrote a thing…just….yeah. A moment at the end before the end of the world. How we got here according to Shepard.
My (first) Shepard's name is Dalucia, she's paragon. Her short-form name would be Dal or Dala. But it's not really relevant….
Bioware owns the Mass Effect universe.
"Shepard."
"Hmm?" She was drowsy with the warmth of Turian plates resting against her skin, content and satisfied as hands drew lazy circles on her back.
"Why me?" Garrus' voice was low, barely more than a dual-toned rumble and warm breath. She opened one blue eye and then the other and found his own meeting them. She blinked a few times and let her expression show her confusion. "I mean," he said, moving one hand to cup her cheek with tenderness and awe, "you could have had anyone, but you chose me. Not that I'm not grateful," he added gently as he leaned his head forward so their foreheads were pressed together. "I just want to know why." She drew in a breath, arms tightening around his waist languidly as he brought his face far enough away so that he could see her clearly while the hand on her face dropped to her back again. She considered his question, thought back through all their time together and tried to find an answer for him. "You don't have to answer," he said after the silence had continued for a couple of minutes.
"No, I do want to. I just don't know where to start."
"The beginning is usually good," despite herself she chuckled and batted him lightly on his bare shoulder. She didn't remove her hand however, and began tracing the lines of his plated arms with just her fingertips. His sub-vocals were humming softly in contentment.
"The beginning." She drew a deep breath, reaching back into her memory. "I remember thinking you were headstrong, rash, morally ambiguous and had really good instincts. You were strong, fierce, proud. And you believed me about Saren." She shook her head slightly, remembering clearly the way the Council had brushed aside her warnings about Saren while one C-Sec officer had given her the connection she needed to condemn the rogue Spectre. "I spent a lot of time over the first few weeks learning about my crew. I talked to everyone, checking up after missions and listening to their problems. I wanted to know where everyone came from, what their motivations were. I wanted to unite everyone so we would be effective, intuitive. You and Kaidan," she paused, and she knew by the way his arms tightened around her that he caught the sorrow in her voice. "You and Kaidan and Tali were the people I became closest to. And Wrex I guess."
"You did convince him to let Saren's Genophage 'cure' be destroyed." He'd pulled her close, and his mandibles moved in her hair.
"Yeah. I was so glad at the time that I didn't have to kill him." She rested her forehead against his plated chest. "Anyway over time all our relationships changed; the relationship between Kaidan and I changed, and I thought maybe it could be love. I'd always thought he was attractive, and he seemed to really care about me. I wasn't going to just dive in to a relationship, especially not with a subordinate but we were going up against Sovreign and I thought that if I missed my chance at love now I was an idiot. And it was nice, more than nice. Kaidan was sweet, and he had claimed to have somehow fallen madly in love with me and supported me when a lot of the galaxy just thought I was crazy. And he'd been there on Virmre when Sovreign spoke to us, you know? He knew what we were going up against. I thought I could trust him. And even still I came to talk to you and Tali and you guys believed the whole story. Tali hadn't even been there, and she believed it because I said it was true. Kaidan had been right there, with you and me and had heard the whole thing. I loved his determination to do the right thing, and he was Alliance so at least if one of us got stationed elsewhere there would be an understanding between us. It seemed like an ideal relationship. He was everything I thought I wanted." She drew a deep breath, old pain coming briefly to the surface. She had dealt with all of this, but even though the pain had faded with time there would always be a scar in her heart. The metallic-tinged spice of Garrus' skin drove it out, and she breathed it into herself. Pressed tightly together it should have seemed weird to be talking about her ex, but it was sort of where they had started and even though the contented hum had dropped into a quiet growl she didn't want to stop.
"And then I died." Arms tightened further around her, just past what was really comfortable but she did not pull back. She understood better than anyone how much her death had hurt Garrus, because she knew him inside and out. He had not gone to Omega to 'make a difference' like he claimed. He had gone to Omega to die. But her Turian rebel was a fighter; even in the depths of his despair he could not just give up and so had gone to find a fight he could not win. He had never said so, of course, but she knew it just the same. "Cerberus brought me back, and gave me the SR-2 and told me I could put together a squad and go after the Collectors. When I met with the Illusive Man the first time, and he told me what he wanted for me I told him right off that I wanted my old team back. He said everyone had scattered. I asked about you first. Even then there was no one else I'd rather have watching my six. He told me you had disappeared, no one knew where you were. It hurt to hear it. And then he sent me a handful of dossiers on potential recruits and," she paused, rolling her head against his plates with a soft smile. "I knew."
"You didn't ask about Kaidan first?" he said doubtfully.
"I didn't," she admitted. It had surprised her when the words had slipped out, but she realized now she had never trusted Kaidan in battle the same way she trusted Garrus. He was a good soldier, maybe even great, but he wasn't Garrus Vakarian. She had been afraid his feelings would get in the way of what she needed to do.
"You couldn't have known Archangel was me," Garrus said, breaking through her thoughts.
"I didn't, not really. It was just a feeling.
"You sounded so surprised when you found me."
"Not surprised," she said her voice quiet. "Happy. It was-" she took a breath, started over. "It was so hard waking up, being in danger from the beginning and having no one I really trusted. I didn't really know Miranda, or Jacob though I had to work with them, and then you were there and it was like," a short pause, "it was like coming home. Maybe some part of me knew then that you were more important to me than just a friend or a trusted brother-in-arms. It just felt right, you and I. I wasn't going to question it, not then when we had mercs trying to blow our heads off." She pressed a soft kiss to his keel plate, closing her eyes as she remembered the surge of joy at actually seeing his face again. "And working together, it was like nothing had changed. You questioned my tie to Cerberus, how could anyone not? But you didn't question me."
"I was just glad t see you alive." His voice was a pained murmur. "The two years without you, Shepard-"
"I know, I do know." She pressed herself closer to him for a moment, then pulled back to meet his gaze and cup his face with her hands. "I understood and I wasnot going to let you die on me." The expression on his face was one she thought was surprised awe. "And then you took that rocket to the face. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life." She hadn't even questioned the strength of her feelings then, though her heart had felt like a block of lead and her hands had been ice cold as she fought desperately to save his life. Restlessly she withdrew from him, sitting up in bed with the sheets pulled up around her. He let her but shifted so he could take her hand in his while his other continued to rub slow, comforting circles across her back.
"I'm right here, Shepard. I'm not going anywhere."
"More than Reapers." She said, looking at him with a soft smile. His mandibles flared out from his face in what she knew was a Turian smile.
"More than Reapers."
"I know I shot off some remark about you always being ugly, but I was so glad you were okay."
"Hey, as long as you like my face I don't care how ugly I am." He shifted again, sitting up and pulling her back into the crook of his arm against the wall. She didn't fight him, and drew in another breath of that metallic spice that was his scent.
"When we ran into Kaidan on Horizon," she hesitated again, hearing once more the harsh words. She had forgiven him for them, had recognized his viewpoint and moved on but she could still remember clearly how much it had hurt. "I thought Kaidan knew me, like you did. I thought he understood my priorities and nearly his first words were accusing me of selfishly not contacting him and questioning my loyalties and talking about the Council that had already turned its back on me and the Reapers once," she shook her head. "You stood up for me."
"He was a blind idiot," Garrus' voice rumbled. "He couldn't see the truth because of his hatred for Cerberus."
"I know that, and it's not like I don't share the same views. It was the only way I could fight the Collectors, and so I took it. He couldn't see that and it hurt. I think that's where I really started considering what I felt for him, and what I felt for you. I started thinking about what I really wanted from the person in my life. Garrus, you trusted me. You looked at everything, saw it all and trusted meanyway. You believed in me, in my—our—ability to do the impossible and you were always there watching my six. You followed me into the Collector base, have followed me all across the galaxy, left your planet behind under Reaper attack because I asked it," she turned, placed her hands on his mandibles and met his eyes with all the feelings she could muster. "How could it not be you?"
"And here I just thought you'd developed a Turian fetish." Despite herself she had to laugh at his dry sarcasm.
"It's not a Turian fetish," she said seriously. "Just a Garrus Vakarian fetish. It's just you. It will always be you." He leaned in, and pressed his mouth to hers. It did not feel strange anymore; this was just what kissing her lover was like. His tongue darted out, tasted her lips and then he withdrew to meet her gaze.
"It's just you for me too, Shepard. Always." He leaned his forehead against hers, and they shared a moment of silence before Garrus spoke again. "I don't know what your Human customs are, Shepard, but when this is all over and we've blown the Reapers into pieces, would you consider, maybe," he trailed off, and then slowly drew his thumbs from her hairline just below the temple, across her cheeks under her eyes, to meet at the bridge of her nose, before ghosting them down the edges of her jaw and stopping halfway to her chin. The gesture was lost on her until his mandibles fluttered nervously and drew her attention. She slowly traced the blue clan marks on his own face with a strange sense of awe.
"Are you asking-" her voice cut off, and his mandibles fluttered again. "Garrus, are you asking me to marry you?"
"Yeah," he said shyly, "I guess I am."
"You guess?" she asked wryly.
"Dalucia Shepard, I am asking you to marry me," he affirmed. "Will you?"
"Well then, I guess, Garrus Vakarian, I will."
"You guess?" he teased, reaching to draw her closer. She couldn't miss the smirk on his face or in his voice.
"I will. No guessing." Sub-vocals pitched to a joyful purr, he rolled her onto her back and pressed a kiss to her mouth before moving to nuzzle into her neck.
"That's good, because I am never going to let you go."