So I was bored and feeling a little stuck with The Exile. When I get stuck I like to reconsider important plot elements and how they might be resolved. As a result this little short-short was written. Its modern, reincarnation, slightly crack and off-canon. Guinevere watches Merlin every Saturday.
A Thousand Years
Guinevere turned away from her computer in shock. She couldn't even begin to chat with the others about this. She'd been both dreading and anticipating this episode of Merlin ever since seeing the trailer for it months ago. Arthur of course refused to watch Merlin with her.
"It's just the stupidest show. It's got the worst historical accuracy of any retelling we never had tomatoes, you were never a maid and Morgana never smirked so much, and she certainly wasn't a villain. After you and Merlin she was one of Camelot's biggest supporters. Bradley James may have the look right, but his acting is so inconsistent. Really it's a terrible show and really you're not in it enough." He'd turned to her then a rather delicious look in his eyes. "My queen should be in every episode."
"Thank you baby."
She hadn't really been able to argue with any of those criticisms. Still every Saturday she found herself sitting in front of her computer waiting for download links to see the next episode of Merlin. This week though with the exception of Morgana they'd actually gotten it right. Guinevere looked at her wedding ring and then looked at her bare brown wrist thinking about the bracelet Lanc- the shade had given her. She'd never been able to explain or understand the confusion she'd started to feel two days before her wedding all those centuries ago or what had led her into the council chamber with Lancelot, now she knew. Gwen picked up her cell. She couldn't believe Merlin hadn't told her about Lancelot being a shade. Or at the least hadn't grabbed her arm, pulled her to the side and said -"hey Gwen what are you doing don't you love Arthur?"
That was what she had done when Morgana almost cheated on Gwaine last year. Turned out her friend had been feeling some doubts about marrying Gwaine after he'd dumped her those two times, but the couple had talked and worked it out.
Gaius winced, and winced again. He could Gwen's angry voice through the phone even though it was Merlin that was actually on the phone with her.
"Ass-hole!"
Merlin tried to speak, but Guinevere kept going.
"I thought you were my best friend. You didn't think I needed to know that Lancelot was a shade raised from the dead? Jack-ass. Did Gaius give you that stupid ass advice? Is he there with you now? Tell him I said fuck you too."
"But Gwen that was over a thousand years ago!"
Gaius heard more yelling and saw Merlin and turn his ear from the phone a bit. After several minutes everything went silent
The older man took a sip of his latte eyes on his friend. Merlin sat his phone on the café table. They were sitting outside of a Starbucks.
"She sounded really mad."
"Yeah," Merlin looked Gaius. "You used to give some really crap advice back in the day."
"I never made you listen to me."
Merlin glared at the older man.
"Don't worry Merlin Gwen is a really forgiving woman, she married Arthur after all. Give it a couple weeks and all will be right as rain."
BBC-Shine offices.
"Ya' know Lance," Johnny Capps looked at him,"that's got to be our best episode ever. How did you come up with it?"
The dark-haired man shrugged.
"Just wanted to do something different, with some real feeling to it."
Thought it was funny? Do you think I should cease all attempts at writing humor and keep my crack fic buried in the deepest, darkest files of computer? Either way reviews let me know.