To any staff/robots who read this: I have a very low opinion of you; you've caused a lot of strife for a lot of my friends who post here, and now they don't write here anymore, or really at all. I don't know if you're still being spelling Nazis, but quit it, okay?

Disclaimer: Cell and DBZ as a whole belong to Akira Toriyama, FUNimation, and others; they do not belong to me. However, Lucy, Embra, Beauregard are all mine, as is the idea behind this story. Don't for even a second think that you can use any character you see here without talking to me. Remember, a person's characters are their babies, and you don't know half a wit about them anyway.

And now, without further ado, more ado.

I would like to bring your attention to me, because I like me, me is cool. I've returned from a LONG hiatus I never intended to return from. Why? One reason.

New blood. There are new Cell fans to corrupt, and what better way to make contact then to write a fic?

So please, by all means, talk to me, review and contact me. I'd love to get to know you guys. I promise I'll try not to disappoint.

Chapter One

A dark, cold room - a small lamp light shone dimly on a lonely, modest set up of desk and office chair. The cavern like quality of the room made the smallest sounds echo and intensify. The limited light made the walls and ceiling seem nonexistent. With the exception of the floor, the room seemed to stretch on and on in all directions, limitlessly. As the figure at the desk reflected on these things, she marveled at the nickname her humble workplace had earned.

The Room of Infinity. Infinity Office.

No one except her felt comfortable in this room. For you see, no one else had mastered her methods of understanding that which appeared infinite. The key to taming this room's intimidating nature was in knowing that it had limits and walls. "In the face of uncertainty and seemingly endless darkness, " pondered the entity, "one will remain in control so long as they perceive without seeing..."

There was a knock at the door, which reverberated throughout the room from unknown origin. She took a sip from a mug of some steaming beverage, then set it aside. "Enter."

A rectangular silhouette appeared, a thin line of light pouring through the spaces where the doors and walls did not provide cover. The doors - there were two, made of oak - opened, allowing light to create a vivid white square on the floor, upon which the black shadows of two figures were set firmly. The first figure wandered into the room with noisy, squeaking footfalls; the second followed with caution, evidence of a bit more experience. She regarded them with silence, not batting an eye or even moving her gaze.

"This is the man you asked for?" The second figure, a lanky and rather boyish female spoke timidly.

"Thank you, Embra. Close the doors, please." It wasn't direct confirmation, but then, Embra's master wasn't one to give anyone a straight answer. Perhaps she liked making people think just a little more.

When darkness had once again flooded the room, the figure shifted to make herself comfortable, then spoke to the creature Embra had been so kind to retrieve. "Is the temperature adequate?" Her lips barely moved, and the man wondered if she breathed.

"I don't pay attention to irrelevant things." Responded the armored figure, very clipped and precise in his speech. This time it was clear; he wasn't breathing until he was forced to use his voice. The girl at the desk noted this with a smirk.

"Irrelevant? Ah, but you seem uncomfortable. Is it the language then? Do you prefer another Earth-tongue? Tabun ... nihongo?" It had been a while since she'd talked to someone new, and though hours and days didn't matter to her, she was enjoying it immensely.

He was getting annoyed, but it was barely seen, beneath the flash of his hot colored eyes in the darkness. "This language is fine. Please get to the point. We're wasting time." He paused after the brief snap he'd made. "Why am I here?"

"Ah! But isn't that a question we all ask at some point!" She smiled broadly. "Why are we here? Why is anything here? Well, some say it started with a bang. Others say that Creation was on the whole a very big mistake that made a lot of people very upset-"

"Madam! I have little patience for this! Please get on with it!" Muscles tightened in his neck and he clenched fists.

"Relax, warrior. All in good time. Relaaaax." Purred the woman, growing calm and serious. He forced himself to be calm as well. "Good, good. We're making progress. By the way, would you like to be alive again?" She uttered these words in the same breath, as though it were a trivial matter.

He would have snapped again, but her last query made him choke it back. "N..nani?" He'd blurted his native tongue in his excitement, but she didn't repeat herself. Instead, she rested her chin on interlaced fingers, elbows propped on the desk, and she watched him. He felt as though his armor had become cellophane (Cell-ophane, haha).

"Assuming you can, what's the catch?" Murmured the creature.

"No catch, no games. Of course you'll be supervised on and off," she waved a hand dismissively, "but I'm sure you expected something of that nature... you just need to do one little thing for me."

"Ah-ha..." He allowed a triumphant look to spread over his sharp, stark white face. "So what are you, the devil? I suspected that dimwitted fool at the checkpoint was a fake."

She laughed. "I can see how you'd make that assumption. What if I am? But we are getting off topic, aren't we?" She rustled through some papers, feeling magenta eyes trained on her. "Now, you're name is Cell, correct?"

Cell grimaced. "Yes... And your's?"

"Oh, I don't think divulging my name is necessary yet. Why don't you call me something of your own choosing," she caught the gleam in his eyes, as he thought up a number of derogatory names in several languages, "with a gentleman's discretion, please."

The android smirked briefly. Though this person was annoying as hell, he admired her sharp wit and courage. But he could play games too.

"Lucifer."

She stopped. "...Pardon?"

He grinned, and for a moment he was more than a dead mortal. He had a smile like Beelzebub. "Lucifer, or perhaps Lucy, for short. You seem favored towards a feminine appearance."

What issued from the woman's mouth next was unearthly and chilling, causing the darkness so thick in the room to shiver. Her laughter rattled with a hint of deep-rooted madness and a very long life. "Oh my! Well, I AM flattered!"

"But back to business, Cell. Or Seru. If you've preference, please voice so." She ruffled the papers once more and scanned them. "You're currently charged with mass and multiple murder, attempted murder, destruction of government, public, and private property, terrorism... may I stop there? You've an impressive resume." He grinned, ferally. "Ah, I'll assume that's a 'hai'. Do you willingly admit to these crimes?"

"I am not a human, why should I be bound by their la-" He began, but she stopped him.

"You are an Earthling - No, no. You are earthborn, that's enough. And, Cell, as an Earthling, you are expected to carry yourself with some discretion, even if you aren't human. But you didn't act discreet, did you, Cell? Will you admit that?"

He was quiet for a long few seconds. "Yes, I admit this. I did as I was programmed to do, and I did not behave in any discreet or ethical manner. Killing and terrorizing people is my purpose." Words were coming out of his mouth a little too easily for his tastes. It was unnerving. Was he having a civil conversation? God forbid.

"Indeed." She lowered her eyelids. "With your actions in life and afterlife in mind, would you say you deserve to live once more?"

"Androids don't deserve. It's a function, or a sensation we cannot..." He was suddenly seeing gray where there were lines between black and white, "experience." Why was it so hard to find words?

Rattling chuckles fluttered like bat wings against his ears, but she didn't reply. He suspected she wouldn't until he said the right thing. "Hn." He tried again. "Well, if it's about the safety of the universe, than no, but if it's really about me... Hell is a waste of my ability."

She watched him with no change in expression, settling for his second attempt. "That troubled you some."

He snapped immediately. "Nothing troubles me. Now what did you want me to do?"

This elicited no reaction. She then, with no curve to her lips, smiled at him in a maddening way.

"Save the world."

And now for some trivia. See if you can guess what happens next and what not.

Trivia 1: The beverage the woman is drinking is demon's blood.

Trivia 2: The story referred to in this story is KASH's Cell's Breakout. I actually wrote this story a while back and never intended to post it, so that had always been my way of saying hi to her.

Trivia 3: Guess what, this isn't a Cell romance, but it is Cell centric.

Trivia 4: Embra wasn't always a girl.

Trivia 5: Lucy referring to creation being a mistake that upset people is from Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

That's all for now.

Hochuuami

AIM: BioAndroid21 (careful, Cell might answer ) , Hochuuami