A/N: I've been meaning to write a story about Natasha to sort of do justice to her backstory in Age of Ultron, so this is inspired by that and by her Name of the Rose backstory. So it's a little dark, but I hope you will enjoy it! This is set after my other story, I Would For You, but you don't need to have read that first. Titles from Forget by Marina and the Diamonds. Please read and review!

Sometimes I think I'm not that strong, but there's a force that carries me on

"Sloppy, pretending to fail," Madame said, disappointment radiating from her.

"Stop lying," Steve snapped at her, pushing her into the wall impatiently.

"Are you out of your mind?" Bruce demanded in anguish.

"Given your service record, both for this country and against it, you belong in a penitentiary," General Serrano informed her coldly.

"I have no place in the world," she admitted quietly, looking down and seeing that her hands were stained with blood. Hers and what she'd taken from others. The pain in her abdomen increased and blood began to flow from her, from her shoulder, her hip, and from between her legs.

"What did you let them do to you?" Alexei demanded, in disgust.

She tried to answer, but couldn't; her mouth was too full of bile and she was afraid that, if she opened her mouth, she would start screaming and never stop.

"Natalia! Natalia!" a worried voice broke through the darkness around her. She felt hands on her shoulders, shaking her; one was cold.

She immediately swung her legs up and around the waist of her assailant, twisting and throwing her weight against him. They fell off the bed and she landed on top of him, aware that she'd knocked the air out of the man. Things began to look familiar and she stopped herself from getting up to run. Instead, she bent and gently brushed his hair out of his face.

"I'm sorry, James," she said earnestly, and he turned his head to kiss her hand.

Tentatively, he lifted his hands to her back and she obliged in laying down on top of him as he stroked her hair. "It was just a nightmare, Natalia. You're safe now," he murmured soothingly.

Letting out a long sigh, she felt the tension leave her and pushed aside the bad taste in her mouth, along with the ringing of voices in her ears. "What time is it?" she asked, needing something on which to focus her scattered thoughts.

"About 5," James replied softly. "Do you want to go back to bed?"

She considered. Sleep would certainly elude her. Or she would want to avoid it, at any rate. Running her fingers over the scarred flesh that was grafted to his metal arm, she shook her head decisively.

He caught her hand and turned to look her in the eye. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, James. Not this time. What do you want for breakfast?" she asked, getting to her feet. He followed more slowly and she felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry."

Smiling self-effacingly, he shrugged. "Don't be. We can have whatever you want."

With a nod, she headed toward the kitchen to see what could be had to start the day a little earlier than usual.

Her phone rang right on schedule as they were putting the breakfast dishes away. "Romanoff," she said.

"I need you in Germany," Fury ordered without preamble.

Glancing over at James, she considered. "I can be there in twenty hours. Where?"

"Schloss Belvedere in Weimar."

Her brow furrowed slightly. "Alright." It wasn't somewhere with which she was familiar. "Who is my contact?"

"Just a local. I'll send you the details."

"Fine," she responded, suppressing a sigh; she hated starting missions unrested. James smiled at her reaction.

"Stay off the radar. Civilian clothes, no tack suits. Commuter transport, don't go asking Stark for one of his jets," Nick ordered.

She snorted. "Not sure he thinks he owes me any favors," she replied.

"For being a genius, that boy sure is dumb. Tell Bucky I'll be in touch soon," he added, resuming his official tone.

"Will do," she promised.

"Be careful."

The line went dead, and she tucked her phone in her pocket. "Well, better get packed," she muttered.

"Where are you headed?" James asked as he followed her back into the bedroom.

"Germany." His concern grew at the location and she hid a smile. "Don't worry, James, it's been a long time since we were at war with them," she teased.

His expression softened a little. "I know that, Natalia," he responded in a long-suffering tone.

She tossed a pillow at him, and he retaliated. Her counter-move, while effective, meant that she wouldn't get to packing for a while.

The flight to the Leipzig airport was very long and she was relieved to find that Fury had sent the mission parameters to her phone in the interim. There was a company called Gynacon that had been gaining influence, and she was to investigate it for rumored ties to HYDRA. A gala at Schloss Belvedere would provide her with access to a majority of higher-ups for the company, and was a good starting point in her investigation.

She had secured a window seat, and couldn't resist looking out at the ocean at the morning sun glinting across the water. The day became late quickly and she began to regret how early her morning had been. Still, there was work to be done, so she searched out what she could learn about Gynacon before she took a nap.

The company was founded by Ian McMasters in partnership with a Vassily Ilyich Ulyanov. McMasters was American, in his late sixties, and had quietly been amassing a fortune via clever investments for decades. None of his investments were related to known HYDRA organizations, and other than a couple DIUs, he was pretty clean. Divorced twice with two grown children who seemed to want nothing to do with him. She couldn't find their current whereabouts, in any case.

Ulyanov was Russian-born and had lived in that country for most of his life. He was barely in his thirties and there was really no record of what he'd been doing before he came to America to partner with an older businessman. Though the connection between the two was often mentioned in conjunction with Gynacon, it was never explained. Ulyanov was wealthy and had contributed a notable sum to the founding of the company, but where he got that kind of money was impossible to find. Well, impossible for most people. When she landed, she decided to make some calls and see if she couldn't track down the basis of his fortune.

Like many current companies, it dabbled in all the most cutting-edge ideas, from weaponry to consumer tech to biotechnology. Their mission statement was "creating a better world," which was vague enough to cause concern. At least to her. She could definitely see why Fury wanted this company investigated more fully, and knew that he lacked many of his former resources to do it himself. Personal contacts had become much more important these days, without the government providing the umbrella she had allowed herself to grow used to. Still, she had been doing this on her own for years, and could certainly do it again.

The drive from Leipzig to Weimar was about an hour and a half. She took a rental car, since she figured she'd want her own form of transportation, despite Fury's recommendation. Her alias for the trip was Nadja Rothbauer, a new one she'd created during the recent pandemonium in case she needed it. It was a little difficult to navigate an unfamiliar location in the dark, but she managed. The hotel she'd chosen online was one of the few that would accept guests at two in the morning, and was certainly not one of the best she'd used. But it gave her the opportunity for several hours of sleep before the meet at 10 AM, so she couldn't complain.

Redheads were not uncommon in Germany, so she was relieved not to need a wig for the mission. She dressed in civilian clothes, touristy enough to not raise suspicion but not so touristy that she would be the target for thieves. Not that she couldn't handle a pickpocket, of course, but there was the danger of revealing she was more than a civilian if attacked. Tucking her pistol into the pocket on the side of her purse and hiding her Widow's bites under her sleeves, she headed over to Schloss Belvedere.

She was early, and the place wasn't open to visitors yet. Waiting was a vital part of most missions, so she patiently went back over her information for the mission as she sat on the curb outside. After twenty minutes, a small crowd of tourists had gathered, it being summer, and the doors were finally opened to them. She remained with the others for a while before slipping off into one of the bedrooms, where she was to meet her contact.

It was a beautiful building, with lovely antique furniture and luxurious appointments. She allowed herself to be swept up in it while she waited, turning when she heard footsteps approaching her. A brunette woman wearing sunglasses stepped into sight, pulling the glasses down as she did so.

"The oak is lovely," the woman said flatly, nodding toward the dresser.

"I prefer the maple," Natasha replied, folding her arms over her chest.

Nodding, the woman pulled out a tissue-wrapped packet and handed it over. "Good luck," she added as she disappeared the way she'd come.

Carefully tucking the packet into her purse, Natasha wandered around the building for another ten minutes before heading back to the hotel to get to work.