*I do not own and the Dragon or its characters
This is many things, perhaps broken hearted torment, perhaps a rant, but I channeled it into this. A Jane/Gunther poem fic
The image of you faces my wayward thoughts, challenging me to a dual
"We never should have met" That is what I would like to tell myself, but I know that is not true
Your figure circles around me, goading me, words falling upon me
A marriage of taunts and argument clouded our air
Clashing spirits, and silver eyes, you met me with endless surprise
Meeting you has been the greatest adventure
We were two people who watched the world move while we stood still
In different paces, in different circumstance, we were the same, ignored for who we are, for who we used to be
Sometimes your eyes held seclusion, a place to hide, secluded from anyone who was not you
No one could intrude on your safe place, hidden away in the depths of anger and indifference
And if you were alone, I would make sure you were not lonely
I held you with my eyes, and I kissed your exalted air
In your own words, I heard myself speak
Help me, see me, do not forget who I am
When your thoughts matched mine, it almost frightened me
But everything that I thought I hated was exhilarating in the most peculiar way
Drown me in poppies, rain down upon me rose stems
Thorns so sharp, it was hard to be near you
You found solace in an endless dream, dreaming of a place that did not exist
Your disposition could have made cats sing, and ravens land at your feet
The world stood still when I saw my reflection in your eyes
Equality, similarity, competition, it was our dance
But that was like a scrape to the knee, I could handle it
Ugly scars, hurtful words, like a slap to the face, I could handle those too
And yet, our strategy was misplaced
I can still see the beautiful man who longed for warmth, but feared to touch it thinking he would die
I changed your mind, but we can never be together
If I were I were to ask my mother what I should do, she would tell me the past is the past and being a knight was more trouble than there was to be gained. At such a response I would roll my eyes and forgive her after a moments time for her closed mindedness
How will I forget? How will I tune out the noise?
Is there not more to this life then living a friendly lie?
I walk on shards of devastation
A short sword took away your life, a shield protected mine
I will be alright I tell myself, no more strife, no more hardship
And yet, who says a knight cannot cry when they remember all their past goodbyes?
Nay, not I, for it is human nature
Is it an unspoken rule?
Whoever knows is at liberty to tell me, though I do not think it would matter.
To have cries turn to whispers in the wind is an insult and a blessing.
I still remember the times the lights danced in the sky and you would fill my ignorance with tales of trips on the sea.
I also remember how there were times when my hair had been drenched with what was not water
How is it my memories have not carried me away already?
Waves hitting the sand have more peace then I, and if only I was like them and could say goodbye.
I think about you as I walk the rough beaches bare footed and bare minded
And if sharp mollusks would cut up my feet, then that would hurt less then a day without you
I would rather have ravens peck out my eyes and have you alive
And wish the next ship in the harbor would have you in it
How soon can I forget? How long till I do not remember?
My memory just does not go away
Will you forgive me? Will you forgive me?
My cries fall on deaf ears and death took your ears
If death could have been mine then you could have been here
I am too late, I was late before we began
What if we met before we had intended to? Perhaps things would have been different
It is said a disciplined mind and disciplined body would therefore discipline my heart
Though I know you would laugh if such a falsehood was uttered and I would have been angered by it though not for long
Laughter is not mine, this heart is not mine, they would have been yours if you held a shield
Should I just laugh and forget the whole thing?
If only things were so simple
Passing your home on the town square is like a stab, and it is a misfortune to pass it
And that spot behind the castle wall which was our secret place is nothing more then a memory now
Memories of you are a plague of despair, your image a parasite in my heart
Why realty is more cruel then fantasy is a mystery that I cannot understand, though it is the stuff ballads are made of
To be hated by you would have been better then not having you alive
For being alive is hard, and living is not living without your presence
But as long as I remain, I will pretend we never met
For if we never met, then I would not hurt, and you would not have died
But you cannot forgive me, but I can forgive you
I have too much time I now
If I would have told you that, then you would have complained like you always did that I had things too easy
Perhaps you were right, but I would not have admitted that since that smirk of yours drove me to madness.
You were every bit annoying and yet, that was your treasure
I do not weep because I miss you, but I weep because you are not here