Date: March 2nd, 1941

Sunday. Remember yesterday, when I was wondering why Master Edward called his book, "Diary?" I think it stands for something. Here's what I came up with this morning:

Death

Is

Approaching

Redirecting

You

Well? Is that it? Or, maybe, 'Diary' is just a common name people use…Ha! That's just ridiculous. I recall it to be a code. Yes, a code. But, I think it's missing a letter…Because, who exactly is Death approaching? So, that means, Death is talking to a person…or PEOPLE. I think I know the missing letter. I'll try again, this time.

Death

Is

Approaching

Redirecting

You

Also

So, this means, his book is actually named, 'Diarya'. I guess he just removed the 'A' on the end for some reason, although I don't know why.

And, speaking of Master Richtofen, I asked him if I could work at Group 935. I thought he was going to decline my request, because of my age, but, surprisingly he said I was already working there. "What? What do you mean, 'I'm already working there?' I haven't done anything but babysit the little brat," I had replied to him. "Why do you think Doctor Maxis pays you?" I gave him a hesitating look. "Well, the only reason I could think of is because I watch his daughter." He nodded. "And because you're our ASSISTANT, Ellehn." Oh. Right. I still remember the day of when I was accidentally put into Teleporter A, while a dog was put in Teleporter B. Someone accidentally flipped the switch and instead of both organisms meeting at the same time at the Main Frame, we were COMBINED when I appeared at the Frame. But, that was five years ago. The past is the past. "What about Sophia? She's Maxis' secretary."

"…Und you're our little assistant," he said. I can't argue with that. Just as long as I'm getting paid…"Wait, so, why does Doctor Maxis pay me with such a low price?" He sighed. "Because it's an easy job for you, what do you think?" Well, it did say so in Master's Diary-I mean, Diarya. I was confused at first, because I had no idea what he was talking about:

Log Entry: 852

Date: March 1st, 1941

DEEEEAAAAR Diary[a],

Today was like any day, a big FAILURE. Ellehn ate another dictionary for breakfast, and drank from the toilet bowl…again. It was the ninth dictionary she has devoured, but luckily, Maxis will never know when his dictionary would turn up. I don't see why Ellehn has to go do her job, when it's the easiest in the world.

The Main Frame seems to be malfunctioning, possibly because it was jammed, or someone just seemed to try to vandalize the machine, thus, enabling it to work the right way. But, I will try to fix it when I get the chance.

-Dr. Edward Richtofen

Well. I have not realized how many times I've eaten a dictionary. I guess I lost track after the third book. But, I DRANK FROM THE TOILET? I thought it was a new water fountain that was not working properly! It was so tasty and cold. I have no idea where the flavor comes from, but, it's just mesmerizing. If only people could just taste the toilet water… Anyways, Master Edward told me that to become a scientist; I have to build my way up. Doesn't really make sense when I already have the knowledge. I mean, I ATE NINE DICTIONARIES, A THESAURUS, THREE REFERENCE BOOKS, A PSYCHOLOGY BOOK, AND A COMPLETE BOOK OF MATH, WITH A SIDE OF TOILET WATER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! But, that's not the reason. I read those books, front to cover, and focused hard on them. AND THEN I ate them, since learning can make me hungry, (I never knew learning would taste the same way they sound.) Then, I would go to the bathroom and drink the new water fountain, which I just found out was a toilet, to wash my paper cut blood in my esophagus, (also, toilet water is groundwater, meaning that groundwater is the same as the water we drink.) The blood tasted wunderbar along with the books. But, that's not the only things I eat. The books are like vegetables with really bad flavor.

Enough of what I eat, what will I do if Master finds out I've been reading his Diarya? He seems to become suspicious of me today, just because I've been making trips to the bathroom, (which is next to the locker rooms where his Diarya is located,) for an unusual many number of times. Just like that day when he found out where his root beer went…he wasn't angry, all he did was shrug and walk away, then said, "Well, that was an easy way to dispose tainted drinks…Danke, Ellehn." From that moment on after Master Richtofen left, I ran out of our mansion-like home, and vomited on the nearest neighbor's panties-er, pansies. Sorry, English can confuse me with sound alike words when I'm writing. Now, back to the vomiting part…I vomited on our neighbor's flowers. The bad thing is that just about every day our neighbor loves the aroma of her plants in the morning. On the next day after I tried to "water" the pansies, I peeked out my window, and just in time she stepped out of her house, took a deep breath on her flowers, and it's either she passed out, or died, next to the plants she was passionately sniffing. It's a good thing she doesn't know us, because she was the nearest neighbor from us. She's only about, 20 ft. away from our house, while the other houses are about 50-80 ft. away. From that exact day, I ran out to the body, checked if she's dead…which she's not, sadly, and dragged her to her backyard. Since she was quite heavy, I kind of dragged her in the mud, to make the process go faster. Once we arrived at her patio, she looked either like a big piece of waste, (or, in other words, like a big piece of crap) or an almost melted chocolate bar with rocks and grass in it. I checked her pulse, and it was still beating like normal. But, since I worked so hard dragging her to her yard, I dug a hole, and buried her. I kind of felt bad burying her alive, so I made a tombstone out of cardboard, (since rock takes a bit too long to carve words) and wrote: R.I.P: Lady I buried in her backyard to get rid of evidence. She died from her own panties.

OKAY, yes, I accidentally misspelled pansies on her tombstone. But, who's going to go to her unknown and unsuspected funeral anyways? I'm just happy that I know what I did wrong, and learned from it: MAKE SURE YOU SPELL CHECK BEFORE ACTUALLY WRITING IN PERMANENT MARKER. Let that be a lesson to you, although I'm still talking to a book…and books can't really do anything but give paper cuts, a headache, (depending what you're doing, unlike me, I use it to hit my head with it) make you fall asleep, and it can also be "vegetables"; because, you know, there's paper, and paper comes from leaves. Yum.

Babysitting Samantha was the worst thing I did today. Now that all the fun sharp weapons and chemicals are gone, Samantha brought her toys with her. But since Sophia remembered what I did the last time, she put the straitjacket on ME. So now, Samantha tried to put make up and a stupid dress on me, over my straitjacket. Luckily, I survived the one hour torture of tea-time with Samantha's dolls und toys. They all stared at me, including the monkey, with its red bulging eyes.

During lunch break, Maxis came over to check on us. When he saw me twitching, and heard a "help me" from my mouth, he glanced at Samantha's toys and had an idea. He then took the crazy-eyed monkey, and took it to the lab. Master Richtofen came, and kneeled next to me,( after everyone was going to eat lunch, including Samantha) and said, "Dr. Maxis will be giving Samantha a dog to play with, since you're not that good of a sitter." My face fell. "But, I'll still get paid, right?"

"Yes, Ellehn, you will still get paid."

"So, can you untie me, my arms are numb to escape…and I'm hungry." He stood up, grinned, and left. I got up from the chair, and tried to run after him. I tripped, and landed in front of his heels. He stopped, and said, "I can't get you out because you still have that ridiculous dress on."

"Can you take it off me? PLEASE?" I probably looked like a clown because of the makeup. He sighed, and continued to walk away. "Ja, I'll do it later…"

"LATER? But I'm hungry!" I struggled to get free. "Can I at least have some leberwurst while you're at it?"

"There would probably be none left…"

I crawled like a caterpillar to catch up. "Then I'm coming with you."

"If that's what you want, then okay…if you can keep up." He then started to speed walk. I sighed heavily. "Well, at least there's water in the toilet…and a couple of books I haven't read and eaten left…I'll just eat those."

And so I did.

Well, since my hands are starting to hurt, I'll end it right here.

-Ellehn J. Richtofen