Dean always blamed himself. If Sam got hurt or if a hunt went wrong or something happened that wasn't planned? Dean was the first one to surrender to the cloud of guilt that followed him every where. Castiel hated it. He hated seeing Dean fall apart, hated that Dean saw himself less than perfect. Because that was exactly what Castiel saw.
It went deeper than Dean's looks; Castiel wouldn't lie, Dean Winchester was a gorgeous human. Tall and strong, perfect skin dotted with freckles, even his scars were perfect. His eyes were bright and verdant, easily a looking glass into Dean's beautiful, tortured soul. Dean was so much more than that. He was kind and selfless, would always put anyone he cared for first, in any situation, even if it mean loosing himself.
Now Dean was retreating to his room, leaving Sam and Castiel to watch after his retreating form. They shared a look and Castiel knew Sam felt the same way he did. It hurt to see Dean so upset. It hurt to know there was nothing they could do to convince Dean that this wasn't his fault.
"You should go talk to him," Sam's voice was quiet, just as saddened as Dean's last look had been. "He listens to you." Castiel nodded, saving his words for Dean. He left Sam standing alone in the kitchen and followed the hallway to Dean's room. He knocked softly, once and then twice before Dean's rough voice called out.
Cas pushed the door open and his gut clenched. Dean was on the floor, back against the bed, his head resting on his folded hands which were propped up on his knees. He sniffed and Castiel knew he had been crying, knew he would hide that too, locked away with all of the emotions Dean strived so hard to keep away. As if being emotionless would make him a better human, a better man.
"What, Cas?" Dean's voice was soft, his eyes trained on the floor and Castiel found himself at a loss for words. He picked his way around the bed and reached down for Dean, pulling him up with a quick tug. The man sighed, blinking away furiously to get rid of the remainder of his tears. "Cas… come on man…"
"Dean, you have no idea," Cas shook his head, reaching forward to cup Dean's cheek and lift his face up. Dean met his eyes, his iris' flicking back and forth as he searched Castiel's eyes before he finally shut them, leaning into Cas' touch.
"Please, Cas… I just want to be alone." Dean's voice was a whisper, hot against Castiel's palm.
"No, Dean. I don't think you do." Cas pulled Dean towards him hard and wrapped his arms around the hunter as soon as Dean was flush against his chest. Dean collapsed against him, momentarily forgetting to keep up his walls and his mask, and he sobbed once when Castiel's arms squeezed around his back.
"I do, Cas… I don't deserve-"
"Shut up, Dean." Cas demanded and pulled back, searching Dean's face once more. Dean's lips opened, retort as ready on his tongue as the anger was in his eyes. Castiel leaned forward, sealing their lips together and cutting off Dean's response. Dean was still, frozen against Castiel's lips and for a moment, Cas had his own feelings of shame and guilt and remorse swirling through his stomach. Then… then Dean started to kiss him back.
It started slow, a tentative press of lips against lips, a tongue sliding forward to seek entrance, and then the dam broke. Dean kissed Castiel back as if his life depended on it; Cas couldn't tell where his own mouth stopped and Dean's began. Hands were roaming, pulling and tugging and Dean gasped into Castiel's mouth, pulling back slightly when his shoulder hit the far wall by the bed.
His pupils were blown, pink lips swollen from Castiel's assault, and Cas could tell there was more self loathing and self doubt ready to pour from his hot, wet mouth. So he silenced him, this time with a finger against his lips.
"No, Dean," he whispered, hands trailing down Dean's chest, fingers digging in, the muscles flexing under his touch. "You deserve everything. You have no idea, Dean, what you do for me, for Sam, for the world. People all over have been helped by you, have survived because of you, and they will never get the chance to thank you. But I can. Let me thank you, Dean."
Dean's eyes were burning as they stared down at Cas, and slowly, finally, he nodded. Just a slight tip of his head, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard, and that was all Castiel needed. He trailed down Dean's body, fingers and teeth pressing and biting into Dean's flesh through his clothing until Cas finger's wrapped around the hem of Dean's jeans. He looked up once, meeting Dean's wide eyes, and smiled as he flicked them open.
He'd never done this before, never had the urge, but right now, pressing down onto his knees, Dean's hardened flesh springing free of his clothing as Castiel pushed the denim down… He couldn't imagine being anywhere else in the world. This was right, everything about this, Dean's soft moans above him, the taste of Dean's skin on his tongue, the feeling of Dean's hands in his hair as Castiel slowly licked his way down Dean's swollen cock…
"Perfect, you're perfect Dean Winchester," Cas breathed out, his tongue dancing along Dean's shaft, swirling around the swollen head before he sucked Dean's cock deep into his throat, as far as it could go. Dirty, filthy noises were spilling from Dean's mouth– half formed words and half moans that ended up caught in Dean's throat had Castiel's own body responding.
His fingers dug into Dean's thighs, pressing his hips into the wall, holding him still as he worked down Dean's cock, savoring the feeling and the taste. He moved slowly, then sped up his pace when Dean's fingers tightened at the base of his skull.
"C…Cas!" Dean gasped, his body stiffening and Castiel had one second to decide if he wanted to pull away before Dean was spilling hot and hard down his throat. Castiel groaned, his hips rocking along with the thrusts of his mouth until his own body was spilling it's release, trapped in the confines of his black slacks.
Dean was shaking, his body only being held up against the wall and by Castiel's hands. Castiel slowly released his softening cock and pulled Dean's clothing back into place, taking his time to button and zip the jeans before returning to full height and taking Dean into his arms.
Dean collapsed against him, his nose buried deep in Castiel's shoulder.
"Thank you," he was whispering against Cas' neck, hot and wet tears spilling against Castiel's chest.
"No, Dean, thank you." Castiel whispered back and simply tightened his hold.