All For You
Peeta was not a naive boy. He was smart and had a good instinct about things around him. That was why he wouldn't be easy to be lied to. He knew that Katniss didn't really love him from the start. She cared enough for him. Maybe it was because she thought that she owed him because of the bread. Sometimes Peeta hated that bread accident. He didn't want Katniss to think that she owe him. He wanted Katniss to love him back, but he knew that it would be so difficult. They were in the arena after all. And at least one of them had to die.
Until that announcement..
Peeta frowned hearing the announcement about two tributes could win the games as long as they were from the same district. From the remaining tributes in the arena, Peeta realized that this meant that District 2 and District 12 could get the advantages above others. Unfortunately, Peeta was injured badly. Besides, he felt that something was fishy about the condition. Was Haymitch's idea about star-crossed lovers really that popular among the Capitol? Or there was something else? Peeta knew he should be cautioned about the whole things.
Like he had predicted, Katniss found him the day after that. A part of him was happy seeing Katniss, a part of him was relieved that Katniss could help him, but the major part of him was worried about what would happen with them both.
The first kiss was just a way to shut him up. He knew that. He realized that Katniss wouldn't kiss him just because she wanted to. Besides, he was pretty sure that Katniss didn't want to kiss him. It was not like he wasn't attractive or something. He knew from the Merchant's girls' attitude to him that he was good looking enough. But, he also knew that Katniss wasn't like any other girls.
The second kiss was a deceit. After the first kiss they got a parachute from Haymitch. Somehow Peeta understood that Haymitch wanted them to play the star-crossed lovers' roles. Haymitch could sell their act and Peeta understood how important that would be. A part of him was giddy because he could kiss Katniss and she kissed him back. He was a teenage boy after all. But, the major part of him was sad with these circumstances. He loved Katniss and he wanted her to love him back. But, she just kissed him so they could survive. He smiled sadly watching Katniss sleep in his arms. He should be grateful to what he could get these days.
The only real kiss that he got from Katniss was the kiss after Katniss came back from the feast. He was so glad and relieved seeing Katniss could come back. He really didn't want her to die because she tried to save him. He really treasured that kiss.
From the beginning since his name was reaped on the reaping day, he knew that he would not come back from the games alive. It was not because he wasn't sure he was strong enough. It was because the tribute that he came with from District 12 was Katniss. The girl whom he had loved since he was five years old. Even his father knew this.
He remembered the time when the family and friends of the tributes got to say goodbye to them. His father stayed longer than his other family's members. Mr. Mellark had known about his son's feeling for Katniss from the start. He had seen when his son gave that burnt bread to Katniss even though in the end Peeta had to endure his mother's anger.
"I knew you wouldn't try to win the games," Mr. Mellark started to say once there were just the two of them in the room.
Peeta flinched hearing his father's words. "Dad.." he started to protest.
"No, Peeta. I know you. I know you are a really good boy. And I know that you love that girl. So, I won't try to make you to come home or something. I just want to say that I'm really proud of you no matter what you will do. I know you will do the right thing," Mr. Mellark said looking at his son sadly.
There were tears in their eyes. They hugged each other tightly for a while. "I'm sorry, Dad," Peeta said between the sobs that he tried to hold. He always had adored his father. His father was the role model for him.
"No, Peeta. There's nothing to be sorry about. I just want you to be yourself out there. Don't let them change you, okay?" That was the last words that his father said to him before he was left along in that room.
From that moment, he knew that it would be the last time that he saw his father. He would try to help Katniss to win the games. And for that, he knew that he had to die himself. He just hoped that Katniss would not have to kill him in the end. It was not like he would be sad or anything. He just knew Katniss. He knew that that girl would feel guilty if that happened.
That was why after canon fired for Cato's death and the hovercraft didn't come immediately to pick them up, Peeta understood the circumstances. Their story really was sold. The first announcement was not because the Capitol people were rooting for them so they wanted to save them both. The Capitol people just liked a good story and the gamemakers wanted to show them the fantastic story about star-crossed lovers who had to kill each other.
True to what he had predicted, they announced that the revision was revoked. Peeta sighed sadly. He knew that something like this would happen. It was too good to be true if they both could come home from the arena. He looked at Katniss while she starred at him with horror in her eyes. He knew that he couldn't kill himself. He remembered his and Haymitch's conversation before the games.
"I want Katniss to win the games," he said to Haymitch to the point.
Haymitch looked at him with a little surprise in his eyes. "Really? Do you know what that means?"
"Yeah, I have to die myself," Peeta said simply.
Haymitch looked at him with narrowed eyes. "You really love that girl, don't you?"
Peeta took a deep breath before nodding his head.
"What will you do then? Get yourself killed from the beginning?" Haymitch asked with challenging tone in his eyes.
Peeta shook his head immediately. "No. I need to be sure that Katniss can win before I die. That means at least the careers have all died before I die," he said convincingly.
"And what if it was just the two of you that are left in the arena?" Haymitch asked again.
"Then I'll kill myself," Peeta said surely.
Haymitch snorted. "Are you sure that she will let you do that? And are you sure that she can live with that?" he asked again making Peeta had to rethink every thing.
Peeta didn't answer for a while. He thought and thought all over again about what he should do if the situation was like that. Suddenly there a simple smile on his lips. "Then I guess, I have to make her kill me," he said softly.
Haymitch frowned immediately. "What?"
"I knew what I had to do," Peeta answered surely.
And the situation was exactly like that. Peeta knew that he had to die. The ways that he could die were killing himself or making Katniss kill him. He knew that the gamemakers wouldn't send the mutts again. They wanted them to kill each other. They wanted the drama to make the audience happy.
Suddenly Peeta regretted that he didn't bring the nightlock. If only he had the nightlock, maybe it would be simpler for him. He looked at Katniss while she looked at him back. He could see in her eyes that she was trying to find a way for them both. She didn't know what they could do about their situation.
He knew what he had to do. He had told Haymitch about that. Peeta reached for his knife. Knife was the best weapon he could handle. Katniss prepared her bow once she saw his movement. The arrow had been ready in its place. Katniss looked hesitantly at him. Peeta smirked, trying to play his last role. He had to make it look convincing. And fortunately, he was a great actor.
"Who do you think will survive in the end? Me who throw a knife at you or you who shoot the arrow at me?" Peeta asked acting arrogantly. "I'm pretty handy with the knife, Katniss," he added flipping the knife around his fingers.
"You'll throw the knife at me?" Katniss asked looking at him disbelievingly.
Peeta snorted. "What? Do you really think that I really love you and I will sacrifice myself for you?" he asked with an evil smile playing on his lips. "You're really naive, sweetheart," he said using the endearment that Haymitch used to use to her.
Katniss narrowed her eyes, not knowing what to believe.
Peeta took a step to get closer to her. Katniss took a step back to maintain the distance between them. "I just used you, you know? And apparently I succeed at it. I thought that we could both win the game, so I didn't kill you earlier. But, it seemed like I have to kill you in the end," he said looking as if he faked the regret in his voice. "Such a shame. Really. But, to be fair, I think I should thank you for saving my life these last few days. But, in the end, I'm sorry I have to kill you," he said preparing himself to throw the knife at her.
Katniss held her bow in its place. She was ready to shoot the arrow the moment Peeta tried to throw the knife. Peeta looked at Katniss' eyes the moment he threw the knife to her direction. Katniss released the arrow and it flew to his chest immediately. She succeeded to avoid the knife that in the end was stuck to the tree beside her. She looked at Peeta who had fallen to the ground.
Peeta cough the blood from his mouth. He knew that it was what he had to do. He had thrown the knife not only not too close to her so it couldn't hurt her, but also not too far so she wouldn't suspect something. He wished he could look at Katniss and beg her to hold him when he took his last breath. But, he knew if he did that, she would know his feeling. He knew that Katniss wouldn't be able to live with herself if she knew that Peeta had sacrificed himself for her. He had to do this, so Katniss and everyone else would think that she killed him because he tried to kill her. Katniss wouldn't feel guilty because she just did what she had to do to save herself.
Before he took his last breath, he saw her standing a few feet from where he laid. She looked like she was sad, but he knew that she would get over it. He was glad at least she didn't hate him in the end. And then he finally closed his eyes.
Katniss closed her eyes in agony when she heard the canon fired for Peeta. She didn't know what to think anymore. A part of her didn't believe that Peeta had been using her all this time. But, a part of her had stayed suspicious from the beginning. She didn't know what to think. All she knew was she had lost her boy with the bread.
The celebrations and the parties didn't mean anything for her. After the games, she just remembered flashes of the things that were happening around her. She remembered seeing Haymitch's odd expression when he met her in the hospital after her wounds got treated. She remembered seeing Effie's excited exclamation because Katniss became the victor.
All she felt was she wanted to go home to Prim and her mother. And Gale. She wanted to go back to be normal, but she knew that it was impossible. She moved to Victor Village. She became Haymitch's neighbor. She tried to act normal, but somehow she felt a part of her was dead the moment she saw Peeta closed his eyes.
She didn't like the hunting trip that she used to like. Gale was always trying to cheer her up by saying bad things about Peeta. How he had deceived her. But, a part of her didn't believe that the boy with the bread had deceived her.
A few weeks after the games, she met Mr. Mellark on the streets. That old man smiled at her. She could see the sadness in his eyes. She didn't understand why the old man didn't seem to hate her. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Mellark," she said sadly to him in the end. She knew that apologize was nothing, but somehow she needed to say that.
The smile was staying on Mr. Mellark's face even though the sadness was clear now on his expression. He put a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine, Katniss. It was what he wanted after all. I'm glad that at least you could go back home. From the start, that was what he always wanted," he said kindly patting her shoulder a few times before he walked away.
Katniss froze on her feet. What Mr. Mellark had said made her realized something that she had suspected from the beginning. She didn't know how she could walk after that meeting, but somehow she arrived in front of Haymitch's door at Victor Village. She pushed the door because she knew that Haymitch was too drunk to care about his house. She found Haymitch at the couch sleeping. She went to the kitchen to get a glass of water to be poured to her mentor so he woke up.
Haymitch awoke with a groan. "What do you want?" he asked glancing at Katniss before closing his eyes back.
"He did love me, didn't he?" Katniss asked while she was still standing in front of her mentor.
It seemed her words got his attention. He opened his eyes and tried to focus to her face. "What do you mean?" he asked trying to act oblivious to what she was talking about.
"You know what I meant, Haymitch." That wasn't a question, but a statement. "You must have known from the beginning that Peeta really did love me. Why? Why didn't you say anything?" she yelled at him.
Haymitch cursed weakly. He had promised that boy not to say anything. "Why did you think that?"
"Mr. Mellark told me that he had always wanted to save me," she said simply.
Haymitch grimaced. It seemed like he couldn't hide it anymore. "Sit down, Katniss," he said seriously making Katniss obeyed his command. "Do you know what 46 tributes before you whom I mentor were like?"
Katniss frowned. She didn't understand what the connection between that and her problem.
Haymitch didn't wait for her to answer the question. "Some of them had the spirit to win the games, but they didn't have the ability to. Some of them had the ability to win, but somehow they were convinced that they wouldn't win. That was why I never succeeded to save any of them. But it was changed after I met you two. You clearly had the spirit to win. You want to come home and you also had the ability to win. Peeta had the spirit too. He worked hard so he could survive. And he was smart. He had the ability to win. For the first time, I had enthusiasm to mentor tributes," Haymitch stopped for a moment to take a breath. "But, do you know how I felt the first time I trained him and discuss his strategy? The first statement that he said to me was that he wanted you to win the games."
Katniss closed her eyes to stop the tears that she had felt.
Haymitch looked at her sadly. "You shouldn't find out about this," he said, full of regret.
"Why?" Katniss asked weakly.
"He knew you, Katniss. He knew that even though you never loved him, you cared for him too. The proof was you risked your life to save him. He knew that when the time came, he had to die. Like I said he was smart, that was why he could think something like that. He knew that the only way for you to be able to live a normal life was to never let you know that he loved you. That was why he did that. And I really hope that you can fulfill his last wish, Katniss," Haymitch said sadly.
That was the first time Katniss ever saw Haymitch like that. Seriousness, sadness, regret on her mentor's face.
Katniss was lost in thought that night. What a day! Her thought was back to Peeta again. This was what he always wanted. She could go home and back to live a normal life. And maybe, that was the only thing that she could do for him. Her boy with the bread. He had been and would be always the source of hope for her.
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