XXX Chapter One XXX
The younger Uchiha slept soundly. However, it was not of his own free will. No, the raven-haired boy slept because two members of the opposite sex snuck into his house and shot him with a tranquilizer gun. Currently, he was tied up in a lead-lined bag on his way to the United States of America.
XXX A day later XXX
Sasuke groggily lifted his head up off a pink ruffley pillow. After a few seconds, he realized that he was bound and gagged.
"MMMPH!!! PHARRMMMGMM!!" He said.
"Hey! Duck-butt-hair is awake!" Screeched a shrill female voice.
"Yeah! Damn, he was supposed to sleep for a few more hours." Answered a different voice.
"MPH MMHHM HMMP MM MPHIMM MM?" (He means, what the heck is going on? Before, he was just yelling) Yelled Sasuke.
"We knocked you out and brought you here to the U.S. so we could shove you into a pink frilly dress, tie you to a chair, and force you to have a tea party while we video-tape it and send it to Itachi." Said a slightly insane-looking girl. She had curly brown hair tumbling loosely over her shoulders and glasses, and a slightly-crazed look in her eyes. She was wearing ripped jeans and a black tank top that said "DEATH TO KMART!!!" in large red letters. He recognized her as the owner of the shrill voice. She quickly ripped off the Walmart-brand duct tape that was covering his mouth.
"OWWWWWW!" Sasuke screeched.
"Haha. He screamed." Said another girl. She had shoulde-length blonde hair and also looked crazed, though not as crazed as her partner, and she was holding a video camera. She was wearing black and purple cargo pants and a white tee-shirt that blared "I HEART WALMART!!!" It didn't actually say "heart", but there was a picture of a heart…Oh, you get the idea.
"OF COURSE I SCREAMED!!! IT HURT!!! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU TWO, ANYWAYS? AND I'M NOT HAVING A TEA PARTY!!! Even though it sounds like fun…" Said the dark and sexy teen idol.
"I'm Asuka Naohito." Said the girl with the "DEATH TO KMART!!!" shirt. She pointed to the girl with the camera. "That's Haiyuko Hinata, my very bestest friend and the biggest Gaara fane EVER. She is not to be confused with Hyuuga Hinata, by the way." Hinata smirked.
"And you'll do whatever we tell you to. After all, I am an accomplished (She mumbled this part.)" Said Asuka.
"You're a what?" Asked Sasuke, confused.
"I'm a (once again, she mumbles, but little louder.)"
"A what?"
"I'M A FANFICTION WRITER, YOU DOLT!!! I CONTROL ALL REALITY, THE SPACE/TIME CONTIUM ITSELF! I COULD END LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!!!" She screamed. She looked 100 percent insane now. Sasuke was incredibly scared. Suddenly, he remembered something his older brother had once told him about fanfiction writers…
FLASHBACK!!!!! YAY!!!!
"Foolish Little Brother."
"Yes, Itachi?" Answered the 5 year-old future dark and sexy teen idol.
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME ITACHI! I AM THE SPARKLEY RAINBOW QUEEN! THE SPARKLEY RAINBOW QUEEN!!!" Screamed Itachi - er, the Sparkley Rainbow Queen.
"coughmybrotherthesparkleyrainbowqueenissogaycoughahem." Muttered the raven-haired 5-year-old.
"ANYWAYS! I must warn you…" Said the Sparkley Rainbow Queen, a pink plastic princess crown sitting jauntily upon his head, "About Fanfiction Writers."
"What's fanfiction?" Sasuke inquired innocently.
"Hopefully, you'll never find out. But if you do come into contact with one, run away as fast as you can, and whatever you do, don't make her mad. Especially if you meet the Naohito sisters, Asuka and Kumiku." Advised the Elder Uchiha.
"Okay. Can I go play now?"
"Sure."
End Flashback
"AHHHHHHH!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!" He sreamed.
"Oh, no. You're not leaving yet, Uchiha." Said a voice from the shadows. A murderous laugh rang out as a young boy stepped out of the shadows. He had short black hair, a baseball cap, and was wearing an Akatsuki cloak. Sasuke recognized him as Ash Ketchum.
"ASH KETCHUM?!" Yelled Sasuke.
"Oh, yes. It was useful to have Orochimaru and Uchiha Itachi swooping around like overgrown bats. Next to them, who would suspect p-poor, st-stuttering Ash Ketchum as the leader of Akatsuki?"
" …You don't stutter…YOU'RE THE LEADER OF THE AKATSUKI?!"
"Ye-" Ash was cut off by a knock at the door. An adult, female voice rang out.
"ASUUUUUUKAAA!!! KUUUUMIKUUU!!! I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother by coming in anyways!" The air filled with dust and a hole appeared where the door used to be. A leather-clad woman stood in the former doorway, clutching a battering ram. She had on a tee-shirt that said "I LOVE KMART!!! WALMART SUCKS!!!"
"NUUUUU!!! IT'S ASUKA'S MOM, WHO SHOPS AT KMART!!!" Screeched Ash. He ripped off his Akatsuki robe to reveal his regular pants and an "I'M ANTI-KMART!!!" tee-shirt. He used a kunai to cut the ropes binding Sasuke. "HELP US TO DEFEAT THE KMART SHOPPER AND WE'LL LET YOU GO FREE!!!" He screamed. Asuka, Hinata, and Ash leaped at Asuka's Mom, brandishing giant forks. Hinata used her fork to crush the battering ram, while Asuka and Ash attempted to brutally stab Asuka's Mom to death. "DIEEEEEEEE KMART SHOPPER!!!" Screamed Ash. Asuka let loose a terrifying battle cry as she stabbed the Kmart Shopper in the forehead. Her mom disappeared in a cloud of black smoke, screaming "I'LL BE BACK!!!!" in an Ah-nold voice. Asuka wiped away a stream of sweat off her forehead.
"That was easy, right Sas-" Asuka let out a piercing scream. "HE'S GONE!!!"
Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. The curtains fluttered over an open window.
"HE ESCAPED OUT THE WINDOW!!!" Yelled Asuka.
"NO DIP, SHERLOCK!!!" Hinata yelled back.
XXX An hour later… XXX
Sasuke sat back in his airplane seat, smirking. A voice came over the intercom.
"We'll be landing at the Konoha airport in a few minutes. Please buckle your seatbelt."
Sasuke buckled his seatbelt.
XXX THE END!!!!! Well, for now, anyways…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XXX
Sasuke: WHAT THE HECK?!! THAT WAS…(searches for the right words)…um…
Asuka: I'm glad you liked it! Oh, well, SAMMY MISSES YOU!!! (shoves Sasuke back into Sammy's closet) Until next time, my darling.
Sammy: YAY!!! I GET MY SASUKE-KUN BACK!
Asuka: I'll need to borrow him again soon, though. What's his size in miniskirts?
Sammy: He's a medium. Why do you ask?
Asuka: Oh, no reason… (searches through a giant cardboard box until she finds a pink miniskirt and a matching tube top. Gets extremely evil look on face) MWAHAHAHAHA!
Sasuke: (from inside of closet) OH, NO!!!! I DON'T WANNA WEAR A MINISKIRT IN CHAPTER THREE!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! (pounds on closet door)
Asuka: Actually, that's not what I was thinking. Great idea, though. I'm gonna use it in Chapter 2.
Sasuke and Sammy: OO What were you originally planning? OO;
Asuka: I wasn't planning anything. I just wanted to freak Sasuke-kun out.
Sasuke: …
Sammy: …
Asuka: TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE SASUKE IN A MINISKIRT!!!!