Disclaimer: I don't and will never own Honey and Clover, or any of its characters for that matter. If I did, the pairings would surely be different xD.

So this is just another story about Yamada and Mayama being away, and how the former tries her best to move on with her life knowing that it's impossible for Mayama to love her back. I'll try my best to make this story a little different from the others that I've read. After all these years, I'm still hooked with Honey and Clover and never really got over it. Although I've accepted the endings, I could always make it different with my version eh? I hope that you will read and review, keep me updated with your thoughts. Enjoy!

Yamada's POV

I let out a deep sigh. It's been a year and a half since he left for Spain. It's been a year and a half of mending my broken heart, and a year and a half of repeatedly waking up to see Nomiya-san staring down at me in what I have always believed to be pity and sadness. I really don't understand myself, of how I cannot simply forget about him. He always made it clear to me that he won't ever see me more than a dear friend.

I've always wondered to myself what I saw in Mayama that makes it so hard to let go. Is it because he's handsome? Is it because he's responsible? Do I really need to have a reason for loving him? All these questions spiraling in my head again and again, seemingly unable to stop. I thought that if I let myself see him with Rika-san, things would be finally okay and I would finally be able to accept the fact that I don't stand a chance against her.

There are emails from him that I read over and over again, even if those were just to ask how the gang has been, and of how I have been. I eagerly respond to his emails, even if there's this painful twinge in my heart that refuses to disappear, and ask back how he is himself, of his job, and of the two of them. I could feel it, that he always tried to be careful with his words, so much because he doesn't want to hurt me any further.

Nearing into a year that he left Japan, the emails stopped, and I really didn't know who stopped sending first. I didn't want to care. All I wanted was to be able to move on and be happy, and it has been Nomiya-san who's doing that frequently. Honestly, this makes me hate myself even more, because I'm still not sure if I can reciprocate his feelings. This must have been what Mayama felt with me, and it's so damn hard because you don't want to hurt the other person, but you just unintentionally do.

All the time.

Our friends always ask me how I am, because they've always been aware of my feelings for Mayama. Morita-san, the least person you'd expect to be so concerned, never failed to cheer me up and annoy me at the same time. He comes home unexpectedly to surprise us and especially Hagu-chan, bringing along with him gifts and other various items that are just as weird as him. I really envy them, Morita-san and Hagu-chan I mean. Even if both were so engrossed in their projects and are countries apart, they remained true to their words and only loved each other more. Takemoto-kun, on the other hand, met a girl his age during his first few months at the company he worked for at Morioka. She also graduated from an art school, very smart as she graduated with honors, and turned out to be one of the company's managers. According to Takemoto-kun, she very nice, was almost as tall as him, not too skinny, but very rambunctious. She was the manager, he said, but she often helped him and the other guys were their woodwork. It seemed to me that Takemoto-kun may have finally found his match, and I really wanted to meet her someday.

It still hurts to think that Mayama is finally with the one he loves, but maybe this is the final push, the sign that I should move on with my life and accept the man who has the chanve of making me truly happy.

Seeing my friends happy takes some of the loneliness of my chest, and I just smile at the memories that we had when we were all together.

Maybe this is the time for me to open my heart to Nomiya-san.