A/N: Heyy :D I am on a roll! Who's amazing? Talon's amazing!

Random person: Self praise is no praise!

*sob* *sniffle* Oh well! Without further ado, here is an awkward Edward and an even more awkward Mustang!

Disclaimer: I is not own Fullmetal Alchemist :DD

Warning: Partial "The Talk" and... Hey! This one has no #$% in it :D amazing! Hope you enjoy the choking awkwardness in the air!

Questions

"Hey Bastard," Roy looked up, a bit surprised at the halfway decent greeting. Fullmetal was standing there, hands locked in a war of twisting and squeezing while he shuffled his feet nervously. Oh god what had happened?

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly, standing up from the desk before he was huddled back down by a flustered teen.

"No! No, nothing's wrong I just need to..." The boy coughed, face flushing,"ask you something?" That sounded more like a question then a statement.

Roy leaned backwards and raised an eyebrow, maybe this would turn out to be fairly amusing,"By all means ask it then."

"Are you gay?"

Roy let out a sound between a squeak and a gasp, slapping one hand over his mouth as he choked on anything that could be choked on at the moment, eyes comically wide and shocked,"Excuse me?"

Ed seemed a bit aggressive now, trying to cover up his embarrassment with anger,"Y-you heard me! Are-You-G-"

"Shh!" Roy hissed, looking at the door before turning his attention back to the boy,"What in the world possessed you to ask me that?!" Mustang was quickly turning red, eyebrow twitching madly.

"W-well I just thought that you had lots of-of experience! Yeah so-" The boy was trying to keep his voice down, head continuously jerking backwards to check the door.

"Fullmetal! Women are drastically different from men-" Roy was cut off with a hastily whispered sentence.

"No I thought you were okay with both!"

"WHAT!" This time he felt like he was loosing heat fast with all the flushing he was doing, the blood having rushed to his face when Edward made his claim. Both of them were shifting uncomfortably now, unable to properly look each other in the eye.

"Fullmetal... What made you think that?" Though Roy dreaded the answer he had to know. His man card was at stake here.

"Well I-I saw you at that clothes shop once, and you were holding a pink miniskirt in front of the mirror," Edward mumbled while Roy flushed.

"I'm pretty sure the military knows of my plans by now, no one should be surprised," he muttered, using his hands to shield his face.

"Then why are you still so red in the face?"

"Carry on! What else?" Roy snapped, averting his gaze like only Roy Mustang could.

"And-and that time you know? When you asked Havoc for that recorder and you two were in there for a long time-"

"Edward," Roy had turned pale white by then,"tell no one."

"You guys were making some awfully strange sounds in there you know?" The boy continued, looking like he wanted to transmute a hole in the ground to hide, more like knock Roy out and then lock him up somewhere so he wouldn't have to see his face again, but couldn't. The day in question that happened, Havoc had informed him that he had some 'stuff' to watch, and Roy, being the ahem pervert he was, couldn't resist. They didn't do anything together, he swore they didn't! "And the lieutenant was looking mighty glad with himself so I just thought..."

"TELL NO ONE," Roy narrowed his eyes, not like it had much effect at the moment,"if rumors spread then you can consider yourself firewood."

"Uhm... I have one last question..." Roy didn't like the way he shifted.

"Shoot," Roy braced himself for the million dollar question.

"You have to answer this!" Ed gushed, still casting glances behind him,"you can't say no okay?" It sounded bad. Roy swallowed and nodded, unable to rid himself of the dread forming in his stomach."Well- uhm... How do guys... Do it?"

"..."

"... Colonel?"

"Dickinthearse."

"Huh?" Ed looked at him with his head tilted, unable to see that Roy was slowly melting on the inside and dying painfully from the humiliation.

"Get out."

"But-"

"GET OUT!" The boy didn't need telling twice, scrambling to his feet and darting outside. As the door slammed shut Roy slumped over his desk, sobbing over his shattered pride.

A/N: Hehehe XD Poor Mustang, he totally dropped his man card in the drain didn't me- I mean he? ... Review? :3 I promise I won't finish your nutella~! Flames will be treated as such, constructive criticism will be treated as such and praise will be placed in a bottle and kept in that special place in my heart *your review*3

Talon out~!