Rose's Diary
Three months before the Titanic
Dear Diary,
It's been a splendid day today. My love Cal came round since he 'just happened to be in the area' I know though that the real reason was to see me. He seems ever so nervous around me, it's as though I am suddenly going to bite him or something. Yet I would never won't to bite him like that -well maybe!
Eventually we got alone and he offered me my hand in marriage. I obliged like my mother told me I had to (though I probably would have said yes anyway for the good of my family.) He seemed happy but he didn't seem surprised. I almost felt as though he felt that getting my hand in marriage was his right and that even if I had have said no he would have forced that ring onto my finger anyway.
When I told my family who were in the drawing room they were simply over the moon. If only father were here to see it. I wish he didn't have to die. I know my mother will tell you he wasn't a good man, and I know it was because of his gambling addiction that the family are now in our position. Yet I still remember the man who chased after me for going somewhere where I shouldn't and trying to keep a straight face when he told me off.
I wonder sometimes of he really needed to die. I wonder if my mother could have saved him, after all she was there when he choked to death. Yet she did nothing. She said she was too scared. She said she didn't know what to do, but I wonder sometimes. I wonder whether she did actually know what she was doing.
Anyway I've got a new man in my life. Cal. And he seems wonderful. He is so charming. So kind. So intelligent. I love him. It's my second time of meeting him but I know I am in love with him.
He says he wants to marry me somewhere special and I wonder where that will be. I hope it's America. I hope he takes me there for I would love to go. It seems like a fairytale place from the pictures Cal showed me, the perfect place for my Prince to whisk me away to. I will probably dream of that tonight.
Two months before the Titanic
Dear Diary,
I am to go to America. Cal said so last night. I am happy to go to America, yet I'm no so sure whether I want to go to America with Cal. He still seems charming, he still seems intelligent yet there is something about him I'm not sure about.
I told my mother about this, but she just told me to stop being a 'silly girl' which I suppose I am being really. I mean Cal can't be a mean man can he?
Surely not.
He loves me. He tells me ever so often, yet it is only after I've guided him to it. He would never walk into a room and pronounce his love for me on the spot. I have to do that and then he will eventually (and begrudgingly) return it.
He often brings home clothes for me and jewellery for me and tells me to wear it. I oblige. The next time he visits I always make sure to wear whatever he brought me for my last visit otherwise he'll make some remark like he did that other time.
I don't think he would ever hurt me. Would he hurt me? No this is a dark thought, and exaggerated thought. I can't think about it. Have to get it out of my mind. I think instead of the Titanic, our ride to America the fastest ship in the world. That's a more cheerful thought. Isn't it?
The day before the Titanic
Dear Diary,
I am to go tomorrow. Yet I can't. Not with that brute Cal. Not with my heartless mother. I hate them. I hate them all they've dammed me to a life of hell with the evil, satanic Cal.
I am foolish. I think anyway. How stupid am I to fall in love with someone on first sight. Never again. I think. Never again. Though I can't anyway. I can't love again. I'm engaged to Cal, there will be no-one else. If only there was. Yet I know that can never be.
Cal likes to drink. I knew that from the start (after all one most drink at a Cocktail party.) I didn't know that Cal liked to be drink. I mean who enjoys being drunk! It's disgusting. It makes you vomit, and dizzy. I have been drunk once but I'll never make that mistake again.
When Cal is drunk Cal is angry. He unleashes that anger on me. Every bad investment, every bad event surrounding his family. Everything I have done wrong that day he would take out on me. He hurt me the other day, he hit me in the face leaving an unsightly red mark. He still hasn't apologised, he didn't even look ashamed. It was as though that punch was my god given right.
I don't want to tell my mother about this, but I had to tell her something was wrong. I just told her I couldn't go through with the marriage. I thought she'd support me like she always used to, like when I got night terrors in bed or fell over and hurt myself. I thought she would show me some of the motherly love which she seems to be showing Cal now. But she wouldn't. Cal is her child now.
She just told me to get a grip. When I told her he was hurting me she slapped me and told me to stop exaggerating. She doesn't seem to care about me. She only wants the marriage to get more money for our family. It seems she cares about the family name, but only really cares about herself.
I tried to run away, but I was caught by a stableman. I think his name was Jack, a name I had always liked (one which I have thought of naming my children even) but his name doesn't matter really does it. I wish he had let me go, but he brought me back and in return got some money from my mother. I on the other hand got another slap from her. I have several servants standing guard now, so that I am unable to run away. They've even taken away sharp objects so that I can't even cut myself or anything. I am a prisoner now, I am a prisoner to life itself. Though what life I am to have I don't know.
I think about the ship. The Titanic or something. I hope I die on it, drown in the water... Actually no. They deserve to die too, they deserve justice. Therefore I hope it sinks. Yes that's right I hope the unsinkable ship sinks.