When Dean felt himself being yanked back into his humanity, it was too late.
For the first time in a long time he was human again. He didn't know what had pulled him back, but it had left him feeling drastically different. He felt hollowed out, empty, and he had a horrible sense of foreboding in the pit of his stomach.
He blinked, his eyes focusing. He couldn't contain a noise of horrified shock as he saw Sam. Sam, lying back on the ground, with a knife sticking out of his chest.
Dean dropped to his knees beside his little brother, his heart hammering in his chest as he fumbled for Sam's pulse, muttering swear words and a mantra of "No no no" under his breath.
"Dean?" Sam's voice was quiet and drawn with pain, and something Dean wasn't expecting to hear, grief. Dean finally found his pulse weakly thudding in his neck.
"Sammy?" Dean breathed, a brief feeling of relief flowing through him as he heard his little brother's voice.
Sam opened his eyes to slits at Dean's voice. "Dean. It's you." Sam said, a tiny smile gracing his lips as he struggled to breathe, his chest heaving up and down. "You haven't called me Sammy for a while. "
Dean frowned, and his heart skipped a beat as he felt a dark feeling swamp him. "Oh god." He stuttered. "I did this to you. "
Sam gave a tiny shake of his head. "No it's okay. It wasn't you Dean. I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry I couldn't bring you back before."
Dean shook his head, a single tear dripping down his face. "I'm so sorry Sammy."
"Don't be, Dean. At least you're here now." Sam said, his breathing hitching as he struggled to draw in oxygen.
Dean pulled Sam into his lap, slowly rocking him. "I'm sorry Sammy." He repeated, his voice cracking as he spoke.
"Don't worry Dean." Sam said faintly. "It's okay. I love you, Dean."
Dean chocked back a sob and gently ran his hand through Sam's hair, something which he had done thousands of times before during Sam's childhood. It had always calmed Sam down, and sometimes lulled him to sleep. "I love you too Sammy."
Sam gave a small smile, making eye contact with Dean for one last time as he spoke. "Thank you, Dean. Thank you for everything. "
Another tear dripped down Dean's cheek as his baby brother's eyes drifted shut, and he felt something inside him shatter and break as he held his brother and started to brokenly hum "Hey Jude." Throughout Sam's childhood Dean had sung it to him, and now, for the first time, the words came stuttered, and accompanied with Dean's sobs. He remembered everything, Sam as a chubby little toddler who only wanted to help and to be cuddled, Sam as a young kid who needed help in school, teenage Sam who looked tougher on the outside but really he still needed his big brother, Sam after the fire that killed Jess, Sam lying on a table, dead. The memories of Sam filtered through his mind, snapshots of what he had centered his life around for so long. He had practically raised Sam, and every memory came rushing through his mind as he sobbed, cradling his little brother in his arms. He knew what Sam has thanked him for, and he thanked Sam. For giving him purpose. Dean knew what had really brought him back, and it was the voice of his baby brother calling for help. It was something he'd heard many times before, and knew he'd never hear again. It had always tore his heart in half, but now for the first time he wished to hear it one more time.
He wanted to go back to the beginning. When is was simple, back when their biggest problem was finding Dad, and they were a team. He wanted to go right back to the start, when Sam hadn't been robbed of all his innocence and was still thinking of going back to school. Before he had gona to hell, and before everything had just gotten awful. He wanted things to be happy again, all he wanted was to make his little brother laugh once more. In all his life, nothing had made him happier then seeing his baby brother smile. And as he sobbed, still humming, he realised he would never see it again.