Lord of the rings fan-fiction
Disclaimer: I don't own The Lord of The Rings.
-Chapter one: We are attacked-
ahem! I am legolas, son of the elven king of mirkwood and by far the most beautiful elf ever created in the face of history. Did I mention that women are so attracted to moi? I'm like a woman magnet cause I'm damn sexy!
Please ignore him. I am Boromir. What Legolas is trying to teach us is that he is a woman.
Excuse my impolite "comrade". He is kind of jealous right now and is disrupting the mood of my superb story. Anyway, I am standing on top of a high cliff fearlessly, checking the weather. Aragorn is searching the ground for orc footprints. My companion frodo is playing pro wrestling with his ring, biting it as some of his teeth slowly fall off. That's his own problem. boromir the eco monster is staring at the mountains, probably thinking of his beloved orc. The leaves are falling for some sort of reason and they're even dramatically hitting boromir on his eyes. (yay!) I hope he dies of ecological trauma. Anyhow, with my super high intellect and amazingly sharp eyesight, I have predicted that an army of horsemen with glinting armor and blonde glorious hair (yet mine is the best) is coming towards us. Fortunately, they happen to be friends of gandalf. In an instant, I told my companions of the approaching army. Aragorn told us to wait for the army to ask of information about
saruman's whereabouts. I could see the army approaching. "well, would you look at that." I told boromir.
"What?" he questioned. "These horsemen look like orcs." I replied.
"I do believe you need to get your eyes checked," said boromir. "They ARE orcs!" Panic flooded our group and I knew then that it was entirely my...err, boromir's fault. We fled immediately and aragorn ran a bit slower to pull one of the orcs off a horse. Saruman himself was leading the army of orcs and he had been trying to take control of the wild horse that he was riding on. Aragorn ordered me to fire arrows if possible and I did so. I aimed for saruman's blasted hideous face but when I fired, I thought the arrow would hit saruman's beard but the arrow struck his old horse. Poor saruman fell of his horse and I just wished his head got broken. (his brain is broken already though)
We luckily outrunned the orcs and laughed as saruman desperately attempted to catch up (looking like an ugly old turtle-like git with a beard and a horrible hairstyle) on foot with his army that didn't even notice him falling off.
We escaped the wrath of the army with the help of my clever mind and stopped to rest near a lake. This turned out to be really nice since we haven't gotten water for days. No sooner had my comrades drank from the lake when they suddenly barfed and bitterly complained that it tasted like shampoo. I told them I had to wash my hair because it had gotten all sweaty and I could never leave it that way. We spent the night attempting to eat the dead fish that floated everywhere within the lake for a reason I just can't figure out. Finally, we abandoned the legolas shampoo-poisoned fish and decided to sleep. I spent the night combing my hair and filling boromir's nostrils with grass. I watched as aragorn tightly hugged the dead fish we were to eat for dinner and frodo was even kissing his ring and muttering words to it.
-Chapter two: the departure of boromir-
We awoke the next morning and had a fish breakfast which left frodo with a slight case of diarrhea. We had reached the other end of the forest but suddenly, the injured body of grishnakh fell in front of us. Boromir approached the orc and cuddled it. "Are you all right, love?" HE ASKED AFFECTIONATELY. (I DID NOT DO THAT, LEGOLAS!) Ahem, so, boromir caressed the orc's face, tears flowing out from his eyes and falling on grishnakh's eyes. "ouch!" cried the beast. "you're infecting my eyes!" "Hush now, honey." Beckoned boromir. Damn it Legolas I'm gonna cut your throat! Hush! I've never enjoyed such a romantic story before, boromir! Boromir kissed his beloved dear and caressed his face. We decided to leave boromir behind before he did some naked ceremonial dance as a sacrifice for his orc husband.
Legolas you damn bastard, wait'll the end of this fan fic and I'm gonna make you wish you never had your hair! Hey! My hair has no business in this fan fic.! Leave it alone! So, no sooner had we reached the mountains when suddenly, we heard the voice of boromir crying: "GRISHNAKH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LOVE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Birds flew away so suddenly you'd think there was a big explosion. The trees even covered their own ears.
Frodo wanted to come back for him but Aragorn said we shouldn't. So, we continued to journey northwards, not quite sure if Saruman's army of orcs was still following us. We had heard then from friendly dwarfs that Boromir was seen trying to drown himself in the middle of a river but people from a nearby village just kept rescuing him.
He he...... I was bored when I wrote that. Should I continue it?
Disclaimer: I don't own The Lord of The Rings.
-Chapter one: We are attacked-
ahem! I am legolas, son of the elven king of mirkwood and by far the most beautiful elf ever created in the face of history. Did I mention that women are so attracted to moi? I'm like a woman magnet cause I'm damn sexy!
Please ignore him. I am Boromir. What Legolas is trying to teach us is that he is a woman.
Excuse my impolite "comrade". He is kind of jealous right now and is disrupting the mood of my superb story. Anyway, I am standing on top of a high cliff fearlessly, checking the weather. Aragorn is searching the ground for orc footprints. My companion frodo is playing pro wrestling with his ring, biting it as some of his teeth slowly fall off. That's his own problem. boromir the eco monster is staring at the mountains, probably thinking of his beloved orc. The leaves are falling for some sort of reason and they're even dramatically hitting boromir on his eyes. (yay!) I hope he dies of ecological trauma. Anyhow, with my super high intellect and amazingly sharp eyesight, I have predicted that an army of horsemen with glinting armor and blonde glorious hair (yet mine is the best) is coming towards us. Fortunately, they happen to be friends of gandalf. In an instant, I told my companions of the approaching army. Aragorn told us to wait for the army to ask of information about
saruman's whereabouts. I could see the army approaching. "well, would you look at that." I told boromir.
"What?" he questioned. "These horsemen look like orcs." I replied.
"I do believe you need to get your eyes checked," said boromir. "They ARE orcs!" Panic flooded our group and I knew then that it was entirely my...err, boromir's fault. We fled immediately and aragorn ran a bit slower to pull one of the orcs off a horse. Saruman himself was leading the army of orcs and he had been trying to take control of the wild horse that he was riding on. Aragorn ordered me to fire arrows if possible and I did so. I aimed for saruman's blasted hideous face but when I fired, I thought the arrow would hit saruman's beard but the arrow struck his old horse. Poor saruman fell of his horse and I just wished his head got broken. (his brain is broken already though)
We luckily outrunned the orcs and laughed as saruman desperately attempted to catch up (looking like an ugly old turtle-like git with a beard and a horrible hairstyle) on foot with his army that didn't even notice him falling off.
We escaped the wrath of the army with the help of my clever mind and stopped to rest near a lake. This turned out to be really nice since we haven't gotten water for days. No sooner had my comrades drank from the lake when they suddenly barfed and bitterly complained that it tasted like shampoo. I told them I had to wash my hair because it had gotten all sweaty and I could never leave it that way. We spent the night attempting to eat the dead fish that floated everywhere within the lake for a reason I just can't figure out. Finally, we abandoned the legolas shampoo-poisoned fish and decided to sleep. I spent the night combing my hair and filling boromir's nostrils with grass. I watched as aragorn tightly hugged the dead fish we were to eat for dinner and frodo was even kissing his ring and muttering words to it.
-Chapter two: the departure of boromir-
We awoke the next morning and had a fish breakfast which left frodo with a slight case of diarrhea. We had reached the other end of the forest but suddenly, the injured body of grishnakh fell in front of us. Boromir approached the orc and cuddled it. "Are you all right, love?" HE ASKED AFFECTIONATELY. (I DID NOT DO THAT, LEGOLAS!) Ahem, so, boromir caressed the orc's face, tears flowing out from his eyes and falling on grishnakh's eyes. "ouch!" cried the beast. "you're infecting my eyes!" "Hush now, honey." Beckoned boromir. Damn it Legolas I'm gonna cut your throat! Hush! I've never enjoyed such a romantic story before, boromir! Boromir kissed his beloved dear and caressed his face. We decided to leave boromir behind before he did some naked ceremonial dance as a sacrifice for his orc husband.
Legolas you damn bastard, wait'll the end of this fan fic and I'm gonna make you wish you never had your hair! Hey! My hair has no business in this fan fic.! Leave it alone! So, no sooner had we reached the mountains when suddenly, we heard the voice of boromir crying: "GRISHNAKH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LOVE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Birds flew away so suddenly you'd think there was a big explosion. The trees even covered their own ears.
Frodo wanted to come back for him but Aragorn said we shouldn't. So, we continued to journey northwards, not quite sure if Saruman's army of orcs was still following us. We had heard then from friendly dwarfs that Boromir was seen trying to drown himself in the middle of a river but people from a nearby village just kept rescuing him.
He he...... I was bored when I wrote that. Should I continue it?