AN: Okay, so this is my first fic, so hi, I hope you enjoy it! Also, if any parts of anything just don't make sense, seem redundant, or just feel out of place, feel free to tell me; I'm pretty much writing (and editing) this at the early morning hours when I'm not splitting my time between working on a bunch of art and more art. Most likely I'll go back and change things unless I feel the part is too important to mess with. Okay, now with the fair warnings!
2017:
Man, I wrote this when the fandom was all over the place. I might revisit this for practice, but I definitely have no intention of portraying this as a romantic story between any characters. I wanted this to be more about how things don't just always suddenly get a happy ending. Hurt doesn't just always heal after years of it. This is unedited from the original and does not reflect my writing style today.
Prologue:
It wasn't that she had some sudden unfounded closeness to her sister- it's just that the time apart was so harshly painful for Anna. To know that she had somebody she could have shared her life with all those years but for a single door and a supposed curse (they were so close yet divided) ruined her. Elsa wasn't the only one to taste the cold bitter of deep loneliness. It felt to the Princess as if she had only met her sister, not that the heartwarming smiles and sisterly care directed at her weren't true testament to what they were, siblings. Elsa's very visage was so foreign; when had she grown so much? Tall and elegant and so… independent. Independent. That didn't sit well in Anna's mind- it didn't roll right on her tongue. They were supposed to be inseparable! Anna should be happy, proud even, she knew that, yet some part of her mind argued selfishly. Elsa was supposed to lean on her and her upon Elsa. They were sisters! They had been so close, they shared everything they could in days gone by. But there stood the poised Queen mere feet away; the distance so achingly obvious to her younger sister.
The space between the two- the expanse from Elsa on the throne to Anna walking the halls; the wide berth of the dinner table; the polite and appropriate distance between two people; the doors closed lining the many hallways, they were an ocean of fear that swept over Anna. Her throat would clench with the hand of unspoken, unaddressed emotion gripping it relentlessly. All her time away from her older sister and not once had she felt such a trepidation as the moment she finally, truly, had her back. None of it made sense anymore. Elsa was so far away even with her eyes inviting and her words endearing of her little sister. Her pride in Anna was never disguised, always relinquished and shared- even Elsa's habit of concealing could not hide away how very much her sister meant to her. Yet for some reason a chill set into Anna, one not of Elsa's doing, but her own.
You see, for all the peace that had settled upon Arendelle after the sudden, sweeping storm, not all was well. Magic of love had thawed her frozen heart, yes, yet what could save her heart from faltering on its own? Poor Anna, unfortunate Elsa, the time of concealing had not yet ended.
Chapter One:
Arendelle had fallen into peace once again as if the kingdom hadn't frozen over and both their remaining royalty nearly killed in the scheme of a once believed ally. If it weren't so picture perfect, life continuing on with children in the streets and families in the markets picking out dinner day after day under the pleasant sun, it may have passed for eerie. Dark times are too easily forgotten. It was apparent in the gleam of apprehension on the faces of the citizens, dry throats and shuffling feet, gazes momentarily downcast whenever the Queen was mentioned. Do not be mistaken, they mostly all adored the sisters, yet were unable to place what they felt; what they avoided to feel.
It is an amazing thing how unknowingly perceptive a person can be- masses of people even. They all felt it in their bones; one storm had passed, yet another lay in wait upon the horizon, from the siblings who both endangered and saved the land. Everybody kept their breaths held, waiting for the façade of peace to finally fall.
The sisters were beloved royalty if anything; they were kindhearted, well mannered (besides a few clumsy happenings here and there), and supportive of those suffering from the drop in trade between Arendelle and other lands. Times were not easy, but the two held strong. Eventually, people would be invited onto the royal property; they were no strangers to their people now, not anymore. Of course nothing was immediate. The two had to ease into their new lives, being with the people was still so new. Sometimes the Queen and the Princess would walk to the harbor (despite the dark, recent past it held for the pair) and watched the sun sink to the ocean idly reminiscing freely their childhoods with one another. It was a refreshing sight for the passing citizens; none dared disturbed the tranquil scene. Other times they would be in more social moods and visit the local shops, often picking out homemade sweets- some were so different from what they were used to- to indulge in. To say that the shop keepers were shocked to see them at first was an understatement. At home, matters were different, however. It's not that either were unpleasant, but the constant 'official business' kept the atmosphere terse and Elsa with a constant headache. Stating her mood was less than personable at those times would be awfully close to the truth. Anna always made her smile though. Delegations could be hell, but Anna would always be the angel that sought after keeping Elsa happy. Well, maybe not exactly an angel, but she sure felt like it to Elsa after a long day of politics and there was plenty of that to be done after the disaster that was Elsa's coronation.
When Elsa wasn't occupied with tasks of 'utmost importance' as her attendants like to remind her, she would be found with her sister, Anna. If it weren't for their time together, Anna would most certainly grow far too stir crazy for her own good, or really anything in the castle seeing how she's prone to disaster. Although she'd never openly show it to any but Anna herself, being with her younger sister soothed Elsa greatly. Regardless of all of the insane that had happened not so long ago, everything just felt right to Elsa. She was where she belonged, with her sister in the library or the garden or tagging along for an unwelcomed (by the cooks) snack in the kitchen; they were together again. Elsa no longer felt the fear she once had.
The two were having tea in one of numerous shady spots in the castle gardens. Polite, but intimate chatter was tucked away from any who may pry.
A soft peal of laughter came from the older of the two as she persuaded an offending hand away from her now signature braid (Anna had insisted that Elsa's hair would look better completely undone and brought the task upon herself to let it loose). "No Anna, No. Can't you be serious this once," Another attempt at the idle hair interrupted Elsa's humour filled plea, "While I'm trying to have a normal conversation with my sister?" She swatted away the hand yet again and feigned a look of indignation with a stern gaze set with a brow quirked critically as she finished.
Anna relented with a huff and settled her hands on her sides posing a 'fine, lecture me' look. But Elsa's gaze only softened with her quickly returned smile as she placed her cup back on its saucer. "I miss you. It's been months and I still miss you." Elsa did miss her terribly. Every time she had felt she lost her, she would only long for Anna's smile again even more. Whatever purposely obtuse reply Anna had prepared died on her lips when she realized what Elsa had said. For some reason Anna still expected Elsa to be closed away and not so… well, open with her. It still only felt like days ago when Elsa had just been an unresponsive door. If it weren't for their family portraits, Anna may have very well forgotten how her own sister looked. For years she doubted even those! How has she changed, has she even changed? What if I can't recognize her when I see her again? What if she's not even in there anymore? She would question throughout her youth, nonetheless Elsa was hope to her. Hope that she would never be truly alone although that hope had faded for a time. When her parents never returned, the day of the funeral, Anna hoped again; she needed to hope.
Hope just admitted it misses her.
Anna's brow creased as she unknowingly stared blankly at Elsa's teacup. Elsa, on the other hand was watching her intently. Anna was thinking- which was good, she supposed. At the same time it was unsettling for Anna to be so solemn, but the smile and soft eyes never left. She gently cleared her throat to bring Anna out of her reverie. Anna brought her gaze back up to Elsa, her eyes were so deep- they understood, Anna knew they understood. She visibly relaxed before returning the look of adoration. Anna didn't ramble as she usually would; she simply admitted, "I miss you too." The two held each other's gazes warmly. It was, if anything, a perfect moment. Silence passed before Anna became a bit self-conscious, picking up her own teacup, almost knocking the saucer off the small table with a 'whoops'. She smiled nervously and took a sip with Elsa still giving her that look. Like Anna was the most endearing thing in the world and she was so proud to be there sitting with her in the garden on this quiet day, which only served to make Anna even more embarrassed; she could feel her neck warm and surrendered a bashful smile. It was the cutest thing Elsa could ever recount seeing, but it only took a moment for her to catch on mouthing a nearly surprised 'oh' and tried not to stare and make Anna any more uncomfortable.
Adverting her gaze, Elsa decided to continue the conversation with a different direction, "Has Kristoff been well?" She quickly decided, after the unintentionally impassive tone her voice had taken, it was rather awkward to leave it at something so curt and added, "I wish I had the time to get to know him better myself, but he seems… nice." 'Nice' as in not Hans. Sure he actually was nice as far as young men raised by trolls go. His lack of refinement to any degree was a bit off putting, not to mention he wasn't the most mature of people. Talking to his reindeer- Sven wasn't quite… ordinary either. Not that Elsa wanted ordinary for Anna, but there were plenty of other ways she could put it that could be far more offensive. Anna was talking, well, rambling about the man in question, but Elsa was lost in her evaluation of him and lost anything her sister was trying to tell her. Elsa shook her head slightly with a smile, no, she liked Kristoff despite it all. He was good to Anna- not very romantic from what she'd heard, but Anna seemed happy and that's all that mattered. She was snapped out of her thoughts when Anna huffed at her accusing, "Have you even been listening?" The Queen replied with an apologetic smile that said 'guilty'.
Anna couldn't stay even remotely upset with her sister for long. She smiled daringly in a way that made Elsa fear Anna was far from letting her off easy. "As I was saying," Anna lowered her voice into a quickened tirade of words, "Before you oh so rudely interrupted with your thinking and completely not paying attention to what I was saying in answer to your question," she paused to take a breath and continued with her usual tone again, "Kristoff is so dreamy, I mean, not as dreamy as Hans was-" Anna visibly and audibly winced at her thoughtless mention of the man. There was still a part of her, against everything that was remotely sane within her, that fit the role of the perfect prince with Hans' face. It went against the lava pit in her gut that sprung forth at every thought of him, the hardening of her features, her lips pressed thin and her gaze steeled, the wound tension in her body, the itch to get the chance to send another fist his way. He had threatened everything she ever cared about, left her for dead, and nearly murdered Elsa before her eyes. But some part of her mind wasn't quite well. It's as if she fully understood what happened, but the rest of her was still catching up and hadn't yet processed that not all is well, that bad things had taken place. Yet the peace was so apparent, how could such a terrible thing have had occurred? It seemed less than a dream to her but for the haunting look in Elsa's eyes.
By the time Anna was aware of the fact that time doesn't stand still, their tea had frozen in their cups and frost lay upon the small table. Elsa didn't need to wear her gloves anymore, but anger would always be a sure way to let her control slip. In the last months since the whole ordeal, Elsa had gained a surprising calm over her ice. It wasn't easy, Anna could tell, but Elsa was strong (she always was even when she was so broken) and persisted. Thawing the entirety of Arendelle had really been a completely unique situation. Elsa was overjoyed, the happiest she had ever been. Her sister was alive; it gave her what she needed to complete the task. But now things weighed upon her again. Stress was apparent and for all that she did to stay relaxed, she couldn't hide her rigid shoulders or the tension in her back; sometimes Anna would even find her slumped over a book in the library, brow furrowed and with a simply disapproving frown on her face as she would cross reference rather frustrating documents and records. She needed to learn everything of Arendelle's history down to how many coins her ancestors had lost through holes in their pockets. It was boring, redundant, and often pointless. Nonetheless, she bore with it; it was her duty as Queen as it was also her duty as Queen to keep composed. Elsa visibly relaxed as she reminded herself and with a gentle motion of her hand, thawed what she had frozen.
Elsa offered a reassuring smile; she had reign over herself, she didn't want Anna to ever have to fear her, not after the lengths they went to in order to rid themselves of that fear. It took Anna a moment to realize that she was still tensed from the thought of Hans, noticing that Elsa must have mistook it as a reaction to the ice, and quickly made to readjust herself into a more comfortable position. "Uuuum…" She began awkwardly, wanting to break the tension that still hung in the air. "Kristoff says he'll probably be down here next week, not that it's certain or anything, but, I mean," Anna struggled, "Maybe if you aren't too busy you could spend the day with us?" Elsa apprehensively bit her lower lip, running it under her teeth in thought, her gaze averted. Anna hastily attempted to amend her offer with a fervor only she could achieve, "You don't have to if you don't want to! I just- all those Queenly duties have to be important- Are! Important, I mean come on, it's the whole country we're talking about and somebody needs to be responsible. Not that I'm saying that there aren't any other responsible people-"
Saving Anna from her own rambling, Elsa calmly interjected, "I'll spend the day with the two of you." Anna, who had left her jaw open mid-sentence, regained her composure and practically beamed at her older sister. Elsa kept in a chuckle at Anna's antics before promptly inquiring, "Did Kristoff mention what day he plans on arriving?" She would go decently far lengths to spend time with the Princess, but clearing an entire week to see if the man in question would show up or not was not something she could attempt.
"Tuesday." She said simply, unconsciously straightening herself at Elsa's habitual business tone. It was nice to have Elsa back, but she was practically turning into a politician and nothing was scarier than that.
"Then I'll clear my schedule for Tuesday." The Queen paused, contemplating adding more, but opted not to and smiled at Anna once again. No, not a politician Anna thought to herself, a Queen. She could live with that; she knew down to the very bottom of her being that no title fit her sister better.
A biting breeze swept through the garden, instantly giving Anna chills and a fit of shivers. Elsa frowned ruefully, recognizing fully that she had changed the pleasant day's weather; although the sky remained clear and the sun bright, the air had turned cold around them. "Let's head inside before either of us catches cold." She knew it was absurd to say- she'd never catch cold from a drop in temperature- but she needed something to nudge Anna back inside. She'd insist on staying out there with Elsa, that she'd 'had worse', and Elsa expected it. When Anna gave her a look of refusal, Elsa inwardly sighed telling herself At least I tried. Elsa stood from her seat and headed towards the doorway leading inside; Anna followed, it always worked. The Queen turned her gaze to Kai, who had been standing watch out of hearing's range. He was a most loyal servant from the time of her parents' reign whose hair had far receded since those times. "I wish to see you later tonight regarding my schedule next week." She paused her stride momentarily to make sure her eyes had captured his. "It is not debatable." she quickly added. Kai gave an affirmative nod and moved to open one of the large wooden doors for the pair, Anna trailing behind Elsa, a disappointment in the abrupt end to their 'together' time apparent in her posture. It would be a long, uneventful remainder of the day with Elsa returning to her 'Queenly duties' as Anna had put it.
Elsa finished signing off a series of altogether uninteresting proposals that she had found waiting on her desk for her in her study. She handed the last of the approved to Kai, who stood silently beside her; the approved stack being pitifully sparse in comparison to the rejected ideas. It was great that so many people were actively putting their heads together to try to help Arendelle's recovery, but she did wish she could see something more creative than the usual 'trade more goods'. She placed her pen back into its inkwell and rubbed her temples with her thumbs. "Your Majesty?" Kai prompted. Elsa looked at him questioningly, it wasn't like him to start a conversation unless he felt the urge to make a thought or information known. Oh. Oh.
"Next Tuesday, I would like my schedule to be completely cleared. I don't want anybody here to see me unless it's absolutely necessary." She smiled apologetically at the portly man in spite of her 'no room for discussion' tone.
"Your…Your Majesty?" He implored, aghast at the uncharacteristic request. Elsa held up a hand to silence him. She knew it was selfish to take this break when everybody else was working so hard, but it would only be once and it'd make Anna so happy. She held her smile and Kai recollected himself. "Yes, right away your Majesty." He quickly made his way out of the study and quietly shut the door behind him, leaving Elsa to herself. Now in the presence of nobody, Elsa reclined in her chair with a heavy sigh. The Queen let her smile drop as her thoughts wandered to Tuesday. She was going to meet Kristoff. Well, they had met before, but she was going to spend a whole day with him. And Anna of course, but she had to face it, she was nervous. Dealing with people as Queen was one thing, but dealing with somebody as a potential in-law? The thought made her shudder. She didn't know that for a fact that he and Anna would last, but she had to give him credit; he could handle her. She didn't like to think herself as overprotective of her younger sister, but the idea of marriage still didn't sit right with her. One day she would have to just let it happen, she knew that, but she didn't feel herself ready to handle it. It was silly, she wouldn't be the one getting married… or would she? She'd never really considered it; a lone Queen should someday have somebody to rule by her side, but it's just- none of it clicked for her. She didn't care about romance or marriage or children. Oh god, children. She wondered what it would be like to see Anna with child, with a new family. There were too many things about any of it that worried Elsa to her wit's end, she just wanted the thoughts to stop.
A tentative knock on the door sounded, halting Elsa's insistent overanalyzing. Straightening in her seat, Elsa cleared her throat and voiced out a not as strong as she would have liked "Come in."
The door swung open, revealing Anna, whose mind was obviously debating something. Her hands were wringing the front of her night gown and she refused to look at Elsa.
"Come in." Elsa repeated, this time her voice much gentler.
Anna snapped her gaze to Elsa's as she awkwardly walked into the room and closed the door behind her. She hesitated before starting, "Kai passed by- well by passed I mean stomped. He seemed really upset."
"He doesn't need to be happy about it." She attempted to reassure Anna. It was her decision to go along with it after all, there needn't be any reason for Anna to appear so guilted.
"But-" Elsa silenced her with the rise of her hand as she had with Kai earlier.
"I've made my decision. Discussing trade is important, yes, but so are you and I've yet to be properly acquainted with the man you are seeing. People can be as unhappy as they want, but this holds priority as well and I can't keep putting it off." She wasn't in the greatest of moods and knew she wasn't being very amiable towards Anna, which made her feel several levels of awful. Elsa finally dropped her business tone for the first time that evening, "Come here." She wiggled over in her wide seat, leaving enough space to comfortably cram the two of them in. Anna lit up and practically skipped over to plop herself down next to Elsa.
Elsa wrapped an arm around her sister; a sign of trust. With such little contact with others for so long, Elsa had grown unused to physical contact- even the simplest of touches (unless prompted by herself) could make her jump. Closeness still caused her to tense up, but at least she was making progress and Anna would all but squirm with excitement whenever they embraced. It was exactly the encouragement Elsa needed. Anna was always warm in her arms; she smelled like the fresh air outside and a faint mix of the royal kitchen and a smell that was distinctly Anna. It was nice, it was familiar. It was all Elsa felt she had at times. "So you're really taking the day off?" Anna asked looking directly at Elsa even though she knew the answer- their faces were only inches apart, a new record of closeness for the Queen.
Elsa just smiled, as she often would towards Anna. "Of course." was her soft reply.
"You're gonna like him. Kristoff." Anna started in a rush. "I hope." Anna was nervous? Of course she was, of course she should be- it was her boyfriend who was meeting the Queen… no, her sister. Anna was nervous too; Elsa relaxed a bit, not knowing she had tensed when Anna had spoken.
She gave her sibling a squeeze, "I think I will." Anna smiled back at Elsa in relief. Everything was going to be perfect, she just knew it.
The two sat comfortably together for a while; Anna leaned against Elsa with her head perched on her shoulder and Elsa rhythmically stroked auburn hair. This was something they never had before, something entirely new. If anything it seems as if the two had grown closer in some ways rather than apart. The thought made Elsa smile, she would have never thought she'd be able to spend close moments like this with anybody ever again. It was nice to have Anna back- to finally be back in Anna's life after all those years.
"Do you still get lonely sometimes?" Anna abruptly asked, her gaze fixed on a burning candle on the desk. It was, surprisingly, something the two hadn't really talked about much except for a few in depth conversations. Catching up was a fairly busy ordeal- there were many years to go over. During those talks, Elsa had opened up about her fears for the first time since her parents had passed; it left Anna in tears.
Elsa shifted to look at Anna better, her profile lit warmly by the sparse light. Something about Anna's tone of voice had made Elsa's heart break a little and worry was evident in her features. "Anna…" She started, but was asked once again, "Do you?" Elsa turned to look at the flickering light as well. "Yes." Her expression dropped to neutral. "Yes, I do get lonely. Sometimes when I lay in bed I forget that I'll see you the next day and that I no longer have to stay hidden away anymore. That I don't need to be afraid." Elsa took in a sharp breath, "My room will always seem cold to me even though I wouldn't be able to feel the chill if it were there still." She paused, not sure of what to say next.
The silence hung until Anna murmured, "I love you, Elsa." A look at Anna, face turned against Elsa's shoulder now, told her all she needed to know; it was late and they were tired.
Elsa planted a kiss on top of Anna's warm hair, whispering back, "I love you too." Anna smiled into her sister's shoulder. "Come on, up, we need to get you to bed." Elsa had stood up herself and was greeted with a groan from the smaller woman who followed the motion a moment later. Anna dragged her feet all the way back to their rooms, unenthusiastic to leave her sister's side. She wanted to spend more time awake, with Elsa. Elsa on the other hand was quite sure the moment she hit her mattress it'd be a good night's sleep for her. Queen stuff was exhaustingly uninteresting.
They had reached Anna's room and Elsa smiled at her sister. "Good night, Anna." She leaned in to give her forehead a quick peck before she turned to head to her own quarters.
"Goodnight." Anna had all but whispered in response despite seeing Elsa already disappear behind her own door. Anna made her way into her own room, which was dark and cold from a day's disuse. Having found her way to her bed, Anna eased herself under the covers and curled into them, fighting off a shiver from contact with the cool sheets. She was edging on unconsciousness, yet her mind was restless. Anna was lonely too. Despite her time shared with Elsa, a part of her couldn't seem to be satisfied. It just wasn't enough. Left with her thoughts of the Queen, her sister, her Elsa, who meant the world to her ever since they were little (even if she had tried to busy herself with thoughts and desires of other things at times), Anna finally drifted off to sleep.
I'm a bit worried this chapter might come off a bit dull since I'm just setting up the plot. Things got a bit more difficult to write near the end (it's pretty late here), so I hope it's not too weak. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I like writing Elsa being relatively happy, though it probably won't last very long.
I also hope you like the image for this story! It was a really quick thing without much detail meant to be a placeholder, but I might be getting a bit attached haha~