Anniversary Absence and Presents
Chapter 1:
Castle sighs as he closes the door to the loft behind him. It was their first anniversary, and some part of him had hoped that he would come home from his PI office and find her at home waiting for him. But the loft was dark, and he hadn't seen his wife in three days. A part of him is furious with her for the separation that she is inflicting upon them and the fact that she won't tell him what he has done wrong. An even larger part of him misses her, and his heart physically aches at the thought of spending this very special night alone in their bed.
As he walks through the living room and into his office, he contemplates giving her a call but is unsure whether or not she would pick it up. Perhaps his desire to win her back by worming his way onto her cases was actually driving her further away. But Mia had told him that she could smell that his wife still loved him. And they had been so happy together right up until her disappearance and the reopening of her mother's case; whatever change had come about had to be a result of that and not a change in her feelings for him.
The writer freezes in the doorway to their bedroom, spotting a box sitting on the end of their bed which he had definitely not put there. He looks around the room, hoping to find her hiding there and waiting to surprise him, but there is no one else home. He slowly approaches the bed, finding a card sitting atop the box with his name written in her neat print. His hands shake as he opens the card.
Rick,
I know this in no way makes up for me missing our first anniversary, but I thought that if I gave you a piece of me - a piece of us, really - that maybe we would make it through this. I am so sorry that I have done this to us. I miss you with all of my heart, and I look forward to the day that I can come home. Please know that you will always be my partner in crime and in life, though I know that this must be difficult for you to believe at the present time. I love you with all of my heart.
Kate
He hastens to open the box that accompanies her card. Upon seeing all seven of his Nikki Heat novels inside the box, he frowns, confused as to why she was giving him copies of his own books. He tentatively pulls out Heat Wave, opening it up to the first page; he is surprised to find that the black and white page is covered with blue ink. He quickly flips through the pages of the book, finding that the whole book is filled with her writing. Turning back to page one, he starts reading her commentary. Of course you wouldn't change her name, especially since I told you it sounded like a stripper, she had written in the margin at the bottom of that very first paragraph, the fictional detective's name underlined.
He sits down on the end of the bed as he continues reading, taking in everything from her 'Really, Castle?' on page 105, where he had used her "you have no idea" from when he had tried to get her into bed on their very first case together, to the last page of the book, where she had written a bit more: You were beyond frustrating for those first few months. I hated that you were drawing all this attention to me. But you were surprisingly helpful at solving cases. I know now that you were just trying to help when you reopened her case, and I am glad that I let you come back.
He moves on to Naked Heat, where she has written 'For the record I didn't hate the book as much as Nikki hated the article' beside his description of how the article had made Nikki and Rook split up. He smiles at her comments on the plot, about how she did not expect the murder cover up. Again, she left a lengthier message on the last page: I'm still trying to imagine you writing romance novels… And while I had to deal with the gossip over the title of this one, it perfectly describes Nikki's feelings during this book and my own when the first book came out. While I'm still not comfortable in the spotlight, I guess I've gotten more used to it over the years.
In Heat Rises, the writer finds that she has written fewer comments throughout the book. This had been the hardest for him to write by far; he had intended to turn to her mother's case in the third book of the series, but he put that on hold after she was shot. His imagination had gone wild after her shooting, and he had written the entire book in just over a week; not knowing if his muse was okay, he had turned to Nikki to rewrite the recent events. I have to confess that I didn't actually read this one until a few weeks after I had returned to work, his wife wrote. When I came back to the city, the advance copy you had sent was waiting for me. I saw it and couldn't bring myself to open it. I was too afraid; the books were always so similar to real life, and I was afraid that it would end with Nikki getting shot, with her dying because you wouldn't want anything to do with me after the pain I caused you. I should have known that it would have been too hard to stick to reality, that the guilt you were carrying over my shooting would have led you to have Rook take that bullet for her because you were unable to take the one that hit me. I would have never forgiven myself if you had taken that bullet for me, Rick, because in the aftermath of Montgomery's death, I had come to realize that you were more than just my partner in crime.
If he thought Heat Rises was lacking in commentary, she had certainly made up for it in Frozen Heat. Beside where Nikki finds her initials carved into the suitcase, she wrote, You're really going to tie this whole thing together with a suitcase? And when they go back to the conservatory where Nikki's mother had trained, Beckett had written, Á pianist? My mother had absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, and I kind of hated you for making her seem like she wasn't making a difference. Her commentary reads 'Of course you had to bring your CIA conspiracy theories into this. At least you gave her a more important job than just a pianist' in the margin of the page in which Tyler Wynn reveals that her mother worked for him in the CIA. Did you know when you created Petar that you were going to make him be a killer? Or were you just jealous? she wrote when Petar revealed that he had never loved Nikki in the ghost station. Her message on the last page reads: I am glad that you made this so different from what actually happened, although I guess we didn't really have the full story when this came out. Petar's betrayal was a twist I didn't see coming, and I'm glad that you didn't make the captain involved in this. Also, Irons is a complete idiot; Gates was at least good at her job even if she did hate you.
Deadly Heat is filled with just as much writing. Did I ever actually say odd sock? Because I certainly regret it now, he reads beside the description of Rook's new article and can perfectly picture her rolling her eyes. When Yardley Bell is introduced, he finds 'I thought Sofia was a sore spot, and with as jealous as Nikki is, there is no way Yardley is not based on Sofia' in her neat handwriting. Very clever, making us think Rainbow was going succeed in killing Nikki, she wrote during the scene at the helipad. On the last page, he again finds a message waiting for him: And yet you managed to make it more similar to the real story than I first thought. Nikki had the answer all along, though we didn't know that the elephants hid the key when you wrote this. Rainbow reminds me of a certain other serial killer that wanted me dead… I guess you got over the guilt of making me a target. But you did good, Castle; you did her story justice when we didn't even know the ending yet, and she would have enjoyed reading it.
As he cracks open Raging Heat, he glances at the clock on the bedside stand and is surprised to find that over three hours have passed since he arrived home. Their anniversary had officially ended, and while she had given him a surprisingly great present (though not as good as her presence itself would have been), he had failed to give her anything to celebrate. If he did hurry, he might be able to come up with something to surprise her as he quite honestly hadn't really given much thought to what he should give her since he had been too busy thinking about how to win her back. Vowing to come up with something for her by the end of the day, he turns back to the book in his hands.
A secret promotion and an engagement all in one book? Sounds a little familiar, she had written in the margin when Nikki finds out about the task force. When Gilbert mentions that his Hampton's mansion is named Cosmo, she had commented, Good, you got Cosmo out of your system so it won't even come up when we have kids. While her message on the last page is the shortest yet, he appreciates it all the same: Bringing a high ranking government official down with a Thriller flash mob video may be better than an incriminatory evidence tape. And I'm glad that Rook was able to support Nikki in her promotion in the end.
Finally Castle picks up Driving Heat; this one had been particularly hard for him to write as he had struggled to follow their story without making Rook disappear as he had done the previous summer. Kate was always very understanding of his disappearance after her initial doubts upon his return, but he knew that it still bothered her sometimes. And Rook disappeared on assignment often enough anyway. Maybe you are psychic after all, Castle, she had commented on the very first page about Nikki's promotion to captain of her precinct, and he can imagine her smirking as she wrote that. He smiles at her remarks on the twists and turns of the plot, of Rook's disappearance (he couldn't completely let it go) and their reunion.
But some of his favorite words of the night are found on the last pages of his latest Nikki Heat novel: It was never a matter of losing my independence, Castle, although it may be hard for you to believe at the moment. You were kind of a jerk at first, but then you started to show how kind and loving you could be. Before I could act on those feelings, I was shot, but your words gave me hope that things would get better. I knew I had to put in some work if I wanted us to have a real shot at happiness. I know that I have lost some degree of independence since that first night together, but I've come to find that I don't mind it at all; you make me happier than I've ever been, and I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I'm glad that you let Nikki and Rook have the wedding that we didn't get to, but please don't feel guilty about that. I wouldn't change a single minute of our story, and my only regret is walking out of that door six weeks ago. Please forgive me.
Rick looks up from her neat writing, expecting to find her in the doorway watching him read. But he is as alone in the loft as he was when he came home hours ago. He is still angry with her for walking out of their life together, but he now understands that she didn't want to do this to them. But if she regrets her decision, why isn't she coming home?
A tiny voice inside of his head answers for him: Because she thinks that this is the only choice that she has. Because she's still in danger… and she's trying to protect me.
A/N: I guess their anniversary isn't until next week on the show (?), but I had the episode airing on November 10th. There will be at least one more chapter, maybe two, but I don't know when I'll get around to writing them. Thanks for reading!