Summary: One-shot and companion piece to 'Not His Time' – a little more introspection on my favourite crime fighting duo's relationship. This is Tony's POV.
Tony was nervous. He didn't like this. Not one bit. Vance wasn't someone he had connected to quite like Jenny, though thinking on it, it had taken Gibbs getting blown up and him showing his serious side for her to accept him as anything other than an annoyance. But, despite their ups and downs, Vance had warmed to him, as much as Vance warmed to anyone he guessed. Though he'd never been as so sure of this until the briefing that started his hunt for Agent Cade, because when SecNav said they could do this with or without him Tony had feared Vance walking out and throwing him to the wolves. But he hadn't, he'd stayed and offered him protection by being Gibbs where Gibbs wasn't allowed. God knows how it would have all gone down if Vance hadn't been the bridge between him and the rest of the team. He'd risked a lot by keeping Gibbs in the unofficial loop, which is why Tony felt like such a heel now.
He and Gibbs were waiting on the porch outside of Vance's house, ready to arrest someone else Vance had seen the need to protect. Tony looked to Gibbs and wondered if he knew what he was thinking. They hadn't talked about the ins and outs of those summer months he'd been missing and part of him was happy to just let things lie and move on. The other part, the more insatiable, insecure part wanted Gibbs to tell him all about the sleepless nights, the worry, the pain he'd put them all through by not knowing if he was safe or not. Tony really wanted, no, needed to hear how missed he was. Having Vance watch his back and play middle man was fine, but nothing could replace how he felt whenever Gibbs' concerned gaze was sent his way.
Gibbs met his gaze now as they listened to Michael, having already confessed to the murder, fail to claim responsibility and go so far as to actually ask Vance to help him out. Had this been anyone else Tony knew they wouldn't still be stood on the doorstep. But Tony knew Gibbs wasn't holding off because Vance was the Director, he was allowing this to continue because he saw a parallel to them. Tony knew how easily it could be to slip off the right path. Listening to Michael make excuses he realised he'd felt much the same way when he'd left home for boarding school. It had taken finding a father figure he could trust and rely on to understand his parents rejection of him wasn't his fault, that just because others believed him a screw up, didn't mean that was who he had to be. Difference between him and Michael was that he had finally learned to believe it was okay to make mistakes as long as you tried to atone for them. Knowing Gibbs believed in him gave him confidence, even when he had none himself. That was why if he was ever in trouble or scared or upset Gibbs would always be the one he'd go too. Tony trusted Gibbs implicitly and had done since the very beginning. He didn't believe anyone else could truly make that claim, Ziva's Mossad secrets, McGee's sister and Abby's stalker. They all could have trusted Gibbs with their problems, but chose not to. Tony knew he'd never make those same choices. Sure he never could keep secrets, which is maybe why people didn't tell him much worth keeping. If someone told them something about themselves that was different, but office gossip he couldn't keep quiet and pretend to the people involved that he didn't know anything. To Tony keeping secrets was too close to lying and lying to Gibbs was not something he could or would ever do, ever again.
So although Tony didn't know all the facts, he was ready and willing to follow Gibbs' lead, trusting Gibbs knew they were doing the right thing. He held Gibbs' gaze for a second longer and saw the small barely there upturn of lips that on anyone else would be considered an involuntary twitch, but on Gibbs could actually be a smile. Tony didn't know what he'd done to earn such a look, but decided to shelve his curiosity for later, right now they had a job to do.
Their moment soon came and Gibbs walked through the door first on hearing his cue. Tony followed, stepping around him and Vance keeping his gaze fixed on Michael. When Jackie asked him not to cuff him in the house Tony only complied after Gibbs sent him a small nod. He remembered his own father being cuffed at a crime scene recently and felt a spike of resentment that he had not been given the same consideration. But deep down he knew that did not compare to this, mainly because, despite being a selfish old bastard, his father was no killer. Michael on the other hand was a manipulative son of a bitch, who had no problem using his family's misplaced trust and love for him, to get away with murder.
Walking Michael across the lawn to the car Tony heard what Gibbs said to Vance about letting go. Michael clearly heard him too, if the way he sunk into the car was any indication. Tony couldn't help but wonder had things been different, had Gibbs not been so willing to teach him and give him guidance, show him patience and understanding, would Gibbs have ever let him go? Looking back at Michael, seeing the despair and disappointment on his face as they pulled away from the curb leaving Vance on the lawn looking sullen, Tony wondered what it would feel like to be abandoned by the only person who had ever seen anything good in you. But turning back around and seeing the grudgingly pleased smile on his boss' face when he started rambling to fill the awkward silence in the car, Tony guessed he was never going to find out.
…
A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm back from a two week break away without laptops and/or internet (camping in the English countryside happy-happy joy-joy) currently working on editing the next instalment of Impetus, ttfn;)