"Dean," Castiel's voice travelled through the door, "What are you doing."
Dean leaned over the sink and held the razor over his wrist. He was inches to it being over. And the seal on the door kept Cas out, so he would never even be able to stop him.
"Dean," Worry was in his voice now, an emotion Dean hadn't heard very often, "Dean, please talk to me."
"I'm going to do it, Cas," Dean's voice was shaking, which was odd, "I'm going to kill myself. And then I'll be with Sam."
"Dean!" His voice was hectic now, as he slammed his fist into the door, "Dean! Stop this, Sam wouldn't want this."
"And where is Sam?" Dean moved the razor closer, "He's six feet under. He's gone."
"We will find a way to bring him back, we have been looking. Dean." Castiel slumped against the door and slid to his knees.
"We've been searching for months. He is everything to me. My only family, and I let him go. This is the only way I can be with him." It was so appropriate. Dean and Sam had spent most of their life in sleezy hotel rooms. Since they were kids, moving around with their dad, and since they started hunting again. Every day a new hotel. And now he was ready to die in one.
"Dean… I am begging you," Dean heard it. A slip in Castiels voice. Was it… weakness? Dean dropped the razor in the sink.
There was a long silence. Dean knew Castiel was waiting for some assurance. Assurance he wasn't able to give. He stood up and stared into the mirror. Even in his own face reminded him of his brother.
"Cas," he shivered, "Cas, why are you doing this? Coming with me? Helping me find him?"
There was silence, "Because you wish it."
"Shut the fuck UP!" Dean slammed his fist into the door. It hurt, and on the other side, Cas' mouth was wide open with shock, "Its not about me! For four seconds, just, tell me what YOU feel."
"I…" Castiel stuttered, and then got ahold of himself. He stood up, "Dean. I am with you because you want me to come with you. And I am happy to oblige."
"Why?" Dean was almost desperate.
"Because I belong-" Castiel stopped dead.
"You belong…?"
"I belong to you."
Dean turned around and leaned into the door, "So what? You're my fucking dog? No. If you want to leave, go. You dont belong to me. I don't want to own you."
There was long silence. For a second, Dean almost thought Cas had actually left, and that bore a hole of loneliness into Dean. He stared at the razor in the sink.
"I am not gone, Dean." Castiel said suddenly, making him jump.
"Jesus, Cas."
Castiel put his hand on the door, "Dean, have you loved?"
"Have I… loved? Are you kidding me right now?" Sentimental bullshit, all of the sudden? But the subject made his heart weak.
"Love. The greatest human emotion," Cas breathed, "My fathers greatest gift to you."
"…Yes. I love Sam."
"And?"
"And I loved my Dad, maybe, at some point. And I love Bobby. And I loved Lisa and Ben."
"Then you cannot die, Dean, not today." It sounded like Castiel was hiding something in his voice, but Dean didn't want to ask any questions.
"Yeah. And you know what all those people have in common? They're all gone."
"But they loved you, very much, Dean. If they were here, and saw you acting like this, they would be very… sad."
"Sad?" Dean rolled his eyes.
"Yes, sadness. The most powerful human emotions. It conquers you now."
Dean sighed heavily, "I'm aware its making me its bitch, yeah."
Cas made no effort to reply.
"What about you, Cas? Reject from heaven, you're basically human. Have you ever felt… LOVE?"
"That is an inappropriate question."
"Why? Because you're an angel of the lord?" Dean half-growled, "Its not a sin to love. You just said its a gift."
There was silence until Cas finally spoke, "I think we both know the answer to your question."
Dean's heart wrenched at the pain in his angel's voice. He grabbed the door handle and opened it slowly.
Castiel was wearing his usual outfit, but his hair was all screwed up. The way it was perfectly messy reminded Dean of when he first met Cas. He was looking down, and not at Dean at all, like he was ashamed. But Dean swore he was trembling.
"Cas." Dean spoke slowly and carefully, his own emotions coming up like vomit, "Love?"
Cas looked away, "I was never made to love. I was made to protect and do God's work."
"Castiel!" Deans loud voice made Cas jump, "Just say it."
"I love you," Cas made eye contact with Dean, "Is that what you want to hear? Like you didn't already know. You're in here trying to kill yourself. What if you do? What do I do? I have nothing without you."
Dean inhaled suddenly. He was trapped in Castiel's blue eyes, and in his soul. But the sudden anger was unexpected.
"Cas," he whispered, "I don't understand."
"I have been waiting for you since my creation," Cas locked eyes with him, "I was sent down to save you from hell, but I have been helping you and Sam since you were born. I've always watched over you. I've given up everything to help you. I'm here, now, inhuman, for you." A tear streaked down Cas' face, "If you leave me, I am alone. I am nothing. Somewhere along the way, I began to love you with human emotion that angel's aren't allowed to have. And thats the real reason I was thrown from heaven. Because I love you. So, you see, I do belong to you. Because if I went anywhere else, I… I'd die."
Dean was sure his mouth was open, but he didn't care. He never thought he'd hear this from Cas. And he never, ever, in his life, thought he would see him cry. And his tears broke Deans heart.
"Cas, please," Dean walked forward and pulled Cas into him, embracing him like he never had before, "Don't cry. I'll never leave. I swear."
Dean felt Cas' arms wrap around him, but something more. His huge wings were suddenly around Dean. He could feel them, and he could see them. Protecting him, holding him, like they were in a different world.
Dean pulled away, but continued to grasp Cas' shoulders. He stared into his eyes and was trapped. No, not trapped. Completely his, forever. And as the tears streamed down his beautiful face, he knew he felt the same.
He leaned in fast, and they were kissing. Dean's heart exploded with fireworks. He moved his hands up and entangled them in Cas' messy hair. Cas closed his eyes and kissed back hard, letting all his angel parts fall into the love and desire he had always felt.
Dean pulled back a bit, and leaned his forehead against Cas', breathing into him. Cas wrapped his arms around Deans neck.
"Castiel," Dean's voice was soft, "I belong to you."
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