Chapter One
Mark had been walking around Seattle Grace Mercy West like a zombie all day. He was by no means himself and Derek had noticed. He had noticed but decided that if his best friend wanted to speak to him he would.
Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan had been best friends since they were seven years old. They did everything together, they went to school together, college together, med school together and they even went for the same woman at one point which destroyed their friendship for a while, but they managed to get past it.
With everything they had been through, there was one thing Derek had learned, and that was, sometimes Mark needed to work through what was going on in his head himself before he would be able to speak to anyone about it. When he was ready Mark would come to him.
Mark was charting at the nurse's station when Jackson came up to him. He was so far away from reality in his own thoughts, he didn't even notice his protégé and definitely didn't hear him calling him.
"Dr. Sloan". After calling him a couple times to no avail, Jackson poked him to get his attention.
"Avery? What do you want?" Mark snapped, glaring at his resident. He immediately regretted it, after all Jackson wasn't his problem, but he was in no mood for apologising. Instead he softened his gaze and waited for Jackson to tell him what he was looking for.
Taking no notice of the curt response he had gotten, after all he had noticed that Mark wasn't himself today, Jackson pretended Mark hadn't snapped at him.
"I was wondering if I could come with you to Boise, it is a big surgery and I want to watch"
Mark was confused, Jackson was one of the most sought-after potential Plastics and Otolaryngology fellows in the country at the moment, why he would want to observe this surgery instead of preforming surgery here he didn't know.
"You want to come observe me preform surgery instead of preforming it yourself her while I'm gone?"
"Yes, it is a major surgery and I feel there is more I could learn by coming with then staying here"
In his current mood Mark couldn't really care why Avery wanted to come with, but he if the kid feels he could learn more coming with than staying then fair enough.
"Alright, we leave here at ten tonight, be ready to go", with that he walked off to go get something to eat.
Alex had been looking for Arizona for a while by the time he found her. He had been all excited to tell her that Hopkins wanted him but when he found her in an empty supply closest crying that all went out the window.
"What's wrong?"
Arizona was startled at the sound of his voice, she hadn't heard or seen him come in, but yet there he was. She wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head.
"Nothing", she choked out and tried to leave but he blocked the exit. "Move Karev"
Alex stood his ground. "Not until you tell me whats wrong? Is it Hunt? I though you were over crying whenever someone with authority made you mad?"
If he wouldn't get out of her way, she could at least change the subject. "Callie said you were looking for me earlier what's up?"
"Nice try, but you aren't changing the subject that easy not whats wrong Robbins?"
"He's going to die"
Alex was confused, he wasn't aware of any of her patients that were terminal and he certainly had never seen her cry in a supply closest over a terminal patient before. It was horrible, the worst part of the job, but a part of the job. She is the one who taught him that.
"Who, the Peterson kid? I thought he came out of Surgery with flying colours?"
Tears were streaming down Arizona's blotchy face again, she must have looked a mess and if it had been any other resident other than Alex she would be embarrassed.
"No, he did, I'm not on about him. I'm on about Nick, Altman and Yang weren't able to do anything for him. There was too much damage to his heart, he is going to die and there is nothing anybody can do about it"
At this point she broke down completely and throwing away any thought of Hopkins from his head, Alex reached out and pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, letting her get it off her chest and cry it out.
They stayed like that for about five minutes, Arizona holding onto Alex for dear life, and Alex rubbing her back until she cried herself out. Patting his back, she pulled away thanking him with a warm smile as she wiped the last remnants of tears from her face.
"Okay I'm done, now will you tell me why you were looking for me? Please tell me its good news, I don't think I can handle any more bad news today"
Remembering why he was looking for her in the first place, Alex had a huge smile on his face. "Hopkins is adding another position for a peds fellow just for me, they want me"
Arizona was stumped, she didn't know what to say, she couldn't lose Alex, he was the best she had ever seen, he was the best she had ever trained, he was hers. "What do I have to do to get you to stay"
Alex was shocked, he thought she would be happy for him, after all Hopkins is where she went. Instead she is giving him evil eyes like she is about to hit him.
"What?"
Getting more annoyed Arizona barked at him, "You heard me Karev, what do you want from me?"
"Robbins, I don't want anything off you I…"
She cut him off before he could continue, "Cut the bull Alex what's it going to take? Higher Salary? Your own office? Research lab? What is it you want?"
Alex was starting to get worried, he had never seen her this worked up before. "Robbins, there is nothing I want from you, I already spoke to Hunt, I'm not going anywhere", he rushed out before she could cut him off again.
She just stood there shocked, "What do you mean you already spoke to Hunt?"
"Since Hopkins were offering me so much, it put me in a position to re-negotiate my contract, he is giving me everything they were and more"
"More?"
"Well yeah, don't get me wrong Hopkins is amazing, having them want me this much is kind of unbelievable but you are the foremost Paediatric surgeon in the country, there is nobody that could teach me more than you. You are my mentor Robbins, not anyone in Hopkins"
There was a god chance Arizona was going to cry again but happy tears this time. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him another hug.
"Admit it, you'd miss me too much if you left", she laughed.
Alex pushed her off him and turned around to leave. "Whatever, look I got to go get ready to leave for Boise, I'll see you later".
Lexie barged into her sister's room and collapsed on her bed in a heap. "I can't do it Mer, I can't go to Boise with him"
Meredith stuck her head out of her bathroom to look at her sister. "Him? Mark you mean?"
Lexie looked at her with disgust, "Yes Mark who else, I hardy mean Derek"
Meredith walked over to the bed and climbed on to it next to Lexie. Not sure she wanted to know the answer she asked, "Why can't you?"
Pulling one of the pillows from under her head and covering her face with it, she let out a very muffled "Because I told him I'm in love with him"
Not hearing a word of what her sister had said, Meredith lifted the pillow off Lexie's face and gave her a look that said "try again".
Lexie sat up against the headboard, pulled her knees to her chest and refused to look Meredith in the eye.
"The other night I was leaving the hospital and he was outside. I thanked him for letting me assist in surgery and he told me I did a good job. Then I just stared at him, so naturally he asked was I okay.
Then it just slipped out, I said it, I told him I love him. Once I had there was no going back and it just all poured out. All of it, how I can't sleep, I can't eat or breath. I told him he is all I think about. I compared him to a disease Mer, I said I was infected with him.
Then before he could say anything Julia arrived, he looked like a deer in headlights, then thanked me for my candour. He thanked me for my fucking candour Mer. Then just walked away with Julia"
Before Meredith could say anything, Lexie started crying uncontrollably. "I love him Meredith, he is it for me McSteamy is my McDreamy. I love him and he doesn't love me. He loves Julia. Why wouldn't he she is an attending not a lowly resident, she probably wants marriage and kids"
"Don't you want marriage and kids too though?"
"I do, but I always pushed him away whenever he brought it up because I was scared, now it's too late. I pushed him away one too many times and I've lost him forever"
Not knowing what else to do, knowing realistically there was nothing else to do Meredith threw an arm around her sister's shoulder and let her cry herself out on her shoulder.
"I know this sucks Lex, but Derek needs you in Boise you are his best neuro resident and you can't let Mark stand in the way of your career. Its not fair to you or Mark. Whether he loves you or not he wouldn't want you giving up such a major surgery like this one"
Lexie took a deep breath, sat up and nodded. "You're right, I know you are, I just don't know what to do. It hurts Mer it really hurts"
There was nothing Meredith could say that would make this better so she went with the only thing she could think to say. "I know it does Lex, I'm sorry"
Looking at the clock on the locker next to the bed, Lexie saw that it was time for Zola to be woken up form her nap if there was any hope of her sleeping for Richard that night.
"I'll get Zola up, you finish packing. I could do with some cuddle time with the worlds cutest baby"
Teddy Altman was in the middle of scrubbing out of a very successful heart lung transplant with Yang and couldn't help asking. "You decided where you're going to go for your fellowship yet, I hear Mayo is back in the running?"
Christina kept her head down focusing on the song in her head she used to make sure she scrubbed long enough. Had she been an intern Altman probably would have waited until they finished scrubbing to ask her any question, but any fifth resident who was about to become a fellow who scrubbing wasn't second nature for, had no business being a surgeon.
"No, not yet"
Sensing her hesitation on the subject, Teddy thought it best to change the subject to something a little lighter.
"You all set for Boise, you know its not many cardio chiefs would let their potential fellows be the only cardiothoracic surgeon on a case like this". As soon as she mentioned fellow she regretted it but figured she had said it now so might as well go with it.
"Not many potential fellows are as good as I am"
Teddy couldn't help but smile, she was right. Christina Yang was one of the best, no scratch that, the best resident she had come across in her career. Her aptitude for all things cardio was astonishing, she didn't know what she was going to do if she didn't stay. She had started relying on Christina more than any attending in her department.
"Okay, you've got me there. What time do you leave?"
"Ten, so I should probably get my stuff or I'll be late, see you later".
"Good luck, make me proud". Christina gave a curt nod to Teddy before leaving the scrub room. She made her way to her locker in the resident's lounge to grab her bag and case notes before meeting everyone outside to get the shuttle bus to the airport.
"Avery, what are you doing here?"
Jackson turned around to face Christina at the sound of his name. "I'm coming with, to observe"
Smiling at him, "Not as confident you're ready to preform surgeries by yourself huh?"
Jackson couldn't help laughing at the light-hearted joke, "No I am, its just some of us aren't arrogant enough to think we have nothing left to learn"
"You mean you know you're not as good in your field as I am in mine?"
With his signature Avery smile knowing he was beaten he replied, "Shut up Yang"
Meredith had been able to avoid Mark until they got to the plane, where, when getting on she bumped in to him. Thinking it was his fault he turned around and apologised to her. She however gave him a look he had heard Derek describe as Medusa like. "Thank you for your candour"
Before he could even question her, she had sat down next to Lexie and that's when it clicked. Meredith was pissed at him for the way he responded to Lexie the other night. Of course, she would have told her sister, he had been a jackass after all, yeah, he had been caught off guard and yeah Julia had just arrived but still. Thank you for your candour? What was he thinking.
He took a seat next to a window away from everyone else. Lexie had been on his mind all day and he just wanted to be alone. He clipped his seatbelt together and stared out the window waiting for take-off.
Derek looked up from his notes about an hour into the flight to see that Mark hadn't even taken his notes out of his bag. He thought whatever had Mark in a slump couldn't be that bad but if the prospect of a surgery like the one they were about to preform couldn't cheer up his best friend, something was wrong.
He undid his belt and walked over to the seat across from Mark, smacking Mark's knee gently to get his attention as he sat down and put on his belt. "Okay what is it?"
Mark looked up at Derek and looked disinterested in having a conversation with him. Then looked back out the window. "Okay you can either tell me whats going on or I will sit here for the entire flight and go on about how cute Zola is"
Mark chuckled lightly, but refused to look "You know Shep, now that I have my own child that threat won't work, besides Zola is adorable not cute, you should know that".
"It used work whenever I'd threaten to go on about our army of nieces and nephews, don't get me wrong I know you love them, but you were never interested in talking about how cute or adorable they were. Now tell me what's wrong"
Mark looked at Derek and sighed, "Lexie"
Derek sat back in his seat and left out a breath, not sure he liked where this was going. "What about her?"
"She told me she loves me the other night and I was a jackass about it and I can't get her out of my head"
"What do you mean you were a jackass? This is why I wanted you to stay away from her in the first place, this is why she has been crying so much the last few days". He knew straight away he shouldn't have said that when Mark looked like he had just both had his heart ripped from his chest and been stabbed with a scalpel at the same time.
"She's been crying?"
It was very seldom Derek had ever heard Mark sound so pained, he could count the occasions on one hand. Derek's Dad's death, the conversation they had where Derek decide to forgive him for everything with Addison, Sloan giving up her baby for adoption and the last time he told him about Lexie leaving him.
"What happened Mark?"
Mark took a sip of water before reliving that night again. "I was waiting outside the hospital for Julia a couple nights ago, when Lexie came out. She thanked me for letting her assist in some surgery, it was only a couple of days ago and my head is so wrecked I can't even remember what one"
Derek sat there just listening to him. He left out a long-pained sigh before continuing.
"Anyway, she paused as if she wanted to say something but didn't at the same time so I asked her was she okay. Then she just broke and let it all out. She went on about how much she loves me, how she can't sleep, eat, breath or do anything because she is infected by me.
She told me that while Jackson is this great guy without a grandchild, or a child with his lesbian B.F. F's it was doomed from the start because she loves me. I swear to God Derek I was in shock. I had wanted to hear those words for so long. I never told you but I wanted to propose after the shooting, I was going to until Callie convinced me not to.
I love her Derek, Julia wants to give me everything I want, a wife, children, the lot and she is ready to do it all. The only problem is she isn't Lexie. I was going to tell her as much, just as Julia arrived. I panicked and said thank you for your candour before walking off, I broke up with Julia when we got back to mine but still.
I mean seriously Derek, thank you for your candour, what the fuck was I thinking?"
Derek just took everything in. "So, you love Lexie, she is it for you, the one that makes the infamous Mark Sloan want to hang up the man whore title and settle down?"
"I love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my life, I don't know what to do"
Derek smiled, "I'm going to let you in on a secret, you panicked and this understandable, I still panic when it comes to |Meredith. It looks like the Grey women seem to have that effect on us. What you do is, you stand up right now, walk over to her and tell her"
"You reckon?"
"Yes, life is too short to not go after what you want and I'm sick of seeing the two of you mope around the hospital miserable when all you need to do to be happy is get your shit together"
Before Mark could unclasp his belt there was a massive explosion from outside the plane, then out of nowhere the plane went into a nosedive and everyone on board went crashing down with the plane.
A/N: I have been going back and forth in my head for the guts of the last six months about writing this fic and I've finally decided to bite the bullet and do it. I really hope you like it so far and continue to read it. Please feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think.