Disclaimer: if any of you think I own any of this you're slightly insane. not the picture on the cover, either. and definitely not any of JK Rowling's characters.

Happy Birthday to Michy!

A/N: so...love triangles. That was my task for this next round of Test Your Limits, and honestly I couldn't come up with anything and then I was like ohmygod the canon love triangle. So that's what we've got here :) I've got mixed feelings on this whole thing because while I think Snape is an amazing character and his devotion is truly lovely, Jily is just perfect. So I hope I nailed down what I like about Harry Potter - the fact that James changed for Lily and Severus did not but he wanted to more than anything but could not bring himself to. Also, the parentheses technique is something I first read in one shots, and then I've used it here and there, but I'm especially proud of the way I incorporated it here. I did not invent that technique, haha, but I do think I used it quite well. I hope you like it! Written for (skippable):

before you OTP challenge: Maria's is Snily; spells comp: relashio: write about snape and lily; disney character comp: aladdin: write about Snape; fav songs challenge: back to december: write about regret; hogwarts boot camp: loc- library, prompt- envy; hp chapters comp: potions master: write about Snape; hunger games comp: seneca crane: write about Snape; test your limits ii comp: rnd 3: write a love triangle; wand wood comp: willow: write when a character is jealous or insecure (or both XD);

Watching

Severus Snape's corner of the library was cold, though certainly not because of the temperature inside the room. In fact, in late winter as it was, and with NEWT classes increasing the load on sixth years like Severus, the Library was kept a toasty warm.

But when Severus looked down the rows, he saw Lily Evans, quietly studying and trying to avoid his stare. Everytime she looked up to meet his eyes, for she could feel his bore into her, she would flush, and the look she would send the boy she once considered her closest friend would send a chill over his skin. It was not angry, or bitter, but it was empty. It was so drastically different from the way she used to look at him, with the deepest care and concern, that the lack of emotion she showed for him sent ice to his heart.

It had been one whole term since the OWLs incident last spring, and there had not been a day that went by in which Severus Snape did not think of Lily Evans. Of her beautiful eyes, her brilliant mind, her kind heart. Lily had been his best friend, and though his feelings had never been shared and undoubtedly not reciprocated, there was something in the space between them now, the air heavier and heavier with each flick of her quill, each brush of her hair.

It was the absence of being together. It hung in the air like lead because though Severus had never had Lily's love, she had been his best mate: someone to share secrets with, someone to laugh with and cry with and be yourself with. There was nothing Severus valued more than the time he spent with Lily.

Now that was gone. All the stolen moments, the late night walks, the endless conversations, they would never share those again.

And it was his fault.

Severus has learned the hard way that everything can change in just one moment. That one moment where you take for granted what you have, you do not realize the value of your friendships and the things that make your life meaningful. He had thought that she would always be there, no matter the circumstances.

Lily Evans was not a girl for one sided friendships.

And now he had lost the most wonderful person in his life.

The girl he would always, always love.

He watched her for only a short time, mulling over his mistakes in his head and digressing to a corner of his mind that would not see light but desperately holding on to her image all the same, and that short time felt hopelessly endless.

That is, until James Potter approached Lily's table, looking very much quiet and nervous and deeply, deeply infatuated.

"Lily," he said quietly. She looked up at him expectantly.

"Potter."

She's so beautiful.

Severus knew that Potter was in love with Lily. He knew that his devotion to her extended pass attraction; the fact was that as much Severus would like to think he was the only one who could truly see the beautiful person Lily was, inside and out, he wasn't. Potter had noticed, and he was in love with her, and now he was apologizing every day and changing so drastically for her you'd have to be an idiot not to notice, but Severus loved her more and it was all so goddamn unfair he wanted to scream.

(Lily used to tell him that life wasn't unfair. Circumstances just made things harder sometimes.)

(Severus had never, ever believed her.)

Potter blushed a faint pink, his bespectacled eyes looking hopeful. "Well, I... I noticed you had your Potions assignment all done, and I've always been rubbish, it's a wonder I passed. So, I was wondering if you would help me, please? I've got my Transfiguration all done, if you want to trade off helping?"

Say no, Lily, please say no.

Lily looked up at him with wide eyes, and he continued to look at her as if she was the only thing in the world that mattered to him.

Only Severus should be able to look at her like that.

Lily regarded him coolly at first, but slowly gave in as she looked into his eyes. "Sure, Potter, I guess that'd be all right." Potter broke out into a grin.

Severus felt a surge of rage strike through him.

"Thanks, Lily, really," he said, sliding into the chair beside her. She blushed a little at his close proximity, putting some distance between them. "Also..."

Lily nearly groaned. "Yes?"

"Could you call me James? Since I call you Lily, I'd say it's only fair."

"Well, see,"

"Also, I wanted to tell you you look pretty today. And thanks, for helping, you know."

She smiled only a little, turning away to hide her pink cheeks from Potter.

"James, then" she looked up at him, "where do you want to start?"

Potter beamed.

Lily was letting go, and Severus was holding on as if his life depended on it.

(It did.)

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