Hello, I'm a HUGE-MEGA-MERLIN fan, in fact I've always been in love with the Arthurian legend, though I was disappointed with how the show ended, to vague for me. I hope you all enjoy the lovely series I've cooked up for you. P.S this is a modern AU, and as always REVIEW YOUR BRIANS AWAY!

With Merlin-

Merlin lay numbly staring at the ceiling; he'd done it, finally. No one would know why, he had left no note, no one would understand, and that was okay. He was done explaining himself, desperately grasping at straws to get out of humiliation and he was done with the bullying. Maybe he hadn't gone about it the right way, he hated himself even more for that. Poor Gwen his loving roommate would find him, which was his biggest regret.

He was laying half in the hallway and half in the bathroom with an unceremoniously dumped bottle of pills spread around him, yea, it was a dramatic scene. He hadn't attacked his wrists like he normally had in the past, in fact it had been several months since his last incident. But tonight was one of those nights, the nights where all your past horrors sneak up on you like cancer. You don't know your infected until the doctor sit's you down.

His vision blurred as he stared at the buzzing hallway lights above him, he heard familiar screams as if he was listening through water. A tuff of brown curls bounded to him tossing grocery bags aside. Merlin suddenly wished he had planned his suicide better.

-The next day-

Merlin's eyes creaked open like vault doors. He stared straight at the ceiling until he smelt coffee. Gwen was holding her face in her hands at his bed side, a man he didn't recognize just entered. Merlin chuckled and gently stroked her hair.

"There, there little dove" he cooed. "Dry your tears, have you been up all night?" his voice came out in a raspy whisper. He spied his sunglasses next to her hands and slipped them on smiling. "You remembered."

Gwen lifted her head and smiled gently taking his hand. "Of course I did Merlin, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit on a stick…..god Gwen why am I here?" he asked looking back towards the ceiling through tented lenses.

"Because I found you in time, and I love you."

Merlin chuckled, his eyes crinkled and his teeth flashed. "Sorry dove, I'm afraid I play for the other team. Who's your friend?" he asked glancing at the man who still stood awkwardly at the door way. He was tall, built like a football player with dark shaggy hair.

"The police officer from last night" she said taking the coffee he offered her. "His name is Lance, and that's his partner Arthur"

Another man walked in, Merlin had to blink several times. He was the same build as Lance only, perfect. Golden hair and icy blue eyes that made his insides melt. That on top of his perfectly plush lips and full jaw would have made Merlin half hard on its own, if he wasn't an emotional stress ball as it was. Arthur's police uniform was doing a lot of things for him at the moment

"Hello" he greeted kindly, taking the water Gwen offered as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Why the shades?" Arthur asked narrowing his eyes. "Are you high?"

"Am I high in a hospital?" Merlin asked grinning. "No, they just stop people from staring." He said simply taking another sip.

"Well, during your statement I would like them off." Arthur insisted pulling out his notepad.

Merlin groaned and ripped off his sunglasses pulling Arthur into his unforgiving gaze, he froze, and Merlin knew why. For one his eyes were big, like bigger than average. Not in an alien way but in an adorable way. His eyes were a sea of cobalt blue, so dark the ocean looked like snow, but that wasn't the odd thing that made people stare. Wrapped around the perimeter of his pupil was a thick golden ring. That seemed to shine like magic. People were stunned by the dark blue and gold contrast, he liked it at first but then people stared so he took to wearing sunglasses claiming he had sensitive eyes.

He sighed laying the glasses on his lap. "I'm sorry" Merlin sounded exhausted. "What do you want to know?"

"We just, uh, need to know. For our reports" Arthur stammered slowly, Merlin sighed understanding.

"Yes, it was a suicide attempt. No this wasn't the first. Yes, I'll try harder, now why don't you boys go back to the station and spend your time on something more important?" he asked simply pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt the officers eyes linger on him for a moment before Gwen stood. He opened his eyes and she smiled kindly following Lance out into the hall. He eyed her questionably when Arthur closed the door; he took her seat next to him and stared at him for a long moment.

"It can't be that bad." He said leaning back in his chair, Merlin only smiled.

"I would tell you, but I don't like to talk about it. Not even Gwen knows everything. I'm sure you'll go back to the station today and you'll look me up on your little computer and you'll be given hundreds of documents about me, I'm sure they'll all say a thousand things and when you finish, it will take about a day or so. I want you to imagine yourself in my shoes, and ask yourself why I'm not dead already."

"Maybe you should talk about it." Arthur said gently.

"Maybe, but not now. I'm sorry but, I'm beginning to feel very tired." Merlin said groggily.

"I understand" Arthur said getting to his feet. "Rest well; I hope you stay safe, and happy."

Arthur slipped from the room as Merlin slipped from his body, to a place with no pain, anger or hate. To a place he wanted so badly to stay in.