Disclaimer: not mine
Written for the February Challenge on HBX
More Than Ever
Ella Rabb was 14 and considered herself too old for the childish traditions of making Valentine's cards for her family. As Ruby and David worked furiously at the kitchen table making cards, seemingly for anyone they'd ever met, Ella just rolled her eyes and continued into the kitchen to get a drink.
"Are you all organised for Valentine's Day tomorrow, sweetie?" Harm asked stirred the pasta in the pot.
"Nothing to organise," she replied with a shrug.
"Have you done all your cards?" he probed, glancing at his eldest daughter.
"None to do," she replied. "Valentine's Day is just a big rip off anyway!" she declared.
"Aww, El, did you and Josh have an argument?" he asked, knowing Josh was the boy friend who wasn't quite a boyfriend. "I know how hard..."
"God, dad, you don't know anything about anything!" she said before spinning around and stomping out of the room.
"What's wrong with Ella, daddy?" Ruby asked running over to him.
"I really don't know, baby," he replied. "Now, you and Davy have to tidy up, it's nearly dinner time."
"Okay, daddy," she said running back and yelling at her brother to pack up.
By the time the table was set and everyone had washed up, Mac came in from work and smiled when she smelt the spaghetti they were having for dinner.
"You must have read my mind," she said rounding the counter and kissing her husband hello. "I've been thinking of spaghetti all day."
"Just spaghetti?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Oooh..." she said kissing him again. "May have thought about you a time or two."
"Mommy!" David yelled running to her and throwing his arms around her.
"Whoa! Slow down," she said, scooping the seven year old up. "What's the rush?"
"Ella's being mean," he said, locking his arms around Mac's neck. "She called me and Ruby babies 'cos we were doing Valentine's cards. I'm not a baby!" he said emphatically.
"No, you're not," she agreed before kissing him. "You're a big boy."
"Ella's being a pain," he continued as Mac let him down. "Isn't she, daddy?"
"Let's just say she's not in the best of moods," Harm said before directing his son to the table.
"Do you know why?" Mac asked quietly.
"Apparently I don't know anything about anything," he said with a disappointed sigh.
Soon the youngest two and Mac were seated at the table and Harm placed their bowls in front of them.
"Ella, dinner!" Harm called but there was no response. "Ella!" he called louder. "Did you hear me?"
"I heard you," she called back. "I'm not hungry."
"Ella come out here," Mac said getting up from the table. "Now!"
Slowly, Ella made her way to the kitchen looking every part the moody teenager. "It's dinner time," Mac said calmly. "Sit down, please."
"I'm not hungry," she replied, standing her ground. "Especially not for that."
"Your father worked hard to make dinner and you will at least eat some of it," Mac replied, taking the bowl from Harm and putting it down in Ella's place.
"Whatever," she muttered moving around to her chair. She knew there was no winning this argument.
While Mac and Harm would usually pick her up on the way she was speaking to them, they knew there was something more at play. Their beautiful daughter was usually very loving and respectful and, besides, the younger two didn't need to bear witness to any further exchange.
Dinner was a quiet and stilted affair and while the younger two ate their dinner without fuss, Ella had only a mouthful before spending the rest of the time pushing the pasta around in her bowl. Taking the earliest opportunity, she asked to be excused and when Mac was about to remind her it was her night for the dishes, Harm stopped her with a shake of his head. The last thing he needed was to alienate Ella further.
"What do you think Ella's problem is?" Mac asked Harm as she returned to the kitchen after bathing Ruby and David.
"Boys, school...me...I don't know," he replied despondently, his eyes still fixed on the tea towel and plate in his hands.
"Hey," she said, taking the items and placing them on the bench before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Ella still loves you very much."
"How can you be so sure?" he asked, resting his forehead on hers. "She's barely spoken to me in weeks...she ignores me whenever she can and I don't remember the last time she kissed me."
"Aww, poor daddy," Mac whispered, kissing him briefly. "I don't think it's you. I think it's being 14..."
"Well, I don't like it," he said with a pout. "I want my little girl back."
As they remained ensconced in the kitchen it was determined that Harm would put the younger two to bed while Mac tried to talk to Ella and soon Mac was knocking on the girl's bedroom door.
"May I come in, Ella?" she asked when there was no response.
"Free country," she replied, not turning around.
"Yes, it is," Mac replied before sitting at the foot of the bed. "Ella, we need to talk?"
"About?" she asked, a note of contempt in her voice.
"Oh, about a few things," Mac said her tone not changing. Then there was silence. "Anything you want to say?"
"You're the one who wanted to talk," she said her eyes on the book in her hands.
"Ella," Mac said a little more firmly before taking the book from her. "Let's talk about this attitude. I'm sure you realise your dad and I are not impressed by the way you are acting and speaking to us at the moment."
Ella shrugged but said nothing.
"Ella," Mac prompted when the silence had extended into uncomfortable territory. "Please speak to me."
"I have nothing to say," she said with a shrug.
"Is there a problem at school?" she probed, not liking this side of her child at all.
"Nope," she replied.
"Are you having a problem with someone? Bullying? Teasing?" Mac continued.
"Nope," she repeated, her hair falling across her face.
"Is the school work too hard? Too easy?" she questioned.
"No, mom, there is nothing wrong at school," she said each word clearly enunciated and laced with disdain.
"Then is it home? Is there something happening here you don't like?" Mac asked and watched an emotion she couldn't quite name flash across her daughter's face. "Ella?" she said gently, taking her daughter's hands. "What's upsetting you about home?"
"Nothing," she said shaking her head even as her eyes welled with tears. "Nothing's wrong at home. I'm tired..."
"No, honey," Mac said. "You're not getting out of this talk by saying you're tired. I want to know..."
"There's nothing to know...school's fine, home's fine, I'm fine...I want to go to bed," she said, pulling away and rolling over.
Mac closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her weary features. "We'll talk about this again tomorrow, El," she said standing up and kissing her head.
"Whatever," Ella mumbled and Mac shook her head, desperate to know what was upsetting her eldest child.
After kissing and cuddling her youngest two, Mac found Harm in the living room and slipped onto the sofa beside him.
"Anything?" Harm asked hopefully.
"Nothing concrete," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "But I think it's home rather than school."
"Really? Why? What?" he questioned pulling away from her.
"She was adamant there was nothing wrong at school, then when I asked her about home there was this look she had, and her eyes welled with tears," Mac said, her own eyes filling with tears. "She said she was tired so I said we'd talk about it tomorrow."
Seeing his wife's distress, Harm pulled her close and kissed her head. "Any ideas?" he asked, linking his free hand with hers.
"Nope," she said with a sigh. "It's only been the last two or three weeks and I don't think anything has changed. We gave her more allowance, a later bedtime, a later curfew...it's not as if we don't let her do things when she wants to do them."
For two hours they sat cuddled on the sofa trying to work out what was happening and were still none the wiser when Ruby wandered out looking for a drink and their attention was turned elsewhere.
Friday dawned and Valentine's Day was upon them. Ella's mood wasn't any better and it was only David and Ruby's excitement at handing out their handmade cards that rescued the morning from misery. With neither Harm nor Mac due at work this particular Friday, Mac did the school run, something Harm normally did, while Harm turned his attention to the housework.
With plans for a romantic night out with his wife while his children were at their grandparents, Harm knew they would opt for a simple lunch at home. Usually, they enjoyed an intimate lunch somewhere different when they managed to have the same day off. By the time Mac returned home, Harm had finished in the kitchen and she found him leaning on Ella's bedroom door jamb, staring into the unusually tidy room.
"You okay?" Mac asked, snaking an arm around him and snuggling close.
"Yeah," he said with a sigh before kissing her head. "Just thinking."
"About?" she asked looking up at him.
"About our daughter," he said, stating the obvious. "I'm really worried about her...she's not herself – look!"
Mac looked around the room but couldn't see his point. "What exactly am I looking at?" she asked scanning the room again.
"When's the last time her room has been clean without us asking her?" he questioned, pushing off the door frame.
"Good point," Mac agreed. "After I dropped Rube and Davy off, I doubled back to Ella's school and went into the office. I wanted to see the school counsellor to make an appointment but she wasn't available, so I left a message. I'd like to hear from someone else that there is no issue at school."
"Good idea," he said, "Make any time you can and I'll be there."
With Trish and Frank having the kids and having to pass the schools to get to Harm and Mac's place anyway, they had volunteered to do the afternoon pick up and bring them home. Due to an impromptu visitor who was monopolising Trish's time, Frank did the run alone and it was evident the moment the car door slammed that things were worse than they'd been that morning.
In a blur of colour, Ella rushed in through the front door, through the kitchen before disappearing down the hall into her bedroom.
"I have no idea," Frank said, holding up his hands. "Picked her up first, asked her if she was having a good Valentine's Day and she burst into tears."
"Don't take it personally, dad," Harm said. "We're having a difficult time at the moment."
"Anything we can help with?" he asked quietly as Ruby hugged her mother.
"Take the two munchkins to La Jolla and have a good night," Harm said with a wry smile, knowing their evening would be anything but.
"What about your plans?" he questioned but Harm shook his head.
"Our plans now revolve around our daughter," he said. "Got to figure this out."
With Mac having packed two small overnight bags during the day, it wasn't long before David and Ruby were heading back out. At first they were a little reluctant to leave so soon but Frank whispered something to them and their mood changed instantly.
"What did you say?" Mac asked following the pair out to the car.
"Nothing really..." he said with a cheeky grin. "Just that I thought grandma had a big surprise for them."
"And does she?" Mac asked with a laugh.
"When doesn't she," he laughed in reply.
Once they were back in the house, Mac turned to Harm, her hands on her hips.
"What's the plan of attack?" she asked, hoping he had more of an idea than she did.
"I think we go down there and see what state she's in before we try and make some sense of it," he said and Mac nodded, she hadn't come up with anything better,
Hand in hand they headed down the hallway before the home phone ringing stopped them. "I'll get it," he said, hoping it was the counsellor.
Going in alone, Mac was distressed to find Ella curled up on her bed breaking her heart crying. Not worrying about what had caused it and only wanting to comfort her, Mac crawled onto the bed with her and pulled her close.
"Ssh, baby, ssh," she whispered, stroking her hair. "It's okay, it's okay...breathe for me, baby...come on," she said before repeating it over and over again. When Harm entered a few minutes later nothing had improved and Mac too had tears cascading down her cheeks.
"What is it?" he mouthed and Mac shrugged, she had no idea but it was killing her to see her child so distressed.
Following his wife's lead, Harm slipped into the bed behind his daughter and wrapped his long arms around them both. It felt like an eternity before Ella's sobs eased into sniffles before quietening altogether. Gently, Mac caressed her face, pushing the damp strands of hair from her face and kissing her forehead.
"I love you so much, baby girl," she said kissing her again.
Ella smiled sadly before snuggling in closer. Before anything else was said, the home phone rang again and this time Mac wanted to answer it. Not only in case the call was the counsellor but she needed the bathroom and to wash her face.
It didn't take much coaxing from Harm to get his daughter to roll over and cuddle into him and he was relieved when she did. "Love you so much, Ella Bella," he said holding her close and kissing her head. "So much more than you will ever know, baby."
While Ella didn't reply, she gripped his shirt a little tighter and Harm smiled; it was something. Meanwhile, Mac had completed her call, which was from the school counsellor, and needed more than just a few minutes to compose herself, such was the nature of the call. When she returned to the bedroom with red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks, Harm wanted to leap out and hug her; however, his daughter was still snuggled into him.
"Everything okay?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Mac nodded as she climbed back into bed behind Ella. "That was Sandy Rodriguez on the phone..." Ella stiffened but didn't speak. "And she was saying how Ella had been having a hard time lately," Mac continued as she raked her fingers through her daughter's hair. Harm's arm made its way across his daughter and around his wife.
"Did she say why?" Harm asked when Mac failed to continue.
"Aha," Mac said, the lump returning to her throat. "Mid January, Josh Kennedy's dad was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer and Josh took it hard..." She leaned in and kissed her daughter's head; Josh had been a special part of Ella's life for two years now and Sam Kennedy had often taken Ella with them on family outings. "Then today, they got the news that Mr Kennedy had passed away."
"Oh, baby," Harm said, his eyes filling with tears. "I'm so sorry...so sorry."
Ella started sobbing once more."Love you so much, baby," Mac whispered, kissing her head once more.
"I'm so sorry," Ella choked out, rolling back to face her mom.
"What for?" Mac asked, stroking her face.
"I have been really horrible to you and dad and I didn't mean it..." she sobbed, almost breathless. "It's just...just...it was all really hard...and Josh was so sad and upset knowing his dad was going to die and I thought...I thought ...that maybe if ...I didn't love you so much... it wouldn't hurt so much ...if it happened to you guys."
"Oh honey, honey," Mac said, her tears tumbling, "Ssh, breathe, baby, you'll make yourself sick," she pleaded.
"But I'm so sorry...so sorry...so sorry..." she gasped. "Never meant to hurt you...never..."
"We know, gorgeous girl," Harm said, holding them both tighter. "We knew it had to be something really big to make you act that way."
"Please don't hate me," she begged as she turned to face her father; the man who had borne the brunt of her actions. "Please don't hate me."
"I could never, would never hate you, Ella Matilda Rabb," he said firmly, holding her face up so she'd look at him. "I will love you forever...do you hear me?" The distressed teen nodded, burying her face in his chest and holding on tightly. "I love you, Ella...so very, very much."
"Love you too, daddy," she managed before tears took her voice once more.
Time seemingly stood still as the three remained huddled together in Ella's bed and Mac wasn't altogether sure Ella hadn't actually fallen asleep until her own stomach rumbled and the girl giggled.
"I think you're hungry, mom," she said, looking up at her mother.
"I think I am," Mac agreed, stroking her daughter's face. "Are you?" Ella shrugged.
"You haven't eaten much lately," Harm said, raking his fingers through her hair. "So, how about you pick anything you like for dinner and I'll make it or buy it."
"But you two were going out for a Valentine's dinner," she said, craning her neck to look at her father.
"We were," he said with a nod. "But we would much prefer to have a special Valentine's dinner with our beautiful daughter."
Ella looked back at her mother. "Really?"
"Really, sweetie," Mac agreed.
"Even after everything?" she asked, not too sure how her mom and dad could want to spend time with her after everything she had said and done recently.
"Yes," she replied, raking her fingers through Ella's tangled hair. "I want you to always remember that we love you and want you to talk to us when things aren't going well."
"We understand why you were doing it," Harm continued, "But it would have been a lot easier for us all had you talked to us when you first heard about Mr Kennedy."
"I was going to," she said with a deep sigh. "Especially when Josh was so sad he was about to lose his dad, but it hurt too much..."
"What hurt too much?" Harm asked, tugging his daughter towards him.
"Losing you," she said as tears formed once more. "I mean I know you were in Florida and not dying but it really hurt that you weren't around anymore...kept thinking that if it hurt me so much that you were across the country what it would be doing to Josh that his dad would be dead – gone permanently."
Harm reached in and wiped the girl's face before kissing her head. "Oh, Ella," he whispered, not quite knowing what to say.
There were a few more cuddles and kisses before Mac's stomach rumbled and Ella yawned.
"Can we order from the Japanese place?" she asked, knowing it was her dad's favourite restaurant.
"Sure can," he said with a smile.
"And can we have that Ghirardelli's chocolate ice cream for dessert?" she asked, knowing it was her mother's favourite.
"We can," Mac replied with a smile.
"Okay then," she said sitting up and stretching.
An hour later when they were seated on the floor around the coffee table eating Japanese cuisine, Harm couldn't help but smile. It may not have been the intimate, romantic dinner for two he had been planning but it was wonderful just the same; his daughter loved him. She loved him very much and, God help him, he loved her more than he ever thought possible.