'Do you know the rate of which cherry blossoms fall? Five centimeters per second.' That is what my onii-san told me. I don't know how he found that out, but I always somehow thought that maybe it was that person that told him. That person who always talks to him. The person who always walks with him. The person who he goes everywhere with.
I much preferred snow flakes. They are something I find much more majestic. They were a pure, blank white colour, which seemed to fascinate me when I was little, and I found it interesting that they were made from simple crystalline dihydrogen monoxide, or 'frozen water'. It's something that's colder, purer, blanker, and more simplistic than the supposedly 'beautiful' and 'romantic' cherry blossoms. I never properly understood why I liked them so much.
The day I learned of the speed of which cherry blossoms fell from my onii-san, I searched up in the library the rate of which snow flakes fell. The answer was much faster than the rate of cherry blossoms. The colder, pure white substance falls at roughly one meter per second.
I read once, from a book perhaps, that 'wherever there is happiness, there is love'. So I guess, in retrospect, if there was no love, then there is can be no happiness, right? I never really thought that way. Part of me wanted to never accept that that was true.
My parents always favored Takaki onii-san over me. Even though he was, more or less, a bit sickly compared to his classmates, he was still able to run, and skip, and sweat without fainting. Everyone always said 'if little Mia-chan was born before Takaki-chan, maybe she would have been a lovely little lady.'
Of course, I didn't mind in the slightest. Onii-san was born a year earlier than me, so he had a right to be better in any way possible. He could be stronger, and it wouldn't matter. He could be smarter, and that would be fair. He could have a friend whom he trusts, and I won't. I've always been the unnecessary extra child in the family. An extra blank sheet of white paper at the end of a book.
I didn't mind onii-san's friend, Shinohara-san. She seemed to be a nice person, and suited onii-san really well. She had the same interests as he did, and thought almost identically, being able to finish each others sentences. Like onii-san, she would hang around in the library during lunch breaks, and was a bit sickly.
Of course, since Shinohara-san and Takaki onii-san were so alike, they were often teased by their classmates. They didn't seem to mind that too much, either. The teasing by their classmates seemed to tie them closer. Centimeter by centimeter. Quite a few in each second, I used to think.
I didn't have such an opportunity. Nobody transferred into my class, and I was always the ill little girl who sat at the dark end of the classroom, wearing oversized glasses, alone, quiet, and always coughing. If I stood outside in the sunlight for too long, I would begin to begin to feel faint. If I ran too hard, I would collapse. If I screamed to loudly, my lungs would be unable to intake the oxygen I outputted. 'Four-eyed parasite' they used to call me.
Takaki onii-san used to try and protect me from my classmates, but would often get beaten up because of me. After Takaki onii-san started to play with Shinohara-san during and after school, I had to look out for myself. I honestly did not mind at all. I felt like I was able to stop depending on him. Like I wasn't just a sickly, lonely little girl. I felt independent.
We all assumed that things would keep going this way, and it didn't make too much of a difference to me. Onii-san and Shinohara-san would grow closer together, bit by bit, and drift further away from me, bit by bit, and I would be able to learn for myself, bit by bit.
Then, one day, the phone rang.
"Hello? Who is this?" okaa-san said, after picking up the phone by the second ring. "Ah! Akari-chan. Takaki's in his room. Hold on, I'll give the phone to him."
Okaa-san walked to onii-sans room, holding the wireless phone in her hand, and offering it to him. "It's Akari-chan".
As soon as onii-san took the phone, okaa-san went to continue making dinner. She didn't so much as glance in my direction. She never did.
Even though I knew I shouldn't have, I stood just outside onii-san's door, with my back pressed against the wall. Listening silently to the one-voice conversation.
"Huh? You're transferring schools? What about Nishi Middle School? You went through all that trouble to get accepted," his voice was a little bit more dejected than normal. He sounded like he wanted to completely block out this segment of truth. He didn't want Shinohara-san transferred.
"No… there's no need for you to apologize…" It sounded like such a blatant lie. He wanted the moment to seize. For time to stop. For fate to halt in its plans.
I couldn't hear the other end of the phone, but I somehow pictured that Shinohara-san was likely to be in just as much anguish as Takaki onii-san. Tears in swelling up in her eyes as she tried to explain why she couldn't stay… more to herself than onii-san, perhaps.
"I understand…" onii-san said suddenly, the ghost of emotion lingering in his voice. "You don't have to say anything else… that's enough…"
He placed his head onto his curled knees, pressing the phone against his ear bitterly, and futilely. He didn't say a word. He didn't make a single sound. Neither did she, I think. Both of them shared their pain through the non-visual, non-verbal, non-communicational link that had formed between them.
A link that will fade in time.