Disclaimer: I don't own any of 'em. Except for DC, Dean, and Marie (Not to be confused with Rogue. No infringement is intended.), Jean-Pierre, and the crazy man with the shotgun and rocket launcher.
"What a perfect day."
"What? What did you say? PERFECT DAY?!? We're totally lost in the desert, miles away from any utility, power, or phone line, we have no water, no food, no shelter, and noooo hope. And if you say those four words again, I swear I'll have you past Jupiter in a nanosecond."
DC thought for a few seconds.
"It's a delightful counteract to night."
"Ugh!"
At this Dean picked up a rock and hurled it straight upward. It kept going and going and going and going and going until it disappeared from view. DC sighed.
"I wish you wouldn't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not natural to see a two pound rock fly up into the sky like a little birdie. It makes me want to yell 'Be free, little rock, be freeeee!' and I don't want to get embaressed in front of that cactus over there."
"That cactus is over two miles away!"
"Well, they have good vision."
"You ate sand, didn't you?"
"No, I did not."
"Then why are you talking about cacti being able to see two people out in the middle of nowhere that are two miles away?"
"2.3 miles."
"Shut up! I don't care how far away it is, the point is cacti can't see! They're plants!"
"And I guess the next thing you're going to saw is that corn can't hear."
"They can't!"
"They have ears, don't they?"
"If you didn't eat sand, what did you eat?"
"Now you're just trying to change the subject. I bet you're the one who ate sand. Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!"
"I didn't eat sand!"
"Why did you bring that up, anyway?"
"Well, you know, us being in the Bonneville Salt Flats and all, the sand is almost pure salt. It's like drinking seawater except no water and the concentration of sand is a tiny bit higher."
"Remind me we we're here?"
"To save the planet like we did last week."
"We didn't save the planet."
"OK, OK, we just saved the mutant community, but that's not the point."
"What is the point?"
"My point is every since those aliens that took over your body last year came back and established a base somewhere in the desert we have been searching."
"We've only been searching for fifteen minutes!"
"No we haven't."
"Yes we have! There's the road. There's the car. And there's Professor X waving for us to come back."
"Well…Let's go."
"Why did we start walking anyway?"
"
Because I needed an amusing start for my story.""You shut up."
"Dean! Don't talk that way to the author! He'll make you tap dance or something!"
"
Thanks for the idea."Dean's feet started to jump about making slapping noises against the hard salty ground. DC watched in amusement. Then he shook himself, looked up into the sky, and yelled, "Stop that! You're only doing this because you thought Trah's version was funny!"
"
Yes. And since she didn't copyright the idea I can put it to my own devices. You can do anything in the fan fiction universe. Speaking of which…"Suddenly Trah burst out of nowhere. She looked around, looked up into the sky, and started screaming.
"Damn it all, get me out of here! I was writing a story about Nightcrawler, a spoon, and a galaxy! Get me out of here! And get this Hawaiian shirt off me!"
A red, blue, and green shirt. Very amusing.
"
That is my favorite Hawaiian shirt. I've never seen it before, but for the sake of this story I say, what the hey, it's me favorite. And now to make things interesting.""I love you, you love me, we're one great big family…"
Everyone below started to scream and run around. Large drops of ketchup and mustard the size of basketballs started falling from the sky. Then, Cyclops, Wolverine, and Jean popped out of nowhere. Clapping their hands to their ears they joined the melee.
"Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!"
"Argh!"
"Oh the humanity!"
"Why? Why did you do this to all of us?"
Everyone paused a moment to listen for the answer above the noise. They waited five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour. Then suddenly the voice spoke again.
"
I'm sorry, I had to go get the mail. What was that?""It doesn't take a half hour to get the mail!"
Suddenly Cyclops fell into a hole. A grumbling Sabretooth came out of nowhere and started to fill in the hole.
"Oh great! Now Trah and now you! Great. At least she didn't fill in the hole while I was still in it! Now where's that ladder?"
Cyclops preceded to pull out a rubber chicken, a glass, a laptop, a lamp, a sidewinder, a cobra, a horse, an apple tree, a condo, a supernova, a universe, and the remnants of the Big Bang. Finally he found a ladder, but by then it was too late.
"Oh no! Cyclops!"
"
Shut up Jean! You know perfectly well that I can't kill him. He'll be brought to life again the next time someone writes a story with him in it.""Oh. I guess you're right. See ya later Cyclops."
"Skk tohjy Krsm. O'kk ntomh dpnr ejoiirf vrsn."
"Now, back to our question. Why did you bring this upon us?"
"
Well DC, when a man and a tree love each other very much…""SHUT UP AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
"
All right. When I came home today I became temporary insane. When I recovered the mushrooms came in and killed me. Now, getting killed came be very hard sometimes, and my shrink advised me to quadruple my dosage and to go and write some fan fiction. And this is what I came up with.""OK, that's all fine and dandy. But what about those aliens that killed me?"
"
There are no aliens.""Then what the hell are we doing here? Let's go."
Everybody then walked away except Trah.
"Can I go finish my fic now?"
"
You are not really writing a story. Not only is it stupid and incredibly crazy, but you would never write anything like that.""Oh. So can I at least go home?"
"
Sure. Just a minute.""What are you going to do?"
Suddenly, Trah started to polka. Pokemon characters popped out of nowhere and joined her. Weird Al also popped out of nowhere and started to sing in the rain of ketchup and mustard.
"Everybody Polkamon…"
"No! NO! NOOOOOO!!!!"
And the crazy man with the shotgun and rocket launcher showed up with his bodyguards. He shot up into the sky. There was a scream of pain and the fic abruptly ended.