I wrote this ages ago but I've only just remembered about it, its been on my website for a while and I got bored today so I thought why not put it on FF.net and see what the other insane fans think about it. I may write more but I've not decided yet. Enjoy the story I'd split it into chapters but each section is a little small so it wouldn't look good, and by the time FF.net played with it it's look like one or two sentences, anyway here is all I have done for my Lord Of The Rings fan fiction called 'A Time to Eat'. In case you are wondering I got my inspiration for this fanfic after watching FOTR where Merry is complaining to Aragorn about meals. – KrazyKate
A Time to Eat
"Oi!" yelled Sam for the fortieth time that morning.
The young hobbits, humans and elf were currently enjoying a nice elevenses
meal, or should I say were trying to enjoy a nice elevenses meal.
Pippin was explaining his current Orc and Ent theory to a snoring Aragorn, who had been mysteriously out at supper and tea the previous night and had come back this morning hanging off Shadowfax like a drunken hippy.
While Merry was lucky to still have all his fingers on his hands as they were darting around from plate to plate.
Legolas seemed to have given up on eating claiming he was on
a diet, and was currently admiring himself in a handheld mirror, and much to
Boromir's annoyance was cooing at himself in his mirror. Phrases like "Pussy",
"Wimp" and "Prat" kept escaping Boromir's mouth, only Frodo seemed to have
notice Boromir's frustration this morning, everyone else was busy.
Sensing Boromir's anger Frodo suggested the mismatched friends go for a walk.
Frodo had intended their post-elevenses walk to be peaceful and without
incident, how wrong he was to even attempt to think anything like that.
***
The group had barely been walking for 10 minutes when Merry and Pippin suggested they find a nice resting spot and begin cooking for luncheon, as they were hungry.
But that idea was soon gone as Aragorn, who was complaining about how unfit everyone was, had decided to make everyone climb the tallest tree they could find – this was another mistake as Aragorn soon found out when he came across Merry and Pippin sitting atop a gooseberry bush munching loudly on the gooseberries.
It had turned out that the three-foot gooseberry bush was the tallest tree the two hungry hobbits could find.
With Aragorn complaining again loudly about how stupid Merry and Pippin were while dragging them and a considerable chunk of the gooseberry bush they'd been perched on along the forest path calling out the rest of the group's names, as he didn't know where they were. "Why don't you yell that we've got food, that'll get their attention" said Pippin as he popped another gooseberry into his mouth. Suddenly out of nowhere, Legolas landed in front of Aragorn and surveyed his package with amusement and said in a high-pitched voice, "I would not have been tempted by talk of food, hobbit."
When Aragorn asked Legolas where he'd been, Legolas said he'd been running along the trees. At this Aragorn bellowed, "YOU MORON YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CLIMBING TREES YOU STUPID IDIOT NOT RUNNING ALONG THE TREES"
Legolas yelled back, "WELL I GOT BORED ONCE I'D CLIMBED THE TREE SO I RAN ALONG THE TOP OF THE LOT OF THEM, I WAS STILL EXERCISING" Legolas pouted and then proceeded to run away from Aragorn and as Aragorn was still carrying a sizable amount of hobbit and bush he was not able to follow.
***
Aragorn then stomped and moaned about for a bit when he heard Elvish cries from atop the trees. He dropped Merry, Pippin and the bush and scrambled up the nearest tree.
The sight at the top was not one he was prepared for though. Frodo appeared to be playing a game of Tag with some elves, while insulting them in Elvish and Sam was clinging to a thin branch of a tall tree crying, in a voice that would make Elrond proud, that he didn't like heights, not that anyone was paying him any attention. Aragorn called to Frodo to tell him to shut up and get down from the top of the trees and then he went and yelled at Sam for being a baby, he also made a mental note not to tell Elrond about Sam's voice.
Shortly after that, Merry and Pippin emerged from the top of one of the trees and joined Frodo in playing Tag with the elves, only not speaking Elvish, began to jeer at the elves in Common tongue.
Boromir was sitting on a thick branch smoking his pipe weed and laughing at the elves, he seemed to be much more sociable when Legolas was not around.
Aragorn gave up on trying to get anyone's attention, went to sit in a corner of the forest top and smoked his pipe weed while cursing the stupid hobbits and girly elves in a low monotonous voice.
***
Finally, Boromir, on Aragorn's orders, convinced everyone that they'd had enough fun and that they could go make and eat luncheon now. At this comment, Merry and Pippin launched themselves at Sam grabbing him and dragging him kicking and screaming down to the bottom of the tree where all his cooking gear sat, he then cooked up a thank you meal for Merry and Pippin for rescuing him from the "frightfully high tree", the two hobbits then began to inform Sam of all the times in the past that they'd saved his life, well nearly.
Smelling food, a number of wild animals appeared followed by Legolas who again claimed he was dieting and reached for his mirror. When Merry and Pippin suggested that they catch some of the animals and have a meat stew, Legolas cried out in horror at this and then gave each of the hobbits a lecture on not eating animals, as it was bad for the animals.
When he had finished and Sam was serving up the vegetable stew, he picked his mirror up off the forest floor and cleaned it with part of Aragorn's cloak, which was again asleep. Once Legolas was satisfied his mirror was polished enough to reflect his best angles he set about cooing at himself in it again.
This once again infuriated Boromir, who was very close to lunging at Legolas, over the stew pot and roaring fire just, to break both Legolas' mirror and face! Gimli arrived just seconds before Boromir stood up to punch Legolas and attempted to hold him back from leaping at Legolas, when Aragorn woke up shouting something in Elvish which made Frodo smirk he then stood up an attempted to restrain a very agitated Boromir with Gimli's slight help. Legolas was completely unaware of anything that was happening and only looked up to tell Frodo to stop giggling like an elf, as only elf's are allowed that specific honour.
Sam, Merry and Pippin, however, were pestering a now hysterical Frodo who was doing everything he could do not to wet his pants, to tell them the translation for what Aragorn had said when he woke up, but poor Frodo who was laughing so hard could hardly say a word let alone the whole phrase that Aragorn had yelled earlier.
***
After Aragorn had restrained Boromir using a threat about raising the taxes in Gondor when he reclaimed his throne there, he sat down and began a very serious conversation with Frodo in Elvish, and tried to include Legolas, concerning what he said when he woke up. He said he was highly embarrassed and did not want it repeated or it mentioned ever again. He also hinted that there might be pain for anyone who did and then he hit Legolas over the head with his hand and yelled at him for not paying attention, at which point Boromir burst into hysterical laughter. Legolas stood as if to leave but then he spotted Gimli the dwarf and started to make jokes about his size, one of Legolas' favourite pastimes next to looking at himself in the mirror was joking about Gimli's height or the lack of it and much to everyone's relief this hobby did not royally annoy Boromir, in fact Boromir quite enjoyed it.
Thank you for the reviews Deana and yahiko, I'm glad you found this funny I did when I wrote it. I'll try and write some more but this was a 'one day' genius and I can't think of anything else to write. I was in a weird hyper mood the day I wrote this and can't seem to get back into that mood. I have managed to edit this a bit, some more speech and funny comments.