For a long time, I had a possibly brilliant idea for a multi-chapter humor fanfic. Unfortunately, that fanfic is dead. However, it felt like a shame to let all my effort put into it go to waste, so I've adapted a few chapters of it into separate AU one-shots/shorts. This is the first.

Enjoy!

Ch 1: Something you should never do. Ever.

The car had made a brilliant entrance.

It swerved across the street, barely staying on the road, knocking over many signs and trash cans along the sides of the street. Civilians fled from the terror of the black car as it entered the parking lot of the zoo. The ultimate destination of the car was upside down in the middle of the lot.

"Everybody out!" Sieghart shouted, leaping out of the overturned car. Arme, Lire, and Ronan followed, bolting out just as the car erupted into an inferno of flames. The four of them watched the brilliant display of fire.

"Sieghart, what was that for?!" Ronan shouted at the black-haired man. "You could have killed us!"

"But I didn't." Was the nonchalant reply. "So we don't have a problem here."

"B-But-"

"No buts, kid."

Arme whispered under her breath to Lire, "Elesis knew this was going to happen! Why else would she go with Mari in her car?!"

Lire replied, "I don't know, to be with Jin?"

"Lies! We all know she secretly likes Ronan!"

"But we're not supposed to know that…"

Just then, a second car drove neatly around the torrent of fire into a parking spot just behind it. Four more figures emerged from that car, in absolute shock at the scene in front of them.

Well, except Elesis, she knew this was going to happen.

The red-head laughed at the scenario. "How's your day starting out?"

"MISERABLE!" Shouted Arme.

Sieghart, upon seeing his niece, got up and brushed the dust of himself. "So, did you guys bring the tickets?"

Amy held up eight tickets for the eight of them. "Lass and Ryan said they had their tickets already."

"They should be waiting for us at the front." Jin added on. "But… Are you guys okay?"

Ronan crawled over to the red-headed boy and clung to his leg. "Jiiiiiiiiiin…"

"GAH!" Jin struggled against the sudden being on his leg. "DON'T DRAG ME TO THE UNDERWORLD!"

"…Could you get me a bandage…?" As he looked up, Ronan's battered face did not lighten the boy's fear.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jin fell to the ground, trying to claw his way away from the (in his mind) evil spirit. Amy had also begun to pull the red-head away from Ronan, worried that her boyfriend might be dragged into the spirit world.

Mari stared blankly at what was going on. Her reaction was simple: "Can we go in already?"

Lass was getting impatient. He repeatedly glanced down at his watch. "When are those idiots going to show up? It's been an hour." He looked up to find Ryan trying to eat the leaves on the bushes.

Ryan chewed, and swallowed the leaves. It wasn't until he licked his lips that he noticed Lass's blank stare. "Lass, did you want some?" Ryan handed a few leaves to the silver-haired boy.

"I… think I'll pass…" Lass's expression did not change.

Ryan simply shrugged. "Suit yourself." He continued to eat more leaves. Lass briefly wondered how and why these people were his friends.

He noticed the approaching crowd of psychos just as his thought finished. "It's about time. Where were you guys?"

Ronan pointed at Sieghart. "He tried to kill us."

"Now, don't make assumptions. I am a perfectly safe driver, and you know it!"

"Safe?! Your car is being put out by the fire department!"

Sieghart took a moment to retort. "That… was a sliiiiiight miscalculation…"

"SLIGHT?!"

"Yeah. Slight. I don't even know why you're complaining, you're alive now."

Mari walked over and slapped Sieghart.

Lass waited a moment. "Anyway, the entrance is this way." Lass pointed at Ryan. "I'd prefer to get monkey-boy's research project over with before-"

"Would you like some leaves?" Ryan held up some leaves to Elesis and Jin. "They taste really good!" The two of them glanced at each other, then back at Ryan.

"-before I go totally insane."

The zoo was filled with many animals, but right now, Ryan was only concerned with the monkeys.

He had based his research project on the simians, and he intended to collect his data! He entered the monkey research building, accompanied by a smiling Lire.

He didn't know the fate of those outside…

…

…

…We'll get to that in time.

Sieghart was already, unknowingly, kick-starting said fate by trying to scout the park. He decided to not do the traditional method of scouting, and instead was climbing to the top of the monkey building to scan the zoo himself. Somebody's been playing too many video games.

The others wondered how stupid Elesis's uncle really was.

"I'm almost to the top!" The man cried down to his companions.

"That's great!" Elesis shouted back. "Keep going!"

It was then the zookeepers noticed the man scaling the side of the building, and called for backup. Oh boy.

"Ryan, isn't that monkey cute?!" Lire almost pressed her face against the glass of the exhibit.

"It is!" Just as the Ryan said that, the monkey turned around, bent over, and flashed its butt at the two onlookers. "Just… not when it's being a perv."

The two of them moved onto the next exhibit, which contained a lemur, watching them with big eyes. Lire made a face of adoration. Ryan was distracted by the (tasty) leaves in the exhibit.

"Ryan, look, the lemur is pooping!" Lire tugged on the sleeve of her drooling friend. He looked to see a lemur… well, you know, pooping.

Ryan pulled out his camera and took a picture. This would be lovely for his project.

Lire amazed by the lemur, was shocked when a small pebble landed on her head. She looked up to see a gradually growing light. As the cracks in the ceiling expanded, she saw a figure falling down.

She screamed.

The zookeepers were armed with Tasers, trying to force the intruder off the roof. More zookeepers stood below, armed with megaphones and tranquilizer guns. The crowds of civilians, including Elesis and co, were standing behind to barricade of people and the building. One of the zookeepers used the megaphone to command Sieghart to "Get off the roof."

Sieghart refused, saying, "I need to scout the park!"

One of the zookeepers below had shot his tranquilizer gun at the guards on the roof. The bullet entered an air vent. Many ricochet sounds were heard before it landed in the butt of the man called Sieghart.

"Son of a…" As he fell, he landed on what seemed like a control panel for the air conditioning. An overheating sound could be heard, and shortly after, the ceiling gave way.

Elesis only shouted up, "YOU GO UNCLE SIEGGY!"

Ryan emerged from the rubble and analyzed the scene around him. Many zookeepers were piled all around, groaning as they pulled themselves out of the mess. Sieghart was sprawled, drooling and unconscious, on a large chunk of ceiling which has fallen.

"Lire?" Ryan called out. "Are you okay?"

It was then a bright light emerged from under the rubble. A fist followed, punching open a hole in a ceiling piece, and a figure emerged.

"Lire!" Ryan ran over to the girl. "I was worried about you!"

The girl looked at Ryan and tilted her head. "Li…re…?"

Ryan's overjoyed expression vanished. "Uh, Lire, are you okay?"

"I'm… not Lire… I am… GAIA!" Giant rays of light emerged from beneath the girl, engulfing the area. "I've come to free the animals!"

"Oh no…" Ryan took a step back. "No no no no no…"

"Now, animals!" A giant tiger bust through a wall, and Lire mounted it. "TO ARMS!" And with that, Lire rode off, cackling wildly.

Ryan whimpered, "We're doomed…"

Elesis knew she was missing out when she saw bright lights emerging from the building. She tried to run towards the shiny lights, but was restrained by a worried Ronan and Jin. "Let me go!" She continued to struggle against the two, to no avail-

Nope, she just elbowed them both in the stomach. And off she goes!

"Elesis!" Arme shouted, chasing after her, "GET BACK HERE!"

Elesis entered the destroyed building known as the monkey house. The first thing she saw was the conscious zookeepers carry off the sleeping Sieghart. Good, he was somewhere safe. She then noticed a tame Ryan on the other side of the ruins staring off into space. She bolted over and tackled him. "Ryan!"

"Gah!" Ryan fell, unsurprisingly. When he realized who his attacker was, his expression became more frightened. "Elesis, we're doomed!"

Elesis got up and brushed herself off. "Doomed?"

"Yeah!" Ryan pointed at the woman-on-a-tiger shaped hole in the wall. "Lire's other personality came out!"

Most people in their school knew of the cursed being named Gaia. She was untamed and violent, but she was contained within the mind of Lire Eryuell. Sadly, that being was let loose by a blow to the head.

"WHAT?!" Arme was shocked.

"Yeah, we're doomed! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO-"

*Slap!*

Mari slapped the screaming boy. "Imbecile. We have ways to fix this." She and the other five people had arrived just then, and it took them moments to find the situation.

Mari pulled out a guide map. "We are here." She pointed to the monkey house. "We will split up into three groups and investigate here, here, and here." She pointed to the polar exhibits, rainforest exhibits, and gift shop respectively. "Arme, Lass, you're with me. We'll check the polar exhibits. Elesis, you take Ronan and check the rainforest area. Jin, you, Amy, and Ryan shall check the gift shop. Any questions or complaints shall be ignored."

"But, Mari-"

"Ronan, be quiet." Ronan sighed. "Now, are we ready?"

While there was a majority of no's, Elesis and Lass replied yes.

Mari pushed up her glasses, causing them to flash involuntarily. "Well then, teams, move out!"