Ryohei had been in Tsuna's office with Hayato and Kyoya when they first got the news. Lambo had slammed the ornate wooden doors open, gasping for breath with tears pouring down his cheeks.
"Ts-tsu-tsuna-niiiii! T-take-nii… he's… he's…." The little Lightning struggled for breath through his tears before finally stammering out, "h-h-he's DEAD, Tsu-tsuna-nii… T-take-nii is dead… he got shot…." He dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands as bitter sobs wracked his slender frame.
The other Guardians stood stock still and stunned for a moment. None of them wanted to believe it was true. It was Tsuna who broke the statue-like quality first, covering his mouth with a soft sob. Hayato started moving, wrapping his arms around their Boss and Kyoya had walked over to Lambo, resting a surprisingly gentle hand in the black locks. Ryohei looked around the room, trying to process the information he'd received. He couldn't. He wouldn't…
"O-onii-san?" Tsuna's gentle, tear-filled voice caught the boxer by surprise, and just as surprisingly, he found a strained smile for their Boss.
"It's… it's all right, Tsuna." He took a deep breath, willing his own tears back. "Takeshi… he'd hate this, ya know. Totally unextreme." He tried again; found the smile was a little steadier. He knew… he knew almost instinctively that without the Rain's soothing presence, they'd need the Sun's optimism. He was dying inside, but his family always came first.
"Turf-top, you heartless MORON!" Hayato's fists were clenched and he started forward, fully intending on knocking some semblance of feeling into the Sun. He was stopped only by Tsuna's hand on his arm as Ryohei just shook his head.
"We have duties, Squid-head. Takeshi'd be extremely upset if we stopped taking care of business on account of him." He turned resolutely away, walking past Lambo and Kyoya. "If you need me, I'll be in the infirmary. There'll be more wounded soon."
He didn't even notice that Kyoya followed him until he heard the growled, "Herbivore…" behind him. With a soft sigh, he shook his head, not facing the Cloud. "Not now, Kyoya… You can extremely bite me to death later if you want. But I have something I'd rather you do instead."
Kyoya's eyes widened a fraction of an inch as Ryohei's hands balled into fists that creaked softly with the pressure. "Find them. Don't…. don't let them hurt anyone else." The Cloud almost didn't catch the whispered, "Please…" He just stepped forward, resting a hand on the shoulder of the boxer for a minute.
"Consider it done."
Ryohei caught the eyes of his best friend for the briefest second before turning away, but it was all Kyoya needed. The rage, the pain, and the loss that swam in the gray orbs had his lips twisting into a feral snarl. "They're dead, herbivore."
"Yeah… so's he." The boxer's shoulders bowed and he made his way to the infirmary, not noticing that the raven's eyes watched him the whole way. He locked himself in his office, sinking to the floor and letting the sobs rip through him, his arms around his stomach as he tried to deal with the sick realization that his Rain, his lover, his Takeshi was just… gone.
That night, the Sun made his rounds to the other Guardians, bringing calming drinks and words of encouragement. Hayato had thrown his drink at the boxer's head, cussing him out, but Ryohei just cleaned up the mess without a complaint. Tsuna had tried to calm the silverette down, but the sound of his tears had only enraged the Storm more.
Lambo and Reborn were a bit more receptive; the hitman had practically forced the drink on the distraught Lightning and Ryohei had left a dose of sedatives next to their bed. Reborn looked Ryohei over, but the Sun had simply shaken his head and left, promising to check on youngest Guardian in the morning and reminding the ex-Arcobaleno to give him the sedatives.
Chrome was inconsolable as well, sobbing almost audibly into Mukuro's chest when Ryohei walked in. The male Mist looked a bit surprised at the boxer's appearance, but said nothing as the last of the drinks and a milder sedative was placed on the nightstand beside them. Heterochromatic eyes watched him as he kissed the top of Chrome's head, whispering softly in her ear. As the Sun got to the door, Mukuro finally spoke, his voice full of unusual venom.
"Never took you for the heartless type, Sasagawa. I wonder if Yamamoto knew that he meant so little to you."
Ryohei's back stiffened as he put a hand on the door. "And I never knew you cared one way or the other, Pineapple head." He walked out before the Mist could come up with another biting response.
That was the first night that Takeshi's prized motorcycle fired up and drove away, though no one inside the Mansion noticed.
Ryohei was flying down the back roads, achieving speeds that used to make the Rain squeak and tighten his grip around his waist. He loved that Takeshi only ever trusted him with his bike, and he loved it when the swordsman would snuggle up behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder as they flew through the night.
But there was no more weight against his back, no more breathless laughter in his ear. No arms tight around his middle…. no more Takeshi. The boxer peeled into the clearing they used as a midnight getaway, kicking the stand down and flopping into the grass, mindless of the damp grass destroying his suit.
"Takeshi…" His voice broke as he lifted his hand, holding it up towards the moon and lighting his flames. They'd laughed, when they were younger, twining their fingers and watching their flames intermingle.
Look, Ryo! A rainbow!
Tears slid down the boxer's cheeks unchecked as he stared at the bright Sun flames. "No more rainbow, Takeshi…" He took a shuddering breath, dropping his hand to the grass and staring up at the starry sky. "I hate this… Extremely uncool of you to leave me…" He laughed shakily, closing his eyes. "Squid-head hates me right now. But that's no surprise. Ya think he'll forgive me?"
Rolling over, Ryohei buried his face in his arms, screaming his pain, his heartbreak, and his rage into the night. All he wanted was his Rain… but they'd taken him away. They'd stolen his hope, his heart, and the only thing he had to fight back with was a smile that he'd gotten from Takeshi. But… it just wasn't enough. With another scream of rage, he was slamming his fists repeatedly into the ground, utilizing the best of Hayato's extensive expletive vocabulary. It wasn't until later, until his wrists were aching, his hands coming unbound, his knuckles swollen and covered in blood that he curled into a ball and cried, whispering his lover's name over and over again. It was almost dawn before the bike was returned to its place.
The funeral took place a week later, and was a small family affair. The Guardians, including Tsuna, played the roles of pallbearers, and Ryohei did his level best to ignore the fact that his lover's body was encased in the shiny black ebony of the casket. With only the Varia and the ex-Arcobalenos there, it was easy to hear the soft sobs of both Tsuna and Hayato as they lowered their best friend into the ground. Chrome's body shook as she silently cried and even Squalo's eyes were tinged with red as he paid his respects to the only person he'd ever found worthy to call 'student'.
Through it all, Ryohei stood silently by Takeshi's grave. His only movement through the whole funeral was to gently toss a bouquet of roses and his very first pair of boxing gloves onto the ebony casket. He turned away, heading back towards the house before anyone else. There was still the wake to be dealt with. He was steadfastly refusing to think about how cold his lover's bed would be now… as cold as his own. Takeshi hated the cold…
He shook his head, stalking into the large drawing room and downing a large swallow of sake. There was still far too much to be done. He couldn't afford to be thinking things like that yet.
By the time the rest of his family had made their disheartened way back to the house, Ryohei had the light refreshments arranged and drinks poured. Anything to take his mind off of the day, and the reason for the house being strung in black. He even managed to pull a smile for his Boss as they all trudged in, knowing that Tsuna relied heavily on his late Rain's perennial good cheer to get through tough times.
Apparently, it was the wrong thing to do. Squalo took one look at the Sun and exploded, all of his rage and sorrow aimed directly at the white-haired boxer. "VOOOIIIII! THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING AT, YOU BASTARD?!"
Ryohei's smile didn't falter, though his eyes took on a distinct coldness. Unfortunately, no one noticed as Squalo continued to be the center of attention. "YOU HEARTLESS FUCKING BRAT, DON'T YOU EVEN CARE?!" Squalo stalked over to him, his good hand balled into a fist.
"Of course I care, Squalo-san. But Takeshi hated when people cried… so why would I do something he hated?" It wasn't completely true, of course, but Ryohei's first priority had always been and would always be his family; his tears came late at night, when no one could be upset by them.
Squalo's voice dropped to almost a normal level, practically hissing like a cat. "Normal fucking people cry, or get pissed, or yell. Are you even fucking human, brat? Is there anything even RESEMBLING a brain in that thick fucking skull of yours, or are you just too stupid to feel emotions?" When Ryohei's only response was to shake his head and move past the swordsman, the Varia Rain snapped. His fist flew out, connecting with a fleshy snap to the boxer's face.
As he felt his nose shatter and blood drench his suit, Ryohei had to admit, it was a good hit. A couple of years ago, it would have made him eager to see the long-haired silverette in action in the ring. Now, he just backed up a couple of steps, covering his nose with his hand. It was a man's honor to disagree with a blow, and it was his own honor to take that hit… he knew Squalo was deeply saddened by the loss of the ex-baseball star, and had long ago figured out that almost all of the silverette's emotions ran to anger eventually.
Tsuna flinched and Hayato, as mad as he'd been at Ryohei a couple of days ago, stood to stop the argument, but Kyoya's voice cut through the thick emotions like a knife. "If anyone wishes to fight anyone here today, you will go through me first… and I will not hesitate to bite you to death." His tonfa were out and he glared icily at Squalo, who looked like he just might take the carnivorous ex-prefect up on his offer.
"It's ok, Kyoya. That was an extreme hit, Squalo-san." Ryohei's words were slurred slightly from the broken nose and fat lip, but he managed to make himself understood. "Sawada, I'm gonna go clean myself up." At Tsuna's nod, the boxer walked out of the room and everyone turned on the Varia shark, varying expressions of exasperation, anger, and concern on their faces.
A few minutes later, they all heard the purr of Takeshi's bike as it whipped past the front window, making Hayato swear softly. "He's gone again, Juudaime…" It was almost unnecessary to say, but Tsuna nodded again with a tremulous sigh.
"Hai… he'll be back later. Squalo, are you all right?"
"He's not fucking human…" Squalo glowered at everyone there, rivaling Xanxus for pure fury as he turned. "I'm outta here. Didn't want to come to this stupid shit anyway." Without waiting for an answer, he stalked out the door.
Luss sighed softly, resting his cheek in his hand. "They're both too strong to admit they hurt… it's a pity, really." He wiped his own cheeks and took over Ryohei's self-appointed task, handing out food and drink to everyone and trying to salvage the gathering.
Ryohei whipped through back roads and down dirt tracks. He could almost hear Takeshi's laughter in his ear, breathless with exhilaration.
Maa, Ryo, slow down! You're gonna get us killed!
He never meant it, not really. As Ryohei zipped around corners and flew through straightaways, he felt the tears slip down his cheeks. He ended up in their place, again. It had turned into an almost automatic thing now; a trip he could make with his eyes closed. Kickstand down (Takeshi would KILL him if the bike hit the ground… and the irony in that thought only made the tears flow faster), and he was sobbing on the grass, arms wrapped around his chest. It hurt so much… he hadn't realized how much harder the funeral was going to be than just knowing. It was like a switch had gotten flipped, and a dam of emotions shattered in his chest. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't scream, all he could do was kneel on the grass and whimper. It was such an unextreme sound for the mass of seething emotions roiling through him… he felt more like the Storm than the Sun at the moment.
As he gasped for air, a cool breeze stroked his cheek, and he closed his eyes. His imagination ran away with him, and he let it… just a few more minutes together wouldn't hurt, would it?
Ha ha, Ryo… everything'll be ok. You'll see.
"But how? You're gone… it's not like you're coming back, Take…"
Maa, we'll see each other again. We promised to be together forever, didn't we?
Ryohei fingered the chain around his neck and nodded, his eyes still closed. They had… he kept the ring Takeshi had given him around his neck, not wanting to risk it getting damaged. "Yeah, it was a pretty extreme promise. Wait for me?"
Always, my Ryo. They need you right now, though… but I'll be here when you're ready, ok?
Ryohei nodded into the emptiness around him, wiping his eyes and standing. The sun was just barely dipping below the horizon as he started the bike back up.
It was almost a month after the funeral – the longest month in Ryohei's life. For someone with memory issues, it was even more painful to have every day branded into your brain. Waking every morning to cold sheets. A hand reaching out for someone who just isn't there anymore. The silent shuffle to the bathroom that was once a playful skirmish to see who got there first, filled with laughter and kisses and more often than not, low groans and pleasure.
He'd done a fairly good job of hiding his tears, at least. Tsuna was starting to smile again, and Hayato had gone back to his normal snappish attitude; they both still looked a little lost every once in a while, but they were getting better. Lambo had stepped up and taken on as much of Takeshi's work as he could – the Lightning was a lot smarter than he acted and Ryohei could tell that Tsuna and Hayato were grateful for his presence.
It was rare for everyone to be home at the same time, and the drawing room felt eerily incomplete with Takeshi's laughter as everyone settled in after dinner. Even Kyoya perched in the window nook, a book loosely held in long fingers. Chrome and Ryohei brought drinks and snacks, setting them on the table before Chrome slipped into Mukuro's arms. The male Mist noticed the boxer watching her with evident jealousy. 'I'm sorry, Tsunayoshi-kun… but something must be done…' Heterochromatic eyes narrowed as he wrapped his arms protectively around the smaller illusionist.
"I don't think I'm all right with you staring at my darling Chrome, Sasagawa. You've already shown a total lack of concern with Yamamoto's death; I don't think it's wise for any of us to get too close to you." Mukuro's lazy voice broke the silence and everyone turned to stare.
"Wh-what? What are you extremely babbling about, Pineapple Head?" He wouldn't let it affect him… he couldn't. Ryohei turned slightly, busying himself with sorting out plates.
"There you go again. I'm beginning to think Squalo was right… you aren't human." Only Tsuna saw the brief flash of regret that swept across Mukuro's face before he spoke again. "Even I've shed more tears for the late Rain than you have." He knew he hit a nerve when Ryohei's hands stilled.
"… what would you know?" The boxer's voice was softer than they'd ever heard it, and ice cold.
One last push… and he just hoped the damned Varia Sun would heal him afterward. Without being obvious, he set Chrome aside. "I know what I've seen, Sasagawa. Walking around with a smile on your face while everyone else cries. Your steps don't even falter, you just keep going. So which is it, are you too stupid to feel real emotions, or do you just not care?"
"Fuck you." Again, that soft voice, and Ryohei's hands tightened into fists. "Fuck YOU!" He lifted his head, eyes burning with rage and pain. A step towards the Mist, then another. "What the HELL would you know about it?! You run your mouth about hell, but there she sits, in your arms. Not in the FUCKING GROUND, EXTREMELY DEAD! Hell is waking up EVERY FUCKING MORNING with no one beside you. Knowing they're extremely gone and NEVER COMING BACK!"
Tsuna and Hayato flinched, the brunette starting to stand. They'd never heard Ryohei swear before… "Onii-san…"
"None of you understand. You crawl into bed at night, WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND SOMEONE, and cry. But… he's never… I can't…" Ryohei dropped to his knees, pounding his fists into the floor. He sobbed openly, and a small voice in the back of his head told him he was being unmanly… but he didn't care. Couldn't be bothered to care. It hurt so much…
"Herbivores…" Kyoya's voice had taken on a cold warning tone as he straightened in his seat, staring at Ryohei. His tone and posture practically screamed, fix this or I'll bite you.
Tsuna had already started moving, dropping to the floor next to the Sun and wrapping his arms around him. "Onii-san, shhh…" He rubbed the larger man's back gently as Hayato knelt on his other side.
"Idiot." Hayato's arms went around the boxer. "You should have come to us."
"C-couldn't… Take's gone… needed to stay extremely strong…" Ryohei whimpered softly, closing his eyes. He'd failed, and that hurt almost as bitterly as losing Takeshi. He'd never felt so worthless in his life.
"Drink, herbivore." The sharp scent of scotch hit the boxer's nose and forced him to take a breath, coughing slightly. The tumbler was held out insistently and he took it, taking a light sip. It was definitely stronger than the sake he normally imbibed. "All of it, now." A tilt of his wrist and the drink vanished. He coughed again and took a deep breath, flopping back to sit on his butt and rubbing gingerly around his still sore nose.
"I'm extremely sorry, Sawada… it won't hap-" Ryohei was cut off by a stern look from Tsuna.
"Onii-san, you didn't have to do this alone. You could have come to any of us, and we would have helped you." He looked sadly disappointed in the boxer, and his eyes narrowed slightly as Ryohei shook his head.
"Couldn't. You and Squidhead had lost your brother. Pineapple head and Kyoya were busy stopping the rest of the attacks and Chrome-chan and Lambo were already extremely upset." He took a deep breath, no longer sobbing, though the tears did continue to slide down his cheeks. "Someone… someone had to keep going."
"Turf-top… you baka, you're allowed to stop and mourn." Hayato barely resisted the urge to punch him upside the head, settling for just shaking him slightly.
"I did. I have been. Just…" He closed his eyes. "We were a team. He would talk, and laugh, and make everyone smile. I would yell and joke and remind everyone that things would get better." The other Guardians all shared a glance, surprised that the normally dense boxer had thought this much about their dynamic. "But… I'm not him. I don't have his extremely warm smile, or easy laugh. All I have is me. All I could do was to keep going, and hope that you'd understand that that's what he'd want – For us to just keep going." He looked down at his hands, curling and uncurling his fingers. "Guess I didn't do a great job at that either."
It was Chrome's quiet voice that spoke, surprising them. "You did a wonderful job, Sun-man." She slipped past Kyoya to kneel in front of Ryohei, lifting his chin so he had to look at her. He winced slightly at her red eye. "You did exactly what you wanted. You did help us. So please… we don't need the help anymore, but you do," she tilted her head, staring into his eyes with a fiercely probing look, "don't you?"
He cried then. Soft, heart-breaking whimpers as he buried his face in his hands and leaned forward. Surprisingly, his head didn't hit the floor, but a shoulder that smelled of gunpowder and cigarettes. Hands rubbed his back and a gentle voice in his ear promised him that they were there and it was ok.
Takeshi's bike, like his grave, was never left untended. Whenever things started to overwhelm the boxer, the bike would purr to life and he'd be gone, disappearing to a small clearing where he always felt the closest to his late lover. He always brought him the latest news, like Kyoya and Dino adopting daughters, and Hayato's battle, and subsequent victory over lung cancer.
It was almost sunset when a long black car pulled carefully through the trees to the clearing. The driver's side door opened and Kusakabe carefully pulled himself out, sighing heavily. His hair was streaked with white and he moved with a slight limp as he opened the back door. "We're here, Kyo-san."
"I can see that, Tetsu, thank you." Kyoya slid from the car and held a hand out behind him. Time seemed to be just as afraid of him as everyone else, only the slightest trace of crow's feet at his eyes and mouth showed him to be as old as the hunched man who crawled out behind him.
Shaggy white hair hid gray eyes from sight for a moment as a trembling, unbandaged hand took Kyoya's. Age and disease had not been kind to the boxer. He leaned against the Cloud for support, his youthfully robust frame reduced to almost nothing. A bang behind them made him jump slightly and Kyoya patted his arm soothingly, shooting a glare at his second who was pulling the blue motorcycle from the trunk.
"My apologies, Kyo-san, Ryohei-san." He wheeled the bike to a tree and settled it there; watching as Kyoya carefully led the ex-boxer to it.
"We're here, Ryohei. Sit, carefully…" Kyoya's voice was surprisingly gentle as he guided him down and helped him rest his back against the trunk.
"Kyoya… I miss him."
"I know." The Cloud took a deep breath as Kusakabe walked back to the car. "You'll… see him soon, though."
"Heh, yeah… who knew I'd go out like this, huh?" Ryohei scratched the back of his head and closed his eyes. "It's ok…. You can go. I'll be fine." His voice was raspy and his breathing was slightly ragged, but Kyoya nodded.
"We'll be back in the morning. Ryohei… goodbye." Unseen by the boxer, the Cloud swiped a quick hand over his eyes before turning back to the car.
Ryohei just chuckled softly as he heard the car pull away. "Aw, Take… I think the demon of Namimori might actually be worried." He took a shaky breath, running his hands through the grass. "I've missed you so much, Take… Did you wait for me?"
Of course I did. I promised, didn't I?
A soft gasp, followed by a coughing fit, but Ryohei was smiling beautifully. "Takeshi… I was hoping you hadn't forgotten…"
As if I could forget you, my Ryo. C'mon. It's time to go now.
Go? But… oh. Oh, I see. Extreme…
Maa, Ryo… mind telling me how Hayato can beat cancer, but you can't beat heart disease of all things?
Aw, Take… don't you know? My heart hasn't been the same since you left.
Ryohei was buried next to Takeshi a couple of days later. Despite the warm weather, it started raining as they lowered his coffin into the ground. Chrome noticed first, and soon it spread like wild fire through the rest of the Guardians.
Look, Ryo… a rainbow!