With Evil Intentions Comes Slightly Evil Responsibilities

By: TwinkleUzuki CodeName NekoKit

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Twinkle: I just had to do this. I see so many parody fics about the Akatsuki that I had to do this. They're all my favorite! *huggles Akatsuki pushie* Enjoy!

Title: With Evil Intentions Comes Slightly Evil Responsibilities

Rated: T (Language, Blood, Crack)

Genre: Parody/Humor

Summary: On the outside, the Akatsuki just look like your run-of-the-mill evil villains. But on the inside, they're really just like everyone else and a bag of Doritos… with slight mental problems.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Naruto. If I did, the Akatsuki would have their own side story.

Chapter 1: I Swear To KAMI!

Most evil villains wake up to peace and quiet in their evil lair. They rule with an iron fist and nobody opposes them. But not this evil leader.

"ART IS A MOTHERFUCKING EXPLOSION, UN!" BANG!

Yep. That's what Pein woke up to on most mornings. Sometimes it was yelling, other times it was some type of loud noise, and like this time, it was both.

Sighing, evilly of course, the orange headed leader climbed out of bed and stood at his full height of 6'2. His pajamas, which had little Akatsuki clouds dancing about them, were ruffled and wrinkled from his sleep. He slipped his evil bunny slippers, which had a black bunny with red eyes and sharp pointy teeth like Kisame's, on and opened his door to go see what the noise was all about. Running an orange fingernail painted hand through his hair, he walked sluggishly down the stairs into the kitchen.

Or what was left of it.

There was black all around the room and nothing was spared, not even the windows. Sighing once more he narrowed his purple eyes at Deidara, Kisame, and Sasori who were out the other door, smacked up against the wall opposite of him. "What happened?" he asked. Deidara growled and unpeeled himself from the wall. He huffed and pointed to Kisame.

"Sushi thought it would be funny to go into Danna and I's art room and mess up all my sculptures. So I blew him up."

"I did not!" Kisame opposed. Pein smacked a hand to his face and slid it down slowly. This was so much better thought out in his head.

"Shut up before I eat you and Veronica for breakfast!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Don't tempt me, fish face!"

Pein turned right back around but turned down the hallway way the held all the Akatsuki member's rooms except for his own. Going down to the third door on the right, which had a light green money sign on it, he knocked on it with the back of his knuckle. "Kakuzu, get your ass up and call a repair man."

"Why? We're already low on money if you hadn't noticed!" A vein started throbbing in Pein's head. He was the Kami damned leader. It did not matter of they were low on money. He asked the bitch to call a damn repair man so the bitch better fucking do it! With one swift movement, Pein kicked open the door. He marched over to the huge vault in the immortal man's room. "What the hell are you doing?"

Pein ignored him and entered the code 'PeinTheTopCock' into the automatic keypad. The thing clicked and he swung open the vault door. He grabbed a fifty dollar bill before slamming the vault door closed and exiting the room, not even bothering to put the door back on its hinges, let alone fix it. Kakuzu watched, his mouth a gap as the Rinnegan user strolled out of his room, fifty in hand. He growled loudly. At that moment, Hidan came stumbling into his room, dripping blood all over his carpet and his cheap one dollar money sign rug, looking around frantically.

"What happened, fuckface?" Hidan asked, rather rudely. The long haired brunette, who surprising didn't have his mask on, glared at the Jashinist, baring his teeth. His brown T-shirt with bags of money on it slowly started to ride up as raised his hands, ready to attack his also immortal partner. The man, unsurprisingly, was nude as the day he was born, being disturbed in the middle of a ritual.

"Why the hell are you bleeding all over my floor, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked through clenched teeth, glaring hard at the white haired man, wising he burst into flames due to the intensity of the glare. If only looks could kill, not even Hidan's religion would save him.

"I was in the middle of a ritual to Jashin-sama obviously." Hidan said nonchalantly. He looked over at Kakuzu and saw the look as he called it. Hidan backed up towards the door as Kakuzu started to get out of bed to try to kill him. He ran out the door at the same time Kakuzu launched at him. They started running through the compound.

"HIDAN!"

When the rest of the members, who were finally all up and clean, heard the yell, Kisame sighed.

"Do they ever stop? They fight like a married couple." he muttered, some others nodding in agreement.

"Tobi doesn't think that Kakuzu should chase Hidan. They could hurt themselves and Tobi doesn't want them to get hurt because Tobi's a good boy right?" Tobi asked. He, however, was ignored by the other six men and one solo woman. Kakuzu chased Hidan into the living room where Hidan looked around, corner.

"Hidan, if you don't stop fucking bleeding on the fucking floor, I swear to KAMI, I will ring your neck." Kakuzu declared, leaking killer intent. Hidan wasn't affected though, having received that end of Kakuzu's anger most of the time.

"Kakuzu, why would you swear to Kami? You already know I don't believe in him, or has all the smells from the money gone to your head?" A vein started throbbing quickly, followed by three more afterwards.

"Hidan." he called quietly. The white haired man looked up at him. "I said," he stated cocking his fist back. Slamming it into Hidan's face, he yelled, "I SWEAR TO KAMI DAMN IT!"

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Twinkle: Yep. Hope you enjoyed! Review!