Honestly, I tried. I tried to write a simple Dead by Daylight story where four survivors found each other and outsmarted to killer, creating a lifelong bond in the process...but halfway through, I lost interest and my silly side took over. Next thing I know, the story was scrapped and, from it's ashes, rose this. A part of me is disappointed because it's been so long since I wrote a serious fan-fiction story, but the other part is beyond content, because I made myself and my brother laugh. I only hope you get a kick out of this too.
Introduction: A Killer Love
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Feng: Welcome to another episode of "A Killer Love". I'm your host, Feng Min, and if this is your first time joining us, then you've been missing out on the television series of the year. This isn't your average matchmaking show—here, we find love connections for the unlovable. Ugly creatures, scary creatures, violent creatures—no creature is so far gone that they can't be loved. And if you don't believe me, check out our last episode where our guest, The Hag—a creature so ugly I wanted to put my eyes out—found love. If we can help her find love, then there is no one we can't help. On today's episode, we have a great candidate for matchmaking.
(The curtains pull back to reveal The Huntress standing in the middle of the stage.)
Feng: She goes by The Huntress, and for good reason; she likes to hunt things, all the way from small adorable animals to grown human beings. She stands at a whopping 7 feet tall, wearing a half rabbit mask and wielding an axe. Her hobbies include hunting, axe throwing, not wearing shoes and humming. Her dislikes include being stunned by a pallet, her prey escaping and vegetables. Everyone please give a warm welcome to The Huntress!
(The audience gives a round of applause.)
Feng: (Clears her throat and speaks in a softer voice.) As a disclaimer, I have to mention that if your sitting in the audience with us today, you assume the risk of being brutally murdered. We are not liable and we won't cover any funeral costs. Keep in mind the exit is to your left. But moving on! (Takes a seat in a big chair across from The Huntress and gives her a smile.) Welcome Huntress. Are you ready to find love?
(The Huntress looks over the audience menacingly while humming her usual tune.)
Feng: (Snaps her fingers to get her attention.) Hey, hey, over here. No killing, remember? You signed a waiver. Just take a seat and relax…maybe stop humming. We're all here to help you.
(The Huntress glares at her, and doesn't move or stop humming.)
Feng: …or stand and hum forever. Whatever makes you comfortable. (Shifts uncomfortably and turns toward the crowd.) Let's break down what's going to happen here today folks. The Huntress is going to be going on four dates with four eligible bachelors that have seen her profile and expressed interest. All paid for by the show of course. And the show also provides her, as well as the men, with an adviser/interpreter. At the end of each evening, she will rate the guy, the date, and if she'd go out with him again, on a scale of one to ten. Whichever one gets the highest rating and likes her back is the winner. Sounds fun, right?
(The audience shouts "yes" in unison.)
Feng: Great, then let's get this love-fest started! (Turns back to Huntress.) Huntress, unless you have a few words you want to share, please make your way backstage for your first date.
(The audience gives another round of applause. When the Huntress refuses to move, Feng pulls a walkie talkie out of her back pocket and mumbles something into it. After a few seconds, Bill Overbeck walks onto stage and begins trying to forcefully escort her to the back. The Huntress still won't budge and the last thing we see before the curtains close is her lifting up her axe.)
Feng: Don't worry, folks. The Huntress is just a little shy. Like most of our esteemed guests, they live in secluded areas and aren't used to being around so many people without attacking them.
(Suddenly we hear an unnecessary, long, loud and pain-filled scream that sounds like Bill. It's followed by the Huntress' humming.)
Feng: (Stands and begins backing away slowly.) Um…we're experiencing technical difficulties right now. I'm going to have to ask you all to form a single file line and calmly exit to your left.
(The Huntress steps out from behind the curtains, her clothes and axe now bloody.)
Feng: (Runs offstage toward the exit, pushing people aside in the process. She speaks through heavy pants.) Please…stay tuned…until…we correct…all the issues…thank you...