Name: Lullaby

Rating: T

Summary: After Tris' death, a grief-stricken Tobias care for

So, after finishing Allegiant, I had a really cool idea. What if Tris was pregnant when she died? Hope you like this. It's angsty. I wrote this to the song Lullaby by Nickelback after I was inspired by the music video. I also got a little bit of inspiration from Broken by Lifehouse. This song reminded me so much of Tobias. You should go check it out. You really should.

Tobias may seem a little OOC, but remember he's dealing with grief and his own doubts about becoming a father.

I had fun writing this, I cried. This is unbetaed. Yikes! So yah. Enjoy

TOBIAS

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating

~Broken, Lifehouse

It hurts, looking at the little girl in my arms. She's the last piece of Tris left in this world. I was numb, numb with grief until I saw her. My little girl, a carbon copy of Tris, and then the grief turned to pain.

I don't understand. Why did she die? Cara told me that by the time the medics got to Tris, that she was already dead. However, they did everything in their power to save my daughter. Natalie, I want to name her Natalie.

I'm terrified. There's a knock on the door. I exhale, stand up, and place Natalie in her crib. I open the door.

It's Christina. She steps inside. Her eyes are puffy, like she's been crying.

"They want to know what you're gonna do about her."

"Natalie." I say. "That's her name, Natalie."

"They want to know what you're gonna do about Natalie." She repeats.

"What do you mean?" I ask her.

She hands me a folder. "There's this process called adoption, and they'll put her with a family that will care for her. And there's foster care, where she can go until you know you can care for her."

"No," I say. "She's my daughter. I want to keep her."

"Just look at them." She pleads. "There are some really good families. But if you are going to keep her, I need your apartment information, and I can help with the nursery."

She leaves and I sit in the chair. I open the folder. The first thing I see is pamphlet on adoption. I skim over it, getting a few key points about adoption.

I put the pamphlet back in the folder and pull out a small stack of papers. They're adoption profiles. On the first one there is a picture of a man, a woman, and a little boy. I look at their profile.

"Hi, we're Cynthia and Jayden Harrison. We have been married for 12 years, and we have one son, Jameson, who is seven years old and came to us through the gift of adoption. An accident at work left Cynthia unable to conceive and we've always wanted another child to complete our family."

I stare the paper. I can't do this. I close the folder. I'm keeping her.

All she does is cry. Ever since I brought her home, all she does is cry. She doesn't stop, Christina designed a nursery, but it's useless. She screams when I attempt to put her in her crib, any and every attempt to get her dressed is futile, all she does is cry.

The only time she doesn't cry is when she sleeps and eats.

A shrill cry brings me from my thoughts. Natalie is awake.

I walk to her crib. "Hey, Natalie." I say. She wails and I gently pick her up. I rock her back and forth hoping to calm her down. My effort is futile, she continues to shriek.

I set her pack down in her crib, she screams. "Shut up! Just shut up!" She screams louder, and I'm at a lost. I can't do this.

I sink down to the ground near her crib and cry. It's the first time I've cried since I saw Tris' body. I can't do this. I can't raise a child, not without Tris.

I stand and walk into my room. I grab the folder Christina handed me in the hospital. I open it and look at another profile.

"Hi, we're the Aria and George Adams. We have one child, Kaz, who is nine, and we've wanted to complete our family. We would like an open adoption, because we feel that every child deserves to know their parents.

The Adams are perfect. I'll call them tomorrow. They'll do a good job raising Natalie. Maybe she won't cry as much.

Natalie deserves better than me. Better than a broken father. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can give up my daughter. The last little bit of Tris. I won't. I can't.

So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

~Lullaby, Nickelback

I don't know when I stand up. Natalie's still crying, I pick her up, cradling her close to me.

"You're gonna get a new momma and daddy," I whisper. She screams. "You wanna know something?" I ask. "You look just like your mom." I pace back and forth gently rocking her.

"She had the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen. She was the first jumper. That's huge, you know, 'cuz she was a Stiff, and Stiffs don't do crazy things. But she did. She was bright like a fire."

And that's when I realize it. Natalie stopped crying.

I continue talking. "And she was the most selfless person I've ever know, and she was smart and brave and kind and honest."

I rock her gently. "I was so in love with her, you know."

She gurgles. "You wanna know something else Natalie? I think," I pause. "I think we're gonna be alright."

And of all the lessons I've learned, only one seems important now. Life damages us, every one. We can't escape that damage. And now, I'm learning this. We can be mended. We mend each other, and Natalie mends me.

Go check me out on tumblr at CyrusBreeze. I rarely post anything, but check me out. And please review.