THE MERGER OF WEISS AND SCHWARZ - 3
Disclaimer: don't own anything in this fic - that is characters, concepts, Weiss, Schwarz, "Weiss Kreuz", etc.
Again, I'm thanking all those who reviewed the prequels to this fic - Misura, Mizu17, Heaven Star, Genuine sun, phantom sunstorm, Yami no Tenchi and Genocide. I also have to thank Heaven Star again, because, like with the last one, most of these ideas came up in idle conversation with her.
Warnings: none - about the worst thing in here is toilet humour. Yes, I write toilet humour.
Note: There are two prequels to this fic, you don't really have to read them to know what's going on. The first one sets the scene - being that Weiss and Schwarz have merged, but other than that, the first two fics were just as pointless as this one. Of coarse, if you wanted to read them, then go ahead. Hint hint.
*****************************************************************
VIRUS
Nagi was walking sedately down the hallway, as Nagis are wont to do, when he heard loud, uncharacteristic bad words from a nearby room. Which belonged to Omi. Turning the corner, he inquired politely as to what was wrong. "I think I've got a virus!" came a voice, from somewhere in the vicinity of the computer. Nagi approached the Monitor, and viewed the on-screen activity from over Omi's shoulder. Omi was perusing a wide selection of empty files, messages written in Gibberish, and Programs that wouldn't open. The computer made a nice Finale by beeping and turning itself off. "Hmm." Said Nagi.
"What?" Said Omi.
"I think I wrote that."
MUG 2
Aya, from where he was seated at the kitchen table, watched the mug move half a metre, stop, turn, bump into the wall. Move backwards, slide in the other direction, turn, hit the wall. slide along the wall. Hop sideways along the wall, then back again. Omi, entering the room, saw what was happening, and looked at Aya. "You are so cruel." Aya merely smiled as Omi crossed the room and gave the mug a meaningful nudge in the right direction, then watched as it floated out of the kitchen. A distant "thankyou!" echoed down the stairs. "Still not used to the new house, is he?"
RENTAL
Youji was minding his own business in a large armchair, innocently smoking and reading hentai, when a shift in the air behind him told his acute, slightly drunk, assassin senses that danger was lurking. Spinning, he came face to face with a single amber eye. He then yelled something that children shouldn't hear, before regaining his composure and asking what the thing wanted. "Will you take me to a video rental place?" It inquired. Youji thought about this for a little while, then he thought about something else, then he got back on track and thought about it again, and decided in the end that he didn't have enough information. "Why?" "Because I saw an ad for a movie I want to see and Schuldig won't take me." "What about Crawford?" "You must be kidding." Seeing as though Ken was asleep and Aya was more drunk than he was, and Omi was a slacker who hadn't got around to getting his licence yet and Nagi wasn't old enough in the first place, Youji drove it to the rental place, watched it go in, waited five minutes, heard the scream, and watched as it walked placidly back to the car and got in. "Who screamed?" "The lady behind the desk." Deciding that it was wise to simply not ask, he drove it home.
* * *
Nagi was curled up in an armchair reading a random textbook when Farfarello came in and started playing with the DVD machine. "What've you got?" "Movie." Nagi sighed. "What movie, Farf?" "The man who sued God."
NOT FAIR
The front door slammed and loud footsteps echoed down the hallway. Youji, dripping wet and swearing like a trooper, came into the kitchen to find the scene of a happy family dinner (but without mums and sisters and stuff), as the rest of Weiss and Schwarz were seated and enjoying a home-made meal. "You will never believe what happened to me today-" "You were minding your own business crossing the road when a car swerved and almost hit you and you swear it was actually aiming for you, and you had to use your impressive athletic skills to jump out of the way and narrowly avoid being hit, and innocent passers-by saw, and you didn't really know how to explain yourself so you got embarrassed and tripped over your own feet in a poor attempt to get away. On returning to your own car you found that someone or something had punctured all your tires so you spent the next hour and a half trying to fix them and then refill them, only to find that whatever had punctured your tyres had taken your engine as well. So you invested in a new raincoat and set off on foot, but the raincoat got torn by a tree and a bird pooed on your head on the way home." "Bloody telepath."
TITLE GOES HERE
The men of Weiss and Schwarz were watching television. They were doing this because they didn't have a mission that night, and Manx had decided the team needed to bond. Crawford had his own chair, as did Aya, because they were the leaders, and were territorial - whatever Crawford had, Aya had to have, and vice versa. Farfarello, Schuldig, Youji, and Ken occupied the couch, in that order, and Omi and Nagi had taken up positions on the floor, because there was no-where else to sit. Aw.
Schuldig leaned gracefully to one side.
It was at that moment that a loud, raucous, inhuman and unmistakable sound emanated from the direction of the couch, interrupting the focused viewing. It was the kind of noise that brings cold shivers to one's spine, widens one's eyes, and makes whole rooms of individuals crack up during exams. Usually comes from a guy somewhere in a back corner, you know the sound. OK, so someone farted, alright?
All eyes turned in the direction of the sound.
Fear was mounting in Schuldig. He'd thought it would be one of the one's no one noticed. But it wasn't. People were noticing. Schwarz were noticing, sure, but Weiss, Weiss were noticing. And he'd never had to explain anything like this to them before. But what was this? Weiss weren't looking at him. They were looking at Ken. "Well Ken?" Youji enquired. Ken sniffed the air around him, like a dog, or other sniffy animal. "I'll claim it." And just like that, the attentions of Weiss turned back to the television, with muttered 'typical's.
Crawford glanced sideways at Schuldig and raised an eyebrow. Schuldig grinned back. Living with Weiss was going to be good.
Disclaimer: don't own anything in this fic - that is characters, concepts, Weiss, Schwarz, "Weiss Kreuz", etc.
Again, I'm thanking all those who reviewed the prequels to this fic - Misura, Mizu17, Heaven Star, Genuine sun, phantom sunstorm, Yami no Tenchi and Genocide. I also have to thank Heaven Star again, because, like with the last one, most of these ideas came up in idle conversation with her.
Warnings: none - about the worst thing in here is toilet humour. Yes, I write toilet humour.
Note: There are two prequels to this fic, you don't really have to read them to know what's going on. The first one sets the scene - being that Weiss and Schwarz have merged, but other than that, the first two fics were just as pointless as this one. Of coarse, if you wanted to read them, then go ahead. Hint hint.
*****************************************************************
VIRUS
Nagi was walking sedately down the hallway, as Nagis are wont to do, when he heard loud, uncharacteristic bad words from a nearby room. Which belonged to Omi. Turning the corner, he inquired politely as to what was wrong. "I think I've got a virus!" came a voice, from somewhere in the vicinity of the computer. Nagi approached the Monitor, and viewed the on-screen activity from over Omi's shoulder. Omi was perusing a wide selection of empty files, messages written in Gibberish, and Programs that wouldn't open. The computer made a nice Finale by beeping and turning itself off. "Hmm." Said Nagi.
"What?" Said Omi.
"I think I wrote that."
MUG 2
Aya, from where he was seated at the kitchen table, watched the mug move half a metre, stop, turn, bump into the wall. Move backwards, slide in the other direction, turn, hit the wall. slide along the wall. Hop sideways along the wall, then back again. Omi, entering the room, saw what was happening, and looked at Aya. "You are so cruel." Aya merely smiled as Omi crossed the room and gave the mug a meaningful nudge in the right direction, then watched as it floated out of the kitchen. A distant "thankyou!" echoed down the stairs. "Still not used to the new house, is he?"
RENTAL
Youji was minding his own business in a large armchair, innocently smoking and reading hentai, when a shift in the air behind him told his acute, slightly drunk, assassin senses that danger was lurking. Spinning, he came face to face with a single amber eye. He then yelled something that children shouldn't hear, before regaining his composure and asking what the thing wanted. "Will you take me to a video rental place?" It inquired. Youji thought about this for a little while, then he thought about something else, then he got back on track and thought about it again, and decided in the end that he didn't have enough information. "Why?" "Because I saw an ad for a movie I want to see and Schuldig won't take me." "What about Crawford?" "You must be kidding." Seeing as though Ken was asleep and Aya was more drunk than he was, and Omi was a slacker who hadn't got around to getting his licence yet and Nagi wasn't old enough in the first place, Youji drove it to the rental place, watched it go in, waited five minutes, heard the scream, and watched as it walked placidly back to the car and got in. "Who screamed?" "The lady behind the desk." Deciding that it was wise to simply not ask, he drove it home.
* * *
Nagi was curled up in an armchair reading a random textbook when Farfarello came in and started playing with the DVD machine. "What've you got?" "Movie." Nagi sighed. "What movie, Farf?" "The man who sued God."
NOT FAIR
The front door slammed and loud footsteps echoed down the hallway. Youji, dripping wet and swearing like a trooper, came into the kitchen to find the scene of a happy family dinner (but without mums and sisters and stuff), as the rest of Weiss and Schwarz were seated and enjoying a home-made meal. "You will never believe what happened to me today-" "You were minding your own business crossing the road when a car swerved and almost hit you and you swear it was actually aiming for you, and you had to use your impressive athletic skills to jump out of the way and narrowly avoid being hit, and innocent passers-by saw, and you didn't really know how to explain yourself so you got embarrassed and tripped over your own feet in a poor attempt to get away. On returning to your own car you found that someone or something had punctured all your tires so you spent the next hour and a half trying to fix them and then refill them, only to find that whatever had punctured your tyres had taken your engine as well. So you invested in a new raincoat and set off on foot, but the raincoat got torn by a tree and a bird pooed on your head on the way home." "Bloody telepath."
TITLE GOES HERE
The men of Weiss and Schwarz were watching television. They were doing this because they didn't have a mission that night, and Manx had decided the team needed to bond. Crawford had his own chair, as did Aya, because they were the leaders, and were territorial - whatever Crawford had, Aya had to have, and vice versa. Farfarello, Schuldig, Youji, and Ken occupied the couch, in that order, and Omi and Nagi had taken up positions on the floor, because there was no-where else to sit. Aw.
Schuldig leaned gracefully to one side.
It was at that moment that a loud, raucous, inhuman and unmistakable sound emanated from the direction of the couch, interrupting the focused viewing. It was the kind of noise that brings cold shivers to one's spine, widens one's eyes, and makes whole rooms of individuals crack up during exams. Usually comes from a guy somewhere in a back corner, you know the sound. OK, so someone farted, alright?
All eyes turned in the direction of the sound.
Fear was mounting in Schuldig. He'd thought it would be one of the one's no one noticed. But it wasn't. People were noticing. Schwarz were noticing, sure, but Weiss, Weiss were noticing. And he'd never had to explain anything like this to them before. But what was this? Weiss weren't looking at him. They were looking at Ken. "Well Ken?" Youji enquired. Ken sniffed the air around him, like a dog, or other sniffy animal. "I'll claim it." And just like that, the attentions of Weiss turned back to the television, with muttered 'typical's.
Crawford glanced sideways at Schuldig and raised an eyebrow. Schuldig grinned back. Living with Weiss was going to be good.