My love my love, she is dead. Her eyes, they stare at me with their emptiness. They're glazed over but still they stare. Her full lips, which I loved to kiss lick nibble, now are tinged with blue. She is dead, my love is dead. And it hurts so fucking bad. I have her body here in my arms; she died in my fucking arms. I didn't even get to say goodbye. There was no time. One moment she was breathing, and the next she's dead.
Oh my life, my love, my everything. She's gone, everything is gone. Oh my god it hurts. Nothing can be worse than this, I assure you.
Her body is heavy, it never felt this heavy. It weighs me down but I welcome it. She sits in my lap and I hold her head with my hands, supporting it. Gorgeous dark strands of her hair lay across my arm, contrasting to the paleness of my skin. My eyes flicker up to hers again, they are ever calling me. Finally though I can't stand it, I use my fingertips to gently close them. In turn I place a soft kiss on each, willing them to stay closed, to stay peaceful for eternity.
I place her head and neck in the crook of my arm, like you would do a baby. With my free hand, which is steadily shaking, I caress her face. It's so soft; she has not lost that even in her death. I brush a bit of hair away from her cheek, her hair is like silk, and it has no weight to it. I'm brushing away silky air.
Shifting my legs a bit, I can feel the blood rushing back into them with pins and needles. I didn't even know they fell asleep. But now the feeling in them is back. And with the feeling, I can feel a warm wetness all in my lap, covering me. I reach my down to see what it was. What I bring back in front of my eyes horrifies me. It's her blood, her blood that covers my hand in its shocking redness. The blood begins to run down my wrist, carving trails into my skin, spindling its way, making its own path. Each of the individual trails of blood all meet up together at the base of my arm, my elbow. From there I watch it drip.
Earlier she told me she was fine. She had lied. There is a bullet in her gut, and it had taken her life. Death must have been obvious to her. She tried to spare me by not telling me. But oh how I wish she had told me. I wish I could have told her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me. I wish I could have told her to wait for me at wherever she was going, because I would meet her there soon enough.
Suddenly the ground shakes and rumbles. I am blown onto my back by a hot gush of air and I can feel my ears rupture. Blood steadily runs out of them and down my neck, but I hardly notice. I quickly sit up to see if my loves body is alright. And yes, it's undamaged besides the hole that stole her life. Her eyes are still closed, thankfully.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see dark movement. My head turns to get a look. It's a body that just fell out of the sky. The blast must have done it. The body is mangled and torn, ripped and broken. It's just a pile of meat and bones now, it's no longer human. But from my position I can see a glint of metal in what must be a gun holster around the body's waist. My chance. My chance to be with my love forever is here, and I will not let this opportunity go to waste.
Ever so carefully, I place my loves head on the dusty ground. The new position of her head causes her lips to part open partially. I remove her body from my lap, and I miss the weight. But what must be done must be done. I stand up, much too quickly for I sway unsteadily on my feet, close to fainting. After a moment it passes and I'm ready to go get the gun. My feet carry me over there faster than expected. I'm eager to do this. The pile of blood and clothes, bone and meat, does not faze me. Nothing is as bad as my loves death.
The gun is retrieved and I go back to her body, where I belong. I position her body so that it's straight, so that she looks like she's just sleeping on her back. I drop to my knees by her, tears dripping down my face in a steady flow.
"Baby I love you so much. I'll see you soon okay?" I choke out. They're my final words. Not goodbye, but see you soon.
Now I lay beside her. My hand takes hers and I just lay there with her. Above me the sky is covered with dirty gray smoke. The ground is continually shivering with explosions and gun shots. But I hear nothing but the beat of my heart. What will happen to our bodies? Will anyone find us? Will they bother to bury us? What will they think when they see our bodies? No matter. Soon I will be with my love and that's all that matters.
I squeeze her hand, like all the times she did for me when I was scared. With determination I place the gun into my mouth, pointing up and back because I don't want my brains to splatter on her.
The tears have stopped, but one final one forms and spills onto my cheek as I squeeze the trigger tighter. Oh how I wish I could have been her tears. To be born in her eyes and die on her lips. Oh well, it's the end now. And I squeeze my finger all the way.
I love you babylove.
Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Die Alone by Ingrid Michaelson
I never thought I could love anyone but myself.
Now I know I can't love anyone but you.
You make me think that maybe I won't die alone.
Maybe I won't die alone.
Until The End Of Time by Justin Timberlake
Because if your love was all I had
In this life
Well that would be enough
Until the end of time
So rest your weary heart
And relax your mind
Cause I'm gonna love you girl
Until the end of time
Dead Girls Don't Cry by Nekromantix
Now you're mine for eternity
My love for you will never die
A peaceful perfect harmony
No more sorrow or tears cause'
Dead girls don't cry
Light Up The Sky by Yellowcard
I would explode just to save your life,
I would explode.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you,
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you,
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you,
Let me make this mine,
I'll ignite for you.
Hold On by Sarah Mclachlan
My love So now you're sleeping peaceful
you know that you're my best friend.
You know that I'd do anything for you
and my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true.
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow
and will see another day
and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face.