Deacon
It's an odd mixture of trepidation and déjà vu as he pulls the door open and walks into the cement building.
He's been in jail before. The summer of '96 when he rolled his truck in a ditch outside of El Paso, Texas and somehow walked away without a scratch had earned him 30 days in the lock up. Lots of those over nighter "dry out" stays. Lots of bar fights. Hell back in those days, he'd racked up a record several pages long, skating through life barely surviving on whiskey and Rayna being there to bring him back.
But he's never been there as a visitor. It's ironic, really, the way life doles out the hands of fate.
He walks through the metal detector, emptying the contents of his pockets into the plastic tray as desired. Going through the motions, waiting impatiently for them to find his name on the "approved visitors" list.
It takes him back to those seven days he had laid on that cold bunk in the county jail while Rayna laid in the hospital fighting for her life, how Teddy had glared at him in satisfaction from the back of the courtroom while a judge told him in no uncertain terms that if Rayna died, he would be charged with manslaughter. He remembers that feeling of despair, of living in that black hole of grief, thinking If Rayna died, he didn't want to live. He didn't deserve to. But she did, and somehow they'd fought back against all that. They are stronger than ever these days. They have to be. They have two girls that need them to be.
Teddy Conrad is going to be here a lot longer than seven days. And this isn't jail. Its federal prison. The mile-long list of charges against him has been shocking to the entire Nashville community. Embezzlement, soliciting prostitutes, wire fraud… Rayna has tried to get him the best lawyers possible. I owe him, Deacon. It hasn't done much good, as Teddy has staunchly refused her help. She had reluctantly brought Maddie to the sentencing a few weeks ago. Daphne had begged and pleaded to be able to go, but they all agreed it was not a good idea.
Deacon knows Daphne can understand what pleading guilty means, but the magnitutude of how long 30 years lasts is lost on her. They say he might be paroled after 15 for good behavior, but even by that time Daphne will be nearly 30 years old. Teddy has lost the rest of her childhood. Never will he see her daily life, see her grow up, learn to drive, chase away her boyfriends. He won't see her graduate from high school and move on to college and everything beyond. Both the girls will be grown women by the time he gets out, with lives and families of their own. Despite the events of two years ago, Deacon gets no satisfaction out of knowing Teddy is now on the other side of the bars. Even with all the bad blood that has passed over the years between the two of them, Teddy has been a good dad to the girls. Gave up a lot to take care of them when Rayna was on the road. Right now they're all just trying to understand.He hearsRayna tell the girls all the time. "We're still a family, and family forgives."
After approval, Deacon is led to a private room, left waiting on an uncomfortable plastic chair while a guard stands at the door with his arms crossed. Their conversation will be recorded, of course. It's unsettlingg. All very unnerving.
Teddy comes in then, in an orange jumpsuit, led it by another guard, who temporarily unlocks the handcuffs from his wrists. He's lost weight, his hair is shaggy, a beard covering the lower half of his face. To put it plainly, he looks like he's living in his own private hell. His eyes are sad, empty. Something is gone that was once there. Hope.
Once again Deacon is met by the irony of it all. Maybe he's never been in prison, but he knows how it feels to be that lost.
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Teddy
He isn't really surprised to see Deacon. Maybe he's been expecting this since they read that sentencing verdict, since he watched Maddie sob in the courthouse as they led him away in handcuffs. Please just let me say goodbye to my daughter.
The bailiff gave him a smirk. "She can visit you. You're gonna be there awhile."
Rayna had asked in one of her weekly phone calls awhile back if he'd like to see Maddie and Daphne, but he said no. He doesn't want them coming here, witnessing his failures, being reminded of his sins.
"How are the girls?" Teddy asks, unable to hide the sadness from his voice. Daphne writes him letters. He knows she does it to make him feel better. She doesn't know it makes him feel worse. I know you're gonna come home some day, Dad. I love you. You made mistakes and I forgive you.
I forgive you. Those words cut through his soul like a sword.
He doesn't deserve her forgiveness.
Maddie doesn't write. Rayna says she is busy with her own life right now, but he knows the truth. She's embarrassed, and rightfully so.
Deacon looks different now in a button down shirt and a suit coat. Rayna has cleaned him up good. There's a peace in his eyes Teddy doesn't recognize. And a ring on his left hand. So they finally got married, Teddy thinks to himself. Rayna didn't mention that in her phone calls. He's not surprised. Rayna has been in love with that man since the first time she ever laid eyes on him. He knew that when he met her, and he'd married her anyway. It will never change.
"They're okay," Deacon says cautiously. "Daphne had some problems in school but she's doing better now. Maddie…she's uh…well she's definitely testing some limits," he admits looking a little weary at the thought. He is glossing over a lot, of course. Daphne has been getting into fistfights and coming home from school crying. Maddie sneaking off to play open mics in bars, not coming home until almost dawn some weekend nights, and not caring that they've practically grounded her for life. Truthfully, the honeymoon is long over and the girls are running him and Rayna both ragged. When do they grow out of the moodswings and dirty looks? he'd asked a friend about teenage girls. The guy just laughed. When they're 35 if you're lucky.
Teddy nodded. "She likes to do things her way. Guess she gets that from her mom."
"She sure does," Deacon agrees.
Teddy gives him a half smile, and for a second they are not that different. They have both made mistakes, both paid in different ways.
Teddy cleared his throat. "You know, Maddie, she's…stubborn. The harder you push her, the harder she will pull away. Give her a little space, she'll come around."
Deacon nods. He hesitates before sliding the file in front of him across the desk towards Teddy.
"What's this?" But Teddy knows what it is before he even opens it. He's been thinking its coming. Laying in that cell all day all he has time to do is think. Rayna has mentioned it very casually, and he shot her down.
But it still burns like hell when he reads the words across the top of the first page and flips through the rest. Termination of parental rights. Petition for adoption. The one thing he has left is the word "Dad", and they want to take it away from him.
He sucks in a harsh breath, and the words go blurry for a second.
"I can't sign this," he slams it shut.
Deacon sighs. "Listen," he says in a low voice. "If something happens to Rayna, god forbid, I want to know the girls are taken care of. We plan to petition the court to establish paternity for Maddie. She…wants to change her name."
She no longer wants to be a Conrad. That hurts. Teddy swallows hard. But he gets it. She is sixteen, and trying to make her way into a very tough industry. She'd get a lot farther with Claybourne than Conrad.
"Daphne?"
"I want to know she has someone she can count on, Teddy. Don't you want that?"
"Of course I do," Teddy's voice grows a little louder than he intends, and the guard in the corner shoots him a warning look.
"Of course I do," Teddy says, slightly calmer. "But you can't…take them away from me. They're all I have." There was such a look of panicked desperation in his eyes, that for a second Deacon almost says forget it. He feels sorry for him.
"I'm not taking them away from you, Teddy," Deacon says quietly. "I'm just asking you to help me protect them. You took care of my little girl when I couldn't. Now I want to take care of yours."
Teddy can hardly breathe around the rock hard lump that had settled in his throat and the sick feeling rising in his stomach. But Deacon is right. 100 percent right.
With shaky hands he reopens the folder and signs his name on all the marked lines, before sliding it back. Signing over the right to be their father. Signing over the only thing he ever managed not to ruin in his life.
They sit there quietly for a few minutes, then Deacon gets to his feet and gathers the paperwork. "I should go." It's his day to pick up the girls from school. Rayna will be home soon. Time doesn't wait for anyone.
"Tell them I love them? And I'm…sorry. If that's worth anything." Teddy says in a low voice.
"It is." Deacon nods, and he holds out his hand. They shake, eyes meeting, a long look of understanding passing them before he turns and walks out. It's a peace offering, after all these years. But then again, they have loved the same woman. They have loved the same daughters.
And maybe, Teddy thinks, him and Deacon Claybourne aren't really that different after all.
Three months later
They sit on a bench along the pier in Santa Monica, the heat of the sun on their faces mixing with the sound of the waves crashing on the beach and the smell of cotton candy , and happy families in all directions. Ingredients for a perfect day.
"I love California," Daphne sighs, taking another lick of her ice cream cone. "The sun is always out and it never snows. And you can go to the beach any time you want."
"Still snows in the mountains," Deacon reminds, as he finishes off his own ice cream cone.
Daphne rolls her eyes but she smiles and catches a drip with her tongue.
Maddie sits on the other side of her sister with Rayna, the two of them deep in thought about singles for the debut EP she has been working on, their arms slung around each other. Maddie is happier these days, and they've had to loosen the reigns a little bit, albeit carefully. She's growing up, making plans for the future. Too fast, he thinks often. Both of them. Stop growing up so damn fast.
This vacation had been good for all four of them. Just a week by the ocean, relaxing and spending time together as a family. And it's Father's Day, the first one Deacon has ever really celebrated. He keeps shrugging it off like it's no big deal, but those cards they'd handed him this morning had meant the world.
All the court proceedings had been finalized a few weeks earlier. This trip had been their way of celebrating. They needed it. The last month had been hell on the girls, since the news had been delivered that Teddy hung himself in his jail cell.
How could he do that to them? Rayna had cried in his arms. Hasn't he hurt them enough?
I don't know, baby, he had tried to comfort her. He should be so damn angry at Teddy for making them suffer even more, but he knows. He gets it. Teddy would have never survived those years in prison. In his mind, he'd lost his girls already. His life was already over. After a person loses hope, there's nothing else left behind.
Daphne looks sad for a minute, and Deacon knows her mind is on Teddy. She is quieter lately, but they try to tell her it is okay to talk about it, try to encourage her to use her music to let her feelings out. And he knows as hard as he tries, it's never "really" going to be the same. Teddy had been a different kind of dad, the one who knew every answer to her history homework, and volunteered to coach soccer. Maddie is more indifferent. He hasn't been my dad for a long time anyway. She's throwing herself into life full-speed right now, trying to work through it in her own way. Slow down, he wants to say.
"You okay?" he bumps Daphne's knee with his.
"When we were little my dad used to bring us here every summer on Father's day weekend to ride the ferris wheel," Daphne says, her chin wobbling a little. "It kinda was his favorite."
"You miss him, huh?"
"Just sometimes."
He nods, digesting this thought. "It's good to have memories. You hold the best ones close to you. Sometimes they get you through the hard stuff. You think you wanna go ride that ferris wheel? Maybe we can get your mom to go on with us."
Daphne cracks a smile at this, and looks over at her mom and Maddie. "She won't. She's always been scared."
"Y'all that is really high!" Rayna protests. "I like my boots firmly attached to the ground. You go on without us, Maddie and I will watch from here."
That gets a laugh out of all of them, and Daphne stands up. "I'm in."
He slings his hand across her shoulders as they walk towards the big wheel standing out against the blue sky.
"I'm really glad you adopted me," Daphne blurts out suddenly as they are standing in line and she's looking up at him. "You know, that I…get to be a Claybourne now. Like Mom and Maddie. And you."
She melts his heart, like all three of them do, every second of every day. He would give his life for his girls. "Me too, Daph," he says, clearing his throat. "Me too."
"Happy father's day, Dad," she says as she flings her arms around his waist.
There was nothing in the world that could have made it better than that.