Life after you

AN: Hello, guys! This is supposed to be a one-shot, but I might turn it into a few chapters, it all depends on your comments… So, if you really enjoyed it, just let me know and I'll do my best to keep it going

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times.

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you.

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you.*

As a surgeon, you see death as the end of the line. Perhaps you do believe in life after death, perhaps you do believe that the person you love might still be here, around you, watching over you to keep you safe, warm and loved. But, as a surgeon, you know that there is no life after death. You know that all you're seeing is only your imagination trying to replace an empty space, trying to fill your soul with love, trying to convince you that there is life beyond the strident sound of a deep beep.

Henry was gone and Teddy couldn't believe it. The only thing she remembered was that she was in surgery, saving a woman's life, taking out a screw of her heart, sewing the biggest tear she has ever seen. All she could say was that she had fell in love with a man she barely knew, she had completely fell in love with him and all she wanted to see after a crazy day at the hospital was Henry's face, all she wanted to hear when she was sad, was Henry's voice, all she wanted to feel, when a tear was streaming down her face, was Henry's hand trying to catch it before it fell down and wet her shirt. She wouldn't get it anymore. She would wake up in the middle of the night, after the worst nightmare and she would keep staring at an empty bed. She'd come back home and she would have to talk to the universe, because no one would be there waiting for her, no one would ask her how her day had been, how she was feeling, how tired she was, especially, no one would give her a kiss of goodnight and tell her how important she was.

Probably, this was the creepiest thought crossing her mind then. She was mad at Owen for not telling her right after it happened. She was mad at Cristina, with no reason – she knew – but she was. She needed someone to blame. She was sad, sad as she had never been before.

That day was supposed to be theirs. She was supposed to come home, bring Henry a fancy dinner and tell him the news. She was supposed to tell him she really, deeply, loved him, that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That she didn't love him, in the first place, but that she fell in love with him and that she found out what exactly people meant when they said: "you only get the real meaning of love when you fall in love with someone". She was supposed to come home that night and apologize. Apologize for being rude to him earlier that day. Apologize for telling him Med school wasn't his thing.

However, she didn't actually have the time to say all that to him. She didn't have the time to look him in the eye and wait for his reaction after what she was about to tell him. She didn't get the chance to share with him the most precious moment a couple can have, because when se came home that night, her husband was in the kitchen, his hands holding the sink, his back facing the entrance door. The first thing Teddy wanted to do that night was to embrace him, put her arms around his giant back and whisper at his ears the news. She didn't get the chance to do it. And Henry would never get to know it. That was why she wanted to believe he was still around, so then she would be able to tell him anyways.

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Owen opened the OR's door. He couldn't move. He kept staring at Teddy from the washing room. He had never seen her sobbing the way she was. Even in the middle of the war zone, Teddy has never sobbed the way she was sobbing there, in middle of the O.R.

"Why did you have to go, Henry? Why did you leave me? I didn't even have the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love and care about you. I did, I do, I will always do, Henry."-Teddy moved the sheet away from Henry's face. Tears started coming down her face and no one was there to dry them out, the only person that would do that, without she even asking, would be the man that was lying on that table.-"God, Henry. I never thought I could love someone the way I love you. You managed to get me into you. The man I barely knew, the man I met on my shift, someone that I helped, someone I married to with no intention to fall in love. Look at us…"- Teddy kissed Henry's lips.

She wasn't being a surgeon in that moment. She was talking to the universe, she was starting to believe in what people said about life after death. She didn't want to believe in that, but it was the only way she would be able to manage the pain. She'd only be able to pass through this if she could speak to Henry one more time, because she had something really important to share with him.

There are some bonds that should be unbreakable, but somehow, people always manage to break a bond. Destiny is the highest bond breaker on Earth and Teddy would have to deal with it. She didn't believe in fate, because – for her – things were not meant to be, they just happen, they just get in front of you and you grab it as tight as you can. But, how would she explain what just happened to her? She wanted to blame fate for this, but she knew it wasn't its fault. She wanted to say it was meant to be, that Henry would die eventually… That everybody dies someday. That's what she's learnt on her Med school. That was the speech she was used to say out loud when she lost a patient. However, this wasn't a good speech for this moment. She wouldn't blame fate, she wouldn't blame Cristina, it was no one's fault.

Owen was tempted to get in there and try to stop her from doing what she was doing. He knew she was really mad at him, he knew that maybe she would never look him in the eye again. He knew that what he has done was purely selfish and unkind, but she was his best friend. She was the one who helped him out when he was going to breakouts in the middle of the war zone, she was the one standing right beside him when he had to face his own fears saving a patient in the middle of a shooting. She was always there for him, no matter what he needed, no matter when or even where, she was always there and, as a friend, it was his job to be by her side, even if it was to get his face punched by her.

Owen approached the O.R's entrance. He pressed the button and opened that door. Teddy didn't even move from her chair, the only thing she could feel was a hand reaching for her left shoulder, Owen's hand.

"You know, Teddy."-He said, pulling a stool closer to hers.-"I didn't tell you this. In fact, I didn't tell you anyone what I'm about to say."-Owen dried a teardrop that was coming down Teddy's left eye. She looked him in the eye for the first time that night.-"I went to the war zone, because I needed to prove myself I was capable of saving some lives. I went to that creepy place, because I didn't believe I could actually be a doctor. And I was right, I wouldn't have become a doctor if I haven't gone to that creepy place. You know why?"-He asked her, knowing the only answer he would get would be Teddy moving her head to say "no".-"Because if I hadn't gone there, I wouldn't have met you. You are my role model, Teddy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Henry before, I'm sorry I didn't let you say goodbye to him properly."-Owen took Teddy's left hand to place it in the middle of his hands.

They kept quite for a while, until Teddy decided to speak up for the first time.

"Tell me something, Owen. Why is life a bitch? Why do things happen in a blink of an eye? Why are we here in a second and in the other we are gone? Why does it take us almost our whole lives to realize that what we've always wanted has always been right in front of us? Why do we only realize those kinds of things when it's too late? I was having my moment, Owen. I thought I had finally found what I was looking for. You know, we wanted to become surgeons and we did. We spent a lot of time studying our asses of just to get all the fellowships we wanted and for what? To end up loveless and lonely? The man I love his lying here, right in front of us, in one of our . He really loved him, Owen. I was going to tell him this tonight, I was going to have dinner with him, because I got to know it today…"- Teddy froze. She didn't even realize what she was saying. Perhaps because she needed to tell someone that, perhaps because she wanted to listen to what other people think about that.

"You got to know that you loved him? He knew that already Teddy. Don't blame yourself for not saying that out loud once again."-He dried another tear from her check.

"Owen…"-She mumbled.-"I hate you for not telling me the truth when my husband was lying on a surgery table. I hate you for coming in my O.R and lying on my face. I know you did it for my sake, because you're my friend and you really do care about me, but I hate you right now and it might take a long time for me to stop hating you, but…"-She faced Owen's eyes before telling him what she was about to.-"I went to my doctor today, Owen. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, ok?"-She started sobbing again while staring at Henry. He was still with the tube place on his mouth, he was pale, he was cold, he was not there anymore and the though of losing him was increased by Teddy's hormones.-"I've known it for a while, Owen, but I didn't want to tell anyone before I knew it was certain. I took a pregnancy home test two weeks ago and I only had time to book an appointment this week.".

Owen froze. His hands pressed Teddy's hands even tighter. He could feel the sadness in her voice, he could say she was going to have a breakout right in front of her and know he could totally understand her point. Teddy has always told him that she wanted to find a man who loved her and care about her. A man that was good enough to be the father of her children, because she wanted to have –at least- two of them. She promised him he'd be the godfather if she ever had a boy, so, for Owen, that moment was supposed to be a happy moment, but – instead- it was being the saddest one.

"Oh my God, Teddy."-He hugged her for the first time that night.-"I don't even know what to say… This is all you've ever wanted."

"It was all I've ever wanted, but, if I could change it for Henry's life, I would. A woman is not supposed to raise a child alone, Owen. It takes two people to make a baby and, so, it takes two people to raise one. I don't want this baby to be fatherless, Owen. I don't…"

"Hey, hey!"-He hugged her again.-"No one is gonna be fatherless here, ok? I'm your friend and I'll be there for whatever you need, ok? I can even go to the birthing classes with you. I can help you paint the room, build up the crib or even change the diapers. You're not alone here, Teddy. Everyone is going to help you, ok?"

The thought of losing Henry was too much for her to bear right then. She was there, with Owen holding her tight, looking at her husband for the last few minutes. She wanted to be able to open him up and take care of all his wounds, to heal him from whatever that was taking him away. She was a surgeon and as a surgeon she was in the right to be mad at Medicine, because Medicine failed on Henry and now she wasn't able to share with her husband the happiest new she has ever received.

Owen promised her he would be there for whatever she needed and she trusted him. She was going to trust him, because he was all she had left. Well, not now, not anymore. Teddy wouldn't die loveless and lonely. She'd never be alone again. In a few months she would start feeling the first movements of her progeny. In a few months she would start feeling that Henry was not completely dead. That half of him was still with her and Medicine could prove her that. In fact, there would be a life after Henry. It wouldn't be perfect as it would be if he was here, but it would be easier, because every day she would wake up at half of his genes and she would feel once again her whole world vibrating with his.

*Mercy Me - Homesick