Chapter 1: Twisted Disbelief
Michael could not stop staring at the wig and that gun, it was like his
whole world came crashing down. He wanted to believe that there was some
excuse some reason, but then he realized, there wasn't. All of the devoted
and caring husband that was inside of him melted away and left hatred in
its place. There it was, the proof that demonstrated how wrong he was and
how blind he was. Someone he vowed to love and trust for the rest of his
life betrayed him. Sydney was right, she was so right, how could he have
been so naïve and blind. He held his head in his hands and thought about
what to do. So many rash thoughts went racing through his mind and he
shook his head. He would simply pretend as though nothing happened for
now, at least until work tomorrow and then while Lauren had the day off he
would inform the others of the treacherous snake. He replaced the false
bottom on the suitcase and shoved it back into the closet, fighting the
urge to chuck it across the room. He had just closed the closet door when
she came around the corner and tried to regain his composure.
"What were you doing, you look a little pale, are you alright love?" She moved her hand onto his chest and looked concerned. Lauren was even more pale than usual as well.
"Oh its, nothing. Just getting my basketball shorts." He gestured to the shorts in his hand. He flashed her his signature half grin and prayed that she would fall for it, it didn't look as though she did. "I'm fine, its just been a long day and you have more to worry about than your husband looking a little tired." He wanted to writhe away from her gaze.
"Sweetheart, you don't need basketball shorts in the bath. And besides, what kind of wife would I be if I didn't look after my husband and wasn't concerned when he looks under the weather." She said, relieved. Vaughn felt a wave of nausea, he had never heard such empty words in his entire life.
"That trip was really stressful and I thought I would go work out for a while."
"Alright love, don't stay too long." He cringed inside when she called him love and almost pulled away when she moved to kiss him. She smiled, and for the first time he realized that she looked like the grinch, her smile, her dilated eyes, her facial structure. He longed to spit in her face, better yet throw her off the balcony into the large in-ground swimming pool below. Instead he pulled on a soft gray cotton t-shirt and his basketball shorts over his boxers and headed downstairs.
It was almost two in the morning when he returned upstairs, he wanted to kill time. He took a quick shower and climbed into bed. He made sure to put almost a foot and a half of space between him and Lauren, he was successful, but about to fall off the edge of the bed though. He couldn't fall asleep, even though he was exhausted from working out, he couldn't sleep in the same bed a traitor to not only his country, but to him. Phrases kept running through his head.
'Sydney never would have betrayed you.'
'I would have waited.'
'Lauren is not Irina, and I am definitely not you.'
'Not if I see you first love.'
'Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...'
'Be cruel to her, push her away, for I will not let Sydney be your mistress.'
'So I guess we won't be going for that coffee.'
'I do.'
'...whether or not you or Sydney believe me, I know the life I'm living,
and I know the woman I am married to.'
'I know how close you and Sydney were, I am sure that you and I share
the same relief now that she is reunited with us.'
'You may now kiss the bride.' More and more kept popping in his head, phrase after phrase word after word as if they were taunting him, sweat trickled down his face. All he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and pray that it would all be over soon. Angry thoughts went racing through his mind as well. "It was all a lie. The wedding, the love, the sex, everything, and how could he have been so stupid, how could he have not seen it, all this time, he didn't even notice, and he went through all that training to be a spy, yea, some spy." He soon grew weary and fell asleep, consumed in self hate. When the sun peaked over the horizon there were too many clouds in the sky for a beautiful sunrise, only a drab gray and stormy sky, Vaughn woke up. He was startled to fid Lauren so close to him. Her head was resting on his chest and her arm was wrapped over his stomach, he felt the bile coming up his throat, he wanted to puke all over her. He carefully moved as to not wake her, controlling himself from not pulling out his gun and blowing her head off, and quietly got ready for work and left. As soon as he got into his car he sped off to work not noticing what surrounded him. He was going at least 80 miles an hour and surprisingly there was not a lot of traffic or police, thankfully. He parked his car and ran all the way to the building and through the lobby. People looked shocked at his behavior. Normally he was a man well known to keep calm or at least hide his emotions. He raced into the first elevator that opened, he was alone in it. He was so antsy and he wanted the damn thing to go faster, if he didn't tell someone, he was going to implode. Finally the doors opened and he ran out of it, bumping into Sydney, who of course, had to have tons of papers in her hand, and they all went flying. She was appalled that he was so juvenile, she could understand if Marshall did that but not Vaughn, not calm and collected Vaughn. He quickly dropped to the floor next to Sydney and began pushing all of the papers into a clumsy pile as Sydney shuffled all of hers into a neat one. As they kneeled side by side he was enveloped in her scent, sweet ripe plums. He was mesmerized, but then he didn't have time for that, he needed to get to Dixon. Sydney desperately wanted to know what the hell was driving him insane, but she knew that Vaughn wouldn't have time to tell her, even if it was any of her business, if it was, she would find out in good time. "Dixon, I have something important to tell you." Dixon was talking to someone Vaughn didn't know, but had seen roaming around before. Dixon stopped and gestured for Vaughn to wait in his office. Vaughn, in a demure manner, walked into Dixon's office and waited with as much patience as he could muster. In a few moments, Dixon, still looking startled reappeared and moved behind his desk. Vaughn stood up, he felt that his heart would burst otherwise, and waited for Dixon to stop writing something. "Marcus, I figured out who the mole is." Dixon looked up and gazed intently and curiously at Vaughn. "Who?" "Lauren." He choked out. He said it outloud for the first time, and for the first time, they truly sunk in, before it seemed like some sick nightmare that he subconsciously made up because of his eternal love for Sydney, but this was real, this was reality, and it hit him like a ton of bricks forcing him to slump his shoulders and sink into Dixon's couch. "Michael, we already cleared her, all of her alibis check out." Dixon was in disbelief and the idea seemed absolutely absurd, this woman saved his child, but he had to go with his initial instinct and accepted Vaughn's words. "That was a set-up, whether Senator Reed was entirely innocent, I don't know, but what I do know is that Lauren is a traitor." "Do you have proof?" Dixon needed to make sure, he had already made enough mistakes in his life, he didn't need anymore. "Mr. Bristow gave me some signs to watch out for, and when Lauren matched what Agent Bristow specifically told me to watch out for, I went through her suitcases. One of them was empty, which I thought was ironic, and it turns out that it had a false bottom, and it had a wig that matched the ones that the waitresses were wearing at the underground bar Sydney and I went to two days ago when Lauren was supposed to be burying her father, the gun used to shoot Cipher, and the whole time it was under my fucking nose in my own house." Michael was talking so fast and furiously, he hated the truth that came out of his mouth, but it was incredibly real, and incredibly painful and with those last words tears began to form in his eyes and he did everything to keep them back. Dixon was shocked, and could relate to how Sloane felt when he found out that two of his close friends were double agents working to destroy him. He knew what to do, but he had to tell the young agent carefully. "Agent Vaughn, I know that this is difficult to manage," Vaughn snorted, that was the understatement of the century, but kept listening "but you have to pretend that nothing is wrong between you and her and that you do not know. This will..." His voice was raising higher and higher due to the fact that Vaughn was trying to protest the suggestion. "No fucking way. Last night was pure torture, I can not go through that again. I can't pretend to love that bitch. Do you know... what it is like to sacrifice your love for your one true soul mate over a woman that would never in a million years measure up or be worth the time?" "I understand your anger, but you must, it is not a suggestion, it is an order. We have the upper hand, the Covenant does not know that we know, this our chance to take them down. You have to maintain the appearance that you have a loving and picturesque marriage with this woman. I realize that this is hard, but we all have been through some rough times. If you won't do it for us, do it for Sydney." Vaughn knew that he was referring to when he said that we had all been through rough times, it was when Sydney disappeared. When he asked him to do it for Sydney, he knew that Vaughn could not refuse, Vaughn would do anything for Sydney and would never refuse her anything. He nodded signifying that he would do as he was asked and was about to leave when Weiss opened the door almost hitting Vaughn in the face. "Mike, you have a phone call from Lauren." "He'll take it in here Eric." Dixon cut in. Vaughn, on edge, walked over to Dixon's phone and turned it on speaker phone. "Michael, is that you?" "Yeah, what's going on... sweetheart." He said, as Dixon mouthed the words that Vaughn was to say. "Michael, guess what?" "What, you sound excited." He gathered all the energy to be as excited as he could be. "I think I'm pregnant!" "Are you sure?!" He was panicking and bewildered. Marcus's face fell in horror and disbelief, he knew that he had to think quickly, but that was what this job was for, to be able to think on your feet. "I don't know. I haven't gotten my period for about three months and I've been morning sick for a few weeks, I thought it was all just stress, but I don't know. I'm taking a pregnancy test right now." Dixon and Vaughn grimaced when she mentioned period. "Hold your breath love, we should get results in less than a minute now." "Okay, I'm so excited." Within a few seconds he heard screaming and it sounded like she was jumping up and down, thrilled. "Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael!!!!!!!" "What?!" "It's dark blue! Do you know what that means! We're going to have a baby!!!!!!! I wish you were here with me right now so we can celebrate." "Yea, well I wish I was there too, but I have to work late tonight and I think I have to go on a trip, but when I get home we will celebrate." "It's a deal, and on your way home, whenever that is, could you pick me up some watermelon, ice cream, strawberries, and whip cream? Eeeee I am sooooo excited, a baby!!!! In less than 6 months you and I are going to be parents!!!!" "You got it baby and I am excited too!" He hung up the phone and hung his head. "Look, Vaughn, what you have to do is keep playing her until after she has the baby and I will make sure that you will get custody of the baby." "Yeah, yeah." The second time he said just for himself to reassure himself. Michael paced Dixon's office, he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep the act up for six months, which meant that he would have to be away from Sydney for six months. A baby, he had always wanted a child, but he didn't want one with the woman who betrayed him and his country and kept him away from his real love. Dixon had left Vaughn in his office ten minutes ago to tell the others. He wanted to rip his hair out and question God, if there even was one, why this happened to him, what did he ever do to deserve this... but then he remembered, he betrayed Sydney's love first. He turned his back on her when she needed him most and he denied her the love that she needed the most when she came back to us. He made her feel like shit on so many occasions, and he was getting the feeling back, what goes around comes around, you make your bed you sleep in it, lalalalala, it was all playing through his head like some disturbing movie. He wasted his love on the worst person he knew when he could've had it all, when Sydney could be the one carrying his child, they could be happily married, they could have been anywhere but here, anywhere but seeing a bitch everyday and embracing her as though he loved her. He turned on the radio because the silence made him more insane. Automatically "Take My Breath Away" by Jessica Simpson came on. He was saddened by the song, because he felt the same way about Syd. She took his breath away, and "through the hour glass [he] saw [her] and [she] slipped away". He didn't hear Sydney come in that he didn't have time to stop his sudden tears that choked out. She startled him when she sat beside him.
"Dixon told me where you were."
"Yeah, did he tell you guys?"
"Yeah, I'm so sorry Michael..."
"NO, don't ever say sorry, it isn't your fault, none of it is." She moved her hand to his face and wiped a tear away. "Come on." He grabbed her hand and they left together to the pier. The sun had just began to set when they arrived. It was so much different to that morning, the sunset was gorgeous, it was all breathtaking shades of soft pink. They stood there for a while and just looked at the sea waves coming and crashing on the beach below.
"Do you know why we came here?"
"I'm not sure."
"Do you remember the first time we came here?"
"Of course."
"Well after you disappeared and I buried you, I came here every single day. It felt like I was closer to you when I was here. Even after I was married and Lauren and I were newlyweds I still came here. I thought that if I came here enough, you would come back to me. I came here every time something bad came between us, not just bad, something that came between us, or something that just further complicated our lives. Every time I told Lauren I was going on a walk, I came here. When your mother turned herself in, when you met Alice, after we were held captive in North Korea, anyways, I came here because it reminded me of why I woke up every morning, and most of all because it reminded me of when I started this relationship with you, the one that changed my life." Sydney felt the tears streak her face and then the cool soothing wind blow them away. "Sydney, the only reason why I defended Lauren before was because I wanted to be a dutiful husband, I didn't want to believe you were right only because that meant that I married a traitor, but I didn't consider the possibility that everyday I was with her and stood by her side, that was another day of agony for you, and it just further proved that I gave up on you when you wouldn't have, I lost hope when you would never have given up. I treated you, the one thing that meant the most to me in my life like it was nothing and that I could come and go and no matter what you would always be there, and that made me truly worth nothing. The truth was, whenever I went to Lauren and it didn't work out, you were still there, and I could never have asked for more, but you gave it to me." He was completely disgusted with himself. Sydney covered her mouth with her hand to stop the sobs from escaping but it didn't work. When she saw his eyes, his sad eyes, the eyes of a man that was so beaten and could not find the emerald eyes full of joy and compassion that she fell in love with, she didn't hold back. She leaped into his arms.
"What were you doing, you look a little pale, are you alright love?" She moved her hand onto his chest and looked concerned. Lauren was even more pale than usual as well.
"Oh its, nothing. Just getting my basketball shorts." He gestured to the shorts in his hand. He flashed her his signature half grin and prayed that she would fall for it, it didn't look as though she did. "I'm fine, its just been a long day and you have more to worry about than your husband looking a little tired." He wanted to writhe away from her gaze.
"Sweetheart, you don't need basketball shorts in the bath. And besides, what kind of wife would I be if I didn't look after my husband and wasn't concerned when he looks under the weather." She said, relieved. Vaughn felt a wave of nausea, he had never heard such empty words in his entire life.
"That trip was really stressful and I thought I would go work out for a while."
"Alright love, don't stay too long." He cringed inside when she called him love and almost pulled away when she moved to kiss him. She smiled, and for the first time he realized that she looked like the grinch, her smile, her dilated eyes, her facial structure. He longed to spit in her face, better yet throw her off the balcony into the large in-ground swimming pool below. Instead he pulled on a soft gray cotton t-shirt and his basketball shorts over his boxers and headed downstairs.
It was almost two in the morning when he returned upstairs, he wanted to kill time. He took a quick shower and climbed into bed. He made sure to put almost a foot and a half of space between him and Lauren, he was successful, but about to fall off the edge of the bed though. He couldn't fall asleep, even though he was exhausted from working out, he couldn't sleep in the same bed a traitor to not only his country, but to him. Phrases kept running through his head.
'Sydney never would have betrayed you.'
'I would have waited.'
'Lauren is not Irina, and I am definitely not you.'
'Not if I see you first love.'
'Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife...'
'Be cruel to her, push her away, for I will not let Sydney be your mistress.'
'So I guess we won't be going for that coffee.'
'I do.'
'...whether or not you or Sydney believe me, I know the life I'm living,
and I know the woman I am married to.'
'I know how close you and Sydney were, I am sure that you and I share
the same relief now that she is reunited with us.'
'You may now kiss the bride.' More and more kept popping in his head, phrase after phrase word after word as if they were taunting him, sweat trickled down his face. All he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and pray that it would all be over soon. Angry thoughts went racing through his mind as well. "It was all a lie. The wedding, the love, the sex, everything, and how could he have been so stupid, how could he have not seen it, all this time, he didn't even notice, and he went through all that training to be a spy, yea, some spy." He soon grew weary and fell asleep, consumed in self hate. When the sun peaked over the horizon there were too many clouds in the sky for a beautiful sunrise, only a drab gray and stormy sky, Vaughn woke up. He was startled to fid Lauren so close to him. Her head was resting on his chest and her arm was wrapped over his stomach, he felt the bile coming up his throat, he wanted to puke all over her. He carefully moved as to not wake her, controlling himself from not pulling out his gun and blowing her head off, and quietly got ready for work and left. As soon as he got into his car he sped off to work not noticing what surrounded him. He was going at least 80 miles an hour and surprisingly there was not a lot of traffic or police, thankfully. He parked his car and ran all the way to the building and through the lobby. People looked shocked at his behavior. Normally he was a man well known to keep calm or at least hide his emotions. He raced into the first elevator that opened, he was alone in it. He was so antsy and he wanted the damn thing to go faster, if he didn't tell someone, he was going to implode. Finally the doors opened and he ran out of it, bumping into Sydney, who of course, had to have tons of papers in her hand, and they all went flying. She was appalled that he was so juvenile, she could understand if Marshall did that but not Vaughn, not calm and collected Vaughn. He quickly dropped to the floor next to Sydney and began pushing all of the papers into a clumsy pile as Sydney shuffled all of hers into a neat one. As they kneeled side by side he was enveloped in her scent, sweet ripe plums. He was mesmerized, but then he didn't have time for that, he needed to get to Dixon. Sydney desperately wanted to know what the hell was driving him insane, but she knew that Vaughn wouldn't have time to tell her, even if it was any of her business, if it was, she would find out in good time. "Dixon, I have something important to tell you." Dixon was talking to someone Vaughn didn't know, but had seen roaming around before. Dixon stopped and gestured for Vaughn to wait in his office. Vaughn, in a demure manner, walked into Dixon's office and waited with as much patience as he could muster. In a few moments, Dixon, still looking startled reappeared and moved behind his desk. Vaughn stood up, he felt that his heart would burst otherwise, and waited for Dixon to stop writing something. "Marcus, I figured out who the mole is." Dixon looked up and gazed intently and curiously at Vaughn. "Who?" "Lauren." He choked out. He said it outloud for the first time, and for the first time, they truly sunk in, before it seemed like some sick nightmare that he subconsciously made up because of his eternal love for Sydney, but this was real, this was reality, and it hit him like a ton of bricks forcing him to slump his shoulders and sink into Dixon's couch. "Michael, we already cleared her, all of her alibis check out." Dixon was in disbelief and the idea seemed absolutely absurd, this woman saved his child, but he had to go with his initial instinct and accepted Vaughn's words. "That was a set-up, whether Senator Reed was entirely innocent, I don't know, but what I do know is that Lauren is a traitor." "Do you have proof?" Dixon needed to make sure, he had already made enough mistakes in his life, he didn't need anymore. "Mr. Bristow gave me some signs to watch out for, and when Lauren matched what Agent Bristow specifically told me to watch out for, I went through her suitcases. One of them was empty, which I thought was ironic, and it turns out that it had a false bottom, and it had a wig that matched the ones that the waitresses were wearing at the underground bar Sydney and I went to two days ago when Lauren was supposed to be burying her father, the gun used to shoot Cipher, and the whole time it was under my fucking nose in my own house." Michael was talking so fast and furiously, he hated the truth that came out of his mouth, but it was incredibly real, and incredibly painful and with those last words tears began to form in his eyes and he did everything to keep them back. Dixon was shocked, and could relate to how Sloane felt when he found out that two of his close friends were double agents working to destroy him. He knew what to do, but he had to tell the young agent carefully. "Agent Vaughn, I know that this is difficult to manage," Vaughn snorted, that was the understatement of the century, but kept listening "but you have to pretend that nothing is wrong between you and her and that you do not know. This will..." His voice was raising higher and higher due to the fact that Vaughn was trying to protest the suggestion. "No fucking way. Last night was pure torture, I can not go through that again. I can't pretend to love that bitch. Do you know... what it is like to sacrifice your love for your one true soul mate over a woman that would never in a million years measure up or be worth the time?" "I understand your anger, but you must, it is not a suggestion, it is an order. We have the upper hand, the Covenant does not know that we know, this our chance to take them down. You have to maintain the appearance that you have a loving and picturesque marriage with this woman. I realize that this is hard, but we all have been through some rough times. If you won't do it for us, do it for Sydney." Vaughn knew that he was referring to when he said that we had all been through rough times, it was when Sydney disappeared. When he asked him to do it for Sydney, he knew that Vaughn could not refuse, Vaughn would do anything for Sydney and would never refuse her anything. He nodded signifying that he would do as he was asked and was about to leave when Weiss opened the door almost hitting Vaughn in the face. "Mike, you have a phone call from Lauren." "He'll take it in here Eric." Dixon cut in. Vaughn, on edge, walked over to Dixon's phone and turned it on speaker phone. "Michael, is that you?" "Yeah, what's going on... sweetheart." He said, as Dixon mouthed the words that Vaughn was to say. "Michael, guess what?" "What, you sound excited." He gathered all the energy to be as excited as he could be. "I think I'm pregnant!" "Are you sure?!" He was panicking and bewildered. Marcus's face fell in horror and disbelief, he knew that he had to think quickly, but that was what this job was for, to be able to think on your feet. "I don't know. I haven't gotten my period for about three months and I've been morning sick for a few weeks, I thought it was all just stress, but I don't know. I'm taking a pregnancy test right now." Dixon and Vaughn grimaced when she mentioned period. "Hold your breath love, we should get results in less than a minute now." "Okay, I'm so excited." Within a few seconds he heard screaming and it sounded like she was jumping up and down, thrilled. "Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael!!!!!!!" "What?!" "It's dark blue! Do you know what that means! We're going to have a baby!!!!!!! I wish you were here with me right now so we can celebrate." "Yea, well I wish I was there too, but I have to work late tonight and I think I have to go on a trip, but when I get home we will celebrate." "It's a deal, and on your way home, whenever that is, could you pick me up some watermelon, ice cream, strawberries, and whip cream? Eeeee I am sooooo excited, a baby!!!! In less than 6 months you and I are going to be parents!!!!" "You got it baby and I am excited too!" He hung up the phone and hung his head. "Look, Vaughn, what you have to do is keep playing her until after she has the baby and I will make sure that you will get custody of the baby." "Yeah, yeah." The second time he said just for himself to reassure himself. Michael paced Dixon's office, he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep the act up for six months, which meant that he would have to be away from Sydney for six months. A baby, he had always wanted a child, but he didn't want one with the woman who betrayed him and his country and kept him away from his real love. Dixon had left Vaughn in his office ten minutes ago to tell the others. He wanted to rip his hair out and question God, if there even was one, why this happened to him, what did he ever do to deserve this... but then he remembered, he betrayed Sydney's love first. He turned his back on her when she needed him most and he denied her the love that she needed the most when she came back to us. He made her feel like shit on so many occasions, and he was getting the feeling back, what goes around comes around, you make your bed you sleep in it, lalalalala, it was all playing through his head like some disturbing movie. He wasted his love on the worst person he knew when he could've had it all, when Sydney could be the one carrying his child, they could be happily married, they could have been anywhere but here, anywhere but seeing a bitch everyday and embracing her as though he loved her. He turned on the radio because the silence made him more insane. Automatically "Take My Breath Away" by Jessica Simpson came on. He was saddened by the song, because he felt the same way about Syd. She took his breath away, and "through the hour glass [he] saw [her] and [she] slipped away". He didn't hear Sydney come in that he didn't have time to stop his sudden tears that choked out. She startled him when she sat beside him.
"Dixon told me where you were."
"Yeah, did he tell you guys?"
"Yeah, I'm so sorry Michael..."
"NO, don't ever say sorry, it isn't your fault, none of it is." She moved her hand to his face and wiped a tear away. "Come on." He grabbed her hand and they left together to the pier. The sun had just began to set when they arrived. It was so much different to that morning, the sunset was gorgeous, it was all breathtaking shades of soft pink. They stood there for a while and just looked at the sea waves coming and crashing on the beach below.
"Do you know why we came here?"
"I'm not sure."
"Do you remember the first time we came here?"
"Of course."
"Well after you disappeared and I buried you, I came here every single day. It felt like I was closer to you when I was here. Even after I was married and Lauren and I were newlyweds I still came here. I thought that if I came here enough, you would come back to me. I came here every time something bad came between us, not just bad, something that came between us, or something that just further complicated our lives. Every time I told Lauren I was going on a walk, I came here. When your mother turned herself in, when you met Alice, after we were held captive in North Korea, anyways, I came here because it reminded me of why I woke up every morning, and most of all because it reminded me of when I started this relationship with you, the one that changed my life." Sydney felt the tears streak her face and then the cool soothing wind blow them away. "Sydney, the only reason why I defended Lauren before was because I wanted to be a dutiful husband, I didn't want to believe you were right only because that meant that I married a traitor, but I didn't consider the possibility that everyday I was with her and stood by her side, that was another day of agony for you, and it just further proved that I gave up on you when you wouldn't have, I lost hope when you would never have given up. I treated you, the one thing that meant the most to me in my life like it was nothing and that I could come and go and no matter what you would always be there, and that made me truly worth nothing. The truth was, whenever I went to Lauren and it didn't work out, you were still there, and I could never have asked for more, but you gave it to me." He was completely disgusted with himself. Sydney covered her mouth with her hand to stop the sobs from escaping but it didn't work. When she saw his eyes, his sad eyes, the eyes of a man that was so beaten and could not find the emerald eyes full of joy and compassion that she fell in love with, she didn't hold back. She leaped into his arms.