Author's notes: English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for all the mistakes you'll probably find.
83 Days
#1
The thing is that when the truth about Tom comes out, he doesn't know what to do. He has been working with Red behind Liz's back for the past few weeks, trying to find a way to connect her husband with the assassination in the Angel Station Hotel. Ressler never believed the guy was innocent. He believes in facts, and the fact is that although Red may be a real pain in the ass and a liar, there are two things about him he knows for sure: 1) for whatever reason he doesn't understand yet Red truly cares about Liz; 2) Red always knows everything about everybody, that's what he has been doing for the past 20 years. So when Red came to ask him if he would help him catch Tom once and for all, his answer was yes. Looking back, he should have thought about it before saying anything. It's not that he regrets what they did, they solved a crime and put a criminal behind bars, but he never stopped to think about what all that meant for Liz. They were so focused in saving her from her evil husband that he forgot about her feelings.
Because Liz really loved Tom and yeah, she was heartbroken when she found the truth. But love and hate are different sides of the same coin and it didn't take her a lot of time to change one for the other, that wasn't the problem. Neither it was Red. He is a criminal, she expected something like that from him. The problem was that even if he did it with the best intentions, her partner betrayed her.
Ressler was not ready for the hurt look on her face when she found out, or for the silences that came after that. He feels that for the second time in his life he screwed up something beautiful, and once again was because he was following Red's footsteps. The worst part is that he doesn't know how to fix it (he wasn't able to fix the problem with Audrey, and this thing with Liz is a hell more difficult) and he has to watch again how a woman who means the world for him (although Liz doesn't know that) walks away from him without even looking back.
#2
Ressler in on his third beer of the night when he decides to switch to whiskey. He's not trying to get drunk, but some times you just need a few drinks to forget how crappy your life is. Red has been especially difficult to deal with since Liz left 72 days ago (not that he's counting, of course), and he's starting to get on his nerves. It's not his usually "let's make fun of Donald" crap, but this new version of "let's make Donald's life miserable by reminding him every five seconds that he's the only person Liz doesn't talk to". Because the truth is that Liz hasn't put a foot in the post office for 72 days (again, he isn't counting) but she still keeps in touch with everybody and helps from home every time they have a case involving Red. He knows that Cooper talks to her every day, that Red had been on her house a few times trying to persuade her to go back to the office, and that Meera has lunch dates with her every weekend. Even Aram gets a call from time to time. He's the only one who hasn't heard a word from her in ten weeks.
"This is ridiculous," Meera tells him one day. "You need to apologize to her."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he answers without looking at her. "And I have nothing to apologize for, I was doing my job."
The thing is that he knows Meera is right (like always) and he tried to call Liz a thousand times in the last 72 days, but he never knows how to start the conversation. He doesn't even know if Liz will pick up the phone if he calls her. But hey, maybe that's what he needs. He could leave a voicemail and problem solved.
Before he can change his mind he dials Liz's number, praying that she doesn't answer. The recorder message is the first time he hears her voice in three months and for a second he forgets what he was gonna say.
"Hey," he can feel a lump forming in his throat and takes another sip of his scotch. "I know I'm probably the last person you wanna heard from, and that this might come too late, but…" he takes a deep breath. "I'm really sorry, Liz. For going behind your back. I don't regret what I did, but I should have let you know."
He goes on and on for almost five minutes about how is his work to catch criminals and that it isn't his fault Tom is one of those criminals, before realizing that's probably the most awkward voicemail she has ever received. So he stops his rambling speech (he doesn't know what he's saying anymore), clears his throat and says a quick "Good night, Liz".
He resists the impulse to throw his mobile phone against the wall (he needs that thing to work) and pours himself another glass of whiskey before going to sleep. Knowing his luck he probably made everything worse between them with that call.
When he arrives to the post office the next day Liz is already there.
#3
She's not talking to him, looking at him, or acknowledging his presence. It has been ten days since Liz got back to work and the silence treatment toward him continues, but hey, at least now he sees her every day. Baby steps.
The thing is that he doesn't know what else does she want from him. He apologized and the next day she was at work, which in his book means that she forgave him, but he must be missing something because obviously things between them aren't better. He guesses it has something to do with his voicemail, but he can't remember exactly what he said beyond the "I'm sorry I went behind your back" and the "It's my work to catch bad guys, it isn't my fault your husband decided to go the wrong way". Maybe he should ask Aram to hack her phone and find the message, if she hasn't deleted it yet.
"You need to apologize," Meera tells him on the 11th day of Liz being back.
He doesn't know when Meera became his relationship (work relationship, work relationship) advisor, but it seems to be a title she takes very seriously.
"I already did that and it didn't work."
"You left her a voicemail, that doesn't really count. And It wasn't a good one, by the way, you were drunk."
"I wasn't drunk," Ressler protests with a frown. "And of course it cou… Wait, did you heard it?"
"No," Meera answers, which sounds like a big 'Yes'.
Fuck.
"Anyway," she continues. "You have to talk to her."
"I don't have to do anything," he's mad now.
She showed Meera the message? Really? He made an effort to sort out what is going on between them and she went and fucking showed Meera his drunk (he was a little drunk) voicemail? That isn't fair. He knows they're friends and okay, he talks to Meera about this too (although is Meera who usually does all the talking), but this is the kind of things they should keep just between them. And now what? She wants him to apologize again for doing his fucking job? To drop on his knees and beg for forgiveness? She can forget it.
"Ressler, it's not what you think."
"No, I think I get it now. She doesn't want to talk to me. That's fine, I don't care, good for her." There's a little part of his brain that tells him that it isn't fine and that he cares, but he's so angry to pay attention to it. "We can have a perfect professional relationship, just like at the beginning. We don't need to talk, or be friends or whatever to do our job, I don't talk with half of this staff and end up doing my work anyway. I've been working without her for 72 days, I can keep doing it."
But the universe has a tendency of make him look like a liar. Because he said he doesn't care, that they don't need to be friends and that he can do this job without her, but the truth is that he can't do anything without her.
That's why not even six hours later, when he sees that little red dot in her back, he jumps without thinking and pushes her away.
"RESSLER!"
If he had known that all he needed to hear her voice again was to get shot, he would have done it sooner.
#4
There is a woman in his room when he wakes up and for a second he can't remember if he changed his 'next of kin' list or not. He hopes so, because the last thing he needs right now is another awkward 'I forgot to take off your name' moment with Audrey.
His head is pounding and he feels a heavy pressure on his chest that almost doesn't let him breath, so it takes him a few seconds to focus on the other person in the room. It turns out it isn't Audrey.
"Hey," says Liz with a little smile when she notices he's awake. She's sitting in a chair next to his bed and looks like she hasn't moved from his side the whole time. Her sleeves are pink with what he supposes was his blood, like she tried to clean it without luck, and she looks paler and scruffy than usual. The last time he saw her like that was when Anslo attacked the post office.
"Hey," Ressler tries to answer, but it comes out like a 'eik' because his throat is completely dry.
"Here." She stands up and gives Ressler the glass of water that is on the nightstand. He grabs it with his uninjured hand (he can't move his left shoulder) and drinks the water in a slip, like a man who just came out of a desert.
"The bullet hit your shoulder," Liz informs him after a few seconds of awkward silence. "It's not broken, which is a miracle, you must have very strong bones, but you lost a lot of blood and you are not gonna be able to move your arm in at least two weeks if you don't want to break your stitches."
"Great," Ressler complains. This is exactly what he needs right now, two weeks without moving his left arm. Now they're gonna try to put him on desk duty again, which is a very bad idea considering that the last time he almost drove Aram crazy.
"How are you feeling?" she asks him, sitting again on the chair beside his bed. She's looking at him with concern and he knows exactly what she's thinking (it's written all over her face) but it wasn't her fault.
"I'm fine," Ressler tells her with a smile. It isn't a lie because he doesn't feel a thing right now, god bless the painkillers.
Liz raises an eyebrow.
"You got shot."
"It happens all the time."
Okay, that's almost a lie. He doesn't get shot all the time, but he has been having a very crappy couple of years.
"You spent two hours in surgery."
"That's nothing, my personal record is five and a half."
Liz takes a deep breath, shakes her head and smiles. This time is a full smile, one that reaches her eyes, not that little thing she gave him before.
"You're an idiot."
"Glad to know you think so highly of me."
He feels how that pressure in his chest that almost didn't let him breath goes away, and he realizes it had nothing to do with his injured shoulder, but with the fact that Liz is speaking with him again.
"We need to talk," she finally says, and he has been waiting 83 days to hear that phrase. He's ready for whatever she wants to say.
"I know."
"But we are not gonna have that conversation in a hospital room."
He frowns and tries to sit up. He wasn't expecting that and suddenly he's worried everything is going to be like in the last few days.
"Does that mean that we are back to the silence treatment?"
She gets up again and helps him to reorganize the pillows at his back so he can sit more comfortable. Her face is a mere inches from his face and Ressler can't remember a moment they have been so close apart from that hug in the forest when she was kidnapped.
"That means I'm gonna get us some jello and we are gonna watch a James Bond marathon until you fall sleep again." Liz says, her hot breath brushing his neck and sending shivers down his spine.
"And then?" Ressler voice comes out huskier than he wanted.
"Then we'll see."