Hey folks, if you ever heard of Cards Against Humanity then you should already guess where this may end up going, enjoy. :)
Round One
Another day of searching for Lost Technology across the Galaxy was over and the Angels were back on the Elsior. Chitose and Forte had their turn to explore and among the usual pile of junk, they came across a card game and after a day or two of finding out how to play it, they came up with an idea for a slumber party in Chitose's room.
Two days had passed and the slumber party had begun with all six of the angels together.
"Alright girls, what is this card game that you found?" Ranpha asked as they sat around in a circle.
Chitose picked up the card box and showed them the front cover.
Cards against Humanity
A party game for horrible people
"Horrible people?" Mint commented. "That doesn't sound fun."
"We're not horrible, are we?" Milfie asked worryingly.
"Don't worry, it's just a tagline." Forte replied. "Chitose and I gave it a try a few days ago when we came back."
"From what we can tell, this game can go in several directions." Chitose said.
"But it's not to be taken seriously, it's all in good fun." Forte added. "We thought we could loosen up a bit and perhaps learn a side about ourselves that we never dare show."
"So how does the game work?" Vanilla asked.
"This card game contains two decks, one with white cards and one with black cards." Chitose explained. "We each take ten white cards from the deck and then we each take turn being the Card Queen."
"Even though it says Card Czar, we're not men." Forte added. "So we went with Card Queen instead."
Chitose began sorting out the cards and Forte shuffled them like a professional poker player.
"So anyways, the card queen draws a black card which will either have a question or a fill-in-the-blank sentence." Chitose continued. "The Card Queen reads what it says and then everyone else picks a white card to answer the question or fill in the blank. Your aim is to pick the funniest answer in your hand to match with the black card. Once you've chosen a white card, the card queen reads the question again and then reads the answers before choosing the answer that's the funniest."
Forte was done with the card shuffling so she carried on with the rules. "Whoever plays that answer gets the black card and it becomes an Awesome Point. Then the next player becomes Card Queen, while everyone draws back white cards until they have ten again. At the end of the game, the player with the most Awesome Points wins."
"Awesome points, eh?" Ranpha asked. "That sounds like my kind of game!"
Mint slightly frowned. "That sounds easy enough, but it would depend on the cards."
Forte grinned. "Well since Chitose and I have played this game, we know that it can get either wild, sexual, stupid or dark."
"Well wild or not, I wanna play this!" Milfie said happily.
"I'm not backing out of this game." Ranpha added. "I wanna see how horrible this gets."
"Well since you all want to, I guess I'll play as well." Mint sighed.
"I understand everyone's answers." Vanilla said. "I'll play too."
"Okay so we're all playing." Chitose declared. "I think we should start in alphabetical order, so that way, we can show you how the game works."
All the others agreed as they began to draw their white cards till they each had ten. Forte looked at the other girls expressions when they looked at their cards, Milfie was gasping every two seconds, Mint was showing a look of disgust with her bunny ears flapping about and Ranpha had the face of when she had a full monty in her room one time.
Vanilla turned away and delivered a short prayer. "Oh lord, please forgive everything that's about to happen."
"I'm not so sure about this now." Mint said worryingly.
"Aww come on, don't be a chicken costume." Milfie said. "Besides, I made these special cakes in case of card game emergencies."
"You count playing card games as an emergency?" Forte asked.
Milfie looked at her sheepishly. "Uhhh yeah."
"Okay girls, we're ready to start?" Chitose asked and they all nodded as she picked up a black card at the top of the pile and read it. "What will always get you laid?"
"Hmm, the question alone is flirtatious enough." Mint said as she looked at her cards.
Forte shrugged. "Well this isn't a good start for me."
"Most of what I have is just wrong, so I'll get rid of this one." Ranpha chuckled.
"Might as well get rid of the worst card I have." Milfie sighed.
Vanilla remained silent, choosing her card forward.
Chitose picked up the chosen five white cards and shuffled them to randomize it a bit. She picked up the black card again and read it once more. "Alright, what will always get you laid?" She picked up the first white card on top and read out the answer. "Guns."
Forte raised an eyebrow.
Chitose continued reading the cards. "A balanced breakfast."
"Well after a bit of you know what, isn't that normal?" Ranpha asked.
"Party poopers."
"That wouldn't happen if I was the one planning a party." Milfie said.
"Obesity."
"Laaaaaame!" Ranpha commented.
Chitose blushed at the last card "And last one is...hormone injections."
Ranpha and Forte laughed.
"That sounds painful." Mint said before giggling. "But it is kind of funny."
"Now you're getting it." Forte replied. "So Chitose, who wins that one?"
Chitose looked at the answers. "Well, some of these were okay, but hormone injections got the most laughs. Who drew that card?"
Vanilla raised her hand and smiled slightly.
"Ahhh, I should've known you would've played that." Chitose said. "Good one, Vanilla."
"Thanks." Vanilla replied as Chitose gave her the black card and put it aside.
"Okay, I'm up next." Forte said, picking up the next black card as the other girls drew white cards till they had ten again. "What's the next Happy Meal toy?"
"Oh this could work." Chitose said, immediately choosing her card.
"A tasteless card or one that makes sense, that's the question." Mint said quietly before picking her card.
"I think I've got this." Ranpha said hopefully.
The rest of the girls drew their cards and Forte picked them up. "Okay let's see what you all got. What's the next Happy Meal toy?" She read the first white card. "Hot people."
"Well if the boys are as handsome as their real selves, I wouldn't mind buying a collection." Ranpha commented. "I could exercise off the happy meals too."
"Dream on, girl." Forte carried on. "Golden showers."
"Whoever made this game, lost technology or not, must've been one disturbed individual!" Mint exclaimed.
"Finger painting."
"Oh that sounds nice." Milfie said. "Maybe we should do that for our next picnic."
"Ghosts."
The girls, apart from Chitose, shivered, the time when they got stuck in a ghost ship that turned out to be one huge gym was scary enough.
"And lastly, multiple stab wounds."
"That's…not right." Vanilla said.
Forte sighed. "Well this was a dud round, but multiple stab wounds gets that one."
"Gimme!" Ranpha replied as Forte handed the black card over.
"Over to you next, Milfie." Chitose said.
"Okay!" Milfie replied, picking up a black card. "I got 99 problems, but blank ain't one."
"Finally, a good chance to use this card!" Forte said happily.
"I'm getting rid of this one." Chitose muttered.
The others remained quiet, choosing their cards until Milfie had five white cards and read each one with the black card. "Okay, I got 99 problems, but man meat ain't one."
Forte snickered.
"I got 99 problems, but crystal meth ain't one."
"I remember Almo and Coco sharing that, once." Chitose said.
"I got 99 problems, but bitching ain't one."
The other girls laughed apart from Vanilla who just smiled, even Chitose joined in.
Milfie continued reading the cards. "I got 99 problems, but being rich ain't one."
"Tell me about it." Mint giggled.
"And finally, I got 99 problems, but...oh god, this is wrong!"
"Whatever it is, you just have to read it." Chitose encouraged.
"Alright, I got 99 problems, but kids with ass cancer ain't one."
Forte and Ranpha nearly fell over in laughter.
"Oh that one is amazing!" Ranpha exclaimed.
"Yeah, that is quite funny." Milfie said. "It may have been wrong, but that last card wins it."
Forte smirked, "Ha! Told you I had the best one for that." Milfie handed the card over to her.
"Guess it's my turn now." Mint said, picking up a black card. "What are my parents hiding from me?"
"Oh I can think of several things." Ranpha replied, looking at her cards.
The other girls were quick to get their cards in and Mint picked them up. "Let's see what my parents are hiding from me?" she read the first white card. "The Donald Trump seal of approval."
"Who's that?" Milfie asked.
"How should I know?" Mint went back to the cards. "A brain tumour."
"And here comes the dark side." Vanilla said.
Mint shook her head. "A sea of troubles."
"We get enough of that in space, never mind that huge ocean planet." Forte commented.
"Next one is...oh this is just awful!" Mint sighed. "A...stray...pube."
"HAHAHAHA!" Milfie laughed.
"Oh my god!" Ranpha exclaimed in fits of laughter.
"Oh that one is gonna be hard to beat!" Forte added, laughing away.
Mint felt disgusted but carried on reading. "Last one is...hot cheese."
"Mmmm, cheese." Milfie said.
"Well honestly, as much as it disgusted me, stray pube is the clear winner." Mint half-heartily declared. "Who had that one?"
"I did, actually." Chitose replied and Mint handed the card over.
"Woah! You played that one?" Ranpha asked.
Forte chuckled. "When you play this game for as long as I and Chitose have, you'll get used to it in time."
It was now Ranpha's turn to be card queen and she picked up the next one. "Oh, this one says to pick two."
"Ah that means you must use two cards to fill the blanks in." Chitose explained.
"I see." Ranpha read the card "Lifetime presents blank, the story of blank."
"Might as well get rid of these two." Mint said.
"Instant win!" Milfie exclaimed placing her two cards down.
Forte sighed. "Well I'm not winning this one."
Ranpha had all the cards in and read them out with the black card. "Lifetime presents Nickleback, the story of unfathomable stupidity."
"I think we saw a Nickleback CD in our discoveries once." Chitose said. "Did it get saved?"
"Yes, Noah took it along with the CD player we found as well." Vanilla replied.
"Ahem!" Ranpha intervened. "Lifetime presents oversized lollipops, the story of getting naked and watching Nickelodeon."
The girls stared at Mint who was concerned. "What? They're not my cards!"
"You sure about that?" Forte teased.
Ranpha carried on reading. "Moving right along, Lifetime presents civilian casualties, the story of Arnold Schwarzenegger."
"Sounds like a guy who could carry even the biggest weapon in the galaxy." Milfie said.
"Yeah right, I'm the only one who owns a golden revolver around here." Forte replied.
Ranpha shook her head, "Anyways, next one is...Lifetime presents daddy issues, the story of a murder most foul."
"Well this certainly got dark again." Chitose said.
"And depressing." Milfie added.
Ranpha spluttered at the last card. "Last one is...Lifetime presents whipping it out, the story of being a dick to children."
That one met with a few laughs. "Well it's a good thing we don't have that between our legs." Forte said loudly.
"Ewww, thanks for sharing." Ranpha replied. "I'll go with the oversize lollipops one, because I can actually see that happening on a show, who played these?"
Vanilla raised her hand.
"Nicely done, Vanilla." Ranpha gave her the black card.
"Thank you and it's also my turn." Vanilla replied. "So after my turn, this round will be over?"
"Well, I wasn't sure how long we're gonna play this for, but we'll think of an agreement after this." Chitose answered.
Vanilla picked up a card and read it. "What gets better with age?"
"Yeah I'm dumping a junk card here." Forte said.
"Count me in, none of the others work." Chitose added.
Ranpha grinned as she put down her card.
Vanilla said as she picked up the cards. "What gets better with age? Scientology."
"Well maybe." Mint replied.
"Customer service representatives."
"Meh!" Ranpha said.
"A sausage festival."
Mint and Ranpha giggled.
"Why are you two laughing about sausages?" Milfie asked.
"I don't think it means that kind of sausage." Forte corrected.
"Oh."
Vanilla continued. "Pretending to care."
"Yeah that's true." Forte joked. "I mean our commander is getting worse."
"At least you were joking." Vanilla replied. "Last one is...oh dear...a bleached asshole."
"EWWWW!" The girls said in unison.
"That is so gross!" Milfie complained.
"Oh that is just...I can't believe that!" Mint exclaimed.
"The last one is the winner." Vanilla said.
Ranpha got on her knees and took a bow. "Thank you, come again." She took the black card.
"Why, Ranpha, why?!" Milfie exclaimed.
"So that's the end of the first round and Ranpha and Vanilla are tied for the lead with two points." Chitose said.
"Oh yeah, how many rounds shall we do?" Milfie asked.
"Well, since we're likely to have no more work until tomorrow, how about we go for ten rounds?" Forte suggested.
"Ten?! You mean that we each take our turns, ten times?!" Mint asked.
"Well I like this game already and I'm not stopping." Ranpha said.
"Neither am I, even though it's a little strange, I'm having fun." Milfie added.
"I still have some amazing cards in waiting." Chitose added too.
"Okay then, we all agree to go for another nine rounds." Forte declared. "Let's have a quick break between rounds as well."
"Agreed." Mint replied. "Can we have those emergency cupcakes, Milfie?"
"Sure." Milfie replied, handing them out.
Galaxy Angel Awesome Points Scoreboard:
Chitose Karasuma: 1
Forte Stollen: 1
Milfie Sakuraba: 0
Mint Blancmanche: 0
Ranpha Franboise: 2
Vanilla H: 2