Well, what do we have here? A story I meant to be a drabble, that actually turned out as a drabble! I finally have a reason break open that bottle of paper strips with "Dom Pérignon" written on them! XD Anyway, I got this idea after watching an Inside Amy Schumer trailer where she's parodying the old "The Most Interesting Man in the World" Dos Equis advertisements. I thought of a certain "Amy" in Steven Universe, burst out laughing after making a mental application, and this here is the result!
Copyright for Steven Universe belongs to Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network.
[Scenes from "Arcade Mania", "So Many Birthdays", and "Reformed", in which Amethyst respectively says she's swallowed a rock, eats that ancient burrito, and splashes engine oil on her sandwich are shown]
Narrator: She's feasted on rocks, decaying food matter, and engine oil,
[Random scenes depicting the Rebellion are shown, followed by stills from "The Classroom Gems: How are Gems Made?", showing gem matter forming under the ground]
Narrator: While the Rebellion was going on, she was taking a very important nap,
[Peridot and the Ruby who compliments Amethyst's skill in "Hit the Diamond", are shown swooning in her arms]
Narrator: There are subordinates of Yellow Diamond who would rather be subordinates of her.
[Amethyst's profile is shown up close, emphasizing her peekaboo hairstyle]
Narrator: She can turn a blind eye to anything, as long as she turns to the left,
[Amethyst is shown sitting at the kitchen counter, remade to look like a bar counter, with Peridot and that Ruby still at her sides. Steven, Garnet, Greg, and many other characters are looking on in the background. A mug of beer is on the counter, in front of Amethyst]
Narrator: She is the most interesting Gem on the planet Earth.
Amethyst: I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I always... tell Pearl it's ginger ale.
[Pearl, gesticulating with absolute horror and outrage, dashes onscreen]
Pearl: Amethyst, what are you doing! You know better than to drink beer in front of Steven! [Motions to him] He is underage, and I am not going to stand by and let you irresponsibly expose him to a beverage that humans consider it illegal for anyone below the age of...
[Pearl's nattering fades out, while Amethyst rolls her eyes and shrugs at the camera.]
The End.
AN: Don't forget to support the official airing of "Hit the Diamond" tonight, everyone!