To Break a Promise Thrice
"Broken Vows are like borken mirrors. They leave those whold them bleedin and staring at fractured images of themselves."
- Richard Paul Evans
The day he donned his title he promised to himself that he would always help and harm as little as possible for life was precious. He promised to do as much good as he could. Yes, life would be what he would protect and shelter, as well as nurture and help grow. It was more than a promise, it was an oath; a way of life. Perhaps even more than that, it was a reflection of his truest self, of his soul and his name.
The first, and by far the most painful, is when he throws away that name and takes on the burden of war. For that whole cycle he is not kind, not gentile, and not merciful; he is the antithesis of everything he espoused to be. He kills, hurts, even maims, and in the moment that defines everything that follows he destroys. He destroys more than anyone ever has and ever will; the blood of billions on his hands. The regeneration that comes for him ravages him, destroying him as much as he ever did and the War Doctor dies smiling. He is forcefully forgotten, but the burden of that one deed remains for those who follow.
The Second time is in the year 2059, on Mars, in Bowie Base One. They'd all die; every single one of them. Nice people, good people, and he simply couldn't let that happen. Not then. He tries to do everything within the confines of that particular stream, but nothing works and he takes matters into his own hands like his kin had once upon a time done. He does the thing that he once so adamantly told Rose was a BAD idea and changes the future to his will, for his sake as well as theirs. And why not flaunt or change the laws of his people? He's the last one living by them anyhow.
It is only after Adelaide Brooke commits suicide - even after he saved her - and the time stream roughly reverts to its original state that he realizes what he's done. How he's crossed a line he shouldn't have ever cross or should ever cross again. He doesn't acknowledge it in the least, but a glimpse of a grey and bearded face flits through his mind, before it is buried beneath the horror of his recent actions. As he had always known but relearns the hard way that day: some deaths are inevitable, fixed points in time. He hears the Cloister bells ring and knows in his heavy hearts that his death, too, is inevitable. Yet he fights, as is his nature this go around. He holds on tight for just a little longer and as he whooshes away he swears that he will never create another Adelaide Brooke; yes life is precious, but some means of saving are crueler than death.
The third and final time is when he breaks not one, but three promises.
His 9th incarnation was all emotion, and this 12th one is all but defined by the lack of them, but the moment he arrives on Gallifrey once more he feels more for a mortal than he had thought possible. The death of Lucie had been hard; the parting of Rose had shattered his belief in love; Donna losing her memories had jaded him and the loss of Amy and Rory had done much the same, but it is the death of Clara Oswald that broke him.
That damn confession dial, it was supposed to help you come to peace but all it had done was create hatred, rage and despair. It had not allowed him to come to peace with the situation, to calm his naturally stormy temper. No, instead it had let is fester and grow until it was all he could feel, and it made his focus very singular indeed. All that time, with only those thoughts to keep him company, and with a mind like his he was bound to come up with a solution to the problem. Never mind it being a problem that needs no fixing; that argument fell to the wayside about a billion years ago.
This time is worse than the first, because it's not for the good of many, not the lesser of many evils; it is worse than the second time because it is not for the good of few, not to prove that he, as the last of his kind, has right to the Laws of his people; it is worse because he does it out of spite and cruelty, and for no one's gain but his own.
Once again he saves Clara when she needs no saving, enacting revenge precisely as he had promised her not to and in doing so he creates another Adelaide Brooke, something he had sworn he would never do again. Most damning of all, however, is that he does so whilst wearing his title loud and proud when it is an act not even the War Doctor would commit.
It is not so much a curse that he cannot remember Clara Oswald, but a blessing that he no longer remembers the monster that he became for her. True to fashion she saves him, and inadvertently his Impossible Girl saves the Universe, for in the recesses of his mind, behind the Neural Block, one can hear one word being whispered over and over.
Hybrid.
AN: Here's a little something to tide you guys over whilst I work on my other projects. My first foray into Dr. Who, so there's that.
Anyways, I despise Hell Bent and all it stands for and there better be repurcussions to it in the coming seasons. Otherwise, I riot. However, that doesn't mean I don't understand what Moffat was going for, I just find it very lazy writing is all. Also 4.5 billion years, really? Really? Honestly, I felt Clara overstayed by a mile and should've stayed in the Doctor's timestream, but whatever.
Cheers,
Ray the Red