She trudged through the cold rain, her face and hair wet, not caring about the noise or her security. She felt so small and unreal, a slight tremor accompanying her.
It was the fifth of December. It was cold, really cold, but the outside coldness couldn't, not at all, be compared with the perished inside of her heart. She had botched it up with ice.
He has killed me, she thought, trembling, unaware of the fact that she was still breathing, her heart still pounding heavily. She didn't allow the tears falling down her white cheeks.
The sensation of being rejected wasn't new. She had just hoped for a surprise, a happy ending, and maybe a role as the princess too. She wanted it so much. Always it had been the others being elected for that role. She felt that she was a princess, born into that fate, the personality slumbering inside her; but it wasn't her time. One day, she would be awakened by her prince's kiss. She hold onto that thought. It would never happen, but in her dreams, it was a matter of fact.
She still felt as if she had just conquered a very heavy disease; still caught between fever dreams and the reality, voices only from time to time piercing through the thick haze between her and the other human beings.
He wouldn't take her. He would never kiss her again. That was what he had told her after she had refused to listen to his smooth, dry explanations.
That bastard, she thought. Her love for him still emerged from her soul. Suddenly, she felt to heavy to go on. She stood still.
A desperate laugh escaped her lips, at once smothered by the noise of the rain. He was three years shy of her and still he wouldn't take her. He had told her he couldn't cope with the intensity of her feelings, her love and hate for everyone. He had told her that the coldness of her hatred disgusted him. She still wouldn't listen to him, desperately shouting at him to shut up. She shivered as she suddenly memorized her words.
Shut up, just shut up. Don't reject me again. Nobody will ever dare to reject me again, do you hear me? Not you. You won't reject me. As if you could do that, you need me. I'm the only one on your side. Tell me to leave and you will never be happy again. I hate you.
She managed to go on, still trembling, her hands shaking. Her clothes were drenched with rain, fury and incomprehension assailing her brain.
How could he not love her? How could he reject her if she wanted him so much?